-Vaati's Apprentice taps and scribbles furiously on the touch screen of his Nintendo DS- Yes, no creature can stand against the might of my sword! Oh, sorry. Well if you havn't heard, the new Legend of Zelda just came out (JOY!!!)! And of course I had to go get one. And so, I will be dedicating this episode of KNIGHTS entirely to the Phantom Hourglass. I havn't gotten that far yet, so I'll just be arresting some of the charectors you meet pretty early on. And I'll try to keep spoilers at a minimum. On a side note, I've been using lyrics from the "COPS" theme song to name my chapters. But I've run out of ideas for that. So I'll just be naming the chapters myself from now on (and I suck at naming chapters). Oh, and a cookie to anyone who can find the Code Monkeys parody in this chapter. I do not own the Legend of Zelda. On to the chapter!
CHAPTER 7: THE PHANTOM JAIL CELL
-July 5th, The Great Sea, 6:00 p.m.-
Linebeck navigated his steamship through the vast waters of the Great See. Suddenly, there was a voice behind the ship. "Attention, pull your boat over!" Leeroy yelled through a megaphone while standing on the prow of an HKD steamship.
Linebeck didn't know what was going on (or where he should pull over for that matter), but he pulled his ship over to the right and killed the engine.
"Sir, do you have any clue how fast you were going back there?" Spark asked, coming out from the engine room.
"Uuh, I don't know. About 15 knots." Linebeck guessed.
"Yes, and that's exactly 5 knots over the speed limit." Leeroy said, writing down a ticket on a pad of paper.
"What the (BLEEP)!? Since when does the Great Sea have a speed limit?" Linebeck asked, looking at the ticket that Leeroy had handed him.
"Since those two ships collided and the owners beheaded each other over who would pay for the damage." Spark said.
"But the only people besides me who are ever on the water is that gigantic pussy who thinks he's a hero, Jolene the want to be pirate, and that mentally unstable ship shop owner." Linebeck said.
"Actually, it was Jolene and the gigantic pussy who killed each other. And the shop owner's ship was burned." Leeroy said.
-a few years ago-
Link was inside Beedle's ship shop buying some bait. "There you are sir. You now have one point saved up. You should try to save up one hundred points." Beedle said, handing Link a bag of bait.
"Hmm, I must get some sort of rare weapon for gathering all those points." Link thought to himself.
After several days of monster killing and rupee gathering, Link had enough rupees to buy the other 99 items he needed. "Thank you sir, now you shall get your reward." Beedle said, handing Link the gigantic pile of useless junk he ordered. "You are great, great, so great! FANTASTIC!!! There, isn't it nice to be complimented?" Beedle asked. Link burned Beedle's ship to the bottom of the ocean.
-back to the present-
"OK, so then why have a speed limit if I , the great Linebeck, am the only person on the water?" Linebeck asked.
"Wait, did you just say your name is Linebeck?" Leeroy asked. Linebeck nodded. "OK then, here's another ticket for child abuse for the time you shook Link repeatedly. And here's one for fakeing an injury." Leeroy said, handing Linebeck a couple more tickets.
"What, I was fakeing a sprained ankle!" Linebeck yelled in rage.
"Well a sprained ankle is an injury." Spark said.
"And here's another one for illegal modifications to your boat. And that's about it, have a nice day sir." Leeroy said.
"That's enough distractions, we need to find someone who can put a canon on this boat. We don't want to risk another monster attack." Spark said.
"Well sir, if you recall, we recently saw Ed the canon mechanic and Astrid the fortune teller at the Isle of Embers." Leeroy said.
"Of course, let's go ask Astrid if she knows where we can find a canon!" Spark proclaimed.
"Exelent plan, sir." Leeroy said with a sigh. With that, Spark re entered the engine room. And the two knights sailed off, leaving Linebeck with his enormous fine.
-July 6th, Merkay Island, 5:00 p.m.-
Ashei and Fenix were on Merkay and headed towards the home of the old hermit Oshus. "We've been getting some reports of some strange activities going on up here, yeah. So we're just going to check things out." Ashei said.
"It seems like we always get the vague missions." Fenix pointed out.
"Well it could be worse, yeah." Ashei didn't even need to explaine how it could be worse. Not too long ago Officer Kor and Officer Grifon had to arrest a mentally disturbed Goron who had been killing the cows in Romani Ranch and using their bladders as flotation devices. He had convinced himself that the cows were silently plotting to melt the snow off of Snowhead Mountain, thereby flooding all of Termina.
Anyway, Ashei and Fenix approached Oshus' home and Ashei knocked on the door. A feeble old man opened the door. "Yes, how can I assist you young ladies?" Oshus asked.
"Hello sir, we were told about some strange activities up here. Have you seen anything a little out of the ordinary?" Fenix asked, smiling at the old man.
Oshus scratched his beard in thought before answering. "No, I can't say I have." he said.
