EX1 "KJ Holds a Business Meeting"

Oh, no. Today is the big day. I have to hold a meeting for something really important, and I just know that no one will notice me! It's imperative that I get my word in, so how will I do that? Sigh. I wish I were loud and confident with myself… Maybe I can ask someone else to help me…

And so, I roll through the possibilities in my head:

Scenario one: "Sure, Bro! I'll help!" My brother America gladly agrees. But, at the meeting, "So, in the end, you should listen to everything I say! And work with America to give him tons of money!"

No, no, no! That will never happen! I just know he would do something like that!

Scenario two: "What? Why can't you do it yourself?" A practical and somewhat unamused England responds. "I have lots of business to attend to, as well. I can't concern myself with others' affairs."

Yah. He wouldn't want anything to do with it.

Scenario three: "What?" An overdramatic and somewhat-genuinely-concerned Big Brother France would reply. "Don't give up, Mattie! I believe in you, my little Maple Leaf~!"

Of course. His answer is always a hug and a smile. Plus flowers for good measure.

I don't even have to ask them; their responses are already second-nature to me. Sigh. If only there were someone who isn't afraid to say what's on his mind and who will also listen to what I say.

As I mope in bed, the little bear at the foot of the mattress begins to swat the air and scream, "Get away, Creepy!" He must be dreaming, for a soon as he throws his remark of rejection, he rolls over and yawns, rubbing his cute, furry head.

Yah… Maybe that could work…

And so, with an artist's concentration, I set the little bear on a stool in the bathroom and dress him in a dapper tie and coiffe his hair so he looks presentable. Hm…good, but it's missing something… I know! I swipe the glasses off my face and carefully place them on the bridge of his nose. Perfect! They'll never know the difference! This is such a great idea I came up with—I should take a picture! With a swift dash, I head for the door, but I receive a large bump to the head instead; finding myself on the floor, I grasp my head in pain. Ugh. That wasn't the door…

"You forgot your glasses!" Declares the bear, holding up the spectacles for me.

And now time for the hard part—actually getting him to listen to me. I decide to educate him over a quick breakfast. I even offer him pancakes but only with melted butter because sugar drives him savage. Taking the fork and inspecting it, Kumajirou eyes the pancakes curiously and lifts a whole one into his mouth using the pronged tool so he can take little bites at a time—"like an adult," he would say.

"OK, Kumajirou," I get his attention. "Now, to be a good business meeting holder, you have to repeat what I tell you to say. It'll be fun—like a game. OK? Let's try it now. Repeat what I'm about to say." Acting all businessy, I puff up my chest and speak clearly, "Hello. And welcome to today's important meeting."

"Hello, and welcome to today's meeting," the bear returns.

"You're supposed to say important meeting—copy exactly."

"Important meeting," he repeats, putting special emphasis on "important."

"OK, now repeat what I say."

"Repeat what I say."

"No, don't repeat everything!"

"No! Don't repeat everything!"

I heave a sigh. Somehow I knew this would happen. "OK. New rule: only repeat the words after I say 'Say…' OK?"

"OK?" He looks up from the pancakes.

"Good. Say, 'Let's start with these charts.'"

"Let's start with these charts," he says confidently before devouring the final remains of the first pancake.

Yah. I think this will work out just fine… I say this is a good plan I came up with.

"This is a good plan I came up with," Kumajirou comments.

Oh, great. He copied me again. Well, it's mostly fool-proof, anyway. I happen to glance at the watch, and the numbers deliver the cruel truth. Ah! I'm going to be late! "Come on, Kumajirou!" I yell, scrambling to clean the kitchen and get myself out of the house as quickly as possible.

"My pancakes!" KJ complains.

"You can bring them with, OK? Just come on!"

It's rush hour again. And my nerves are at their limit.

We practiced our little lines game once more in the car on the way here. He seems to be listening to me quite well, but I'll keep my fingers crossed anyway. Kumjirou has a way of making me feel too secure and then acting like a total misfit and spoiled child once I let him loose.

Once I take him out of the car, he insists he wants to walk like a "big boy" to the door instead of being carried by me as usual. Reluctantly, I allow him to walk beside me, but I hold his hand the whole way—an action which proves almost impossible because he's only about two feet tall and I about 5'8". I'm practically shaking from apprehension, but I try to hide it as best as I can; I really should probably trust Kumajirou a little. After all, we've known each other forever, and we've always been there for each other—though our "father/son relationship" could certainly use some improvement…and made-up words to serve as better adjectives rather than just "strange" or "not that great" or "confusing." Those words don't describe it too well. We just both kind of exist and happen to be there at the same cabin.

Soon, we reach the intimidating double doors, and I heave a sigh; my hand shakes as I reach to slam open the doors grandly. Oh, who am I kidding? I sneak inside as usual and hope that I am both noticed and unnoticed as usual. Taking deep breaths to shake away the jitters, my mind goes numb, and I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate. But I can't back away now.

I lift Kumajirou into the chair in the front of the room and set my stuff on the floor so as to organize it on the table and write something on the whiteboard. I loosen my tie a little because I feel like I'm going to choke. Ugh. What is wrong with me?

"OK, Kumajirou…remember what we practiced, OK?" I whisper to him

"OK!" the little bear replies enthusiastically with a bear thumbs-up.

Hehe. That's actually kinda cute. "All right… Say, 'Hello, and welcome to today's important meeting.'"

