AN: Sorry so late. Power outage here. Barely made it this far in time to post. There is some...um...well let's just say that this is only the first half of the 'good stuff'. I had to stop it at some point. Was getting long ;) Also, there's a point where inspiration drew me off course for a moment, though I kinda like where it went. But just...don't...have a fit or anything. Like I said, first half ;)

.~*~.

When Sam started to become aware again, he felt his arms coming down out of the shackles, and realized the chains had been lowered enough that when his weight began its downward decent, even with Dean catching him, he wouldn't have fallen very far down.

He realized, then, that he'd been cleaned up and his pants pulled back up.

Dean...

Dean had just sucked him off...with his finger in his ass...and swallowed his come.

Oh god...

"Stop thinking," Dean said as he changed into his normal clothes on the other side of the room. Sam looked at him in question. "You're thinking so loud I can hear it."

"Am not."

"Are too. So stop it."

"But we just..."

"Yeah. Well that ain't nothin', Sam," he told him. "I'm clockin' out and takin' you home, where I can show you a proper good time."

"A what?" Sam seemed confused as he pulled on his tee shirt. Dean didn't respond. He just waited for his brother to catch on, and when he did, Dean knew it from the way his breathing changed.

"Unless you don't want that," Dean looked at him with raised brows. "I mean, if you'd like to stay here and let Billy the Kid have his way with you, be my guest. But I sure as hell ain't payin' for it."

"I wouldn't need you to... No. No, I'll... You can take me home," his voice cracked and he looked down at the floor.

Dean walked up to him, pulling Sam's chin up with two fingers so he could see his face. "Nothin' to be ashamed of, Sammy," he told him, softly. "I promise." Then Sam nearly felt his heart seize for a moment as Dean's lips were suddenly on his. Gentle at first, and then he was using his mouth to open Sam's, and his tongue snuck inside to meet Sam's. Then there was nothing gentle about it all.

Sam moaned into it, tasting himself in his mouth, feeling Dean's hands on either side of his face, then in his hair as their kiss ran deep, almost blood-drawing in it ferocity.

Sam's hands, which he seemed to just now remember he had, made their way onto Dean's hips, cautiously. Then moved a bit up, just to wear the waistband of his jeans met his naked skin, and Dean moaned into his mouth. The sound shot through Sam like a bolt of lightning and it made him less hesitant to use his hands. They shoved right up under Dean's shirt, stretching out over the skin of his back, then down again, dipping into the back of his jeans.

Dean pulled away, then, catching his breath as he looked his brother in the eye. "Not here, baby boy," he told him in a gravelly tone. "C'mon. Let's get outta here."

"'m not a baby," Sam said without any heat.

"No, you're not," Dean agreed as he led him out. "But you're my baby."

"That sounds weird."

"Shut the fuck up and go with it. You rather me call you sweet-cheeks?" Sam made a bitch face. "Your cheeks are pretty damn sweet, after all."

"I think I'd rather you not."

"Fine. Baby it is, then."

Sam would've argued, but Dean's hand was suddenly on his ass. Like, just there, like it's where it belonged, and it made it hard for Sam to remember what they'd been talking about. Later, he'd wonder if Dean had done that on purpose.

"Aw are you guys leaving?" Bill asked as he watched them head toward the exit.

"Sorry, Bill," Dean told him. "Sam doesn't want me workin' here anymore, and I've gotta take him home and make up for everything," he winked. "I don't need the pay from tonight. Just keep it, okay? And uh...thanks. For everything."

"Come back and see us sometime, at least," Bill looked saddened.

"I'll try," Dean told him. Then they left. The drive to the lair only took a couple of minutes, and they needed to school themselves until they could get to Dean's room. Just in case Kevin was up, that is. But the kid was already passed out, and Dean made a note to kick his ass in the morning for letting Sam go out on his own without calling and letting him know.

"He'll hear us," Sam told him as Dean shut the bedroom door behind them.

"No he won't," Dean replied. "Soundproof, remember? It's why we keep our doors cracked open in the first place. Just in case..."

