Disclaimer: The Mentalist and its characters are not my own, sadly enough.

Authors Note: This one-shot is based on some of the spoilers for season 2. Might turn out to be AU musings after next week, but it's what came out of my head. Hope you enjoy.

Warning: Curse words. And of course un-beta read, so we gots mystaks hre...

A Question

by Anne Pendragon

"Why him, Lisbon?"

She'd been expecting the question for the better part of a week, but felt surprised none the less at it's asking now. She knew that her meticulously observant colleague would have seen through the pretense between her and Sam Bosco mere moments of them sharing the same air. She figured Jane hadn't said anything earlier because he was waiting for the perfect moment, where she could not freely hit him or shoot him without an audience or cause danger to the public or self.

Lisbon finally looked away from the road long enough to catch the steady stare of her formally silent consultant and frowned. Jane had been silent more often than not since Red John's case had been turned over to Agent Bosco's team. Aside from the spectacular pissing contest Jane had pursued with the senior agent in her office the second day and today's latest attempt at unlawful hypnotism of a suspect—an act that had not gone passed Minnelli this time around and had led to a thorough dressing down by their boss just minutes before leaving the CBI building...

'Correction, my boss.' Lisbon's frown deepened. 'Because Jane has no boss, just babysitters with badges and guns.'

Aside from that, Jane had been acting more reclusive, eerily manageable even. Lisbon had just assumed Jane was planning his next maneuver against the unmovable Sam Bosco, because she would not believe that the infallible mentalist's intentions for Red John could be so easily dissuaded or crushed by this new changing of the guards.

"I'm seriously hoping that's not what you've been pondering so deeply this week, because you're wasting your time looking for an answer to that question." Lisbon finally grumbled, her eyes held firm on the road ahead. She knew it was useless to deny not knowing who 'him' was or that there was indeed a regrettable history. And she also knew that this was just Jane's first strike before the bombardment...

"Actually I've been thinking that Minnelli may need to start better minding his blood pressure and a proper nights rest if he continues to insist on yelling that loud and long in the future. I think our suspect was about to tell me—before you so rudely interrupted—what we are now going to have to find out by taking this long trip back to the scene of the crime..." Lisbon opened her mouth in attempt to argue, but then closed it while Jane continued to bullet through his most recent observations. "...I think that I like the chili from Rudy's over their chicken noodle. Very spicy to the uninitiated, but good none the less. I have also surmised that Agent Bosco likes their chili—but with crackers and a great deal of Milk of Magnesia..." Lisbon rolled her eyes at Jane's never ending juvenile streak. "...and he is a lecherous self-righteous bureaucrat behind a badge. And know this my dear Lisbon, it is never a waste of my time when the subject concerns you."

'Damn him.' Lisbon felt her grip loosen on the steering wheel before pulling the SUV back from the berm, mentally cursing herself for letting Jane once again make her react to his musings. Eyes stubbornly focused back on the road, she could not see the mercurial blonds knowing stare from the passenger seat, but she knew it was there.

"I think we need to focus on the present case, Jane." Lisbon barked out, not giving any visible sign of credence to any of his observations. The swerve off the road had already given plenty. "So stop messing with other team's take-out orders. And stop hypnotizing our suspects. You can do that only so many times till Minnelli..."

"Meh." Jane turned in his seat to better watch his companion. "I've done it plenty and I'm still here..."

"You're still here because of our solve rate and me—I mean I..." Lisbon flustered from what she'd accidentally implied, countering quickly. "I cover for your ass, Jane. So help me, I do. And that's why your still here." When Jane did not retort, Lisbon quickly glanced back over at her companion and felt her grip on the steering wheel slip once more.

The teasing smirk she'd expected to receive for her possible Freudian slip had not appeared across the consultants handsome features. If anything he looked surprised, even startled by what her words accidently implied. She let herself foolishly wonder if maybe what she'd said wasn't so much a Freudian slip on her part but a truthful calling out for him?

Jane was the first to turn away, directing his attentions to the moving scenery outside the passenger's side. The two fell into an uneasy silence. Lisbon had thought the conversation had ended, at least temporarily, patting herself on the back for her unintentional win. She should have known better...

"I think he was a replacement father figure. Someone who may have been more like your father before the drinking, but maybe similar to around the time he began the emotional neglect." Jane quickly sliced out, almost sounding angry under the smooth cadence of his voice. "Someone who was more than happy to take under his wing a lovely green girl like you had once been. Shown you the 'ins' and 'outs'..." Jane raised his fingers in quick air quotes "...of this chosen profession you've made into a bona fide calling. Your own act of atonement really, for all the other people in your life who you had rightly felt powerless to save as a civilian..."

"Dammit Jane!"

The SUV abruptly swerved off the road and stopped on the berm Lisbon had already swerved onto twice since starting this latest battle of wills with Jane. Cutting the engine, the enraged agent turned on the startled but no less intrigued or opinionated master manipulator as he continued his cutting observations.

