My mouth popped opened into surprise and tried to get words to form, but incoherent vowel sounds only made it past my lips. What did he mean he wouldn't go? If there was a chance at a cure? Did he want to die? He didn't look at me or anyone, his gaze fixed on his arm. His family members were a mirror of me: shocked and confused.

"Edward," Esme started, but closed her mouth and didn't finish.

There was a mix of emotions on the doctor's face, a tiny glimpse of the personality behind the polite exterior. She quickly recomposed herself and stood up straight. "Very well. Does anyone have anymore questions?"

Nobody answered her.

"I will take my leave then." The doctor bowed to Edward. "And I will check-in in a couple of weeks to see how you are faring. Odaiji ni." She clipped in Japanese. "Feel better."

Once the door clicked shut and the doctor was gone, Alice jumped to her feet. "Dining room. Now." She ordered and turned towards the direction of the garage. "You too, Rosalie! Carlisle!"

Edward and I got up in unison, as I was afraid to let go. My fingers gripped his shirt like I was clinging on to him for life. His arms wrapped around me like he was clinging to me too, his face pressed against the top of my head. We were each other's anchors, and if we dared let go, we would be swept away.

Soon we were all in the dining room. It served more as a meeting room, since the Cullens didn't really dine the old-fashioned way. I remembered when we sat in here to vote on my mortality. That seemed so long ago. Alice and Jasper took a seat next to each other on one side of the oval table. Esme took a neutral position at the head. Rosalie stomped in and violently pulled a seat back next to Jasper and sat down, her posture rebellious and poor. Emmett put his hands on the back of Rose's chair and leaned over her.

That left Edward and I to take the seats across from them.

The lines were drawn: those who wanted Edward to seek treatment and him to explain why he didn't. I wished that I could stand over on the other side. I believed he should go to Japan. There wasn't anything that Forks could offer him. But, I was sure that if I let him go I was going to dissolve into a puddle on my seat. I was afraid that he was going to disappear if didn't hold him here on earth. And I was pretty sure that my fingers were now permanently clamped to his golf shirt.

His hands moved from my waist to grip mine. I could feel them shake. A symptom of the strikes? Or from fear? Because I was shaking from the latter. I wasn't sure if vampires shook when they were scared. But, I wasn't sure about anything regarding vampires anymore. Everything I knew had been thrown out the window.

His hands clenched so hard at one point over mine, I thought he was going to accidentally break my thumb. But, I didn't want him to let me go. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying out in pain.

"Where's Carlisle?" Alice asked.

"I'm here." He said, an old book in his hand. He took the seat on the other head, opposite from Esme.

"First things first," Rosalie turned to Carlisle, her hand coming down hard on the table with a bang. "Did you know that vampires get diseases?"

All attention turned to Carlisle. His face was neutral, except for his brows, which were furrowed. "One disease," He corrected. "But, I did know, yes."

"Why didn't you tell us that this was a possibility?"

"The strikes are rare." He said. "Dr. Funai is over a thousand years old, yet has only seen a couple of dozen cases. I did not foresee it afflicting one of our own. I'm sorry that it wasn't discussed."

"I want to know why I can't see Edward's future now." Alice said and rubbed her temples. "You're making me as blind as the wolves do."

"That's an easy one." Rose scoffed. "It's because you don't have it. So, you can't see him now that he has it. Like you can't see the wolves because you aren't one."

Alice gave a frustrated noise as a response and Jasper rubbed her back in empathy.

"Okay, so what's the game plan?" Emmett punched one hand into the palm of another. "We gotta fight it, right?"

"Yeah, Edward." Rosalie spat, her face turning to him. "Since you don't want to be treated by the only person on this planet who knows anything about this disease, what is your plan?"

Edward's arms twitched and he scowled, pain in his honey-colored eyes. "There isn't a plan." He said lowly and stood up, pulling my arms from around him. I tried to protest, but I couldn't get the words to come out. "I just want to be left alone."

"Edward-," I started, my voice weak and shaky.

