Special thanks to Hanareader for beta-reading and supporting for just about everything xD including insightful thoughts, inspiration and drive.

Note: Timeframe is slightly different from original manga. Given how my fanfic goes (not to mention it should have been done 6 years ago), I had to disregard the election arc where Gon almost died and Leorio was there. But I tried to conform most of other things to the manga.

Chapter 6 How Far Can We Go

"They…they told me to let it go." The boy's voice muffled through his shirt.

"Who?" Kuroro asked despite having the best clue as to what or whom the boy was referring to. He hadn't yet grasped the whole situation, but he had a distinct idea.

For a man who felt nothing when he first saw the boy cry in his sleep months back, it sure was bothering him the night before and right now. He wanted it to stop just as much as he knew Kurapika dreaded Kuroro seeing him in tears.

"My clan…told me to stop-" Kurapika's voice broke off. He made no attempt to complete what he was saying before speaking again, already moving to another point. "-and that I should just…live my life."

Yet Kuroro understood it all. The hesitation, the anxiety and the failed attempt to kill him. They all added up. Kurapika's vengeance had been carried out by his sense of responsibility of being the last one. His belief and his lifetime goal was of his clan's last wish.

His eyes lowered to the boy. It must have felt weirder for him confessing all this to the murderer of his clan. But that could have meant that keeping this inside was all too much, having been the living container of his pain for so long. Or…Kurapika came to trust him to this extent.

Eyes drew shut, Kuroro couldn't help the small smile as he savored the moment and gave a response, "Hmm."

XXX

A while later, Kurapika found himself clutching his head in his hands, face down. The tears had already stopped. He just couldn't bring himself to look up at the man. Kuroro had been patient, he just waited after both of them settled back down on the grass. Once his mind cleared, he was suddenly aware that they were still out in the open space, under the canopy. Kuroro stayed, nailed to the spot and he knew that sooner or later, he had to face him, better now and get it over with.

All the 'don't look' and 'I don't see anything' was for naught, for the first thing he saw when raising his head was Kuroro's shirt soaking wet with his tears. Would Kuroro do him a favor and disregard that too?

After what had happened earlier, he just felt so awkward in front of Kuroro and didn't know what to say or how to react. Until the man filled in the silence himself.

"Do you think you could do that?" Kuroro asked, voice filled with something close to compassion.

"Do what?" Kurapika murmured, his mind still muddled.

The hands came to rest on both of his arms. "Letting go, living your life."

His eyes wavered before forcing himself to look at the man, "I don't…know."

All this time, he had been blinded by rage and anger. He hadn't been aware that up until now it had distorted his view of reality bad enough to close off his clan's true calling.

"If it's what your clan want, what your friends want," Kuroro said with the faintest smile and waited.

Back then he would have been all riled up by now, having words about his clan and his friends coming out of the Spider's mouth. "If it's what I want too." He heard himself gasp as Kuroro carried on, "But say disregarding what the others want, what about you? What do you want?"

It was only then that one thing was clear to Kurapika. Kuroro wanted him to let go not because he wanted to be set free from Kurapika's vengeance.

Kuroro wanted him to be free from the shadow of his own past.

He remembered how he felt when he saw Kuroro's fake, dead body back then. Emptiness. But the aftertaste of ending Uvogin and Pakunoda wasn't quite like that; they exhausted him out in more ways than one. Awful, that was what it was. Given that thought, the first choice would be the lesser evil of the two. But could he really do that? What was he to do without his vengeance?

"Hey, I know, change is hard. Probably one of the hardest things for human nature. Things just don't always go the way we want. I've been there," Kuroro said. His eyes grew distant for a brief moment, then they came back to him. "But from that, there were alternative paths I've been thrown into. They weren't always bad, even turned out to be the thing I might have wanted all along. Not everything is set in stone, Kurapika."

Kurapika's hands fisted at the grass below him. He opened his mouth, "I…" but closed it soon after, falling into another silence.

