"Here you go, lieutenant," Cruz said as he handed a bag to Kelly in the hospital waiting room.

"Thanks, Cruz, I know Casey will appreciate this," Severide told him.

"No sweat, I'll see you round."

Cruz exited the hospital and in through the sliding doors stepped...Grissom.

Kelly didn't acknowledge the man, just turned around and headed for Casey's room.

"Kelly-"

"Don't." Kelly stopped in his tracks and turned to face the man. "Whatever you're about to say, forget it. I don't want to hear it." And with that he resumed walking.

Chief Grissom quickly caught up to Severide, "Kelly, I am very sorry for everything you've been put through. Surely you don't think I had any idea that Jerry would do something like this."

Kelly snapped at his dad's old friend, "Then maybe you should've spent more time looking into him instead of Boden and everybody at 51." He turned and glared at Grissom, sending the message if looks could kill, Grissom would already be 6 feet under.

"Stella Kidd died in that explosion, do you get that? She's dead, because of your decision." His jaw clenched tighter and his eyes narrowed into even smaller slits. "Get out of my sight, and get out of this hospital before I throw you out myself. Don't ever talk to me again."

Without waiting for a response from the chief, Kelly stormed off and made his way to he and Casey's joint hospital room. He closed the door and pulled the curtain shut as an extra 'screw you' incase Grissom followed him. Both beds were empty, Kelly went over to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Here you go, Casey."

The door opened just enough for Casey's arm to reach out, Kelly handed the bag to him and the arm retreated back inside.

"You okay?" Matt's voice called through the door.

Kelly glanced at the door surprised. He'd tried to sound casual for Casey's sake, he definitely was not about to tell him who was just there.

"Fine, just anxious to finally get out of here."

Kelly waited a few minutes but Casey wouldn't come out. Kelly knocked on the door. "Come on, Casey, let's see."

"No," Casey replied firmly.

"Come on, Casey."

"You're not seeing what I'm seeing," Casey told him.

Kelly rolled his eyes. "Come on, Casey, it can't be that bad. Casey, I'm not leaving...and I pulled the curtain, nobody can see in. Come on, it's just us."

He heard a sigh from the other side of the door, then heard it opening, and Casey reluctantly stepped out.

They were both cleared to go home, but Casey had quickly found out that the clothes he'd worn in to Med no longer fit with the excess fluid the docs had put in him. Even Severide's jeans weren't big enough to comfortably fit him, so Kelly had reached out to Cruz to borrow a change of his clothes since he was a size bigger. He knew it would be a real blow to Casey's self esteem if they didn't fit either and they had to ask Mouch for a pair of his jeans for Casey to wear home.

Casey absently pressed his arms in front of his body to try and conceal how he looked in the larger shirt and jeans, which by now didn't look that big on him at all. The look on his face was mortified but the look in his eyes specifically was just miserable.

Will had explained to Kelly that the issue of excess unwanted water weight could be a touchy subject even for guys, since nobody ever really stopped to think what happened to all the saline solution fed into them during their stay and usually only put it together once they got home on the scale, during which time they tried to figure out what the hell had happened to them during their hospitalization, so Kelly had tried to prepare himself not to respond in any way that Casey might interpret as laughing at him.

"It doesn't look that bad, Casey."

That did little to change the captain's mood. He told Kelly, "According to that scale they've got here, I've put on 15 pounds from the IV." By which Kelly knew he meant in addition to the original fluid weight they'd gotten back on him to restore him to the shape he was originally in. Casey grumbled, "Put on 15 pounds, none of my clothes fit, I'm miserable...this must be how my mom felt every month."

Kelly fought back every urge he had to laugh at that comment, he knew Casey would not appreciate it right now. Instead he clapped a hand on his friend's back and told him, "Just remember, Will said it'll come off in about a week, but you have to keep drinking plenty of water."

"Why?" Casey demanded to know as he gestured to himself. "I can't get rid of the water I already have on me."

