IMPORTANT AU: So there is some supremely mild slash in this chapter. Nothing is described, only hinted at (no lemons). And for further reference not every pairing I make in this story is going to be slash, I'm going to have a lot of hetro couples and some simply weird ones.

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Chapter Seven: Evil Plans That Might Have Worked

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"What is this?"

Everyone paused in the middle of eating their dinners to look up at Naruto who was soaked and wild looking. In his fist was a piece of paper.

"Ramen festival." Konan read.

"Why didn't anyone tell me this was here and has been so for ten years?" Naruto hissed.

"Never thought of it." Pein shrugged.

"Oh!"

Everyone glanced at Tobi.

"Tobi remembers that!" he said thoughtfully. "Or, Tobi remembers Madara's memories of it. Madara took up ramen cooking because he was bored and got drawn into the Cult of Ramen. He decided to host said festival every year as a tribute to the Holy Ramen, and to at the same time lure you here. He'd learned of you fixation with it and knew if you got wind of the festival you would come. I guess you never got wind of it."

"This Madara guys doesn't sound like a bad guy." Naruto said rubbing his chin. "I mean he was a fellow Ramenite and he made a whole festival for ramen. But then again he also wanted Kyuubi sucked out of my gut into a giant statue over a three day period of immense pain that would leave me dead. I guess I'd have to say I feel pretty neutral about him as a whole. The good and the bad sort of cancel one another out. Too bad I didn't meet him."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Tobi jumped up and down, hand waving. "Tobi still have a bunch of his memories. It's how Tobi became a Ramenite."

"Hail ramen."

"Hail Ramen."

"So was he evil?" Naruto asked as everyone returned to eating and he slid between Tobi and Deidara.

"Not really." Tobi shrugged. "He was a bit Melodramatic but not evil. Not really. I mean he wanted to destroy the moon and become a god and kill a bunch of people, but that's not really evil."

Everyone gave him funny looks.

"I mean he only wanted to gain the ultimate power and take over the world! Enslaving everyone in the process! Mwhahahahaha!" Tobi broke out in evil laughter, fingers bent and head thrown back.

There was a long moment of silence as Tobi realized everyone was staring and slowly stopped laughing.

"Whoops." He chuckled sheepishly. "Sometime Tobi gets a bit carried away with his memories."

Everyone stared at him a moment longer. He blushed, though you couldn't tell with the mask. Slowly everyone returned to their meals.

"So when's the festival?" Naruto asked.

.-.

"Where should we start?!" Naruto crowed as he jumped up and down, clapping his hands together like an eager child.

"How about over there!" Tobi said just as excited pointing to a flashy ramen stand.

They were both gone in a flash. Pein rolled his eyes. He personally knew Naruto had snuck out to a casino more then once realizing it was a good source of income for someone with his luck. The boy wouldn't run out of money for the ramen at least. Pein did not want to listen to whining about not enough cash for ramen. Tobi did it too often. Of course then he'd go on a quick mission, earn the money and get his precious ramen.

"I'm going to go try some of those game stands." Sakura announced sashaying off in her fitted kimono of blood and burgundy reds.

Sasori and Zetsu followed her with adoring looks, glares shot at one another. Sasuke muttered something under his breath and slunk off. Everyone else had already vanished except for Deidara who pouted next to Pein, eyeing Sasori walk away.

"It's no fair, un." He pouted. "I've been his partner for longer then that girl!"

"We demolished the set partners two months ago." Pein said idly.

"So! I should still have a better chance then her, un." Deidara whined as he slipped after Sasori and the other two.

Pein rolled his eyes and strode off for the bar.

.-.

"Wow!" Naruto grinned. "I'm seeing two of everything!"

"Yo-you've had too much ramen then." Tobi stumbled blinking owlishly. "B-but I'm not cruel enough to cut you off."

"Good. But maybe we should take a break before hitting every stand for the third time." Naruto suggested in a moment of intelligence.

Tobi shrugged and they stumbled off to an out of the way alcove where they plopped down and stared at the bright lights of the festival. For a long moment they shared silence as Naruto's vision slowly straightened.

"You know, this is lots of fun." Naruto announced. "Thanks for coming with me Tobi."

"And thank you for coming with Tobi." Tobi returned.

For another long moment there was silence.

"What's your dream?" Naruto asked suddenly.

"Dream?" Tobi asked.

"Yeah, dream, or goal, or ambition."

"Well Madara's was to take over the world and Obito's was to become a great ninja!" Tobi announced proudly.

"But what is Tobi's." Naruto said seriously.

Tobi blinked behind his mask and for a long moment of silence.

"Tobi….Tobi doesn't know." Tobi whispered.

"My dream is to become Hokage." Naruto said proudly. "I'm going to be strong and protect my village and earn their respect."

"You're a missing-nin now." Tobi pointed out.

"Nah! I'm an Ame-nin for an unknown amount of time, but I'll always be a leaf-nin too. Ame is a wonderful place and Akatsuki isn't that bad but….hmm. I guess there is no but, this place is pretty damn awesome and everyone treats me pretty well. . I mean I could live the rest of my life here contentedly. This will require more thought later. I'm still going to strive for my dream though! Barriers be damned!"

There was a long moment of silence.

"Tobi thinks that's a great dream."

There was another minute of silence.

"Tobi's dream." Tobi whispered softly. "Tobi thinks if he had a dream it would be to be happy with life. No large goals, just be happy. As Tobi, not as Obito or Madara."

