Author Notes: I`m sorry that I`m only updating this story now, but as you might have noticed, I`m a little obsessed with "Sherlock" as well.^^ Though, don`t worry, this story will be finished. :)
Thank you all for your lovely reviews and support, I`m always happy to see how much you enjoy this story and I hope you will have fun with this chapter as well.
Appreciation: Dear Yen, thank you for beta reading this chapter and adding your very own magic to my words.*hugs* I can`t say it often enough: I don`t know what I would do without you.*hugs again*
Clearing the air
"Don't you want to have some chocolate cake, mate? The house elves told me that they would have it for dessert after dinner."
"No, thanks."
"Harry, you have to get out of bed. You have to eat something and..."
"I'm not hungry, Hermione."
Harry noticed the worried glance Hermione sent Ron and felt a pang of guilt at their troubled expressions. He knew he was behaving childishly and he couldn't hide away in his bed like this forever, but he just couldn't bring himself to get up.
It was too much for him to watch his year mates enjoying their last week of their final school year, when he was feeling so miserable himself. If only he had told Severus about his vow right away, they wouldn't have had this misunderstanding and he could be spending his time happily sneaking around the castle to meet the Potions Master in secret.
He sighed. At first he had been able to make it through the day, since he was still angry at Severus for not listening to him and hadn't felt the full brunt of his guilt over what he had done to the Potions Master.
But now... Harry buried his face in his pillow.
Everything was his fault!
It was only to be expected that Severus didn't want to listen to him anymore. After all, he had already told Harry how even Lily had treated him during their school years at Hogwarts.
How could Harry expect Severus to trust him, if he hadn't given him a valid reason to do so himself?
No, he alone was to blame for everything and...
"Harry, you should just go and speak with him!"
"Hermione is right. You can't wait until the school year is over before you speak with Snape. He will think that everything was only a joke."
Harry looked up at his two best friends and shook his head. He was tired of this argument.
Hermione and Ron were trying to convince him to go to Severus and explain everything to him, but Harry just didn't think it would be the right decision.
So far, he had always acted before thinking, but this time he wouldn't make the same mistake.
It was better to only talk with Severus when the school year was over, since they wouldn't be in a teacher-student relationship anymore. Severus wouldn't be able to act like he was going to deduct House Points anymore and they would be able to talk as equals.
Harry ignored the fact that Severus had never acted like his teacher when they had been out on their date. He just knew it was better to wait than to rush in like he usually did.
"Harry, what if he leaves Hogwarts right after the school year is over?"
Worried brown eyes looked intently at him and Harry gulped as he bolted upright in bed. He hadn't thought of that!
Severus could very well leave right after the End-of-Term Feast and if he didn't want to meet Harry, the ex-spy would certainly be able to make sure that Harry couldn't follow him, but...
"If he doesn't want to see me, then it's his right, after everything that has happened."
"Harry James Potter!"
Harry flinched as Hermione put her hands on her hips and glared down at him.
"Nothing has happened, which can't be undone! You will go down to the dungeons now and talk with Severus or I'll body bind you and levitate you right to his quarters."
Wide green eyes stared up at Hermione's determined face and then the wand in her hand and then at Ron. The redhead only shook his head, an amused expression on his face.
"I wouldn't challenge Hermione when she is like this. She will act true to her words, believe me."
Harry gulped again before swinging his legs to the floor and standing up.
"Alright, but I have to take a shower first and... ahhh!"
A yelp escaped past his lips as a Cleaning Charm was cast on his body, leaving his skin tingling in its wake. He gaped at Hermione and then turned to Ron who was trying hard to stifle his laugher.
"You better get moving, mate, or you will find yourself without your pajamas very soon."
Green eyes widened in shock and Harry didn't have to glance at Hermione to know Ron was speaking the truth. He knew what the brilliant witch was capable of and sometimes he wondered why the Sorting Hut hadn't put her into Slytherin. She certainly had it into her to be a Snake.