"That's why," Kelly reminded him. "You know Will said your body holds onto water when it's not getting enough. You have to keep drinking it to actually lose it."

"I am so sick of water," Casey replied with a small whine as he dropped his head to his chest.

Kelly leaned over and said in Casey's ear, "We get out of here, we'll get a beer, will that be better?" He dropped his head to see Casey's face and didn't miss the small smile as Casey tried very hard to restrain himself from laughing. "Huh?" Kelly gently pushed, watching Casey cover his mouth as he choked on a laugh. "That's better." He wrapped the crook of his arm around the back of Casey's neck and pulled the blonde man against him. "Hey, we'll be alright."

Casey lifted his head and looked Severide in the eyes and asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather come back to my place?"

Kelly shook his head. "Nah, it's fine." He knew he had to bite the bullet and there was no point delaying the inevitable.

"Kelly...something I didn't tell you," Casey said. And there it was, a shade of that same fear was back. "Stella's stuff is gone...her parents asked...I didn't know what to do..."

Kelly just nodded. "It's okay." With this sudden revelation, Kelly actually hoped it would be easier for him to adjust, without having to go back and look at every physical reminder of Stella around the apartment.

Casey groaned tiredly as he made his way back to the couch. Three trips to the bathroom in one night and it was only 2:30. Minus the throwing up and the swollen ankles, he thought he was starting to get an idea what it was like for a woman to be pregnant.

He was just starting to settle back under the blanket when he heard something in the otherwise silent apartment. Through the walls he could hear the faint sound of Severide crying. Casey just sighed. He'd tried to talk Severide into coming home with him, he'd also tried to talk Kelly into taking the couch, but he'd insisted it was fine, that he could handle this.

Matt listened for a few minutes and the sounds didn't let up, he pushed the blanket back, stood up and went to the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar, he quietly pushed it open and walked in. The room was dark but he could make out Kelly laying in the middle of the bed, his back to the door, he was sure Kelly wasn't anywhere near asleep. He stood by the bed for a minute and watched the slight tremors as Kelly's back jerked in time with his cries. Then, in one swift movement, Casey climbed onto the bed behind Kelly and wrapped an arm around his chest. Kelly flinched at the sudden contact but otherwise didn't seem to notice. Casey didn't say anything, he gently maneuvered his other arm between Kelly's body and the mattress and wrapped it around him as well and held him tight. After a while Kelly seemed to relax and actually leaned back against Casey, then Matt felt a hand reach up and grab his arm.

Casey still didn't say anything, he didn't trust himself to even talk. He inched forward and gently kissed Kelly on the back of his head. Even though Kelly told Matt he didn't blame him for what happened, Casey still felt that he had failed Kelly, by not being able to get to him in time, by not being able to save Stella. There were things that Casey wished he had the guts to say to Kelly but he was worried how Severide might respond at this time, so he fought the urges surging through him and contented himself then and there as they were, honestly he was just relieved that Kelly hadn't kicked him out screaming already. What he had to say could wait, he just hoped when he finally told Kelly, that he would understand.

Matt looked down at the notches in his belt as he buckled it and laughed triumphantly, ten days and he'd finally gotten the last of that excess fluid off of him, and he couldn't be more thrilled. He tucked Cruz's clothes back in their bag, couldn't wait to give those back to him, headed into the kitchen, went to the fridge, took out the three quarters emptied bottle of cranberry juice and chucked it in the garbage. He'd just gotten out everything to start on breakfast when he heard someone knocking at the front door.

It wasn't early in the morning but still earlier than most people would drop in for a visit, so Casey went to see who it was.

"Benny."

Casey wasn't sure if Kelly had told his dad about their living situation or not, either way the retired smoke eater looked mildly surprised to see Matt there, but quickly recovered from it.

"Hey Matt, how're you doing?"

"I...I'm good," Casey recovered from his own shock. "Kelly's still in bed, I'll go get him up."