"Oh... Right," Sam had forgotten. And while he thought about that, Dean was stripping out of his clothes and rummaging through the drawer beside his bed. He pulled out a few items Sam couldn't see, and then turned to face him.

"'m I doin' this solo, or you wanna join me, here?" Dean asked with a raised brow.

Sam swallowed. Then he quickly stripped himself of his own clothes, Dean watching as he did so. And when he was done, he stood there like he didn't know what he was supposed to do next. Dean seemed to get the picture.

"On the bed, Sammy. Hands and knees," he instructed. Sam took a nervous breath, then did as he was told. "I don't wanna tie you down, because there's a lot I wanna do tonight," Dean told him as he crawled up behind Sam, causing the mattress to dip a little. "But if you get outta line, I guess I won't have a choice."

"What?" Sam tensed. "What the hell does that even mean? How would I get outta line?"

"Like if I give you an order and you don't follow it," he explained.

"Look, Dean," Sam started to twist around, but Dean's hands on his hips stopped him, holding him firmly where he was supposed to be. For some reason it made Sam harder. "I... The dom/sub scene isn't...isn't really something I'm into," he told him. "I just...um..."

"You went there to get hurt," Dean stated, already knowing. "Well, you got what you went there for. And then some," he smirked, even though Sam couldn't see it. "And now we're gonna finish what I wanted to do while we were still there. If you don't like it, if it makes you uncomfortable, you can tell me to stop, and we'll stop. But right now, we're playing this my way. We played it your way already, Sam. I didn't like having to whip the shit out of my own baby brother. But I did it. Because you asked. Now it's my turn."

And Dean was right. Sam felt it stronger than Dean might think he did. Dean deserved to take what he wanted from Sam. He deserved even more than that, really.

"Yeah," Sam let out a breath. "Anything, Dean. Anything you want. You can have whatever you want," he lowered his head to the pillow under him, pressing his ass higher, like he was presenting himself to his master.

"Damn straight," Dean growled, turned on ten-fold by Sam's words and then some more by how his back arched like that. It made the urge to lick up the stripe of his spine irresistible. So he did it. And he bit down on the skin where his met his neck, right as his rock hard cock slid snug right between Sam's ass cheeks. He pressed his hips forward at the sensation and they groaned in unison. "Fuck, Sammy," he began a rhythm, just sliding in the crack, relieving some of the pressure. "Never thought I could have you like this," he told him, lips brushing against Sam's neck as he spoke. "Never thought you'd want this..."

"Dean...please," Sam breathlessly replied, pressing back into Dean's thrusts.

"What, baby? What do you want?" Dean asked. Sam remembered, then, that this was supposed to be about what Dean wanted; not him. "Tell me. Wanna hear it."

"Want whatever you're planning to do...want you to do it already," he told him.

Dean drew in a breath through his nose and he slowly pulled back, kissing along Sam's back as he went. His hands went blindly down to the mattress where he'd brought the tube of lube, and Sam heard when the top popped open. "You ever done this before, Sammy?" Dean asked as his fingers sought out and found Sam's clenching hole.

"N-no. Not really," Sam replied, breath stuttering as Dean's fingers made little circles.

"Not really? What's that even mean?" Dean asked, not pausing in his administrations.

"Um..." Sam hesitated, and he didn't want Dean to think he'd been sleeping with guys, because that wasn't the case. But he didn't want to say something that'd put Dean off, either.

"What? You let a girl peg you or somethin'?" Dean smirked, sliding two fingers in, gently, without any resistance.

Sam keened beneath him, rocking back onto Dean's fingers, trying to keep his breath. "Ugh...no," he replied. "Just...let's talk about it after, okay...gah!" Dean's fingers had rubbed over Sam's prostate.

"Mmm I dunno, Sam. I feel like..." he stretched and circled his fingers, adding more lube with his other hand, "This is something you should share. Not gonna tell me you whored yourself out for college money, are you? Make a little amateur gay porn to fund Lawyer Crap 101?"