"I don't even want to know why you learned to undress someone with magic," Harry muttered as he turned his back on them and switched his pajamas with jeans and a green sweater. When he turned around again, he was rewarded with a faint blush on Hermione's face, while Ron's was as crimson as his hair.
"I can teach it to you after you have made up with Professor Snape."
This time, it was Harry who blushed when he saw the smirk on Hermione's face. Yes, she would have made a good Slytherin.
"If he even wants to make up with me. I still think it's not a good idea to go down to him now and..."
A loud 'pop' interrupted him and the three of them stared at the small House Elf which had just appeared beside Harry's bed.
"Dobby! What are you doing here?"
It wasn't hard to recognize his little friend, since Harry doubted any other House Elf would run around wearing a yellow sweater, mismatched socks, a striped skirt and a flowered bonnet on his head. He was always amazed how Dobby was able to combine his clothes in such a hilarious way each time and still look contented with them.
Two large eyes looked up at him as Dobby came closer.
"Professor Potions Master Snape wants to see Harry Potter immediately. Dobby shall bring Master Harry Potter Sir to Professor Potions Master Snape's chambers."
Harry only blinked at Dobby's words. Severus wanted to see him!
Was that a good thing or did it mean Severus had finally thought of a way to punish him?
Would he allow Harry to explain what had happened or would he...
"That's excellent, Dobby," Hermione said briskly and beamed at the happy looking house elf. "Harry was just going to see Professor Snape himself. I'm sure he doesn't mind if you take him with you."
Before Harry could protest in any way or even glare at Hermione for her suggestion, the little House Elf bowed to the brilliant witch and grabbed Harry's hand. A second later, the world spun around Harry as he was Apparated out of the dorms.
Usually, he was glad when the Apparation was over and he had solid ground under his feet again, but this time he wouldn't have protested if it had taken longer for him to reach his destination.
"Dobby bring Harry Potter for Professor Potions Master Snape," Dobby announced as Harry found himself stumbling against an armchair.
"Thank you, Dobby. You may go now."
Harry looked around and realized they were in Severus' chambers as Dobby vanished with another loud 'pop'. Nervous green eyes then met cold dark ones as Severus leaned back in his armchair and gestured for Harry to sit down opposite him.
"You have a lot to explain to me, Harry."
OOO
He was nervous.
Severus took in the way Harry fidgeted with his hands as he sat tensely in the armchair. It was obvious the young Gryffindor didn't want to be here and Severus had to find out why that was so.
Yes, Weasley and Granger had told him Harry wanted to wait until the school year was over to talk with him, but Severus didn't want to wait that long. After his conversation with Albus, he had looked at everything that happened from a different perspective and had come to the conclusion that the portrait might be right.
Maybe it really was only a misunderstanding between Harry and him.
It had taken Severus some time before he decided he would make a move to talk with Harry first. He had to know what was truth was, so he could go on with his life with or without him... although he liked the idea of the young Gryffindor at his side far more than the other option.
"Do you want something to drink? Tea, perhaps?"
When Harry just nodded while keeping his eyes downcast, Severus sighed inwardly. At first, he had thought about making this hard for Harry and behaving angrily towards him, but he had discarded that idea almost at once.
If he wanted them to have a chance, he had to make some sort of effort to show Harry he genuinely wanted wanting this conversation. Only if the young Gryffindor revealed everything had been a game, then... Severus would kick him out of his quarters immediately and lick his wounds in private.
He pushed that unpleasant thought away as he summoned a tray with tea, milk and sugar. When he offered a cup to Harry, their hands touched when Harry accepted it and green eyes flew to his.
Seconds passed as they stared at each other.
Looking directly into those green eyes, Severus was greeted with a world of pain and regret. He didn't need to use his Legilimency skills to know this pain had only entered these emerald eyes recently.
Harry's eyes had always been shadowed with the burden he carried since small, even more so after the war, but this was a different kind of pain. A pain Severus was familiar with, since he had felt it himself during the last week, especially when he had believed Harry had played him.