"Maybe we should give everyone time to process this." Esme suggested gently.

"We don't have time-,"

With that, Edward was gone. The door to the outside swung open and closed with a crash. The room stilled. We all watched him tear across the field through window until he disappeared behind the tree line and into the forest. A streak. I only knew he was there by the way the grass parted for his footfalls.

We stared at the trees for twenty or so heartbeats until he was out of hearing range and listening range. Someone sighed through their nose.

"What should we do?" Rosalie turned to Carlisle, her tone gentler. "To help him?"

He exhaled after a moment and opened his book. "Pain management is all we can do, really. We have to keep him well-fed. His body is going to metabolize the blood its fed much quicker and he'll be in pain if he goes without for too long."

"I wouldn't be against more hunting trips." Emmett rubbed his hands together.

"We need to keep him calm, as well. Adrenaline, emotional agitation, and anxiety will trigger convulsions."

"I reckon I can handle that for the most part." Jasper nodded and then turned to Rosalie. "If Rosalie agrees that she'll stop picking fights with him."

Rose's face twisted like she was going to argue, but then sighed in a big gust. "Fine, I'll play nice."

"We can all play a part to make him happy." Esme nodded. "We all love him and keeping him in positive spirits is important."

"I will keep Dr. Funai abreast of the disease's progression." Carlisle said. "At the very least, that should help her get a little closer to a cure."

"I can't see Edward directly." Alice pursed her lips. "But, I can see all of you guys, still. If we keep close to him, I can at least see when major events will occur and work around the holes in my vision."

I watched this back and forth and felt more and more useless at every word. I didn't have any gifts to offer up in the pursuit to help Edward with this disease. But I felt more than that. Desolation. It was almost worse than when he left last year. At least, that was unexpected. A quick punch to the gut that left the wind blown out of me. I didn't see it coming. This was like being strangled slowly. Every breath of air was torturously pressed out of me until I blacked out, until I ceased to exist. I could see this end date. And I couldn't do anything to stop it.

What do I do?

"Honey," Esme had moved from her spot at the head to Edward's seat next to me. "You have the most important job of all."

I was confused at first at her words until I realized I voiced my thoughts out loud. I looked down at her cold hand over mine. "What's that?"

"You have to be strong."

"Thanks, Alice." I said quietly when we pulled into Charlie's driveway. It was nighttime, now. My truck sat on the curb like Jacob had promised. I had definitely broken curfew and had stayed over night somewhere without explanation and I knew that Charlie was going to give me the third degree when I got in. But I didn't care. All those rules seemed so silly now. All of my existence seemed silly. What was the point of living when in a couple of months, I would have to give up the only thing that made my life worthwhile?

Edward didn't come back to the house for the rest of the afternoon. I waited on the Cullens' back porch for him. I watched the tree line for movement. It had warmed up past freezing and the snow was starting to melt under the humidity. Eventually, dark clouds replaced the puffy white ones and it started to rain.

I sat in the cold, letting my hair go damp from the wet. I let it numb my nose and the tops of my cheeks and my fingers on the rail. The anesthesia of the chill kept the tears from flowing from the back in my throat. It was strategic, because I knew if I started I wasn't going to be able to stop. I kept my eyes vigilant for him and I listened to the others on the inside argue over whether they should go out and find him or leave him be.

My goals six hours ago were set: I was going to graduate in May, turn into a vampire and then move to Alaska or New Hampshire or some other cloudy, sunless place.

I could see it as clearly as I imagined Alice could see her visions. I imagined some small craftsman house, with a white front porch. Although, I was betting that the actual house was going to be a lot more lavish and excessive, given their current house in Forks. But, I liked to imagine a small house tucked into a dense forest somewhere, a glass lake in the back with a dock.

I imagined my days with Edward. Our skin matching and our beauty finally on even grounds. I imagined running with him. I imagined his arms around me, hugging me as tightly as he could. I imagined being with his physically and unadulterated by concern of my fraility. I was as indestructible as he was and we could love each other as equals now.

Now I couldn't picture any of it. Our future was black.