Naruto's ears tweaked realizing the voice was clear. He turned back to look at Tobi and was shocked to see his mask in his hands. He stared at Tobi's sad smiling face and took in all his features. He looked young, no older than twenty with pale skin. There were no flaws in his face except the patch that covered one eye. His other eyes was a deep black like his hair.

"You took your mask off." Naruto blurted out.

Tobi winced.

"Should I put it back on?" He asked sadly.

"No!" Naruto winced at his own insult. "I was just surprised."

"Tobi looks silly." Tobi blushed moving to put the mask back on.

Naruto tugged it away.

"No you don't." He said resolutely. "You look really nice."

Tobi gave a soft blush. Naruto thought it made him look cute. He voiced said thoughts. Tobi blushed wildly but grinned.

"Tobi thinks Naruto looks cute too!"

"What?! I'm not cute! I'm manly and handsome!" Naruto said making a pose.

Tobi gave a giggle.

"Not at all!" He said. "Naruto is cute. You have pretty blue eyes and cute whisker marks. Everything about you screams cute."

Naruto pouted while muttering about 'not cute'.

"Tobi likes it."

Naruto glanced up at the boy…man…teen...

"Really?" Naruto blushed.

"Yes. Tobi likes Naruto." Tobi nodded.

"Well Naruto likes Tobi." Naruto grinned.

They both laughed and then Naruto stood and offered a hand to help Tobi up. Tobi took it, snapping the mask back on as he rose.

"More ramen?" Naruto asked.

"More ramen." Tobi agreed. "Until you start hallucinating again. And then we sit back down."

.-.

"Naruto?" Sakura blinked. "Huh, where has he gotten too?"

She scanned the empty half of Naruto's room.

"Didn't come back last night." Sasuke grunted slipping his sword at his waist.

"We'd better find him then." Sakura rolled her eyes.

Sasuke took this as his cue and in a quick few hand signs there was a puff of smoke and then a small vivid orange snake.

"Heya Sssasssuke!" The snake grinned with a hiss. "We going on an adventure?! Ressscuing a damsssel?! A princessss?!"

"Wow," Sakura gaped. "It's like Naruto in snake form."

"I know," Sasuke sighed morosely, "But he's my best tracker."

"Who do you want me to find?" The orange snake perked up.

"Our nuisance of an idiot/friend." Sasuke and Sakura said at the same time.

They glanced at one another then shrugged at the other's ending. The snake tasted the air of Naruto's room and started slithering. The followed the small orange creature through halls, up stairs, down other stairs, outside up a wall, in a window, outside and around the building and then back up some stairs. Finally they reached a dark green door. A small piece of orange paper read "Tobi and Zetsu's Room! (Tobi is a good boy!). There was a picture of some steaming ramen and a winking smiley face.

Sasuke knocked on the door after being assured that his summon smelt Naruto behind it. There was no answer. Another knock. No answer. They tried the door. It was locked. Sakura rolled her eyes and grabbed the door by the handle. Then proceeded to rip it off its hinges. She set it gently to the side and stepped into the room, clicking the light on. Seems she hadn't just forgotten modesty but also the idea of property and privacy. Sasuke gazed at the door for a minute with his snake as they wondered what would happen if she ever tried to rip them in half.

They shuddered and turned to the room. They stood in a narrow hall that led to an open door looking into a bathroom. On either side of the wall were open archways. One led into a green room covered in plants. The second into a darker burnt orange colored room.

They went with burnt orange room seeing as it was almost the same color as Naruto's friend's mask. Stepping into the dark room Sakura didn't hesitate to flick the lights on. The two stared at the scene. Sakura turned and flipped the lights back off. She counted to ten and turned them back on. She turned and punched Sasuke, whom fell back, hard, from the force of the 'lovetap'.

"That didn't hurt." She blinked. "It's a dream."

Sasuke moaned again and lashed out at her with his foot, which connected, forming a bruise.

"Okay, that hurt a bit. It's not a dream." Sakura admitted.

She turned back to the bed.

"Shut the light off." Naruto groaned burying his head in his pillow.

His pillow just happened to be Tobi. Who was naked. Just like Naruto. The only thing giving them any cover was a sheet that hung precariously low, the rest of the blankets having been pushed on the floor for a reason Sakura did not want to speak of.

"You're gay?" Sakura gaped at them.

"Bisexual!" Naruto snapped still half asleep.

"I'm gay." Tobi volunteered, muffled through his actual pillow.

Sakura's attention snapped to the black haired man and realized he was not wearing his mask. Unfortunately his face was buried in his pillow so she still didn't get a look.

"You know what?" Sasuke spoke suddenly. "I don't care."

Then he turned and walked off. Sakura huffed and eyed the two, a slight blush taking over her cheeks as she envisioned it. She gave a lavish giggle.

"Hey! Don't giggle like that you pervert!" Naruto yelled throwing a pillow at her.

She side stepped it and just grinned.

"Ah! Sakura!"

Sakura turned to find Zetsu standing with nothing but a towel around his waist and dripping wet form a shower.

"Hey, where's your plant?" She asked waving to the empty shoulders.

"I-I can take it off!" Zetsu stammered, flushing.

"Neat." Sakura said stepping closer to rub his shoulders that had once been covered with giant leaves.

She knew his bloodline allowed him to merge with nature but she hadn't known that the Venus flytrap was something he had put on himself.

"You okay?" She asked in concern as she watched a flush take over his white side.

"Yeah, fine." He chuckled.

"Good. I'm going to go try and find Sasori now. We had a spar planned."

She turned and headed off, not noticing a now jealous and fuming Zetsu as Tobi and Naruto snickered.

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End of chapter Seven