Chapter 7

Author's Note: I made some amendments to improve the story flow and re-posted this chapter. Thanks for your patience!

*****

Tom bade goodbye to the last of his guests and made his way up the stairs to check on Kate. He heard quiet sobs coming from her room. Tom came in and sat beside her bed. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Dad… I ruined your perfect party," Kate muttered, her eyes turning red from tears that spilled down her cheeks.

Attributing her anguish to the incident earlier, Tom said grimly, "Cal had no right to hurt you like this. If Spock hadn't gotten to him first, I would have killed him with my bare hands."

Kate sat up and looked at him in surprise. "Dad, it was my fault… I was behaving badly … I was upset that Spock was leaving… one thing led to another…I didn't mean for it to get out of hand."

Tom had had a suspicion about his daughter's ambivalent feelings for the Vulcan from the beginning and she had refused to admit them until now. However, he had not anticipated the extent of Kate's inner misery that Spock's determined reserve and cold correctness provoked in her.

"Dad, I wish Spock didn't have to go away," she said tearfully. "Is it something I said? Something I did?"

He sighed. "No, honey, you didn't do anything wrong. Spock just doesn't feel the same way as you do… in fact, I don't think he could show it," said Tom, hoping that she would understand that her happiness lay elsewhere.

"Perhaps you should focus your attention on what you know and love -- dancing. I heard that the New York Conservatory needs part-time instructors for their summer dance camp for children. You will be dancing all day probably, so it's a huge bonus if you are in shape already and have enough stamina to endure such long days when you start your own classes in the fall," Tom suggested. "There you will meet other like-minded dancers with similar dreams and ambitions."

Kate's teary eyes widened. "You really think so?"

"I know so," Tom replied confidently. "You'll be so much happier, love. Promise me you'll think about it."

She nodded as she lay back down on her pillow. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

As he was about to switch off the lights, he caught sight of the diamond necklace lying in a corner of her room. Kate must have carelessly thrown it away. Tom picked it up and mumbled, "By the way, this necklace doesn't suit you. I'll send it back tomorrow."

"Thanks Dad."

As he sat in his favorite armchair in his bedroom, Tom felt a little sad to see Spock leave so soon and partly relieved that his departure would provide some reprieve to the emotional chaos that was inadvertently created in the past few days – Kate falling for a fantasy inspired by the mystery of an alien being and Spock the agony of experiencing what it was like to fall in love. It seemed like Spock's natural defense to bury himself behind a wall of silence and retreat into himself when something bothered him. His response confirmed the unease which had held Tom since the first day – his lingering glances in her direction and the way his eyebrows seemed to perk up whenever her name was mentioned. He did not speak of his feelings to Tom – how could he?

Tom had taught Spock everything he could about coding and computers. There was nothing more he could teach his student. That was before his heart attack. As his old heart beat towards the end of its usefulness, a nebulous discontent grew within him as if he had one more thing to bequeath his favorite student. A final assignment -- there would be no books, manuals, journals or reports this time. He had wanted Spock a glimpse of his life, not as a mere professor but as a man.

In hindsight, Tom knew he had made an error – he had not counted on Kate's reaction to Spock. Through her eyes, it was easy to see and understand the allure of Spock, his sensitivity and nuance behind every gesture and arched eyebrow though his face betrayed no emotion. Tom sighed. In his quest to educate Spock, he had sacrificed his own daughter's feelings. He did not feel proud of his wisdom as a father or teacher now.

Spock was already waiting in the front lawn when the amphibicopter arrived the next morning. He was leaving just as he came but with a small bag of clothes that Tom had requisitioned for him and had insisted that he take it with him.

"Tom," Spock regarded him stiffly.

"Spock, I didn't thank you for helping my daughter last night," he began. "That was quite a punch you packed on Cal Harrison."

"It's called the Vulcan nerve pinch," Spock explained. "It renders the human unconscious for a few hours."