With a faint smile, Kuroro's hand circled at his nape. The man drew his head to the crook of his neck. "You don't have to answer now, but think about it?" Kurapika nodded against his skin.

"Sorry." He murmured without holding back.

If Kuroro was taken aback, he didn't show it. He should know the apologies were for the fuss of these few days' events, not for more or less. The man accepted it with a nod and returned, firm and audibly. "I'm sorry too."

Their apologies weren't defined, and no one asked. To Kurapika, he already knew by heart Kuroro, not for the life of him, would be sorry for what he had done in the past; he was only apologizing for being the cause of his pain. That much he knew.

That much he should appreciate, perhaps.

Still there were lots of questions unanswered, issues unresolved. Whether it was him crying most of the troubles away or Kuroro being so immeasurably patient with him, Kurapika had come to one conclusion. He had to start somewhere new. At this point he had had enough of experiencing the damage of being confined in the vicious cycle of revenge. Maybe it was about time to break the pattern.

And maybe the question he must first answer to himself was: 'What exactly did he want?'

An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once he held the eyes belonging to his clan, and three days after, the answer came to him.

"I'll get all the eyes back, then I'll see how it goes from there," he resolved to Kuroro as the man was sitting on his bed, flexing his arm to test it after Kurapika healed him. Their recent retrieval of the Kuruta eyes was a fail. They both came out injured; worse, empty handed. It was half-expected, not everything could go right all the time.

Kuroro had looked mildly surprised at the wrong variables but his look of surprise grew full-blown when Kurapika told him 'it's ok.' The information misled them and it was on them both, not just Kuroro.

From where they escaped, Kuroro suggested they stay at the inn before their next move. Without the other Spiders tagging along, the arrangement was made much easier. Some clean nice warm beds and some amenities would do them good.

"Yeah" he nodded to himself, turning his back to the window to lean on it. "But I'd probably make a funeral for these five pairs first."

"A funeral?" Kuroro perked up, interested. "Where?"

"A…church…maybe…I saw one here." His answer came out slow not from uncertainty, his decision was made, but of Kuroro's behavior. The man was curious by nature and sometimes Kurapika found it hard to handle this side of him. On one hand, it was the thought of the Spider head peeking into his personal Kuruta business, which he'd profusely condemn after the enormous casualties he left behind.

"I had no idea Kuruta believe in God too," Kuroro leaned forward, sitting cross-legged with palms pressing on his ankles.

One look at the man and Kurapika had to chase his hesitation away, "Only some of us…but we have our own belief system. I'm just going for a church because I believe in its spiritual connection is all."

"I see." Kuroro hummed with pondering air. "So what's your other belief systems? Is it in a nature deities?" Then he looked as if he caught on to himself chattering. Kurapika anticipated he'd back off but- "No, what do you believe?" He rephrased, eyes brightened with interest. On the other hand, Kuroro struck Kurapika as a child, sometimes.

"Aren't you too curious for your own good?" Kurapika chided, his brows furrowed. Sure he made a recent declaration that they'd start somewhere new, establish themselves a better path than the bloody one, maybe. Didn't mean he would…could leave everything behind and take the bloody murderer as a friend right away. Kuroro should know that.

"Hmm, I'm not curious about everything, mind you. I'm curious about things worth my attention." He shrugged, eyes looking up at the ceiling before they zeroed back on Kurapika when he emphasized his next words. "I'm curious about you."

Kurapika wanted to throw something at him. His eyes set on the TV remote control on the table a couple of steps away. Seriously, if this bastard was expecting a friendly chit chat-

RRRRRRRR

The phone rang off from Kurapika's pocket. Seeing the caller id, he realized he'd forgotten to give Leorio a call like he said he would. Saved by the bell! Both his mental fortitude and Kuroro's forehead. He gave one dismissed look at Kuroro; the man nodded with a faint grin. Kurapika then stepped outside the room before picking up the line. He sauntered away, up the stairs, until he reached the rooftop under the windy night sky.

