As I approached the main room, I kept hearing the brothers and Castiel talk.

"Yes, there's more to humanity than survival. You... look for purpose, and you must not be defeated by anger or despair. Or hedonism, for that matter." Castiel. What was that about hedonism?

"Where does hedonism come into it?" Dean. I decided to be quiet and listen for a little bit, but something in the pit of my stomach told me that this was not a conversation I wanted to hear.

"Well, my time with April was very educational." Who was April?

"Yeah. I mean, I would think that getting killed is something." Sam spoke, and I felt worry for a moment. Castiel had been killed? Why was he alive as well, then?

Then Castiel answered, and I felt like I had just had a thousand pounds dropped in to my heart.

"And having sex."

Oh.

Dean choked on something as I continued to listen. "You had sex with April?" He asked. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't listen to this anymore. I walked out in to the main room, behind Castiel, who was sitting at the B.A.M.T.

"Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in." Sam answered. Dean shushed him, seeing me, and then Sam saw me too. Both stared at me for a moment in shock, and slowly but surely Castiel turned around to see me too.

"Who's April?" I asked. I don't know why I felt so hurt, but I did. I felt like I had just taken a dip in the iciest water I could think of.

"Kylie," Castiel said my voice almost… Like he was suddenly ashamed, or nervous, or like he was a mix of elated and very, very sorry.

"April is a reaper that tried to kill Cas." Dean said awkwardly. "And Cas, we were going to surprise you with Kylie being alive."

Castiel turned to glare at them for a moment before turning back to look at me. "Kylie, I," I shook my head, cutting him off.

"Glad to see you too, Castiel." I said, my voice flat. I'd been so worried for this son of a bitch, and he was fine. He was perfectly fucking fine, and had apparently been fucking his way back to the Bunker. "I'm going to go pack my things. I think I need to leave."

"Now Kylie, come on," Sam started, but I stared at him in rage.

"No, I need to leave." I re-stated. "Because I can't stay in the same damn place as an angel that was, apparently, pulling some sort of Bond shit to deal with his assassin," I resisted the urge to point at Castiel. "AND the goddamn DEMON that KILLED ME, BY THE WAY! I can't do both at once!" Sam and Dean both looked surprised by my knowing of Crowley's presence. "Yeah. I found him. Nice dungeon, by the way. So I think it's best that I go, right now, until I can… I don't know, learn to just DEAL with everything right now, because I was FUCKING DEAD." I took a deep breath, steadying myself. "But apparently that fact didn't matter to you guys as much."

I turned around, walking out of the room in silence. I heard Dean ask Castiel if he'd had protection.

"I had my angel blade." Castiel answered distractedly. I walked much faster after that, headed to my room.

And once the door to my room was closed behind me you can bet I slammed that motherfucking STUPID excused for a backpack down on the motherfucking bed. When I looked over to the chair next to my bed, I saw my backpack.

MY backpack. Red. Canadian flag on it. Go USA.

I ran to it quickly, and opened it to find everything still inside. My daggers. My bombs. My notebook. My wallet.

My wallet.

I pulled it out instantly, and opened it to grab the picture of my family inside. I looked at each face of my family for a while, and focused on my mom's last.

She was dead. She had been possessed by a demon, and had died with me thinking that she was some sort of awful mother; with me hating her.

"I'm sorry, mom." I whispered. I'm sorry for blaming you. I'm sorry for hating you. I'm sorry for not believing in you.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, mom, that you died and we weren't there for you.

"I hope you're with dad and Art and Josiah." I said, staring at her smiling face for a long time. The face that used to tuck me in at night. The face that used to tell me I was doing good on my homework. The face that told me I could do anything, if I tried.

The face I still remembered slapping me.

The face I could see, in the back of my mind, with black eyes and a cruel smile.

I hate demons. I hate all of them.

I shook myself out of my reverie, and started re-packing. Moving things from crappy backpack to my good backpack that still had plenty of room. Using clothes for padding, clothes that I'd still had in this room, clothes that Dean and Sam hadn't gotten rid of.