Tom nodded. "Nevertheless, please accept my gratitude for what you've done for Kate."

"Your gratitude is noted but unnecessary… I too would not want to see her hurt in any way."

"You're a good person, Spock. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise," said Tom and he could see a hint of a smile on Spock's pale face.

"Please send my regards to Mark and Helen… and Kate."

"I will let them know…See you in the fall."

"Live long and prosper, Tom," Spock said, raising his hand in a Vulcan salute.

He did likewise. "Live long and prosper, Spock."

Picking up his bag, Spock walked towards the amphibicopter. Instinctively, he looked back, and was surprised to see Kate at one of windows, following him with her eyes. Goodbye Kate, he whispered to himself as the amphibicopter lifted off.

*****

He had turned to look back at her, across the lawn, one final time. His face was passive, unreadable, and yet she could sense that he was thinking of her.

"Keep going. Please…" Kate murmured to herself as she leaned against the window. She dare not think of the consequences if he had stayed. He was just another guy -- she had so many men before, so why did he affect her so? She had been the cool one, calling the shots in any relationship but with Spock, she was lost.

Sighing, she returned to her bed and tried to get some sleep.

Four weeks later, Kate attended her first dance audition. She had missed an earlier audition as she had felt she was not ready. She had been distracted by Spock's sudden departure.

The selection committee from the National Conservatory of Cologne, was seated in a row in front of the stage – faces looking somber, bored and unsmiling. Kate took her place in the middle of the darkened stage as the music started. She had been training hard for this – this was her moment of truth. Staring up at the empty rows of seats beyond the committee, she allowed the memories of the ocean and the crashing waves on steep cliffs fill her with pathos and lost love as she danced. The committee sat up and took notice of her as well as the other dancers.

Kate screamed with delight when she received her letter of acceptance to the prestigious conservatory two weeks later. Her dreams of becoming a dancer were beginning to come true. Immediately, she ran to her father with excitement.

"Dad! It's from the Conservatory… I did it!" she squealed. "I'm going to Cologne."

Tom was in his study when his daughter flew in with the letter in her hand. He took off his reading glasses and smiled at her. "Congratulations! You deserved it," he told her so.

"Oh, gosh! There's so much to do… I haven't even told my friends about it," she said happily. "Tonight, we're definitely going out to celebrate!"

"I'm glad and relieved," he said, his voice rough with sadness. "The past few weeks haven't been exactly easy for you."

Kate bit her lower lip and nodded as she knew what he was referring to – her infatuation with Spock.

"I'm fine now, Dad," she tried to sound cheerful.

"Come here, sweetheart," Tom said as she sat on his knee, like she did as a child. "You were always the wild one, unpredictable and stubborn. Perhaps it was because your mother died when you were so young and I didn't know how to deal with the loss of your mother and caring for a growing child... I want you to know that despite my shortcomings, I love you. That you've given a meaning to my life that I had no right to expect, and that no one can ever take from me."

Kate was growing concerned. "Dad?"

"Please," he wanted to continue. "Promise me something. I don't want you to ever worry about me. I want you to go to Cologne and be the best you can ever be. If anything should happen, know that I'm going to be fine and everything's going to be all right -- and I have no regrets."

Frightened, she couldn't summon an answer.

"And I want you to feel that way, too," he looked intently into her eyes.

"I love you, Daddy –"

Tom smiled. "That's why it's okay."

They drifted into silence as they held each other.

"No regrets?"

"No regrets," Kate replied with a brave smile.

"It's a good feeling, isn't it?"

They regarded each other with a long pause; reaching an understanding. Unable to stem the tears from falling, he hugged his daughter, holding her very close for a long time. When they parted, she looked at him worriedly but he just smiled and nodded. He didn't release her until she smiled back.

"Run along now and be a good girl… Daddy needs his nap," Tom said to her.

"Okay, I'll see you later, Dad."