"Of course, you were young and full of self-righteous naivety back then, thinking you could have saved a man as broken as your father, in the first place. Nothing at all like how you are now." Jane's smile bordered on cruel, his words sarcastic. There was no doubt he was meaning her hopeful intentions for him. "Now, back to Senior Agent Bosco, the replacement father figure you had allowed into your life. I'm sure you weren't aware he was married at first... Wait a minute, you did. Oh Lisbon, to think so little of yourself back then..."

"Shut up, Jane. Shut. Up." Lisbon snapped, gripping the steering wheel as if intending to break it in her bare hands. Jane's rant halted to a stop. "Is this what you wanted from me Jane, a reaction? Do you blame me that much for losing the Red John case? Do you think I should have gotten myself fired, trying to keep it for you? You're already expecting me to turn the other way when we do catch Red John and you carve him up like a Christmas ham. So what do you want from me?" she yelled; only receiving Jane's continued silence. "Damn you, Jane. And damn you and your childish lashing out, using what you think you know about someone to hurt them..."

Lisbon trailed off before her voice could crack. Her eyes still steady on the now silent and unreadable antagonist in the seat beside her. 'Dammit for letting him get to me...' Behind her eyes began to prick and she cursed herself for letting herself feel so hurt. This was Jane, after all. Why had she expected him to treat her any different than he did the rest of the world. 'My mistake to think otherwise.'

"My past relationship with Sam Bosco made no difference who received Red John's case or how hard I tried to keep it. If anything, it would have made me fight even harder. And frankly with your history with this case, I don't know why we were aloud to keep it as long as we did, no matter our solve rate." Lisbon swallowed hard, waiting for her own reaction—any reaction from the now unreadable and silent antagonist at her side. She dared him to contradict the things both of them knew to be true.

Lisbon turned back to the road in front of them and roughly started the car before she spoke again, her voice a little less strong, but no less certain. Who was she to deny Jane the answer he'd so ruthlessly pursued, now after already letting him see so much of what she deemed off limits to anyone else. And maybe a part of her just wanted him to understand.

"Sam and I had been a mistake. It was mine and it was long ago. I had thought I'd found something I was lacking—something he could be. I'm not that person anymore. You of all people should understand something about mistakes—how making them changes us, for the good and the bad."

Once again she met Jane's fathomless stare, not really expecting to get an answer from this oddly quiet version of him. Maybe it was too much to wish for his mask to drop away or show a sign-any sign that he cared at all enough to be affected by the things she had said. When no response was given, she reached for the gear shift, but was soon stopped by the strong grasp of a quick hand. And startled emerald eyes quickly met stormy sea green.

"There is nothing lacking in who you are, Lisbon." his voice just audible over the passing a.m. traffic. "And I don't blame you. I'm just angry that you still believe you're something less and that knowing Sam Bosco does indeed still affect you because of that belief." Jane turned away, looking back out at the traffic and then down at the hand she hadn't pushed away. "You are an amazing person, Teresa Lisbon. All the more amazing for keeping that indecent amount of hope you still harbor for this world and some of the sorry individuals within it, when all you have ever gotten in return was hurt. You're better than him, Lisbon. Better than most of us."

His lips softly turned into a sad smile, emanating an uncharacteristic humility that almost made her forgive him of everything he'd said. And then he met her eyes once more. Tired and worn and lacking of all the luster he'd manufactured for the rest of the world, his eyes let her consider forgiving him of all the rest.

She knew this was a side of Jane, he shown sparingly if at all to the world. It was his weak underbelly. It was the ugly and empty that was left in his heart. She'd already seen the mean and dark. Had caught glimpses of the disturbed. What he shown now, was what hid behind the bright disarming smiles and child like glee. It was what he had become because of his mistakes. It was honesty and it was what he offered her now as an apology, because he knew she'd treasure it far more than another feeble 'I'm sorry'.

"And I am quite the master of mistakes." Jane cleared his throat, bringing back some of its false bravado. "I know what they can take away and leave you with. I will never stop paying for mine, but rightly so." A mirthless flicker slipped over his lips, not reaching his now earnest stare. "I also know mistakes can come by way of good intentions. Don't make me one of those mistakes. I told you I'm not to be fixed..."

"And I told you that fixing you isn't in my job description." She allowed a small sad smile, not of pity, but of care. "I'm just not going to let you make the mistake of giving up on you."

A heavy silence filled the car, but not the space between them. What was already there spoke volumes and yet it was still to be defined. Jane quietly looked away and then down at the hand he still held over hers. He gave it a squeeze and then pulled away. For a few moments more he did not speak—maybe could not. "You know for a cop you're an unfaltering optimist."

Lisbon caught the minute waver in Jane's voice and took it as a win. Maybe Patrick Jane was an arrogant, childish and frustrating bane of her existence, but he'd yet to falter in the one task every other man in her life had failed. He was still here. She wished that meant less to her than it did, but it was what she had. It was a start.

"And you're damn lucky that I am." Pulling into drive, Lisbon crept the SUV back onto the road, pointing it steadily on the road ahead. Eyes locked on the horizon, she could not see her mentalists knowing smile from the passenger seat beside her, but she knew it was there.