They'd left all my stuff in my room, still.

And Crowley was still not even one hundred feet away, still singing more than likely.

I kept packing to leave. I couldn't be here right now, not when things were so… Confusing, in my mind. Even more so than when I'd initially tried to wrap my head around being ALIVE again, which was still just… Just there and big and something I wasn't certain as to what I should be doing about.

A few minutes later, I heard a knock on my door. I glanced over, still packing, and saw that it was Dean.

"I'm sorry for freaking out." I started off. "It's just all a big mess in my head that I'm still trying to work through, and I don't know why I blew up. I was angry at first, yeah, when I saw Crowley, but then it just got worse and," I stopped myself, realizing I was blabbering. "I'll be gone in a little bit, don't worry. And back in a few days. I just need to figure out some stuff, clear my head. I'm sorry, I promise I'll be fine, but I just really need to let my head clear. My goal was to get here, and I did it, but now," I stopped turning to look at Dean. "You used to be dead, and then you weren't. How did you figure that out? How did you… How did you cope with that?"

"I went to Hell." Dean answered. "So mine consisted of a lot of nightmares and trying to tough it out. Getting back on the horse, whole nine, you know?" I thought for a moment, and in my lack of response he continued to speak. "Castiel is leaving the Bunker."

That made me freeze even more. "Why?"

"He can't stay," Dean started to explain. "Sam is still healing, and angels will be on his ass and on our asses. It's not safe for us, or for Kevin while he's still trying to translate."

"I thought this was the safest place in the world."

"I don't want to test that against an army of pissed-off angels, PLUS an army of demons looking for their king on top of it."

"Then kill the damn demon!" I argued. "Problem solved!"

"It's not that simple, Kylie." Dean told me, his voice beginning to rise to match mine. "Crowley is giving us names, names of other demons that we can kill. Why kill just one when we can use one to lead us back to fifty more?!"

"And you're certain he's giving you those fifty more?" I asked. "How many has he given you so far?"

Dean didn't answer for a few minutes. "Two." He answered. I laughed.

"He's playing you." I resumed packing as I spoke. "And I'd rather go off with Castiel right now than I would like to stay under the same roof as the demon that gutted me."

"Good, because that's what I was going to ask you." Dean shot back. I stopped once more, staring at him.

"What?"

"Cas doesn't know his way around the world as a human, much less a homeless one." He said. "You do. I was going to ask if you would mind going with him, since you were leaving anyways."

I couldn't tell what was the lesser of two evils. On one hand, I hated the thought of staying here with a demon. On the other hand, I felt… I don't know. Hurt, by Castiel, and for no good reason, but for some reason hearing that he'd slept with a reaper (I struggled to remember what in the hell that was) made me feel like I'd been stabbed in the back by him; like I'd been about to take a huge leap, and learned that the person in charge of making sure I made it back to the ground forgot to pack my parachute.

Why was this all so confusing?

"I know it's probably not what you want to do," Dean continued. "But he needs help. You heard what he said. He can't tell a friend from an enemy out there." THAT was a delicate way of putting it. "So would you please, just… Go with him? Make sure he doesn't die out there? He's got reapers and angels and who knows what else after him, and I can't be with him, or keep him here." He watched my reactions carefully. "You did a good job of protecting Kevin, a great job. I'm sorry for shouting at you, I'm sorry for what I said, because you really did do good at keeping the poor bastard sane. Cas needs you for that same reason too, now."

I thought about what he was saying, and it was another lesser of two evils. I could stay pissed, and leave him alone until I'd dealt with it, or I could go with Castiel and keep him safe, albeit still being unhappy with him.

"Fine." I agreed. I couldn't ever leave someone alone who needed help, I knew that. "But you realize I'm not even a full Hunter, right?"

"You died and came back." He answered, and in his eyes I could see a heavy weight settle over him. "If that doesn't make you a Hunter, I don't know what does."

Maybe more training, I thought back in response.