After she had gone, Tom returned to his desk and pulled out three data files from his computer – they had contained Spock's proposed changes to the Kobayashi Maru code. As usual, Tom could find no fault in his thought processes. He just needed to send the data files over to Spock at the Academy, so that he could implement them.

Tom had begun to say goodbye to his family and friends; each in their own time. Kate had been the most difficult to let go and then, there was Spock. Tom's finger trembled as he clicked the computer and sent the files to his favorite student. His final assignment had come to an end.

He got up from his chair and turned on his hi-fi – the sweeping melody of Ravel's Bolero filled the study. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, his heart struggling to cope and he collapsed to the floor. He didn't want to make an ungraceful exit by dying on the floor so using all his energy, Tom managed to haul himself into his chair and closing his eyes, he immersed himself in the music, his heart pumping steadily slower and slower.

"Goodbye, Kate," he whispered. It was so peaceful here…

*****

Kate turned to see her father once more before exiting the study. Something about the sight of her father sitting in the leather chair, looking frail and old; saddened and at the same time frightened her as she returned to her room. Soon, the excitement of going to a new school overcame the sadness as she went about informing her friends and making arrangements for a celebratory party. "Yeah, we should celebrate!"she said eagerly over the mobile phone. "Uh uh… I'll meet you guys at the Indigo Bar at nine. Bye!"

It was 1900 hours and the house was unusually quiet when Kate came down the stairs, dressed for the party. The familiar strains of her father's opera music that filled the house in the evenings were absent.

In a pained reflex, Kate rushed to the study. It was dark and she hesitated, "Dad?"

Kate halted in her steps as she saw her father sitting very still with his eyes closed. He could be sleeping or maybe, something else. She knelt beside her father and touched his cold hands.

"No…no…no…Daddy…NO!" she wept hysterically, hugging him. "Daddy, wake up! Don't leave me!"

*****

Spock's computer blinked, indicating an incoming message. Noting that the message was from Tom, Spock promptly read its contents. As usual, Tom had made a few notes regarding the proposed changes to the Kobayashi Maru, including one curious note about possible contamination by hacking.

It is highly improbable yet not impossible, thought Spock. The person would have to be a computer genius to be able to bypass the multiple firewalls that were put in place. If there was such a person in the Academy, I have yet to meet him/her.

He opened the data files and proceeded to upload them into the main simulator program. While waiting for the program to load, he decided to walk to the cafeteria for some tea. The campus was quiet during the summer holidays – Spock found a seat in a corner of the cafeteria, sipping a strong herbal infusion of chamomile and mint tea. Then he spotted Professor Martha Kalomi entering the cafeteria. She was the head of the Botany Division, a nice elderly lady with short red hair and freckled face. Taking her coffee from the vending machine, she looked around for a familiar face. When she saw Spock, she smiled and made her way to him.

"Is this seat taken?" she asked.

Spock half rose from his seat and said, "No, please join me."

"Thank you… Spock, that's your name isn't it?" said Martha as she sat on the chair opposite him.

"Yes, it is."

"I'm surprised to see you here. Don't you have somewhere to go for the summer?" she inquired.

"I was at Professor Watson's home in Connecticut a few weeks back," he informed her.

"Professor Tom Watson?" she suddenly stopped and turned pale.

"That is correct."

"Haven't you heard the news?" she gasped.

Spock was intrigued. "Specify, please."

"Tom had fallen into a coma last night in his home. The doctor said he could go any moment. It's terrible," Martha told him.

Spock was silent and shocked by the news.

"He was such a nice man. We will all miss him when the semester starts," she added softly.

"Excuse me, Professor Kalomi. I must return to the computer lab," he said, standing up and nodded briefly to her.

"Yes, of course."

For some time, he just stared unseeing at the computer lab floor.

*****

On the 20th day of July, 2154, Spock received news that Professor Tom Watson had died without regaining consciousness. His family was by his side at that time.