Sam growled. "No, Dean, you jerk," he tried to swing his hand backward to hit him, and Dean just laughed.

"C'mon, man, you're killin' me, now. I gotta hear this."

"No, actually," Sam countered. "You don't. I promise you that much."

Dean furrowed his brows, concerned now, and he stopped what he was doing, pulling his fingers free, much to Sam's dismay. "Sammy?" he sounded so concerned, Sam deflated and turned to look at him. Dean's face washed with worry made him turn all the way onto his back.

"Please, Dean," he grabbed his arm. "Please don't stop. I want this."

"Sam, you gotta tell me what you're talkin' about, because right now I've got about the worse shit imaginable running through my head, and it ain't helping my libido any," he said in a gruff voice.

Sam's eyes dropped somewhere between them. "Whatever you're thinking is probably close to right," he said, almost whispering.

"Lucifer," Dean surmised.

Sam swallowed, taking in a shaky breath and not wanting to look up and see the pity in Dean's eyes. "It was the pit, Dean. I was supposed to be tortured. He wanted to hurt me in every way possible, and he did." He took another breath when Dean didn't respond. "That was Hell. It was different. This," he looked up at him, then, "This is different and I know that. I know every single moment of it. The pain, Dean..." he shook his head, "You know as well as I that it's not the same as it is in Hell. I wasn't thinking about that at all. Not until you asked. I'm...I'm sorry," he looked away.

"Sammy," he said in an exhale and grabbed hold of either side of Sam's face.

"I've ruined everything. I'm not... You expected me to be...for this to be my first... I've ruined it..."

"No, Sammy," Dean's eyes grew wet. "No you haven't. That's not what I think at all."

"Sure," he tried to pull away.

"It happened to me, too, Sam," Dean said in a rush, like it'd burned to say it out loud. Sam's wide eyes met Dean's. "Not Lucifer, obviously. But like you said, it was Hell," his mouth curved up a bit, yet the smile didn't reach his eyes. "It was meant to suck and they sure do a damn good job of it. But there's no way in hell or any other place, that I'd ever think any less of you for that. You gotta know that, right?"

Sam's eyes were brimmed with tears, knowing his brother had suffered like he had. But also because Dean didn't think of him the way he thought he might because of this. He guessed, though, he shouldn't have thought Dean would think that anyway.

"Sam?" Dean asked again at Sam's silence.

So Sam nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat as he put his right hand on the side of Dean's neck. "I love you so much, Dean," he said in what could've been a sob, pulling his head closer to him. "And I'm sorry...I know this is like...a huge chick-flick moment, but I don't love anything or anyone as much as I love you. I never have and I never will," his voice cracked, though it had already been shaking to begin with.

Anything else Sam might have wanted to say was stifled by Dean's mouth suddenly upon his. And when Dean pulled away, it was only for a moment to say, "I love you too, Sammy," and dive right back in, laying the rest of his body onto Sam's, docking between Sam's spread legs as they just took the long moment to hold onto each other like this.

Neither was certain how much time had passed before Sam spoke up. "Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we still gonna...ya know...have sex now?"

Dean pushed up a bit to look at his face. "You still want to?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he looked at him incredulously.

"Oh thank god," Dean said within a sigh, and moved to a kneeling position, dragging Sam up with him. "Change of plans, though. I want you to ride me," he said with a sly looking grin. One Sam wasn't so sure he'd ever actually seen before, which seemed impossible. "Want this to go at your pace."

"But Dean-"

"No, Sam," he cut him off. "Until you're used to it, to how it feels, I don't want one single moment to...remind you anything of...past stuff, okay? Just...please," the look in Dean's eyes, the pleading glare that made them shine almost as if he'd cry if Sam refused his request, had Sam nodding again. And as Dean laid back onto the mattress and Sam straddled his hips, Sam realized that Dean was terrified that Sam would end up looking at him like he was that violator that had taken him by force in the pit, if even the slightest thing went wrong here. If this was what Dean needed in order to feel secure about all of this, Sam would give it to him.

Sam would give him anything...

tbc