Four of a Kind
Part VII—Two Queens Unsuited
Author: Midnight Obsidian and justslummin
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just playin' in Joss' sandbox.
Rating: PG
Summary: The plans progress, and Jayne finds himself in an uncomfortable situation.
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"Don't see how it is that I got strong-armed into doin' this," Jayne muttered darkly, following Inara and Elizabeth down the narrow streets of Persephone's more upscale shopping district.
"Perhaps it has something to do with the circumstances surrounding your banishment from the Persephone Queen," Inara said, shooting him a stern look.
"Aw hell, Inara," Jayne said. "I've told you already it weren't nothing to be riled up about. She was there, I was there, and I didn't even know you yet. I don't see the outstanding issue."
Inara rolled her eyes and turned back to look at one of the shop windows. "And therein lies the problem," she said, causing Elizabeth to fight to suppress her laughter. "Regardless of why you're here, however, you can be of use. I'm quite sure that Dr. Striker and I will not be able to carry the packages back to Serenity."
"So, just because I spent some time with a lonely woman years before I met you, I gotta be a pack mule?" Jayne groused.
Inara turned to face him, giving him a winning smile. "Yes," she answered simply.
Jayne muttered a low string of Mandarin, but dutifully held the door of the little boutique open so that Inara and Elizabeth could enter. "But I ain't goin' in," he said firmly. "I'll just be right out here when you're done."
Inara nodded, gathering her skirts about her and stepping into the cool interior of the shop. "Though it is small," she said to Elizabeth, "I think this shop has some of the finest dresses in all of Persephone. And since Mr. Mercury is footing the bill…" She let her words trail off as she grinned.
"Now that you mention it, I see what you mean," Elizabeth said, beginning to look through the various fabrics and styles eagerly.
Once the two women had selected a variety of garments for themselves and the other women aboard Serenity, Inara went to the door of the shop and beckoned Jayne. Looking perfectly miserable, he picked up the odd assortment of boxes and bags. "So, we done?" he asked hopefully, peering over the top of one of the boxes.
"Nowhere even close," Elizabeth answered merrily. "But perhaps we need to take these back to the ship before we go anywhere else."
Determined not to have to spend the entire day shopping with them, Jayne suggested, "How's about I get these back to the ship and come back for you in about an hour?"
"I would prefer you to come back right away," Inara said. At his look of annoyance, she added sweetly, "And bring the mule."
"Just how much are you plannin' on gettin'?" Jayne asked.
"It is no simple task to outfit an entire crew in suitable clothing for a gala," Inara said. "Why, the underthings alone…"
Jayne rubbed his beard, beginning to grin. "And what part of the plan exactly calls for showing off your underthings?" he asked.
Inara's eyes sparkled with merriment. "One never knows," she replied, her smile wicked. "It is always best to be prepared."
Shaking his head at the thought, Jayne headed back to Serenity, his arms full of packages and his head full of lustful thoughts.
Elizabeth watched him go with a quizzical expression on her face. Noting it, Inara asked, "What are you thinking about?"
Elizabeth turned, tilting her head to the side in thought. "Just wondering, if I might be so bold as to ask, what was it that attracted you to a man like Jayne? I mean, he's very swai, but somehow I would have pictured you with someone more….well, perhaps someone like your Captain."
Inara laughed. "The relationship I have with Jayne is…complicated. He's loud, crude, and vulgar most of the time, but…." She paused, warming to her subject. "There's something about him, something fundamentally strong…and good. For all his bluster, he can sometimes just take my breath away with his tenderness. A walking contradiction, in every conceivable way. Perhaps I'm drawn to him because I never know what he's going to do next, but then, on the other hand, I can depend on him to be exactly who he is." She shook her head, finding it difficult to articulate the mystery that was Jayne. "Do you understand what I mean?"
Elizabeth smiled. "Clear as mud," she replied, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
"And as to preferring the Captain," Inara said. "I seem to notice that you have, shall we say, a marked interest in ship Captains yourself."
Elizabeth blushed. "Is it that obvious?" she asked.
"Oh yes," Inara confirmed.
"Well, it's just that Marcus is so….loyal to his crew, so determined to make a life for them all out in the Black. So very unlike the men I've had to deal with for the past several years. He genuinely cares about them. And you should have seen him in the shower….well, no, you shouldn't have. I mean, I shouldn't have, but…"
"I'm sure it was…interesting," Inara said, watching Elizabeth turn a deeper shade of pink.
"I didn't mean it that way," Elizabeth said. "It's just that even then, in that circumstance, he was so…gentlemanly. So modest. Really quite endearing, that quality in a man." When she saw Inara's expression, she added, "I mean, it was obvious to me that Marcus would no sooner be disloyal than Jayne would try to be….a eunuch. Just not in his nature, I'm trying to say."
Inara stopped for a moment. "That gives me an idea," she said, tapping her lip with one well-manicured fingertip.
"What kind of….?" Elizabeth began, only to be interrupted by Jayne's arrival with the mule.
"Ain't the easiest thing to get this mule through these narrow streets," he said by way of an explanation as to why he had not come sooner. Seeing Inara's thoughtful expression, he suddenly had a bad feeling about what was about to happen. Beginning to shake his head, he said, "Whatever it is you've got runnin' 'round in that pretty little head of yours, I can tell you now it ain't gonna happen."
"Now Jayne," Inara said sweetly, "You know I'd never ask you to do anything you don't want to do."
Jayne snorted. "Since when?" he asked, though his tone of voice softened his words.
"Perhaps I should leave the two of you alone for a bit," Elizabeth said, seeing a battle brewing that she wanted to stay clear of. "I'll just be in that little store two doors down, looking for some shoes."