"Unable to compute sub-routine…"

"Illegal operation…"

The program beeped incessantly as Spock tried to find the source of the problem. He had tested the program before sending it to Tom for his review. Why did it not work this time? he grumbled as he checked the data files for the fifteenth time. Tom had sent him three data files; two of which uploaded without any glitches, except the third file which seemed to throw out errors. Spock was struggling with his grief and a faulty file. It put a strain on his concentration that he almost gave up. Then he noticed a sub-routine that was not supposed to be there.

Did Tom put it there?

It was a video file which seemed to be protected by a password. It was not in Tom's nature to send encrypted messages to him. Spock carefully extracted it from the program. A growing sense of anxiety began to build as he stared at the flashing password box. He paused for a while, running various password combinations that Tom might use with his mind. It was a private message meant only for Spock. Therefore, the password would be something that only Spock knew.

Staring at the keyboard, he typed in K-A-T-E.

Spock held his breath when he saw Tom's smiling face appear on his computer's view screen. He then realized how much he had missed the old professor.

"Spock…

I put this into the Maru code so that only you will be able to find it. By the time you read this, I will be dead and gone. Yes, I have a heart condition and the doctor told me I wasn't going to live much longer. Every living thing must die – what makes us different from the plant or animal is our ability to love and form relationships that would last even after we've gone.

What is love? You must wonder -- multiply it by infinity and you will still have barely a glimpse of what I am talking about. I loved Kate from the moment she was born, and I love her now, and every minute in between, and what I've always dreamed that she will find a man who will discover her and she will discover him, who is worthy of her, and has the grace and compassion and fortitude to walk beside her as she makes her way through this beautiful thing called life. I know I will never meet that man but for now, I've never heard her speak of any man as she spoke of you.

Kate is still very fragile and I'm afraid that she would not recover from the devastation that my death would do to her. I know you care about her. She will need you now more than she will ever know. I hope you could grant me this last request… Be her friend as you have been mine.

Goodbye, Spock and thank you."

Spock stared at the blank computer screen as the message ended, his shoulders sagging. Tom must have made this video file before he went into a coma and that knowledge pained him.

"You don't know what you're asking of me, Tom…" he said aloud in his room.

Ever since he returned to San Francisco, his had tried not to think of Kate and buried himself in his studies and field work. He had been busy preparing for his cadetship on a training vessel, hoping that the distance would ease the longing and pain. Now, memories of Kate came flooding back, slipping through the mental barriers he had erected. Kate had an older brother, why would Tom want him in the picture? Spock wondered fretfully. Neither Tom nor the video clip offered him any answers.

No, I cannot do this… I WILL not do this.

It would only wreck his carefully structured life. He didn't need distractions. Spock had refused to analyze his feelings for Kate -- it was illogical and a waste of resources as the result would be inconclusive. But now, Tom's request had forced him to reevaluate his decision. Spock tried to meditate, staring at the Vulcan lamp and reminding himself what it symbolized -- the lamp's taming of the flame, a chaotic, destructive force, served as a metaphor for the Vulcans' control of their emotions. Agitated by his inability to concentrate on his meditation, Spock went to lie down on his bed.

"I am in control of my emotions," he reminded himself as he closed his eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

In his dream, Spock saw a young man sitting on a rock, smiling at him. He scrambled up a meadow of green grass towards him. "Tom?"

Tom looked amazingly youthful; his hair was a darker shade of brown, his blue eyes twinkling and there were no wrinkles on his face. "I've been waiting for you, Spock…Let's take a walk," he suggested as he always did when he was alive.

Spock looked inquiringly at Tom as if to say "Shall we?"

Tom nodded as Spock turned with him, setting off together up a gentle slope. As they reached the top of the hill, Tom's steps slowed, Spock slowing with him. To his surprise and chagrin, Tom had begun to age, his features morphing into what he looked like in Spock's memory.

