Whew, this one took a lot of work, but I finally got it where I wanted it! Hopefully, you all enjoy it :) Thanks for all your continued support!
Chapter Seven
Thorin was woken later by a cough that soon turned into a gasp, and he sat up hurriedly to see Kili curled into a ball, trying to breathe, but finding it impossible. Thorin threw his blanket off and hurried around to Kili, pulling him up to rest against his shoulder as he uncurled his nephew's body gently.
"Breathe, Kili, slowly. Just take deep breaths."
With Thorin's coaching, Kili finally got his breath back and slumped back against his uncle's chest. Thorin reached up to feel his forehead and noticed it still warm with fever. Not as hot as Fili, but still enough to worry him.
"How about something to drink?" Thorin asked Kili and before his nephew could answer he had reached over for the canteen and was pressing it to Kili's lips. Kili hesitated a moment and then drank eagerly after the water had touched his lips, realizing how thirsty he was. It was all Thorin could do to keep him from choking. That would not be kind on his broken ribs.
Once Kili had drunk his fill, he opened his eyes again and searched around until his gaze settled on Fili, still flushed and tossing on his pallet. A pained expression came over the younger's face.
"Is he any better?" he asked quietly.
Thorin shook his head. "No. His fever is persistent, but he did wake up earlier when I brought you back. He's just tired. With rest he should get better."
"It's all my fault," Kili whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek as he hung his head, seeming unable to look at his brother anymore. "I just wanted to go for help. I-I couldn't even d-do that!"
"It's not your fault, Kili," Thorin told him reassuringly.
"But it is!" Kili insisted, turning to look Thorin in the eye, grief and anger clearly warring in his fevered eyes. "It was my arrow that hurt him. I might as well have shot him myself!"
"No, Kili, that was hardly your fault, it was just an accident. You didn't mean to fall on him. It could have happened to anyone."
"Yes, and I never would have fallen on him if I hadn't gone over the cliff in the first place and made him have to rescue me!"
"That was an accident too," Thorin soothed, trying to console his nephew's misguided self-blame.
"No it wasn't!" Kili cried angrily, his hands clenching into fists as he tried to make his uncle understand. "I was the one playing around. If I had been doing what you asked, instead of messing around with Fili none of this would have happened!" A cough wracked his body and he doubled over, his arms clamped over his ribs. When he caught his breath again, tears were streaming down his cheeks and Thorin reached out for him, but he shrugged him off.
"I don't deserve any comfort," he said darkly. "I might have killed my brother because I'm an idiot, and I couldn't even go to get help because of my wounds which I shouldn't have hidden from you. I just didn't think they were that bad. I didn't even realize I had them until I started out."
"Kili, shhh," Thorin tried to soothe, but he just shook his head, and Thorin worried that his agitated state would start him coughing again.
"No!" he screamed, hitting his fists weakly against Thorin's chest. "Just stop! It's my fault and you know it! Just say it." He then folded tiredly back onto the bed and Thorin watched his nephew's anguish with pain in his heart as Kili's shoulders shook with sobs he tired to conceal.
Thorin reached out and stroked his hair. Kili didn't protest, but Thorin knew from his stiffness that he wasn't allowing it to comfort him either so he stopped with a sigh. "Kili, let me tell you something. When I was about your age, my brother Frerin and I went out on a hunting trip and my father told me to look after him. Well, while we were making camp one night, I told him to go fetch some wood for the fire and to fill the pot for a stew. I was busy setting up the camp and chopping vegetables for our supper and finally began to realize that he had been gone longer than he should have. So I called out and when I didn't hear him reply, I went to see if I could find him, thinking maybe he was playing a prank on me. I didn't see him anywhere, until I went down to the river and saw the pot on the bank. Soon after, I caught sight of Frerin lying in the river and I ran to pull him out and he wasn't breathing. The rocks were slippery and I realized he must have fallen and hit his head for there was blood on his face. I drug him back to the bank and worked to get the water out of him. He came to quickly, thankfully, but we were both frightened, and I knew it could have been so much worse. He had a concussion from the head wound and he contracted a fever from being wet out in the cold, and we were worried about him for a few long days. Through that entire time, I blamed myself for what happened, knowing I should have gone out in the dark to fetch the water. I felt that I had failed my father and Frerin by letting him get hurt. But I realized eventually, that it could have happened anytime, under anyone's watch, and while I would probably always blame myself for anything that happened to my brother and sister on my watch or another's, that didn't mean it was always my fault, and it's not going to help them if you just sit around moping and blaming yourself. I can't stand seeing you boys hurt or sick, but I know it's going to happen and when it does, I know it's not going to help you to beat myself up about it. But you listen to me, Kili. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine, because you and Fili are my responsibility out here, and the blame is not yours, so I don't want you to worry about it, okay?"
