"I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too" Missy Altijid
Chapter 7
Finn can't believe in what just happened. He never saw Rachel that mad. He never thought she was able to get that mad because she is so small and delicate that didn't seem physically possible, you know? And her words, did she always felt like that? Was he really that mean to her? He was in such a shock that he didn't move, he was still at the same position he was when Rachel started to yell at him and he'd probably be there for a long time if his mom hadn't brought him back by knocking as his door. Somehow he manages to say he is fine to prevent her to get into his room and see how he really is. He is a mess.
He falls on his bed thinking on everything Rachel said. He remembers all of those moments. She wasn't 100% right on what she was saying but she wasn't 100% wrong either, and that put a weight on his chest that makes hard to breath. The time he took her bowling he really needed her voice back on Glee club so he could get a scholarship and had a chance to give a good life to his daughter but he also needed her. She was the one person who was always nice to him, that made him feel he was worthy more than even he thought he was. He felt like on a real date that night at the bowling and if he didn't think Quinn was going to have his baby he'd kissed her the moment their body got close when he was teaching her how to play. He had fun like he never did with Quinn.
And that time he'd broke up with her to connect to his inner rock star was only because he was still screw up by everything that happen between Quinn, Puck and him. It wasn't because he didn't like her, because he did, he didn't lie to her then, it was because he was scared to open up his heart again. He wasn't ready for anyone and she knew it, because she was there with him all the way through babygate and as she said to him once she was the one person who really knew him. It's a stupid thing to do. He knew it then, he knows it now. But he was a mess, the punch line of the whole school. Everyone knew how stupid he was about the case. How could he believe on Quinn? He's such an idiot. That's why everyone was laughing at him, pointing at him, he'd never be able to get over it with people reminding him of it every day, and go out on a date with two of the hottest cheerios would make that stop. Was the better thing to do? No, Santana and Britney not even talk to him that night but people stop pick on him and he was able to let his wound heals, to be whole again and give all of him to Rachel instead of broken pieces..
Finn can see now why Rachel is so mad that it was Santana of all people. Because it was always Santana. And feels bad for not tried hard to make her see how much he loves her, he shouldn't have give her space, he should have been by her side, begging for forgiveness until she was able to give it to him. He's a fool and insensible and most of all he was mean to Rachel too. But Santana did help him, help them. If he hadn't been with Santana both of those times he'd never be able to realize how much he loves Rachel nor be healed to be truly happy with her.
Sure, Rachel had failed to him but he sees now that he had failed to her too. He still can´t forgive her for what she did but now he sees that he has some apologizing to do too.