"I'm getting a little dizzy, I can feel my heart pumping…"said Tom, clasping his chest.

But Tom just continued on up the hill, with Spock in step with him.

"Should I be concerned?" asked Spock, stopping to check on his professor.

Tom stopped with him. "Not at all… You have questions for me."

At Spock's look, he shook his head. "There's no need to be shy about it. I'm dead," he joked.

Spock hesitated. Even in death, Tom still maintained his sense of humor.

"What does love feel like?" The words spilled out of his mouth. It took him a moment to realize what he had asked.

Tom smiled. "Love feels good. It makes you feel more secure, happy and light."

Spock shook his head. What he felt for Kate did none of those things. But then he was a Vulcan. Why should any strong emotion make him anything but wary?

"Tom, I don't know if I can do this," he said at last. "I don't know if I feel this love for Kate."

"Love isn't all about emotions, it is also trust, responsibility, taking the weight, for your choices and feelings and spending the rest of your life living up to them. And above all, not hurting the object of your love… Do you understand?" Tom explained to him. "That is why I chose you because I trust you."

Spock was humbled by the faith Tom had in him – as a Vulcan, yes but as a human…

Sensing his doubts, Tom said, "Love is not perfect, in fact far from it… It's the journey that makes it worthwhile. Think about it."

Tom smiled faintly and taking a deep breath started walking on alone.

Overcome with anxiety and pain, Spock called out to him. "Where are you going?"

He turned to Spock with a quizzical look. "Hmm, I'm not sure but that's not where you're going," said Tom, looking ahead. "Goodbye, dear friend."

Spock watched as Tom disappeared over the crest of the hill into the blinding rays of the rising sun.

When he woke up from his sleep, the Vulcan lamp had died out, leaving a sweet smell of incense in the room. Spock couldn't be sure if it was really Tom or his sub-conscious need to see his professor. Determined not to let him down, Spock contacted Professor Kalomi. "Good morning, Professor. Do you have information on Professor Tom Watson's memorial service?"

****

The pain was raw and the wound fresh in her heart. It was raining heavily that day during the funeral, as it always seemed to do on such occasions. Since her father's death, Kate hadn't said a word, keeping mostly to herself. Her father meant the world to her and now that he was gone, Kate felt lost and alone. So all consuming was the emptiness in her heart that she could no longer feel any emotion. Mark gave the eulogy at the memorial service attended by hundreds of friends and relatives. Everything went by like a hazy dream for Kate – the flowers, the condolences and blurred faces. The fresh flowers were bruised and splashed with mud as the coffin was lowered into the gaping maw in the ground, next to her mother's tomb. Tom had chosen the final resting place for his wife after many, many months of searching. He had decided on a garden cemetery nearby their estate; its many stately trees imbued the landscape with a uniquely well-timbered inheritance or 'green cloak', with collections of trees arranged along, and set back from path edges. The natural woodland setting was perfect for the likes of her beloved parents – it was quiet, peaceful and beautiful.

There was a cold wind that blew through the cedars, making her shiver as she pulled her coat closer. Kneeling down, she placed the flowers that they had bought earlier on the ground. The moment her fingers touched the fresh dirt, her calm composure cracked as tears began to fall. Kate mourned her father. Beneath a black umbrella, her brother, Mark held her arm in a protective grip as she leaned against him for support.

She took a deep breath to calm herself and a sudden gust of wind made her look up. Just beyond the path edge, a solitary figure stood wearing a long hooded robe. Spock!

Her heart fluttered with mixed emotions. She became light-headed and swayed slightly.

"Kate, you should go back to the house and rest," Mark told her gently. "I will settle what needs to be done here. Go with Helen."

She nodded and as they were leaving in the hover car, she turned back to look at Spock but he had disappeared. It must have been an illusion… I must be going crazy, she thought.

"What's the matter, Kate?" Helen asked but she just shook her head, preferring to press her face against the window and watch the rain falling outside.