"But what if Fili get's worse?" Kili mumbled. "It was still my arrow that hurt him in the first place!"
"He's strong, and he has you to get him through it," Thorin said firmly. "That's why you need to be strong too, for him. Fili doesn't blame you, and he doesn't want you to blame yourself either. Right now you just need to concentrate on getting well. You shouldn't have gone off like that in your condition."
"I know," Kili sniffed. "I just…he hurt so bad, Uncle. He was crying in his sleep, and I-I couldn't…" He shook his head. "I just had to do something."
"Well, there's not much harm done," Thorin told him with a small smile. "No more than was there already."
Kili shook his head. "But we're all stuck here now. Maybe you should go for help. Because if not, then we'll all die. If Fi dies, I just—Uncle, I don't think I could survive." He buried his face in his hands, and Thorin took pity on him and drew his unresponsive body up into his arms, rocking him gently.
"Shhh, it's all right. I know you were just doing what you thought was right. And I promise I will not let Fili die on my watch, do you understand? We are going to get off this mountain and home to your mother and then she'll give me hell for what I have put you through." He tried to smile as Kili sniffed. "You don't have to worry about a thing anymore, Kili. Just let me do it."
Kili raised his head and met Thorin's gaze. The look on his face made Thorin's eyes prick with tears. It was not entirely trusting, it was very nearly menacing, and Thorin's heart sank as he realized that Kili had still not entirely forgiven him. But on another note, perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe Kili's anger at him would keep him going, and might stop him blaming himself, because it was all Thorin's fault after all. If there was any blame to lay, it was upon his head and his head alone.
"Promise?" Kili asked him firmly.
"I promise," Thorin vowed and prayed he would not have to break that promise. He pulled his nephew closer as Kili shuddered with exhaustion and grief. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Thorin, going limp in his grasp. Reluctantly, Thorin lowered his nephew back onto his pallet to rest and stroked the hair from his face and took up a cloth to wipe off the sweat from the fever.
"Sleep," he whispered and Kili needed little bidding, already mostly out.
Thorin sat and watched his boys sleep with a bittersweet feeling. He certainly didn't deserve them, that was for sure. Now he only wished that their small moment of relative peace could last.
Thorin dozed off for a few minutes until Fili woke him again with his tossing. Thorin started awake and bent over his nephew again, pressing him gently back on the pallet and trying to keep him still. He panted and when Thorin pressed a hand over his heart he found it beating fast but reedy against his palm.
"Fili," he whispered, stroking the young dwarf's hair gently with a trembling hand, and feeling his heat from where he sat beside him. He reached for the bowl of water again and tried to cool him off, but Fili only groaned and tried to curl onto his side, stopping with a sharp cry when his wound pained him.
Thorin couldn't stand to see the pitiful scene any more and simply drew Fili up into his arms and settled back against a log, cradling his nephew against his chest like he had when he was a babe. He bathed his chest and face constantly, willing the fever to go down, but it refused to break, and Fili's skin was so dry and hot, Thorin knew he needed to do something. He reached for the water skin and spent the better part of the next hour trying to get something into Fili. The young dwarf seemed too delirious to be able to drink, but Thorin continued to wet his lips, praying he would take the water eventually, and finally Fili opened his mouth and Thorin dribbled some water in and coaxed Fili to swallow it. He did this for a long time until he felt he had gotten enough into Fili for the moment. Then he just held him and rocked him gently as Fili slumped weakly against his chest, his head lolling on his shoulder.
