"We could all use a little hope. The feeling that everything is gonna be okay and that someone is there to make sure of that."

Alex

By the time Paco was four and Alicia was two our house had really started to become a mess at all times.

Paco was in preschool and was impossible to get up and get ready in the morning. He liked school, though. His teacher was highly impressed with some of his skills. That brought reassurance to Brit and I that we weren't total fuck-ups.

Alicia was in her terrible twos, but was nowhere as terrible as Paco was at that stage. She was smart for her age. I mean she was putting together complete sentences and communicating with us in both Spanish and English. She was even grasping the concept of potty training already. Paco, compared to his sister, was dumb as a rock at two.

Brit had managed to get a job at the same lab I worked at. She worked under me, but it felt good to have her around me all day.

Mi mamá still watched Licia and Paco, on the days he didn't have school, at her house. They loved their abuela. I have to admit that Ma treated her grandkids different than my brother and I at that age. She was a lot gentler, more relaxed, and not to mention a lot more patient. It also helped that her boyfriend was always around too. Don't get me wrong Reyes is a cool guy, but it's just a bit weird seeing Mamá date for the first time in years.

Recently I'd been putting in long hours in the lab. Most days I would work twelve to fifteen hours. We were close to a breakthrough on a project we'd been working on for a long time.

Brittany was the one always picking up the kids and feeding them at night. I'd be lucky if I got home in time to help with their bath or even to put them to bed. I missed doing all that.

It was another late night in the lab and I was the only one left in the giant building, trying to catch up on some paper work that I'd been trying to put off. I looked at the clock and it was almost ten o'clock.

I sighed and decided it was time to call it a day. I was tiered, hungry, and I just wanted to see my wife's face before she turned in for the night, considering I was too late to see my kids.

I got home at quarter after ten, only to walk into complete chaos.

I took one look around the house and my stress level rose instantly.

Our walls were covered in Paco's drawings, juice was spilt on the carpet, toys were flung all over the place, and the TV was in some language that I couldn't understand.

Brittany was scrubbing the table, trying to get some foreign substance off it. She looked up at me briefly and went back to work.

"What the hell happened?" I asked, the stress making my voice louder than I intended.

She refused to look at me, "I fell asleep and Paco got into a bunch of stuff."

"You fell asleep?"

She looked up and spat, "Yeah! I did, I'm freakin' tiered all the time, Alex."

I shook my head and muttered, "Join the club."

She gawked at me, "Are you kidding me, Alex? Are you fuckin' kidding me?"

I looked at her in disbelief, my anger raising the tone of my voice, "Brit, I just worked fifteen hours! Fifteen fuckin' hours and you're telling me I shouldn't be tiered?"

I grabbed a sponge from the sink and started scrubbing at a wall.

She sighed, "I work 24 hours a day. Being a mother of two kids is hard, Alex. And you don't have to worry about when Paco doesn't want to eat or when Alicia won't go to sleep. I get up with you at five every morning and don't go to bed until you get home, because I worry you won't come home. You may work for fifteen hours at the lab, but you don't spend your nights running around with your kids trying to make them happy." Her voice was quivering and she was officially yelling.

"You don't think I want that! I want to be here all the time, I want to see the kids before they go to bed! I'm afraid they won't remember me some day!"

She rolled her eyes.

I shook my head and whispered, "Maybe we jumped into this whole thing too fast."

Her head snapped back to me and she said between clenched teeth, "What?"

"I mean, maybe we're too young. We're twenty seven, most people our age are just getting married. We have two kids and hectic jobs. Maybe we should've waited a little before we started a family."

She stared me down for a while, "Alex, don't you remember that we didn't exactly plan either of our children. We didn't discuss when we wanted to start a family it just happened! What was I supposed to do, Alex?"

I shook my head, "Never mind. Just forget it."

"If you want out, just say it. If you've had enough of me then say it. I thought you agreed to this crazy life. I thought you were in it for the long haul. I thought you knew what you were getting yourself into."

"I am in it for the long haul, Brit. Why are you twisting everything?" I snapped.