As expected, Leorio just wanted to make sure he was doing okay, in which Kurapika confirmed of his well-being and the choice he just made. He concealed most of the details, not wishing to burden Leorio with it.

In hindsight, the feeling of shame hit him like waves. For pouring his heart out to his friends the day before. If anything, they were happy to help, he knew it. Still, he couldn't help but cringe at his past behavior, said past being only one day old.

Perhaps he was already a different person from yesterday.

When they were done talking about half an hour later, he made sure to advise Leorio that he should be allocating all that he had into becoming a doctor like he wished, not in worrying over him. In the end, Leorio was more than relieved Kurapika chose the choice he favored.

"I'm so glad you choose not to dwell in the past, Kurapika. You can make it make you move forward."

Kurapika could hear the smile in Leorio's compassionate voice.

There was a silence where Kurapika let his friend's word sink in. "Of course."

These past days after the incident, he'd already felt so much lighter, like the weight holding him down for 5 years lifted. Although not completely, never completely. His family might have wanted him to let all the bygones be bygones, he could feel it, being set free from family obligation. But not a whole part of him was ready for that…yet.

XXX

It was 9.59PM when Kurapika returned, the light in the room was off, leaving the source of light from the lamp bright enough. Kuroro was lying on his bed with eyes closed, most likely resting. He walked to sit on the edge of one of the twin beds and looked at the man, knowing the other was still awake.

"It was Leorio," he said. Once Kuroro opened his eyes and craned his neck to look at him with a contained surprise, he hesitated for a split second before continuing, "You know, he's one of the people favoring the choice of me letting go over vengeance." The last word was barely audible. He wasn't the only one surprised for relaying this information to Kuroro. The man already looked at him as if he had a damn flower popped out from his head.

Yet soon after, Kuroro schooled his expression back to normal, but the smile came in its wake, "Thanks."

Kurapika just nodded and made no attempt to stomp down the funny feelings he got every time the Spider head thanked him. Way often than not, Kuroro had been telling…confiding what most of his calls were about…like companions do. With a whole bunch of other major issues waiting for him to work on, he could start here…become a bit more open to Kuroro.

"Just so you know, I won't be bothered if you pick up your friends' call in my presence. I stand by my words that I won't bother them." Kuroro suggested, lacing his hands behind his head.

"I know," Kurapika almost smiled with an appreciative nod to the man. He just had the habit of putting his private matter from the Spiders.

RRRRRRRRRRR

Kuroro 'pfft' at the speaking of the devil. Yet he made a hand gesture, letting him know whether or not he wanted to pick up the call in his presence was of Kurapika's choice. He blinked when Kurapika silenced the phone and put it away. "Aren't you gonna pick that up?"

"It's Leorio again. I'm just done talking to him." Kurapika shrugged lightly, eyeing sideways. "He sure has a habit of calling me way too often. Just when I had told him to focus on his medical study."

"I realized," Kuroro commented, glancing upward. "I had that one urge amongst the many calls he made back then when I was holding onto your mobile, to tell him off."

A chuckle escaped his lips at the mental picture of Leorio unknowingly bothering the patient Spider leader.

The phone kept on vibrating.

"It could be important," Kuroro raised, pointing to where Kurapika had put the device down.

"No...not always, especially from Leorio," he responded, thinking how his friend would have flipped knowing this. But it was a valid point, wasn't it?

In retrospect, Kuroro had quite a few people calling him, from time to time. Most of the time from his comrades, few other times were from people he had zero knowledge of. As far as he'd seen, Kuroro rejecting calls were almost to none.

"Do you pick up all of your comrades call?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Why not? Some years go by without any of us seeing each other at all, we keep in contact as much as we can." He answered, his bond with them evident on that information.

Kurapika came to realize one other thing about the Spiders. Of how Kuroro's comrades tag along and the allowance given when the leader could simply order them to disperse. Not only did they worry about their leader, but their leader, Kuroro, must have…missed them, for lack of a better term.