"You can't give up on me, my brave one," Thorin whispered fiercely to him as tears threatened in his eyes. "You mustn't, do you understand? You can't leave Kili and you can't leave your mother. And you can't leave me either, because I won't have it." He gave a shuddering breath as he looked down into Fili's flushed face. "Please. Please just do this one thing for me."
Kili's groan startled him and he looked over to see the young dwarf frantically searching around the pallet for his brother's figure, and when he didn't find him, he tried to sit up and look around, but Thorin called out in caution as Kili folded over his broken ribs.
"Kili, he's here, just stay down," Thorin told him gently.
Kili looked over at Thorin's voice and when he saw his brother, he hauled himself over to Thorin and reached out to pull Fili from him, but Thorin refused to let him go and held Kili back with a hand to his shoulder.
"Leave him, Kili, he's very sick and so are you. You need to lay down."
"I need my brother!" Kili cried, a frantic look of fear and anger coming over his features. He grabbed Fili's arm, and tried to pull him from Thorin's grasp, but Thorin reached out and took Kili's chin in his hand and forced his face up to look at him.
"Kili, stop," he whispered and looked deep into the wide, dark eyes that were bright with fear and fever. "Just hush, you need to calm down." As Kili started to protest and struggle again, Thorin moved his hand to the back of his neck and held him still. "Shh. Just stay here with your brother and me. Come, Kili."
"I just want him," Kili said miserably, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I need him!" He slumped with his head on his brother's chest and Thorin pulled him against his side, glad Kili was not protesting now.
"I know, Kili," he said, stroking the dark head that now rested up against his chest. "It will all be better soon. You'll see. Just sleep now, my little one; sleep and everything will be all right when you wake up." Lies, he berated himself. It was all lies. But he hoped that maybe, if he wished it and believed it enough, it might turn out to be true.
Kili's labored breathing joined Fili's reedy breaths, and the pitiful sound caused the tears to finally spill from Thorin's eyes. He held them closer, wondering if he would lose them after all.
No, he shook his head firmly. No, I will not lose them. I will not. Oh, Mahal take me before them, I beg it! If only they can be spared…
He was about to join them in some semblance of slumber when he heard a sound out in the woods, like a voice on the wind. He closed his eyes and shook his head. Now his senses were playing cruel tricks on him. Could he not just rest in peace at least?
And then it came again, slightly louder. "Thorin!"
Could it actually be someone? He looked down at the boys in his arms and gently maneuvered them back onto the pallet. Kili whimpered and clutched at his brother tighter. Thorin put a hand on the back of his head to shush him.
"U-Uncle?" Kili whispered, his eyes cracking open.
Thorin offered him a smile. "Shh, Kili, just rest. I'll be right back."
He grabbed his sword and stood shakily, feeling suddenly dizzy. He swayed with a frown, and realized he hadn't eaten or hardly drunk anything since Fili had been wounded. He felt weak and sick, and he honestly hoped that if there was some enemy out there in the trees, that he would be a poor fighter, for Thorin wasn't sure how much he could take at the moment. How long had then even been up here? It seemed like weeks, but he knew it couldn't have been more than two or three days, maybe not even that.
He stumbled off onto the woods, his sword hanging limply by his side, and listened, again wondering if he had been hallucinating. It might well be the hunger, he decided.
He was about to turn back to the boys when he heard movement off to his right. He raised his sword and went off in search of whatever might be there.
He pushed past a leafy branch and almost ran smack into another figure coming in the opposite direction. Thorin was so startled that in his weakened state, his sword simply slipped out of his hand and he jerked backward with a cry of shock.
"Thorin!" the familiar voice said as hands grasped his forearms to keep him steady, holding him upright.
"Dwalin," Thorin breathed as relief flooded him and a grin found its way onto his features. "Thank Mahal!" And then everything just seemed to flow right out of him and his eyes rolled up into his head as he pitched forward into his friend's arms.