Neither Jayne nor Inara acknowledged her statement, both looking at each other with more than a little determination.
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"Wish I was going to the Persephone Queen," Anya said, fingering the delicate fabric of Zoe's dress.
"Aside from the fact that we're going there to do crime, they don't let girls your age on gambling vessels," Zoe said blandly.
"Still," Anya said wistfully. "Everybody's gonna look so grand, and there will be dancing and eating and…"
Zoe took her daughter's hand in her own. "Will be sooner than you think that you'll be old enough to go to such places," she said softly. "And when you do, you will discover that none of them are as beautiful to you as Serenity. 'Least, that's what I always think."
"You don't ever imagine what it would be like to live in a Core world?" Anya asked. "Where everything in the 'verse is at your fingertips?"
"Not much for dirt-kissing," Zoe replied. "And there are plenty of folks who live on Core worlds and still don't have the basic necessities of life. It ain't all parties and galas, and dancing with handsome young men. No matter where you go, Anya, folks got the same problems, the same worries as anyone else. It's part of being human."
Anya sighed. "I suppose so," she said. "But it would still have been nice to have a new dress."
Zoe smiled, walking to her closet and rummaging around in the back of it for a moment. "Inara and Elizabeth thought you might like a little something, so they picked you up a dress." She pulled it out of the closet with a flourish. "You like it?"
Anya squealed with pleasure, touching the folds of delicate fabric like a treasure. "Can I try it on?" she breathed.
"'Spect that's the only way to see if it fits," Zoe replied, smiling.
Thinking that the dress was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen, Anya hugged her mother tightly. "Love you, Mama," she said.
"Love you too, little one," Zoe answered softly.
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With the exception of Jayne, both crews were gathered around Serenity's table, where Mal and Marcus were describing the finer points of the heist to come.
"All right," Mal said, running his thumbs down his suspenders. "As you can see from the floorplan Inara so kindly provided for us, we gotta basically cover two different areas. First, there are the gaming tables themselves. They are split up into two different floors, with one floor almost entirely devoted to cards, and the other floor to the other games of chance. Simon, you and Kaylee will be concentrating on providing us a distraction at the regular gaming tables. Security's tight there, but Kaylee here will have some interesting little items in her purse to confound the systems somewhat."
Kaylee grinned. "Workin' on 'em already, Capt'n," she said sunnily.
"Good," Mal said, grinning in reply. "Bear will be with you, as the finest bodyguard a young, wealthy Persephone couple can buy. That way, if anything goes amiss, he'll be with you to get the two of you out of harm's way. Dong ma?"
Simon, Kaylee, and Bear all nodded in understanding.
"Now Dr. Striker and I will be on the second level," Marcus said, pointing on the plans to the spot he was discussing. "We're going to be trying our hands at cards while disabling the security in that area." He smiled at Elizabeth, noting with pleasure a faint blush appear on her cheeks.
"Inara and I will be on the third level," Mal replied. "That's where the Security station for the entire ship is housed. With Kaylee's little gadgets, we will disable their main feeds and provide a little distraction to ease this plan along."
"Why you and Inara?" Murdocke asked. "I mean, no disrespect to Inara, but she doesn't look like the security-feed disrupting type."
Inara smiled. "You're right, Mr. Murdocke. I am more the distraction type. And if for some reason my normal distractions don't work, I'm sure that Mal and I can argue loudly enough to distract practically anyone."
"She's right," Kaylee said. "Heard 'em do it for a long time."
Zoe's lips twitched slightly, but she said nothing.
Mal frowned at Kaylee. "Thanks for that keen observation, mei mei," he said.
"No problem, Capt'n," Kaylee replied.
Marcus broke in, interrupting their moment. "That leaves Zoe, Jim, Murdocke, and Pierre to get to the safe."
"And how are we going to get into the safe once we're there?" Pierre asked.
"Leave that to me," Murdocke said confidently. "You three just cover my back, and I'll worry about the safe."
"And what do River and Jayne do?" Simon asked. "Just babysit?"
"They'll be here on Serenity, keeping her warm for us," Mal replied. "Conjure we'll be needing a quick getaway."
"Seems a waste, not having Jayne on the Persephone Queen," Zoe said.
"Well, there's no help for it," Mal said. "Being as how he got hisself banned for life…"
"Actually," Inara said, interrupting Mal's mini-tirade. "I've been thinking that we might need to add a little something to the distraction mix, and I think I may have come up with a way to sidestep Jayne's unfortunate banning."
Motioning Jayne to come forward from where he had been hiding in the shadows of the corridor, Inara turned to the crews triumphantly. "What do you think?" she asked.
There was complete silence as everyone looked at the mercenary in various stages of disbelief. Jayne shifted uncomfortably, tugging at his very ornate outfit and sporting a clean shaven chin and shockingly blonde hair.
"Who are you and what have you done with Jayne?" Simon deadpanned when he could string words together again.
"I'll show you who I am," Jayne growled, obviously well past the point of embarrassment and into complete and utter irritation.
"Now, now, Simon," Mal said, barely holding in a guffaw, "We mustn't pick on him. Could be we'd offend his delicate sensibilities."
With that both crews burst in gales of laughter, the sound reverberating through the bulkhead pleasantly.
"Can we just get to the gorram job?" Jayne asked.
"Maybe after a group capture," Jim said. "Think I'll be wanting to see this over and over again. Wouldn't want to forget such a thing."
"You even think about takin' a capture….," Jayne began.
Mal held up his hand, stopping the violence before it began. "All right, all right," he said. "Now that Jayne is in play, we can adjust things somewhat." And consulting with Marcus, he did just that.
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To be continued