Sitting up straight, the bear projects his words across the room. "Hello, and welcome to today's important meeting!" Though in an overly-energetic and childish way.

"Say, 'Please take a look at the graphs in front of you.'"

"Please take a look at the graphs in front of you!" To illustrate, he takes the paper before him and flutters it through the air so it makes a loud noise.

"Stop that," I whisper and put his arm down.

"As you can see," he continues suddenly, "there are lots of colors and numbers on it that mean something boring!"

"Uh…" I jump in, "They represent the current statistics."

"They're the current sat-is-tics."

"Statistics."

"Sateristics."

Sigh. I guess he can't say that word.

"Anyway," continues the little bear, "we have to try to get these orange numbers up. Because it's important for some reason."

"It will help with budgeting," I clarify.

"You and budgeting. That's all you think about," he delivers, turning to me.

"Don't talk back to me! Say, 'I have a plan to fix this.'"

"But I have a plan to fix this! Maybe. But if you have any ideas, I'm curious to hear them, too."

"No, I'm not!" I whisper shout.

One of the guys at the meeting responds with a completely random idea.

"That's a great idea!" Kumajirou says.

"No, it's not! Say 'That's a terrible idea!'" I correct frantically.

"That was sarcasm. I meant to say that's a terrible idea," KJ responds nonchalantly.

"What kind of image are you making of me?" I lower my head.

"Anyway, I have a cool idea, too." After making his statement, the little bear stays silent for what seems like a whole minute. Leaning his head back to me, he asks, "What's the plan again?"

"Sigh. It's to increase the output of blah blah blah to help sustain the blah blah of the national blah blah income."

He stares at me with a wide smile and blank eyes. "All I heard was blah blah blah blah blah blahbbedy blah blah blah."

I heave a giant sigh.

Just then, a rally odd noise like a child's music toy starts playing some random song.

"What in the world is that?"

Totally obliviously, Kumajirou is tapping on a kiddie keyboard (which the keys have nothing to do with the song, for it keeps playing when he stops) and looks up completely casually and states, "Sorry. My phone is ringing. I can't answer it. Or turn it off."

"Don't do that in a meeting!" Where did that thing come from, anyway?

"But that happens all the time."

Sigh. Kids these days.

"Revenons à nous mouton," I sigh, covering my face with an exasperated palm.

"So, anyway, I forgot what we were talking about. Let's take a nap break."

"What?!"

Unfortunately (or not), the others take him seriously, and we actually take a nap break. At least it calmed my nerves a little. Now I can finally try to get him to listen…zzzzzzzz

Huh? Is that that stupid kiddie keyboard again? Ugh. I rub my eyes and try to focus… Oh, gosh. It is. Kumajirou!

"My phone went off again." He replies with a wide smile.

I wonder if he does this on purpose just to mess with me or whether he is so oblivious that he doesn't even know he's smiling all the time.

"Just say, 'Let's continue the meeting.'" Is it possible to sigh this much in a single span of a couple hours?

"Let's continue the meeting," the bear declares.

I wish I really were invisible at times like this. Maybe not invisible, per se—just not here. I need something to eat or something—something with maple in it. "Here, Kumajirou. I wrote down the explanation on this piece of paper."

"Oh." Taking it in his fluffy paws, he peruses the piece of paper, turning it to all angles and directions. "I can't read it."

"…" I give up. I don't know, man.

"Whatever. Let's just increase the output of the regional companies to help sustain the levels of the national production income."

"What?! You mean he actually got it that time?!" Sigh. Well, my work here is done. Time to go home, eh?

"Let's take a snack break!" the bear declares, throwing out boxes of maple cookies.

"Seriously?!"

Well, for some strange reason, it seems the others liked Kumajirou as the head of the meetings. I guess I can't complain since he did listen to what I said. Sigh. I guess even though it bothered me, it wasn't my worst idea ever. Maybe he just needs more practice…

Falling into the couch at home, I can finally relax and forget about the world—including me. I don't even know where KJ is now; I just hope he's staying out of trouble.

Suddenly, the door raps, and the sound startles me from my cat nap. Ah! What is it now?! Leave me alone—Oh. It's Big Brother for some reason.

He's flushing from embarrassment and looking down with a sad expression.

"What is it?"

"Um…So…I hear your bear is good at holding meetings?" he manages to say.

"What?!" Don't tell me rumors travel that quickly! "Um. Why?"

"Because I have so many things to do tomorrow…and I don't think I can make it to the monthly beautiful meeting of the minds."

Pff. Beautiful meeting? "Well…"

"Not unless you pay me!" The little bear appears behind me, ready to negotiate.

"OK. How much to you want?" he asks, pouting. Man, he must be desperate.

"Smoked salmon for a whole week!"

Initially, he's shocked, but we all know how he feels about being asked to cook—it's like telling him he's prettier than flowers.

"Ah! It's a deal, then!" And suddenly, he's back to normal.

"Wait. What just happened?!" I'm so confused, man. Am I dreaming or something? Whatever. I'm going back to sleep. Not that I ever got to sleep in the first place.

"Do you mind if I stay a while?" France calls out.

"Knock yourself out," I comment as I pass out on the couch.

"Yay~!" he sings, spinning through the room like a frilly schoolgirl.

I'll never understand that guy.

It's only a matter of seconds until the phone rings…and my bothersome brother, America, asks for KJ's paid assistance. He's paying him in doughnuts.