Even Edward's ideal future I couldn't imagine. Where he would marry me as a human and I would stay human and go to college with my vampire husband. I couldn't see that either. I couldn't even really see the next day or the next hour. Nothing had purpose anymore.

"You're welcome." She smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Will Edward be back for school tomorrow?"

Her eyes went distant for a moment as she looked into my future. "Well, you aren't going to drive yourself. So, I assume so."

I nodded, satisfied with that answer and started to get out. I felt like Novocain had been injected straight into my brain, my hands and legs moving on their own. I somehow got my key into the lock and myself through the door.

"Hey, Bells." Charlie said from in front of the television, as I moved numbly through the house. "Bells?"

I somehow made it to the kitchen. I didn't even take off my jacket as I ripped the fridge door open and started pulling things out. "Have you eaten?" I asked quietly as I scanned the contents of the fridge, not really looking for anything in particular.

"A good ole' fashioned sandwich." He said. "I hope you have a good reason for being AWOL today."

"I'm sorry." Was all I could mumble out. I wasn't even hungry, even the last thing I ate was a cookie yesterday. I put the food I pulled out of the fridge back in it and started for the stairs. I wondered for half of a second if Edward was going to visit me tonight. I pushed it out of my mind, though. What would I say to him?

"Is everything alright?"

"No." I answered honestly, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to lie.

"Did Ed-," Charlie started, his voice tinged with anger as he jumped feet first into conclusions.

I bristled. "Edward didn't do anything." I snapped back. I sucked a deep breath and started up, but something grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me down. I turned around hostilely to Charlie, ready to fight his cruel image of the man I love. The man I was going to lose.

It was the concern in Charlie's dark eyes that broke the dam, that pierced through the numbness.

I jumped down the step into his arms and started crying against his Seahawks t-shirt. He was stiff as I pressed my face into my father's shoulder. I mumbled incoherent things, a babble of words that made no sense to even myself.

"Hey, hey." He wrapped his arms around me and patted my hair. "What's going on?"

A deep ache made my words choked and gutteral. "It's Edward," I managed between sobs. "He's sick."

Charlie pulled away at that, his hands flying to cup my face. Our matching brown eyes mirroring each other. "What do you mean, Bella?"

I tried racking my brain for a word that wasn't completely nonsensical, nor gave the Cullens away. Unfortunately, I was trying to think through a numb fog and that my IQ had taken a steep plunge. My memories went back to the Asian doctor standing in the middle of their living room. In the simplest terms, Edward has cancer. "Cancer." I repeated her, the word sour on my tongue.

"Oh, honey." He pulled me back in, his breath was in my hair as he held me tight. "Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry. Is it treatable?"

I shook my head against his chest, unable to speak. Every time I opened my mouth, I was choked out. Fate had my throat and was slowly strangling me.

We stood like that for awhile. I cried into his shirt and he held me. My dad's rhythmic breathing and the swirls of his hand on my back was soothing. He wasn't an affectionate guy by nature, but he knew what I needed at that moment. And it was this.

It was numbing, but in a good way.

Once I had felt like I had dried myself out, I pulled away. I was suddenly exhausted and just wanted to get to bed. I hugged him one more time started up the stairs.

"Honey," He stopped me, his eyes full of concern. "I've made my opinions on Edward quite clear these last couple of months, but I want you to know that I only want sheer joy and happiness for the both of you."

"Thanks, Dad."

"This is going to be a tough time." He nodded knowingly. "When your Mimi got cancer, she could barely get herself out of bed. It was up to Poppop to show her there was still beauty in the world. Edward's going to need that from you. You have to be his cheerleader."

Beauty in the world.

A new future slapped me hard in the face at Charlie's words. I wanted to take a step back at the velocity and force of it all. It all came so suddenly, so clearly. I couldn't breathe or think. It was all I saw as it flashed in front of my eyes like movie.

I didn't see myself at first. I saw Edward. I couldn't imagine him exactly sick – I had no idea what that was going to look like - but I did imagine a dock still. We weren't in a cloudy, sunless place anymore. There wasn't a little craftsman house. I wasn't a vampire.

