"Collected Drabbles"

by JVM-SP150

ELF (Cartman/Wendy)

Eric Cartman didn't know what was more sickening - seeing goddamn Stan's Dad dressed as fucking SANTA CLAUS and thinking he could fool someone over the age of six, or the fact he had to wear a green elf costume and sit next to the fat piece of shit all day along. "Wow, this sure is fun, huh?" he looked to Cartman who rolled his eyes, calling out,

"NEXT LITTLE VISITOR FOR JOLLY OLD KRINGLE!" He wanted to shoot himself in the head so bad it shouldn't be funny - but goddamn would it have been if he wasn't talking about, well, himself. He watched as little Ike Broflovski sat on Santa's lap,

"What do you want for Christmas little boy?"

"Oooh, I want a PlayStation 3!" A typical wish. It seemed every kid wanted either a video game system or a video game. The next kid was little Karen McCormick, who looked far too old to be acceptably sitting on an older man's lap.

"And how about you, little girl?" Randy smirked.

"Oh, um, well, I just... how about a Gobo fighter? Is that okay?"

"Santa will listen to whatever Christmas wish you desire!" Randy said enthusiastically as Karen ran back into her brother's arms, giggling about how much she was looking forward to her very own Gobo fighter.

Next came up - Wendy Testaburger? The fuck is she doing here? Cartman raised an eyebrow as a strawberry blonde haired little girl he couldn't recognize ran from her arms and sat on Santa's lap, "Wendy?" he mouthed, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I'm watching Flora." she told him, not hiding a damn thing from him. Cartman stuck his tongue out towards her and Wendy rolled her eyes. How pathetic of him, risking his job so chilidshly. "Something wrong, Eric?"

"Santa, could you excuse me for just a moment?" Randy, er, Santa nodded, before returning his attention to Flora, who had the longest list of toy wishes he'd probably ever heard. Cartman the Elf approached Wendy, "So, ho, you've taken up to watching the children of your fellow herpes-infected sluts?"

"Flora's mother isn't a herpes-inflected slut." Wendy told him with annoyance, "You're not jolly enough to be one of Santa's elves... but you're big enough to be two or three of them."

"Fuck you, bitch." Cartman replied, "I'm not big, I'm festively plump." he told her, moving in closer, "How about you shut your goddamn whore mouth and stop spreading stupid lies?"

She sneered, moving closer, "How about you lose some weight and start acting respectful to the people around you?"

"In your dreams!" Cartman said, nose touching her's,

"You're never in my dreams!" And quite suddenly, Wendy and Cartman felt their lips pressed to each other's, and soon their arms around their bodies. And after that, it didn't matter if Cartman's boss was firing him, or if Ruby was tugging Wendy's shirt. All that mattered was the two of them.