Tears were running down her face now and her hands were shaking, "I'm not twisting everything. You suggested it. You just told me that we made a mistake."

I sighed, finding no use in arguing, and turned back to scrubbing the wall.

After a while of complete silence, besides the sounds of our scrubbing, I sighed, "Brit, I just have to figure everything out at work and then everything will be alright."

She shook her head and put her rag down, "Well you better figure your shit out soon, Alex. I'm pregnant."

My eyes grew wide and her shoulders started to shake as sobs started ripping through her.

"Brit," I whispered, she just rushed passed me.

I knew better than to follow her and when I heard our bedroom door slam I couldn't help but feel like shit. I sank down against the wall and put my head in my hands, trying to grasp what just happened.

Another baby. Another person to worry about, to look after. Another person to love, another person to be loved by. I wanted another baby, I just didn't know it until then. Who cares about how much stress I was under, I was doing it to make my family happy. Little did I know that I wasn't the most unhappy.

I got up and made my way to the bedroom door. I knocked on it lightly, "Brit. I'm sorry, open up."

There was no answer and I knocked louder.

"Papá," a little, drowsy voice said behind me, "What's wrong with Mamá?"

I turned around to find Paco, in her Spiderman pajamas, rubbing his eyes, "Nothing, Pac."

"Does she have a tummy ache?"

I nodded and scooped him up, "Yeah."

"I had a bad dream."

"You wanna tell me about it?" I asked walking him back to his room.

"You never came home."

"What, that's tonto. I'm right here mijo, I'm not going anywhere," I said, sitting him down on his bed.

"Will you sleep in my bed with me, Papá? I'm scared."

I sighed and threw the covers back and slid him in, "Sure, let me just go get ready for bed."

"Okay," He said, pulling the covers closer to him.

I went to the laundry room and was glad to find a pair of my pajama pants, I took off my work clothes and slipped them off. I peed, brushed my teeth, and quickly checked on Alicia, who was sound asleep, before returning to Paco's room.

Paco was out cold, but I still slid into his bed beside him. He curled up next to me and I focused on his slow breathing. I managed to settle my thoughts by listening to Paco's breath and in a way wished I was sleeping next to Brittany.

"Papá," Paco hissed in my ear, "Wake up. Mamá's sick."

I opened one eye and found Paco's face two inches from mine.

"Did you hear me? Mamá's sick!" He said again.

"Where is she?" I asked sitting up.

"In the bathroom."

I got to my feet, throwing Paco's Batman comforter off me and made my way to the bathroom.

Sure enough, Brit was heaving over the toilet bowl.

I quickly collected her golden hair in one hand and rubbed her back with my other. She didn't object, not even after she was done.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as she leaned back.

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and shook her head.

I let her hair go, but kept my hand on her back, "You should've told me, Mamacita. When did you find out?"

She sighed, "Two weeks ago. I wanted to make it special, but you were never here."

"It didn't have to be special."

"Well it wasn't, was it?"

I sighed and dropped my hand from her back, "How are you feeling about this?"

She shrugged, "We don't really have a choice do we?"

I groaned, "Britt, don't be like this, please."

She shook her head and leaned up against the bathtub.

I leaned against the wall and looked at her, "I'll talk to my boss, I'll ask if he can find somebody else to deal with everything so I can be home with you."

She shook her head and put her face in her hands, "Alex, don't do that. You're so close."

"It's clear that you need me more than the lab does."

Her shoulders started shaking and before I knew it she was sobbing.

"Hey, chica. Don't cry. It's gonna be okay," I said, moving over to where she sat and pulling her into my chest.

"I'm a bitch, Alex," She sobbed.

I chuckled, "No, you used to be a bitch. You are nowhere near the person you once were."

She just shook her head and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I rested my chin on the top of her head, "It's fine. Everything is fine and everything is going to be fine."

"You think?" She asked.

"I know," I answered.

Then we heard a clatter and a laugh from Paco.

Brittany tensed, but all I could do was laugh.

This was the life we signed up for and we knew it was going to be crazy, but we couldn't do anything about the craziness except embrace it and welcome it with open arms.

And in the years to come we did just that.