If Harry was so pained by what had transpired between them, then it should be proof enough that he was serious about his affections for Severus. Still, his instincts from past experiences cautioned the Potions Master to be careful and not to rush into anything. He had to hear Harry's explanations first, before he could be sure about his own assumptions.
"Well, you have something to explain, Harry."
Severus watched Harry's Adam's apple bop up and down as the young man swallowed hard and put down his cup, before he finally spoke.
"Where should I start?"
The Potions Master frowned at that.
"You normally don't think before speaking, so why start now?"
A defeated sigh escaped Harry and Severus' eyebrows rose higher.
"That's the problem, you see... I don't think things through, I just... act."
"So you have finally understood what I have been telling you since your first year here, but I don't know what that has to do with this situation."
A hidden flame sparked in the green eyes as Harry leaned forward in his armchair and looked intently at him.
"Everything! It has everything to do with it. If I had thought, then... you see, I made a vow, a magical vow that I wouldn't play Quidditch until I kissed you or I would never be able to fly again."
Severus sucked in a deep breath at these words. Albus had told him Harry had made a vow, but the late Headmaster hadn't revealed what it had been about. It was true there wasn't any ill intent in that vow per se, but that didn't mean that Severus was happy with this revelation.
Dark orbs lowered to stare at the cup of tea held in none too steady fingers.
He could feel the pain, which he had buried after his conversation with Albus, resurface. So Harry had only kissed him because he had made a vow to do so?!
Drawing in a shaking breath, Severus fought to keep his temper and pain in check, both of which were fighting to get out. He owed it to Harry to ask why he had made that vow and why he hadn't handle the situation differently, before Severus could give into his feelings.
"Why didn't you just tell me about it? As a... comrade I would have allowed you a kiss to undo that-"
"No!"
Severus blinked as Harry jumped up from his armchair and started pacing up and down in front of his fireplace.
"I didn't want to make that vow in the first place! As I said before, I didn't think about it. I was arguing with Hermione because she wanted me to make a move on you and-"
"Wait! Why would Miss Granger want you to make a move on me?"
A sharp sense of betrayal twisted Severus' heart as he thought of the smart young witch who had come to speak to him on behalf of Harry.
Was this all just a perfidious plan to get back at him for every time he had belittled her in class?
Severus sat his cup carefully down on the table as his fingers started to shake even more. He hadn't thought Miss Granger was able to hold a grudge for so long, but if that had been her plan to destroy him all long, then... she had succeeded!
Severus drove a trembling hand through his hair. He had to get Harry out of his quarters, before he embarrassed himself anymore than he already had done by bringing the young Gryffindor here. It looked like his suspicions were correct and Miss Granger had tricked him!
"I was... always gushing to her about you."
A faint blush crept into the cheeks of the young man as Severus gaped at him.
"Gush... about me?"
Harry nodded in confirmation.
"Yes, I think it's kind of unfair, since she also gushed about Ron to me in our sixth year, but... she wanted me to find out if I was truly... in love with you or if it was... just a crush. Really, she was even more annoying than when she wanted Ron and I to do our homework."
A mirthless laugh echoed through the living-room as Harry shook his head and Severus noticed the regret in the green eyes as they looked back at him.
"I made that vow without thinking, but then I saw it as a... chance."
"A chance?" Severus echoed. He knew he was parroting everything Harry said, but he couldn't stop himself.
"A chance at getting to know you better. I wouldn't have come to you otherwise, because... I was afraid that you would turn me away."
Severus nodded slowly. Harry's words made sense and more importantly, he was speaking the truth. He wouldn't have survived a war, while working as a spy for Albus, if he hadn't been able to tell truth from lie.
But now, he didn't understand why Harry looked so regretful after his confession. Surely he wasn't expecting Severus to crucify him verbally for admitting why he had come to him in the first place?