Comprehending the man brought about the realization that the core problem within himself he needed confronting had been his incapability of accepting … a bond and perhaps even friendship, for that matter. He took his friends to his heart, appreciating the feeling of being blessed, but to him, keeping in touch was not part of the deal.

His gaze strayed from Kuroro, to the device still vibrating beside him. He picked it up, his eyes stayed on Kuroro. The man gestured him the encouragement. He found that odd. For the past months Kuroro had looked somewhat annoyed whenever his friend called.

At last, Kurapika caved, pressing on an answering button. "Yes?"

"Took you so long everytime."

"Well, couldn't you have wrapped it all up in one go? I don't have all day for your idle chat," Kurapika jeered in a light tone.

"Insolent brat," Leorio returned with mirth-filled voice.

They both laughed lightly.

"Okay, that aside. I'm calling for a get together in Swardani. Gon and Killua will be there too; their rest stop is in Swardini. You're in Melb, yes? It's one day travel away. We're thinking this coming Friday to Sunday. It's the only time we can allocate. Come on, please say you can make it. We don't know when we'd see each other again."

"Friday to Sunday?" Kurapika trailed off and met Kuroro's gaze in an instant.

It wasn't about the allotted days, it was about his plan with the Spider leader for the Kuruta eyes.

"Well, I don't think I-"

"You should go."

Kurapika's eyes went wide with disbelief. He gaped at Kuroro, only to have his attention divided when Leorio nearly shrieked from hearing Kuroro's voice filtered through. "Is he there!? He's there!"

Kuroro pushed himself up to sit on the bed. He let his feet touch the ground and sat leaning forward to Kurapika, elbows on his thighs. "As far as I'm concerned, there'd be hardly a chance for you to get together with your friends again. I'd suggest you go meet them. We can work on the eyes later when you come back."

The sound of Leorio's gulp was audible. Kurapika spared Kuroro a pensive look. Not only had he insisted Kurapika to pick up Leorio's call, he urged him to go with his friends. Kurapika's initial reflexive thought was, 'what is the Spider head up to?' if all he did before was to keep Kurapika to himself, and away from his friends.

But Kurapika squashed his doubt down. He was not the man he was yesterday, possibly so was Kuroro.

"Alright, I'll be there," He agreed to his friend, his eyes never leaving Kuroro.

"YES!"

His eyes strayed downward and sideways, away from Kuroro now. Leorio's delight brought a smile to him. They talked for a bit more about their meeting point before he hung up. When he looked up, Kuroro still had his eyes on him.

The dejected look on Kuroro's usual poker face was fleeting. Like it wasn't there, his first thought was to let it pass. But it would only end up bothering him later.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," Kuroro responded with faintest smile, one of which didn't quite reach his eyes. Although his feet planted on the floor, a feet apart from Kurapika's, his posture drew back.

Kurapika tried a different approach. "Why'd you insist I go with them?"

The Spider cut him a glance. "You're a bundle of nerves, you need a break. Live, remember? Not just working your ass out on self-disciplined obligations."

He wouldn't take that crap. Okay, maybe that was half the crap. As of now, Kuroro could care to that extent, but Kurapika could still tell apart that (half the) crap from the truth. "Answer me, Kuroro. Thought you could be honest with me."

A long pensive look etched on Kuroro's face was replaced by the uncertainty that flabbergasted Kurapika. It took Kuroro a while to lean back towards Kurapika and speak. "I am…bad for your mental and psychological well-being; hence, your physical well-being. Whereas your friends are good…for you."

So that was why he had that brief dejected look on his face.

The man didn't dwell for long, soon he was his usual self again. Posture straightened, he lifted his head up, grinning. "I could use some alone time for myself too, mind you."

Allowing the time to process Kuroro's previous declaration, Kurapika gave his delayed-response. "Well, mostly yes. But not all the time. And it…gets better."

With eyebrows quirked, Kuroro dared to ask. He looked uncharacteristically hopeful, "You mean that?"

His eyes homed in on the Spider leader.

'I won't be able to look at you without wishing to kill you.'