We were on a beautiful tropical island, both dressed in shorts and t-shirts. He sparkled in the sun, his skin luminous but marked with blue lightning bolts. We sat at the edge of the dock, our feet in the water and both of our faces caught in mid-laugh.

And then the scene shifted and we were on a gondola in Italy. It was nighttime and we leaned into each other as we watched the stars. There were more lightning bolts on his skin.

And then the scene shifted again. We were in the redwood forests of California, playing hide-and seek around the trunks of the giant trees. Hide-and-seek with each other and the splits of sun that managed to pierce the forest floor. More lightning bolts, still.

And then there was nothing.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie asked and gently shook me.

"Yeah," I rubbed my head, trying to make sense of what I had seen. What it meant. "I'm going to go to bed, I think."

"Okay, Bells. Love you."

I turned in a daze. "Love you too."

I opened my door to my room and was slightly relieved that it was empty and that Edward wasn't there waiting. I needed a human moment to think. I dropped my things on my desk and changed quickly into some pajamas and moved to my bathroom to brush my teeth, mulling over this new future. What it meant.

For some reason, the Cullens' faces kept popping up into my head. Their shocked, unbelieving expressions as the doctor explained to them what Edward had. To the emotions that gripped them around the dining room table. They were usually so put together all of the time. So sure of themselves. They were like rooted, old trees. They were unbending to anything that was thrown at them.

So, it was unnerving to see them so frightened for the future. It was like they couldn't wrap their heads around it. They couldn't fathom that Edward could be sick. That their kind could be weak.

And then Edward himself. He was in denial, there was no doubt about it. Wasn't that the first stage of grief? Its why he declined the doctor. Its why he said there wasn't a plan. He was just as unbelieving as his family. I wondered for a moment if vampires followed the usual Kubler-Ross model or if they skipped around on the path to acceptance.

What did that mean for me? How did that connect to my vision?

I finished brushing my teeth and moved back to my room. I was not surprised to see Edward sitting cross-legged on my bed. He was ruminating, his brows furrowed and his eyes faraway. I sat down across from him and picked up one of his cool hands, and pressed it against my face. His fingers juddered against my cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't drive you home." He said, his gaze finally flicking to me.

"It's okay." I said lightly. "I think I prefer Alice's driving anyway."

He snickered, his eyes flashing. "She drives slowly for your benefit, Bella."

"At least she listens to my complaints." I rolled my eyes at him. "Unlike you, who seems to just go faster every time I say something."

His expression fell. "So, Charlie knows?"

"He knows…something." I said, unable to meet his eyes.

"Cancer," He nodded. "Makes sense. A little dramatic, though. Don't you think?"

I shook my head. "Edward…"

Instead of responding, he moved into me in a blur. He scooped me up with one arm and pulled the blankets back with the other. He placed me down gently in the bed, covered me with the quilt and then laid down next to me.

I pressed my fingers into his cheekbone. In the moonlight, I could only see the slope of his jaw and the silhouette of his hair and the shine in his eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" I whispered.

His cheeks pulled up in a smile. "I'm usually the one who asks that."

"I want to know, though." I pressed.

His brow furrowed. "I guess I'm trying to not think about this afternoon."

"Okay," I scooched closer to him so that we were brushing noses. Until I can smell his sweet, intoxicating breath. "Let's not think about that."

"Charlie is remembering your grandparents over the years." He said. "You have some of your grandmother in you." His shaky fingers found my face and they ran down my jaw line.

I closed my eyes let his cool touch shudder through me.

"Has he remembered the memory where he and Poppop tried to take out me out fishing when I was eight and I fell off the boat into the lake?" I asked.

"He's remembering it now." Edward giggled.

"That's one of his favorite memories."

"I can see why."

He froze suddenly and I opened my eyes. "No," He whispered and then his left arm jerked up. He brought it back to his chest, cradling it with his other hand. A groan of pain escaped his lips.