Maybe the Potions Master would have reacted like that if Harry had told him he had only come to see him to fulfill the vow, but since that wasn't the case, Severus wouldn't do such a thing. It might not have been very Gryffindor of Harry to only act on his feelings after being forced to do so, but it wasn't something Severus could ever hold against him.
He couldn't count the number of times he himself hadn't acted on his feelings, because he had feared rejection. Although his fears had been far more real than Harry's fear of rejection, since...
Severus stopped his thoughts. Harry had said he wanted a chance to get to know him and that he wanted to find out if he only had a crush on him or was truly in love with him... but he hadn't said what was the result of that.
Taking in the tense set of Harry's shoulders and the regret and pain mirrored in his green eyes, Severus drew another shaky breath. Maybe Harry hadn't played him, but it was very likely the young man regretted spending time with him and he had only come to him after their date to break things off.
Severus clenched his fists in his lap. He couldn't blame Harry for his reluctance to come to speak with him again, if that was the case... and he also couldn't blame the young man for not wanting him.
After all, Severus knew what he looked like. He wasn't anyone's dream, let alone a young man's, and he didn't have a winning character to make up for his lack of looks.
Hell, it would be a miracle if Harry still wanted him... and miracles weren't for the likes of Severus Tobias Snape.
"And to what conclusion did you come?"
Severus forced himself to voice that question. The answer would hurt, but he needed to hear it to quench the last hope in his foolish heart, before he allowed himself to be even more hurt by hoping in vain.
Pain filled green eyes locked with his as Harry came to stand in front of his armchair.
"I... want to be with you. I enjoyed the time... we spent together and I... I'm so sorry that I made that stupid vow and that I didn't tell you about it at once and that I didn't come down to speak with you and that I'm... mmmph-"
Severus saw Harry's eyes widen in surprise as he draw the young man onto his lap and sealed those sinful lips with his own, but the young Gryffindor didn't struggle against him. Instead Severus felt the warm body melt against his as Harry returned the kiss and slung his arms around his neck. It was the last proof he needed of Harry's honesty, after hearing the words he hadn't even dared to hope for.
OOO
Harry melted into the kiss. He was surprised by Severus' actions, but pleasantly so. He had feared Severus wouldn't believe his words and that he would throw him out of his quarters.
That he was kissing him now was a balm to Harry's raw nerves and he was all too eager to respond to it.
His body was eager as well, he noted self-consciously as he felt his length harden in his trousers. Severus must have noticed as well, since they were pressed so close together that only their clothes separated them.
"Harry."
Harry opened his eyes as Severus broke their kiss, more heat rushing into his cheeks as he saw the knowing look in those dark orbs. He had never before been so aroused while being with someone. Of course, he had had his fair share of wanking in the showers or at night in his bed, but it was something entirely different to feel the throbbing in his trousers while he was with Severus. It was different from the pleasurable yet still innocent longing he had felt when Severus and he had shared kisses on their date.
He didn't know how to act and if there was any protocol he had to follow now or if...
"It's alright, Harry. I'm... honored you have these feelings for me. I feel the same way."
Harry started as his hand was grasped and placed on a very noticeable bulge in Severus' trousers. Green eyes widened in surprise as they gazed at the now blushing Potions Master.
Harry had never seen him blush before, but it certainly was a sigh he could get used to and it also calmed his nerves when he realized Severus was as nervous as he was.
"So you... forgive me?"
He knew that it was a stupid questions, when they were almost making out in the armchair, but he had to hear for himself that Severus didn't hold his foolishness against him anymore.
A small smile lit up the normally sour face of the Potions Master.
"I don't think there is anything to forgive... besides your thoughtlessness. Can you forgive me?"
Harry blinked at Severus. Why was he asking for forgiveness?
As far as Harry was concerned, there was nothing to forgive Severus for... and the long fingered hand that was stroking his erect length through his trousers was not helping his brain come up with anything.
"For throwing you to the ground in anger," Severus clarified, a guilty expression on his face.