'Let it go, Kurapika.'

'Can't spend your whole damn life mourning.'

"…Yeah…it gets better." Kurapika nodded to confirm that thought, more to himself than Kuroro. It had only been yesterday, now that thought had seemed rather far off. The resentment was not gone, the root still deeply seated, but to nurture that hatred was no longer a part of him. A good sign. Then he regarded Kuroro's latter point, "If you'd like to be alone. Just say a word, anytime-"

"Not right now." Not only had Kuroro interjected, he drew himself up and with one long stride, moved to sit himself next to Kurapika. "This Friday to Sunday, huh? I'd only have you for myself until then, better make the most of it."

No, Kuroro's words shouldn't affect him in any way and his ears nor his face did not just catch fire. Yet the look of amusement clear on Kuroro's face suggested otherwise.

Kurapika's breathe hitched when the sides of their hips and legs touched, his cushion sank under Kuroro's added weight. Holy shit. They'd been sleeping in the same bed for more than once, this shouldn't make him any he was.

For someone once identified as a cold-blooded killer like Kuroro, to be showing this side of him…freaked the fuck out of him, especially after his murder attempt on the bed. The bastard still had the nerve…like always. Then again, Kuroro could have said the same about him. They were both reckless despite themselves. He contemplated if Kuroro had the certainty about Kurapika not killing him (he seemed to have endless resources for this impression). At times, his mind still speculated to the utmost, of how it would turn out if he really managed to kill the man.

"You look tired. Want to lie down?" Kuroro suggested. He must have seen him freak out in silence, of course he must, with those keen, observant eyes of his. Yet he stayed where he was.

Kurapika nodded. He crawled onto the edge of his bed, deliberately leaving the space on the side for the man. He figured if he didn't do it now, he'd have to do it a little later, having learned too many times by now when Kuroro wanted to get…closer. Without looking, he could already see a complacent look on Kuroro's face as the man followed after he dimmed the lamp down.

The bed wasn't made for two. After their little shufflings, they ended up lying side to side, both facing up. He stole a glance at Kuroro. Upon Kuroro's pleased expression before the dark grey eyes closed, followed by a small contented sigh - the gesture like an adult coming home from a tired day at work, like a child having something he wished fulfilled - an answer came to Kurapika.

He didn't want to find out, of how things would have turned out differently had he killed this man.

Damn all his plans to hell.

A memory of that night flashed across his mind, of Kuroro willing to die by his hands.

Kurapika swallowed the uncomfortable lump in his throat. He wanted to forget, already knowing it'd be impossible.

"Kuroro."

"Hmm?" The man opened his eyes, tilting his head to look at him, all attentive.

"If…If ever I relapsed again…if I'm too far gone…" He paused, conflicted on whether to voice his discomfort out loud. He could regret this later. "You'd have to be on your guard…you have to…" He fumbled over his own words. "You don't…even have to be this way...around me."

The man lifted his head from the pillow to regard him with a measured look. "Are you bothered by my unguarded moment?"

Kurapika hesitated before he gave a slow nod. "I could kill you…still, conscious or not."

"Do you have any idea why I let my guard down?" Kuroro flopped his head back down.

"Please don't give me that bull about how you know I'm not going to kill you, again," Kurapika rolled his eyes, restraining himself from pulling at the man's hair out of exasperation by now.

"Honestly though, on that night, I do believe you were going to kill me for real, amongst your many failed attempts and empty threats." Kuroro didn't stop upon Kurapika's noticeable offensive twitch on that 'many failed attempts and empty threats.' He carried on, turning to look at Kurapika. "In the end, you didn't. Now I believe we've past the worst point."

"There's no telling about the future. People can change all the time. I can't guarantee-"

"You're not guarded anywhere around me either. Why should I be any different?" Kuroro returned and pushed on. "I did say I won't kill you. But what made you so sure I wouldn't, hmm? What if I change my mind? I'm the Spider. You're Kurapika. You have your moral codes. I have nothing."

