This was written because in my head none of the Akatsuki are dead lol. Granted some of their death battles were good, but they're Akatsuki for goodness sake. There is no way in my mother's basement that gennin could pick them off like they did. For instance Hidan killed Asuma, a jounin, and then was killed by Shikamaru, who technically was a chuunin, but still. So yeah, welcome to my reality, I've rejected your's and substituted my own. Hahaha.

Though I have to say that this may just be one of my favorite pieces of my own fanfic yet. It's just fun.

And the next one up in this little party we have going on here is a request from TheRoseandtheDagger who wanted Jiraiya contemplating his death... So yeah, just bunches of fun hey? Lol. And don't forget that you too, all you anonymous hits out there, could request things too. Because I know you're all out there, my hit count does not lie lol.

"Miss Me Darling?"

Prompt- Sakura, Sasori and the Unexpected (hahaha)

"You're not... dead?"

"What does it look like to you?" His voice was flat, just like she remembered. Flat yet still mocking, she didn't know how he did it.

"But Kankuro is using your body! How in the...? And you were replaced in Akatsuki! We all saw Tobi or whatever his name is! What the hell is this?"

She spun around and began to pace. "This is a dream. This is all just a dream. I knew I must have had some problems when I started hearing that voice in my head. I knew I should have gotten some... I don't know... counseling or something! Damnit I'm such an idiot! This has gone into some serious neurosis. Maybe it's delayed Post Traumatic Stress disorder... really delayed. Hell if I see Chiyo-baa-san I'll know it's true..."

She paused in her pacing and turned back to him, "So where are you hiding her you bastard?"

"Excuse me?" His lips quirked into a slow crooked smile, but his eyes remained impassive and gazed at her as they had when she had first walked in here.

"Don't you get snarky with me you... you.... just don't! You're in my head anyway. I control this. I do. I don't... No! Snap out of it! This is all in my head!"

She turned back to him and glared, "So? Come on, where is she?"

His mouth quirked up higher and he pulled his hands from the inside of his cloak to cross over his chest.

"Last time I don't remember you being this stupid."

She clenched her fist and counted to ten before she went ballistic and got herself killed.

Chiyo-baa-san wasn't here to save her now.

"Last time I remember you being dead. Spitted on two swords. Dead as a door nail... Dead as in... well, dead! So this is a dream, no, a nightmare and what the hell are you doing in my head!"

He looked down at his spread fingers as if they were the most fascinating things in the world and casually raised his eyes to meet her glare once more, "You really need to work on that temper of yours, it's truly surprising to find you aren't dead yet do to your stupidity."

She grit her teeth, this guy really knew how to get on her nerves, "I don't need my own hallucinations to insult me, it's bad enough that you did it when you were real."

His eyes drooped, he looked as if he was about to go to sleep or was just incredibly bored. She found that one gesture was more infuriating then his snide insults about her mental stability.

"You still think I'm dead? I can assure you I'm not. Even you must know a live body from a dead one."

"But it's just not possible! Suna took your body! Kankuro is using you as a tool! How is there even the remotest possibility you're still alive? I saw you fall!"

"Then you're an idiot. Didn't your sensei teach you better?"

She pinched the, well the technical term for it was the "Glabella" but that seemed overly formal for an occasion like losing her mind, bridge of her nose and counted another ten. She didn't know why people told her to do that, it never worked. The only thing that ever seemed to work was beating the ever loving snot out of things, but she had a feeling that wouldn't work this time. Not if he really wasn't a hallucination, or even if he was a hallucination, which she fervently prayed he was. Either way she was stalemated.

Just a hallucination, right down to his cute little snub nose... Wait? What?

"Well? Who's responsible for this tragedy known as Haruno Sakura?"

"No, no, no, no, no. I'm not falling for it. Nope, not me. You can go away now, I want to... to go to bed or something. This has been the weirdest day ever." She closed her eyes and hoped that when she opened them again he'd be gone.

He sighed, "I'm still here you know."

No such luck apparently.

She slumped, "I figured as much, so are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

"If you're done with the theatrics I'd love to." He smirked at her, which was really irking considering he was a damn puppet.

"Fine, can we at least sit down?"

"Very well, I forget how normal humans tire so easily."

"Shut up, you were pretty tired looking when we killed you."

"I suppose so, if I were really dead."

"Oh yeah..."

"Little details like that can be so annoying can't they?"

"I said shut up." With a humph she sat down on a boulder and waited for him. Kunai ready in the sleeve of her glove just in case. Not that it really mattered though, weapons were pretty useless most of the time. That she saw anyway. Everyone always had some marvelous technique that they'd just pull out their asses in the end. But oh well, having it there made her feel better and so she'd keep it. Besides she hoped that if it pricked her she'd wake up. She had a sinking feeling that she wasn't though, but she could dream. Haha, dream, she was so funny.

"I'm not going to attack you, it really goes against why I came in the first place."

"I don't care, it's staying."

"Whatever."

"So you can start with why you aren't in Kankuro's closet... or wherever he keeps you things."

"It's really degrading to hear you talk about my art like that, much less my own body and what Kankuro has, whoever that is, is one of my backup bodies."

"That's just... kinda gross don't you think?"

"I turned my body into a puppet what do you think?"

"I keep forgetting that..."

"I noticed. Anyway it wasn't just my heart I had to save, it surprised me you didn't realize that immediately considering your reputed skill as an up and coming medic, but that's how it goes isn't it? One opponent underestimating the other. That's why there is always a winner and a loser."