Harry shook his head and leaned forward to place a brief kiss against the thin lips.
"You had every right to be angry, there is no need to forgive you anything."
"Good."
They were back to staring at each other and more intently this time, taking in the other's quickened breaths at the same time. It might be due to the fact that he was sitting in Severus' lap, with a hand on his erection and long fingers on his own, Harry realized while blushing crimson.
"Are you uncomfortable, Harry?"
The young Gryffindor seriously considered that question. True, he was new at this and he didn't know what he was supposed to do, but it didn't feel bad to be so close to Severus.
He shook his head.
"No, it's just," he bit his lip, "I don't know what I have to do."
The words had just left his mouth when he wanted to pull them back already. Severus would certainly think him stupid now. After all, the man must have plenty of experience with past lovers and here was Harry, so inexperienced that he was just sitting here!
It must be pretty boring for Severus…
Harry ducked his head in shame, but was forced to look up by two fingers under his chin.
"Harry, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to."
The tender look in those dark orbs took Harry's breath away, but he managed to shake his head again.
"I want to do something, it's just... I don't know..."
If possible, Severus' eyes gentled even more.
"We can explore this part of our relationship slowly, Harry. There is no need to rush anything. Just tell me what you would like to do."
Harry felt his cheeks heat up again, but he forced himself to meet Severus' gaze and answer his question.
"I want to... get to know you, I... want to touch you and feel you... I just don't want to go... too far... yet."
Oh God. Harry felt so stupid voicing out his thoughts like that, but Severus only smiled at him and nodded encouragingly.
"We can do that, but I would recommend going to the bedroom to be more comfortable... and if you don't like anything we do, then say so, promise?"
Harry relaxed against Severus' chest and nodded.
"Promise."
OOO
Harry was so beautiful.
Severus smiled as he helped the young man remove his sweater. Smooth and tanned skin was revealed as the piece of clothing fell to the floor.
"Beautiful," Severus whispered and was rewarded with a relieved and happy smile.
He had to remember it was Harry's first time being intimate with anyone. It was only natural the young man felt insecure, but Severus would do everything in his power to show him just how attractive he was.
When Harry began to unbutton his shirt in turn though, Severus couldn't help his own nervousness. He knew he was in relatively good shape, better than he had ever been. After the war was over, he had finally had the chance to enjoy his meals without worrying about his next meeting with Voldemort, and enjoy a full night's sleep without wondering if he would survive until the end of the week.
He wasn't scrawny anymore, but that still didn't mean he looked like a male model. Far from it – most men his age had far more muscle mass than him, and he didn't know of any who had the amount of scars on his chest and back he had.
While these worries were running through Severus' head, Harry had already managed to slip off his shirt and green eyes roamed over his exposed chest.
A curious finger touched the scar right over his exposed left nipple and Severus exhaled in surprise.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?"
Severus shook his head.
"No, they have all healed a long time, ago, but... I didn't think you would want to touch them."
Confused green eyes looked at him.
"Why not? They are a part of you."
It was such an innocent statement and yet, Severus felt his heart swell with warmth at those simple words. No one had ever wanted to touch his scars and... no one had ever spoken to him as if he was something special to them.
No one, but Harry.
Before he could become too emotional, Severus draw Harry against his bare chest and kissed him. When willing arms slung around his neck, he took the chance to deepen their kiss. Tongues danced around each other as he walked them backwards towards his bed and sank down, falling onto his back and drawing Harry on top of him.
When a startled yelp escaped the young man, Severus grinned up at him.
"Not to your liking?" he teased lightly.
Harry shook his head at once.
"It is, I just..."
The nervous green eyes darting from Severus to the bed and back again said more than a thousand words.
Kissing Harry softly on the lips, Severus stroked his cheek.
"Don't worry, we won't go that far, but it's much more comfortable here and we could do something about our swelling problems."
The last part of the sentence was said in a playful tone and most of the nervousness left Harry's face at once.