For a moment, Kuroro's eyes hardened, dark and unfeeling. Like the ones Kurapika was accustomed to when he was still the 'Danchou' months back. But the sudden change failed to bother or affect him in anyway, even with the slightest knowledge that the man must have merely meant to make a point. Whoa, he just added one more proof to the point Kuroro just made.

Still, he had no answer for Kuroro. His body squirmed back from the man in the small space available on the edge of the bed. Steering the questions back to Kuroro was all he could do.

"All these troubles and issues from me, aren't you…tired? You could have avoided them if you've been more cautious." Kurapika blurted, only to realize later. Holy crap, he did not just feel sorry for the man to handle his on and off waves of wrath and erratic behavior. But god, for one of the worst bandits in history named after Lucifer himself, Kuroro possessed a patience of a saint.

Where was the point of his maximum toleration?

And Kuroro did not need to, it wasn't his obligation, or role if he didn't hold himself accountable for the consequence of Kurapika's life now. That wasn't the case.

Said saint shrugged in his prone form, his stance casual. "I look at the whole picture, the cause worth striving for." Kuroro turned to face Kurapika. He reached for him, his hand warm against his face. "I look at you. Not the fractional, insignificant hassles and fusses along the way. I thought you'd know better being the goal-oriented type?" The hand withdrew when his point was made, but it came to rest next to where Kurapika's hand was. Kuroro stayed facing Kurapika.

"For your answer, sorry, but no. It'd go against my nature," he made it sound like a banter yet his face was solemn.

"Your nature?" Kurapika's brows raised.

"Being myself, I mean," Kuroro clarified, his eyes fixed on him. "When I'm with you, I'm just being myself?" After a beat, he added, tone thick with purpose. "Just so you know, this motive is firm. I just don't think it could serve as an answer to your limitless cognitive thinking."

"You're…damn right," Kurapika grumbled as his eyes glazed over, shifting his attention back to the ceiling. Months ago, Kuroro was nothing to him more than the bane of his existence. Then following all the things that had happened convinced him otherwise. The matters were made more difficult by the very nature of Kuroro himself. Kuroro could be…complex or just a simple man, or both. By that, it was just a complication. Way too often, Kurapika still couldn't grasp the idea why Kuroro did what he did. "I think your motives are beyond my analytics."

"Maybe you can't always believe in what you think," Kuroro remarked, his tone implying something Kurapika couldn't put a finger on, or refuse to.

Yeah, he'd just learned that the hard way.

He kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling, internalizing his fluster underneath the searching gaze from his side. Until the man's arm reached across his chest, grasping his upper arm resting on the edge of the bed. His breath caught again, if only for a moment. The hand steered him to turn towards its owner. It was nothing forceful. Without words, Kuroro urged him and all his defenses useless before him, his compliant body turned to face the man.

A small smile formed on Kuroro's face. "I can see your painstaking effort, to meet me halfway, trying to understand, comprehend my motives; compromise, whether you're aware of it or not. Especially after the Mafia incident, especially now. Do you really think we're unreachable to each other?"

By saying so, he entwined his fingers over Kurapika's.

Thankfully, the low light wouldn't allow Kuroro to catch the color on his face he was sure was responsible for the temperature on it. Or could he?

"No…" he gave a slow answer, almost inaudible. Questions were nagging at him, lots of questions. The only few he'd managed to deliver were the ones prioritized; the ones undelivered were ones he wasn't ready to hear the answers. What did he mean by that 'he was himself when he was with him' was one amongst many others.

"If it's any comfort, okay, I'll watch my back when you flip, sometimes. Regardless I'm trusting myself with you."

What went through his mind when he was about to kill him? Why was he willing to die by his hands?

These questions were stuck in his throat.

"That's good enough," he whispered into the pillow, followed by a stifling yawn. The day had been long yet he felt the night shorten. He complied when Kuroro urged him to go to sleep.