"Ashei, we must've gotten the wrong address or something. There's no way this old man could be..." Fenix was cut off when Ashei put her hand over her mouth. Ashei had a suspicious look in her eyes and was smelling the air a little.
"Let me see that staff." Ashei said, putting her hand out.
"Well now, you wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick would you?" Oshus asked, nervously clutching his long red staff with a large conk shell attached to the top.
Ashei ripped the staff out of Oshus' hands and dug around inside the conk shell. She then pulled out a bag of grass like material. Ashei sniffed the contents of the bag. "It's weed." she said.
"Well can you blame me!? That damn fairy, Ciela, is always talking and ranting, I need to be high at all times to drown her out." Oshus explained.
"Well you won't need weed where you're going. You're under arrest for possesion of a controlled substance, yeah." Ashei said.
"Well you'll have to catch me first!" Oshus yelled. However, he only took one step before a loud cracking noise was heard. "Ow, my hip!" Oshus yelled before falling to the ground in pain.
-July 8th, Island of Embers, 8:00 p.m.-
Kane and Pierce were taking a bit of a break on their HKD steamship that was docked at the Island of Embers after completeing their previous mission. "That was a fine job you did back there, Pierce. I'm going to make sure you're put up for a medal." Kane said before taking another drink from his mug.
"Thanks, you pretty good yourself out there. That sure was one crazy firefight. Five armed robbers with millions of rupees." Pierce said, recalling the bank robery that they had responded to on Merkay Island.
"Yeah, and only thirty civilians were killed in the cross-fire... a new record! But did you really need to use flaming arrows?" Kane asked.
"I told you, that orphanage was going to burn down eventually." Pierce retorted.
"Well anyway, we need to get going. Our job isn't over yet." Pierce said, finishing off his drink and grabbing his sword.
The two knights left their steamship and proceeded towards Astrid's house. The two opened the door and entered. Astrid was sitting at her desk reading a spellbook. "Hello there, is there anything that I can do for you two today?" Astrid asked, looking up from her book.
"Yes, we need some information. We're with the HKD." Kane said, flashing his badge.
Astrid jumped to her feet at the sight of an actuall member of the HKD. "Damnit, I knew this was going to happen! Now what's this about, the mail froad skeem? Getting those kids drunk? I did not know they were cooking meth in the back of that cock fighting ring!" Astrid said.
"Stop it! You're under arrest for tax evasion." Kane said.
"Wow, talk about dodging arrows." Astrid said, breathing a sigh of relief. "So what do I owe you?" she asked.
"Your home, your money, and all your possesions." Kane said.
"Unless you have something else we might want." Pierce said.
"Well, I tell you what. I had this little fortune telling business of mine funded by a drug lord by the name of Ed. He poses as a canon mechanic on Canon Island. And I'm currently still in debt to him. But he's on this island, and I'm prepared to deliver him straight to you. Provided we forget about that other little mess." Astrid said.
"The cock fighting ring?" Pierce guessed.
"No not that, the thing you were actually going to charge me with. The tax evasion thingy." Astrid quikly said.
-a few hours later-
Astrid was standing in the middle of a barren field when Ed walked up to her. "Astrid, I assume you are here because you have my money." Ed said in an Italian accent.
"Actually Ed, the notorious drug lord who has both illegal money and drugs, I do not really have your money." Astrid said.
"Oh no you didn't!" Ed yelled.
"Oh yes I did. Help, I need someone with bows!" Astrid yelled out.
Kane and Pierce jumped out from behind some rocks with their bows in their hands and arrows drawn back. "You're under arrest!" Kane said.
"I knew this was a set up! That's the way you want to play you no good son of a bitch!? Then say hello to my little friends!" Ed yelled. With that, two burly men with crossbows leaped out from behind Ed and started firing at the knights.
Kane and Pierce dove behind a rock. "This is it, we're both going to die!" Kane said frantically.
"I love you man. Just so you know, I kissed you one time when you were sleeping but it was just a gag." Pierce said.
"You did what!?" Kane yelled, rising to his feet. Just then, he was hit by one of the enemies arrows. He fell to the ground in pain. "I just got shot in the ass. Man that hurt." Kane said.
Luckily, the two provided enough distraction for Astrid to sneak around to Ed's side and kill both him and his guards with her fire magic. "Oh, is it over?" Pierce asked, peeking out from behind the rock.
"Yup, thanks for the help you two. Don't worry about these bodies, I'll take them to the usuall place." Astrid said, picking up Ed's charred remains.
Pierce decided it was better not to ask what the story was behind her "usuall place" and instead picked up his partially crippled friend and helped him walk back to the ship.
END OF CHAPTER: 7
Finally, another update. I would just like to adress one small issue (if you can call it that). A reviewer pointed out that it seemed like Vaati's plan was to have the sages arrested. And it was, but I don't know if I was really going anywhere with it. This was just another one of my stories that I thought wouldn't last that long. So, only time will tell if I continue the arresting of the sages.