She huffed under her breath, "We still won."

"Not really if I'm still here, though I guess I can acknowledge that our battle was impressive."

She smiled, "Thanks, I always thought so myself."

"Though your part was relatively small," She bristled, "but we can't all help the level of innate talent we possess can't we?"

She clenched her fist, innate talent her ass! "Oh come off it."

He smirked again, "Very well. As I was saying even though my body is for the most part artificial I'm still human, and any human needs more than just a heart to live."

She stared at him wide-eyed, "You had more cores?"

He snorted, "Of course you stupid girl, what do you take me for? You really think an old hag and a little girl like you could finish me off so easily?" He tapped his temple, "Use your head now."

She bit her lower lip in confusion until it hit her, "You bastard!"

He waggled a finger in her face, "Temper, temper. You'll get wrinkles early if you keep scrunching your face like that every time you get angry." He shrugged, "Besides it isn't my fault you were both idiots."

"I really hate you right now."

"I don't really care whether you like me or not. Now we have business to do."

"What?"

He sighed heavily, as if he were trying to explain how to make shadow clones to academy students, she didn't like it one bit. "I didn't just come here to discuss my body and your failings, I was sent." He paused, "As in this is a mission."

"But I thought..."

"What you thought is probably wrong so why don't you just save yourself the embarrassment and shut up now?"

"You don't have to sound so smug about it."

"But this is just so entertaining, it isn't often that I get to enjoy myself like this. Stupid. Little. Girl."

She growled and tried to punch that stupid grin off his face but hadn't noticed those damn chakra strings he'd attached to her legs. She couldn't move and she was just out of reach to punch him in the face. She cursed under her breath as he lifted her into the air.

"That isn't anyway to conduct business. You could afford to learn some more manners. Now where were we?"

"Shut up and put me down!"

"Like that's any way to ask. Besides it's much easier to talk this way when I don't have to worry about you losing your temper so easily. Though by all means lose your temper, I'm just going to hold you in place here."

She grumbled but decided that she didn't really want to piss him off when she couldn't do anything to stop him. Instead she crossed her arms over her chest and defiantly stared at him. It was the best she could do.

"Good girl. Anyway I've come to offer you a deal. Seeing as you're almost at the level of Tsunade, Leader has deemed you a threat and you must either be eliminated as such or added as one of our own, in my opinion it would be more like inured. But I don't make the rules I just follow them."

"What the hell makes you think I'll join you?"

He tapped her lightly on the forehead, "Only the part where you want to stay alive?"

She ground her teeth, this is why missions were always supposed to be carried out in pairs, so this kind of thing didn't happen, damnit!

She liked living, she liked breathing and eating and sleeping and she was sure if she'd ever tried it, she'd like fucking too, but now she'd never know.

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

"It's a simple decision really, and if I read Leader right you wouldn't even go on missions, you would just be our medic, much like you are at home if I'm correct." He smiled, "And I assume that I am. So? What are you going to do? Either way is relatively simple seeing as how I've got you under wraps anyway."

She felt a tear slide down her cheek, oh how she wished he'd just been a hallucination! But... it wasn't so bad right? At least they were giving her a choice right?

"I don't know what it is about you Leaves, but you are always so damn tedious. I'll decide for you, I don't much fancy having you around anyway. You're a bad taste in my mouth as it is."

She snorted, "Taste? Yeah right puppet boy."

"This is exactly what I mean, here I have you all strung out ready to kill and you still have the nerve to insult me. It's quite annoying."

"Just shut up."

He sat up a little straighter and with that stupid grin on his face and his too wide eyes and his cute little snub nose... scratch that last part, tapped his chin. "Though I suppose having you around would be better, then you could heal the Brat's arm and I wouldn't have to listen to him bitch so much." He looked down at her and it appeared that his eyes softened a little, "It isn't so bad girl, I don't think Akatsuki is ever going to get all the Jinchuuriki anyway. We've been at it what? Over a decade now anyway? Whatever Leader thinks he's going to do is probably not going to happen after so much time has gone by."

"That's quite a speech."

"Well, let's just say killing you would be more of a waste then a satisfaction."

"How generous of you." She deadpanned.

"I suppose so. So will you come with me quietly?"

"What if I said that I'd come with you but spend my every waking moment planning Akatsuki's downfall because there is no way in hell I'd help you kill Naruto?"

He gazed at her a minute before letting that infuriating grin come back to his lips, "Then I'd have to say that I don't really care what you do. If you hadn't noticed by now loyalty isn't something we Akatsuki do. We're all in it for our own reasons, not because we actually believe in our purpose. Whatever that is. And frankly it never mattered to me either way. So go right ahead girl, just be warned that certain members don't take well to open rebellion."

"Duly noted... can you let me down now?"

"Promise to be a good girl?"

"You do realize I'm eighteen now right?"

"I'm still older than you so it doesn't matter whether you're eight or eighteen."

"Shut up."

He snorted again and let her down and she proceeded to rub life back into her numb legs. It felt good to stand on her own two feet again.

"Follow me, we have things to do now that you've been inducted."

He turned and started walking to the west. She glanced to the south, towards home and wondered if she starting running right now if he'd be able to catch her or not.

"By the way, just because I let you down doesn't mean I let go of my chakra strings."

Damn.

So much for that.

She turned and followed him, wondering just what the hell she'd gotten herself into. She hoped that when Tsunade and the rest found out they'd know that she had been coerced. It wasn't like she asked for these things to happen. They just... sort of did. All the freaking time.

"So... we going to eat anytime soon?"