"Are you okay?" I sat up on my elbow, alarms going off in my head.

"I'm okay." He said between his teeth. "It'll pass."

"Are you sure?" I was thinking if I had anything I could give him, but I didn't think a normal aspirin would work on vampires.

"Please, Bella." He said, a note of begging in his voice. "Please, lay down. Just talk about that day at the lake. Please."

I hesitantly laid back down. "Um, well I was eight and walked like I had two left feet."

"Surprising."

"You could imagine how well that went in an old dingy." I said, keeping my eyes on his face. He hadn't relaxed his clenched jaw and his shoulders moved defensively inward. I sat up again. "Are you sure your okay?" I asked a little louder than I should. I hoped Charlie didn't here me.

There was silence as I waited for his answer. Both of our breaths were the only sounds in the room. Well, and my heartbeat in my chest. My hand found his shoulder in the dark. He was shaking like he was cold.

"Edward."

"Just go to bed, Bella." He sputtered between his teeth.

I rolled over and clicked on my bedside lamp. Edward moved so that he was facing away from me, but not before I caught sight of his arms, stiff with palsy against his chest and his fingers clenched liked claws. And I only caught that because he wasn't moving as fast as normal.

He was trying to keep it away from me. He was trying to downplay it. For who? For my benefit? Was he trying to protect me? He might've been a good liar by nature, but he couldn't hide this from me. I was there this afternoon. I knew what was going to happen.

Or was it something else?

"Why are you hiding from me?" I asked gently, moving so I could rub his shoulder.

"I'm not hiding." He said, but didn't turn.

"Edward, its okay. I just want to help you."

"You can't, though." He said quietly. "No one can."

"I can if you let me." I argued. "If you let me know what's wrong, what you need."

He rolled back over to face me. There was a desolate pain in his eyes that took the courage right out of me, that brought back all of the emotions from the afternoon, that made me want to burst into tears again. I bit my lip and kept my expression neutral. "What are you thinking?" I asked again, trying to get the truth out of him.

His eyes closed and he sighed. "I don't want to be taken care of."

"Why not?" I asked. "You took care of me after the Phoenix incident. I can't return the favor?"

"It's not that." He rolled over onto his back, his reddish hair falling across his forehead. He still grasped one arm to his chest, like he was afraid to let it go. "This afternoon…everyone was in the dining room ready to take this thing on like it was just another creature to be hunted and conquered."

"That's not a bad thing," I pointed out. "They're just trying to make this easier for you."

"But this isn't their battle or your battle or anyone else's battle," Despair in his voice made my insides ache. He sucked a hard breath. "but mine."

We lapsed into silence again. My heartbeat drumming in my ears was just a tiny bit louder than Edward's pained slow breaths. I focused on own pulse as I tried to think.

Edward didn't want to be taken care of. He wanted to brush this off like speed bump on the long, windy road of his life. Except he couldn't do that and he knew that. This disease was only going to get worse. I gulped at that thought and tried not to think too far into the future. However, it was true. He was going to have to rely on some sort of assistance eventually. And yet, Edward was still insistent of playing some weird martyr, doomed to suffer silently. Why?

Was he was downplaying it not for my benefit, but for his? Was he in denial? Yes, probably. But, there was something else, too. Something he was trying to keep secret.

I flipped it over and over in my head, listening my heartbeat and counting Edward's rhythmic breaths, not even realizing that I was slowly drifting to sleep.

Thanks friends for the reviews so far! I'm like on the second chapter of Eclipse and it's not as bad as I remember, although Bella's whining is starting to get on my nerves lol. "growing a pair" is definitely a character development lesson that SM skipped in creative writing night classes at Maricopa Community College or wherever tf she got her degree from

oh wait she got her degree from BYU. I just googled it. ok that makes sense then why Bella is literally a fifty yo nun in a seventeen yo's body hhahhahaahhaaaahahahahahaa mormons...

we'll have to fix that in this one, huh? Have fun reading. Sorry things are angsty at the moment. Don't worry. It's only going to get worse.