"I would like that very much."
"Good," Severus murmured as he started to undo Harry's trousers and felt Harry return the favour.
Of course, he could have undressed them both with magic, but he had always thought it was much more intimate to do it by hand. He also wanted to make this time special for Harry, without rushing through any of the steps.
Severus lifted his hips a little and helped Harry ease his trousers and underwear down, before doing the same for him. He banished their discarded clothes to his wardrobe with a single thought before drawing Harry down for another kiss.
This time, their bare chests met and their cocks nestled together, rubbing against each other with every move they made.
A small groan escaped Harry and glassy eyes, needy with lust looked down at Severus.
The Potions Master felt an answering groan escaping his throat as Harry rocked against him.
There had never been a lover, who had looked had him with such desire and wanting and Severus swore to himself that he would make this time great for Harry. He didn't want to do anything that would frighten the young man, but their present positions should do well for now.
"Lean forward a little," Severus murmured to Harry.
He held Harry's slim hips in a comfortable grip and as the young man leaned down towards him, Severus thrust his own hips up, drawing Harry's hips towards him encouragingly.
A groan escaped them both as they ground against each other, every movement shooting stimulations right into their groins.
At first, Harry's movements were a little unsure and slow as he shifted against the Potions Master, but Severus didn't even think of taking over the lead. This was Harry's discovery to make and he would give the young man all the time in the world, until he felt more confident.
Indeed, it didn't take long for Harry to grind down against Severus harder and with more even movements. Severus threw his head back as the young man picked up speed - Harry was a fast learner... at least in bed.
Severus didn't mind in the least that his hands had become useless as the young man moved to his own rhythm, eyes closed and mouth open. After a while, he couldn't even say if they were doing this for an hour or mere minutes; he was only aware that it felt incredible.
Better than everything he had ever done with any other lover.
Drawing Harry closer, he sealed those rosy, soft lips with his own. He felt Harry's breath hitching into the kiss as his movements became more frantic and knew Harry was close... as close as he himself was. His hands found their way to Harry's hips again to steady their erratic rhythm as they moved faster against each other.
Harry was the first to come, a choked cry breaking past his well-kissed lips and a warm, sticky liquid spurting between both their stomachs.
Severus thrust his hips harder against Harry and felt his climax crashing down on him as he spilled his seed between them as well.
OOO
That was fantastic!
Everyone talked about sex, but Harry had never thought it would be that great... and it hadn't even been real sex. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart.
"I'm not a pillow, Harry."
Harry blinked in surprise and realized he was still lying on top of Severus and probably crushing him with his weight. Blushing, he made to get up, only to be eased off of the man and turned onto his side, curled up beside Severus while the blankets floated over to cover them.
"I didn't mean that you should get out of bed."
Harry grinned as he snuggled closer against the Potions Master.
"I wasn't going anywhere... I just wanted to get down from you."
And it was the truth. Harry didn't want to leave this bed... ever, if he had any say about it.
It was very comfortable to use Severus' shoulder as a pillow and his satisfied body was begging for sleep. The sticky mess on his stomach had also disappeared, which meant that Severus must have used a Cleaning Charm on them both.
It was perfect.
Better than Harry had ever dared to hope his first time with anyone would be, but... opening his eyes, which had fallen shut of their own accord, he glanced at Severus' profile.
Was he supposed to stay here or would Severus want him to go back to Gryffindor Tower?
It was the weekend, so they didn't have any classes, but that didn't mean that the Potions Master would want him underfoot and...
"Harry, if you don't lie still at once, I will body bind you. You might not be tired, but I would like to catch a nap now... or would you rather go back to your dormitory?"
Harry chuckled quietly and shook his head against Severus' shoulder.
"No, I would like to stay here like this."
"Then go to sleep. Now."
Severus didn't needed to tell him as much since Harry's eyes had already drifted shut again. A peaceful sleep claimed him, while lying in the arms of his lover.