I'm so sorry I haven't been able to update in a while. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. And remember, review!

"Hello random Phantom-phans out there! This is the Authoress speaking! As you know, there has been the stirrings of a war between a group of rabid Phan-girls and myself. Don't worry, while they might have the great and powerful Phantom on their side, I have the double powers both Dracula and Gerry Butler…in a kilt. I would like to take this opportunity to introduce some Phan-girls on either side of the battlefield. I would like Dracula to help me with this."

"No."

"Ok then. Gerry?"

"Sorry, too…busy…running…away…from…PHAN-GIRLS!"

"Try singing. It worked before."

"I'm…too…out…of…breath…"

"Oh…that stinks. Well, think on the bright side. You might lose some weight! Anyway, back to the introductions. On the side of the Authoress, we have ILTPOTO!"

(the black-clothed ILTPOTO waves, and continues singing to herself: "The Phantom's too sexy for his shirt, too sexy for his shoes, too sexy for his socks…")

"Yeah, that's ILTPOTO for you…would you believe that she started singing that in front of her mother? Anyway…next we have Supergirrl!"

(Supergirrl waves as she attempts to stuff a pen down her clarinet)

"I'm trying to make a blow dart thing with this, but it won't work. See?"

(She demonstrates, succeeding only in destroying the eardrums of a cameraman)

"I'll keep working on it…"

"Over here we have great and wonderful Wonder Wombat, exerting the wonderful powers of a Wonder Wombat!"

(Wonder Wombat waves, and turns out to be, surprisingly, a wombat)

"Over here we have Beware of the fluffy ones. Umm, could you stop chasing Gerry around with a sword? It looks kind of sharp…no I don't think he likes being tickled by your sword…no, I said he doesn't like being tickles…oh dear…"

(quickly shines blue light onto sword, which is Sting from LOTR)

"Oh look! Your sword is blue. Go kill some orcs."

(Beware of the fluffy ones charges off screen)

"Over here we have Helena and the vicious person-eating Mister Fluffykins the Fifth. Awww…he's so cute…can I pet him? OWW! My finger! He tried to bite off my finger! I need that finger…to play the harp…and write…and do other things. And now I'm bleeding…uh oh."

(Dracula comes running)

"Did someone say blood? BLOOD!"

"No, bad vampire…go away…NO! Go away! Urghh, HOLMES!"

(Sherlock Holmes comes running)

"Do you have the chocolate-covered cherries?"

"Yes."

"Administer them."

(the Authoress walks away, leaving Sherlock Holmes to force feed Dracula the cherries)

"We have found it imperative to know who's on the other side of this battle. Therefore, we have a spy."

(Supergirrl raises her hand)

"Ummm, what kind of spy?"

"Well, we're kind of on a short budget, so our spy is kind of, a, errr…poodle."

(Gerry comes running by, followed by a mob of Phan-girls)

"Why didn't you use a Scottish Terrier? They're Scottish, like me. Then I'd like you forever!"

"Well, I don't have a Scottish Terrier. Though now I wish I did. Anyway, this poodle is reliable. She might just break someone's arm…she broke my mom's, when she slipped in…well, you know. But anyway, I've gathered a list of some Phan-girls on their side. Anyway, first up we have phantomphan1992, the old narrator. Let's see if we can get her on the Spy-cam."

(Spy-cam shows phantomphan1992 randomly poking the Phantom. Occasionally she shouts out something random, like "Squee!")

"Ok, next on our list is kloolk, a devoted Phan. Camera?

(Camera shows kloolk sneaking up with a lasso behind the Phantom, trying to pull him away from Christine and phantomphan1992)

"Another Phan they have is Dreamless Wind. She also has a clarinet, which takes away our lead."

(Dreamless Wind is discussing something with Daroga, the Persian)

"I wonder what they're saying. Poodle-spy, get within audio range."

(Poodle-spy gets within audio range, but she also happens to be within full-up range as well. She "waters the plants" silently and begins to sniff the Persian's boots)

"Ok, I can hear them. They're saying something about how May likes to sniff carrot cake…no, that's not it, I think it's that they want to go under the barricade. Oh…that's not that bad. We'll just pour boiling oil on them…What? We don't have any oil? We'll just use poodle pee-"

(At that very moment, Poodle-spy happens to try to bite Daroga. He notices the large camera affixed to her head, and tries to chase her. He slips in a small yellow puddle, knocking into Dreamless Wind, which causes her clarinet to go flying. The clarinet hits phantomphan1992, causing her to fall backwards into kloolk. Kloolk's lasso falls around Christine's neck, and is stopped from strangling her by Christine's spike necklace. Christine is still jerked back and ends up kneeing the Phantom in an uncomfortable place, causing him to scream like a little girl. Raoul sees this on the Spy-cam, and runs right through the barricade, all the while yelling "Phantom!" He manages to trip right over Poodle-spy, and breaks his tailbone. Poodle-spy leaps back through the barricade just as the Authoress is closing it up.)

"Well, wasn't that exciting."

I would really like to thank all the people who have reviewed my story so far. Cameos are still open. As you can see, I need more. And yes, my dear friend ILTPOTO did really compose, and then sing, that song in front of her mother.