XXX

Kurapika watched the man sleep like a child. He was the one exhausted, but Kuroro showed next to no signs of exhaustion. But when it came to sleep, the man seemed to have a switch of a light bulb at his will.

For all this time, he'd been mostly denying the fact as to what made Kuroro, well, Kuroro. Being born in Ryuuseigai, the city filled with trash. His life had no value to anyone to begin with. And if that information given by an unnamed brother from the church in Baal was anything to go by, Kuroro was an outcast.

Couldn't say he was any different being a Kuruta, but he was he was born into the world with love, nurtured and showered with affection by loving parents. For the first time, he wondered what Kuroro's parents were like, if they had been parents to him at all or just a person giving birth to him and left him…to die alone in a place so short of resources for everyone, much less one.

The lack of what was given to him could be attributed to the lack of what the man could offer to the world.

In the face of that, he knew Kuroro never took those factors into account as the consequence to whom he had become today. He didn't describe himself by his past; only the present mattered to him. If anything, he referred to Ryuuseigai as a place filled with endless…something. There was always something in the ruins. Kurapika almost scoffed at the idea the Spider leader could be an optimist.

Living in the moment, Kuroro was the best epitome of that aspect.

Some wiseman said only a broken man seeks to destroy others. Although Kuroro never took himself for a broken man. He barely spoke about his past, but he'd long-established there was no bad history, bad past or whatsoever; every obstacle in life to him outlined as some stumbles and lessons to learn. But Kurapika couldn't say he was any different, if he sought justice with the Spiders.

Kuroro shifted closer. Surely he must have already been asleep, yet the hand holding his tightened the slightest bit. Soon after, he squeezed Kuroro's hand back.

He caught the smile form on the man's face before he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kurapika was one to read a lot, ever since he was at young age. For all kinds of books he mingled himself with, histories, cultural anthropology and philosophy were his top preferences. Little by little, most of its content sank into him that everything would change and transform in the end. Nothing in the world was ever left the same.

Against his will, a part of him tapped onto the idea that his hatred might not last, but he didn't explore into it. Didn't want to…as of now.

Seeing his friends even brought that idea to more concrete terms. Like Gon, who's bubbly nature was once his constant trait, or so Kurapika had thought." Unlike their regrouping the first time in York Shin, the two boys had matured. This time, it was a complete difference. Just by looking, he knew Gon and Killua had been through much more than ordinary kids their age could possibly handle. When Leorio asked, it seemed none of them would like to recount what they had been through these past months in NGL.

More than once, among the days they spent together, Kurapika caught that look on Killua's face, of the concealed worry when he looked at Gon. The former assassin was sharp, as always. He must have noticed his observing look that he directed the attention back to Kurapika the third time he was caught.

"So," Killua dragged his voice out as he glanced at Kurapika with interest. "How is it like living with that Danchou guy?"

On the coffee table they were gathering in the hotel's room at nighttime, all eyes were set on him. Under normal circumstances, Kurapika was unaffected under anyone's gaze, he'd been through much worse, standing firm in the presence of the Mafia and even professional assassins. These here were his most trusted friends, the ones he felt most comfortable with. Perhaps it was their inquisitive looks regarding the matter…on his life with said Danchou.

Under the look of present interest, he could see the concern behind them especially from Gon and Leorio. Another thought crossed him. Had his life not turned out his way, was there any chance he'd be blessed with these three at all?

He was not one to believe in fate, not entirely at least. Unlike Kuroro, that guy could go days on end waffling about fate. But he couldn't pass most things off as coincidence either.

"Hey, Kurapika. Back to earth!"

"I don't think his mind is up in the clouds, his mind must be on that Danchou guy."

"Really?"

He blinked out of his thoughts. Well, he wasn't that gone, was he? He heard everything they said.

"Missing him already?" Killua sniggered as he reached for the chips on the coffee table and popped it into his mouth.

"Really?" Gon asked again, quipping his head to Kurapika, eyes wide with wonder.

"You're spending time with us now. Focus!" Leorio complained, pointing an accusing finger at him.