"No, don't do that," Benny held out a hand in protest. "I thought I'd see how he's doing. But if you're here then I know he's alright."

Casey felt a flush of heat in his cheeks at Benny's comment. There had been days he wouldn't swear to it, though he'd done everything he could to help Kelly heal from what happened.

"Are you going to be in town long?" Casey asked, knowing Kelly would likely want to see his dad again before he got another harebrained scheme and pulled up stakes.

"I'll be in reach, once Kelly's actually on his feet again then I'll be heading out," Benny told him.

Casey nodded, knowing that was reasonable, but still dreading the day that actually happened. He hadn't consciously thought about it much but he took comfort in knowing Benny was around incase he needed him, incase Kelly decided he didn't want Casey's company, at least his dad could check on him regularly.

"Matt, you know nothing that happened was your fault."

Casey blinked. Did Severide's dad know how to read minds?

"You did everything you could," Benny told him.

Casey shook his head grimly. "It wasn't enough."

"Casey, every single firefighter who ever lived knows what you're going through, we all know what it's like to lose someone on the job. It's hell, and it never gets easier...but we get through it."

Casey shook his head again, "Not like this."

"What do you mean?"

"Because he's my best friend...and she was his girlfriend...and she was under my command...I am responsible, Benny...and I know it's just a matter of time until Kelly realizes that and then..."

"It's not your fault that Stella let her feelings for Kelly interfere with the job. If it had been anybody else, she wouldn't have done that."

"And she'd be alive," Casey sighed.

"I know you've gone over that day a hundred different ways, looking for something you could've done differently," Benny told him, and shook his head, "There isn't, Matt. Unfortunately we learn early on in the job that not everybody makes it. Kelly knows that too. He doesn't blame you, and he's not going to hate you."

There was a brief pause before Matt self consciously replied, "I wish I could be as sure of that as you are."

"You'll be fine, Matt," Benny reached for the doorknob. "I'll see you round."

Kelly got out of the car and looked ahead, on the other side he heard Casey get out too.

"You coming?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head. "Nah, you go ahead, I'll wait here."

"Okay." Kelly took out the bouquet of flowers and walked down the lane towards Stella's grave. Casey agreed to go to the cemetery but he decided to let them have some privacy. All the nervous energy that kept him walking the halls all day and night at the hospital had returned and he thought he'd lose his mind if he had to actually stand still. He didn't want Kelly to look back and get the idea that he was eavesdropping, so he walked behind the car and paced around in circles there. Every so often he glanced back and saw Kelly crouched down in front of the large granite stone, from the distance he could see several other bunches of flowers still resting against the marker. Everybody had loved Stella, and it had about killed all of them when the doctors called it.

The day had already been gray and dreary to begin with, but by the time Kelly stood up and walked away from Stella's grave, the sky was darker and looked like it could rain. He headed back to the car, but didn't see Matt anywhere.

"Casey?"

Kelly walked around the car and froze when he saw Casey sitting on the ground behind the rear of the Mustang, his knees pulled to his chest and he was crying. Kelly knelt down, grabbed Casey by his armpits and pulled him up.

"What's wrong, Casey?"

Casey didn't respond except to press his head in the crook of Kelly's neck and wrapped his arms around Kelly, desperately holding on.

"I love you."

The words were muffled against his neck but Kelly heard this plain as day. For a minute, he didn't have any idea how to respond.

Kelly returned the embrace and told him, "Casey, I know you think you need to look after me, but-"

"I promised her."

The words made Kelly's blood turn cold. They were so quiet he almost hadn't heard them.

Casey pulled back and said again, louder this time, "I promised her. When they took her away, I promised I would." The tears in his eyes built up fast and now they were already falling. "I promised her you wouldn't be alone, I promised..."

Kelly was stunned by this confession. He couldn't think of anything to say, he just pulled Casey back against him and held onto him as he broke down crying.