It was like nothing had changed at all. The two kids had him concerned for a while, but really. He should have known that they'd come through.

Despite the concern for one another, none of them really shared their experiences in the past months, save for Leorio. He made himself their best lighthearted entertainment, recounting of what antics he had been through during his time as a Med student.

They couldn't be happier for his upcoming plan of studying abroad. For someone Kurapika and Killua defined as the 'not too bright type' (much to Leorio's mortification), Kurapika really had no doubt Leorio too would surpass all that.

It was only in the last few days of their vacation that they learned Gon was going back to Whale Island while Killua would travel the world with his sister, Alluka. While it wasn't exactly his place to question their paths, the two kids were known to be 'inseparable.' It just felt off hearing Gon and Killua were parting ways. Despite both of them saying that it 'might be for a while,' their voices were uncertain. After all, no one knows the future.

'Things don't always go the way we want, Kurapika. Not everything is set in stone.' Kuroro's words came back to him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

After Kuroro got his business done with a tailor suit shop and a flower shop, he headed to his next destination, the church.

Standing in front of said construction, he absentmindedly felt the bandage wrapped around his forehead. No sooner had he made sure it was secured, that the thought came to him. He didn't particularly hate the church. It was the people in them, some people.

Kurapika flitted across his mind, then again, since when did the boy not occupy his mind? Kuroro almost scoffed at the idea. 'I guess it's only fair, if for the past 5 years, all he's been thinking is about me…regardless of how we've never met.'Now the boy was trying to move on. If Kuroro was rooting for that, it should be the time he followed his own advice too.

Yet he decided against letting go of his bandage. Wasting time with unnecessary hassle should this church choose to have an issue with his birthmark (under the name of tattoo), was the last thing he needed.

Better to reserve his patience for Kurapika.

To him, being good to Kurapika was almost simple, save for his moral codes that could be handful at times. The boy handled his personal worst misconduct, yet there came a day Kurapika treated him like a decent human being, so giving Kurapika the best of what he could be came by nature. He wasn't sure with the other way around though. He didn't think he had faced Kurapika's worst. Even if he did, he'd deserve it.

He had taken from the boy enough, was hated enough. It didn't surprise him when Kurapika still refused to accept the validity of his emotions, to a certain extent.

Albeit he could still feel his Judgment Chain binding his heart. It had been there so long Kuroro already felt like it was a part of him. As weird as it was, he no longer minded it. It meant they were connected in some way.

As he walked up the stairways, he noticed something off. There was someone. Yet he continued to make his way into the church, wheels already spinning for answers. His first thought regarded Kurapika. But the boy was not here, anyone after his eyes were ruled out. It didn't take him long to know who it was. 'Of course, it'd be him.'

How could he expect the jester to leave him alone in peace?

They were so nice to him, like a saint. He came for business (under the name of a charitable man), of course they would be. Everytime it got him to wonder how different it would be if he walked in with his tattoo being seen and the inverted cross on the back of his coat.

As he stepped out of the church, he no longer caught on the observing eyes. His phone rang off.

"Lucifer, when are you coming back?"

"…"

"We need you."

"I know." He closed his eyes, brows furrowing in thought before he said, "I'm coming home."

After half of his Spiders did their roles, he needed to do his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

NOTE: About Kurapika needing to let go, whether he'd be able to do it or not are influenced by two manga(s). One is Hell Teacher Nube, refers to the living's intense negative emotion (hatred) tying down the receiving end spirit in their death. Another one is YYH (by Togashi himself). In similar fashion, crying and mourning over the death worries the soul and the soul cannot leaves to its afterlife because it keeps worrying about the living. I believe JP. manga has validated source, even though it's just a belief. In this case, the Kurta are never set free to proceed into their afterlives because Kurapika keeps mourning over them by never letting go and hating Kuroro (and the Spiders).

I think what I've written here is slightly different than what I had years back. I focused on change, forgiveness and moving on, given my current POV on life, something I'm striving myself.

Let me know what you think? Thanks ;)