Dean sat alone in the dorm room, slumped on his four poster bed, catching up on the latest issue of Which Broomstick. All of a sudden, there was a frantic tapping on the dorm room door. He put it down on the bed and got up sluggishly. Before he could get to the door, it opened to reveal a rather hurried-looking Seamus, fiddling with the door handle.
"Seamus? What's happ…?"
"Dean, listen, just, uh, shut up a minute." He exhaled slowly.
Seamus leaned in slowly towards a surprised and still looking Dean. Their lips brushed as the door closed behind them.
No-one else even chanced across the Weasleys' corridor for the rest of the afternoon, (allowing for much more experimentation with fireworks; they'd succeeded in putting even more limbs on the firework dragon; some people would say too many but the twins were not those people) so they retired to the Gryffindor common room, hat hidden under their cloaks, feeling satisfied with a day well spent.
The only problem was the common room was gibbering with noise from students all talking rather excitedly to each other. Every now and again the twins heard snatches of conversation, surfacing and sinking again rapidly in a tumultuous din.
"…it's about time that they…"
"…I didn't even know that they were…"
"…that poor girl he was going out with; to find out like this…"
They noticed Harry, Ron and Hermione sitting round a table near the fire; Ron was clearly getting a little shouty, while Hermione was clearly trying to get a word in edgeways to explain calmly why Ron was being an idiot. Harry just seemed to be enjoying the show. The twins swooped down on either side of Ron, much to his surprise.
"Bloody Hell!" Squeaked Ron, to the amusement of Harry and Hermione.
"Honestly, Ron. Talk to your mother with that mouth?" chided George with a mock look of disappointment.
"So what's going on here, gang? The common room's full of chatter and it doesn't seem to be about us."
"I'll tell you what's going on" said Ron, annoyed. "We can't get into our dorm room because there's a hex on the door."
"Be fair, Ron; it's just a sock" said Hermione matter-of-factly.
"It's an enchanted sock! And it bit me!"
Fred and George made a mental note to add biting socks to their inventory.
"C'mon, Ron. You couldn't get round a sock?" grinned Fred.
"Darn socks" punned George. The twins shared a fist bump.
"I couldn't exactly get round it when it was on the bloody handle could I?"
A bar of soap magically appeared in Ron's mouth, but was choked out almost immediately. Ron's arguments quickly turned to noises of disgust. George took advantage of the gap to smirk.
"So the ol' sock on the door, eh?"
"Well Ron and I didn't really know what to do, so we tried to levitate it off, and that's when it bit Ron and told us to go away." explained Harry. "We only really found out what it meant when Katie Bell overheard us talking about it and well…"
"She explained in no uncertain terms." Finished Hermione, succinctly, but blushing.
"Oh my sweet naïve children" beamed Fred.
"I don't think it's… that… though" reckoned George. "Probably just some making out, light petting, that sort of stuff."
"Maybe a little bit of 'finding the snitch'" said Fred before he could stop himself.
The boys almost choked. Harry in particular had never heard his quidditch position put to such strange use before, but Ron's mouth was foaming with soap and laughter. Hermione was doing her best to disguise her giggle, but was turning redder and redder and occasional small bits of spittle were escaping. It wouldn't surprise the twins if a witch her age was using the library to look up certain anatomical phenomena she didn't understand.
"What Ronald needs to understand" Hermione righted herself, "is that their privacy is maybe just a little more important than him getting his broomstick"
"Oh whoever's in there could be making out with a troll for all I care, just as long as they do it somewhere that doesn't interfere with quidditch!"
"Well maybe if you'd put it away in the Gryffindor team's lockers rather than sleeping with it every night like a teddy bear."
"So that Malfoy and co can get at it? Not bloody likely. Ack!" (More soap)
"Anyway…" interjected Fred, "who's the lucky couple?"
"Well we think we've figured it out" said Harry. "Hermione's been taking inventory of everyone here."
"It's got to be one of the boys in their year" gesturing to Ron and Harry, "but not them, obviously, since they're here, and not Neville because he's there."
She pointed to Neville who was at the other end of the common room, trying to manage walking while holding a toad in one hand and what looked like a sea anemone in the other. Fred and George shared a brief look which seemed to contain within it a concise discussion about Neville and Luna.
"And we think it's got to be one of the Patils, because they're not h… oh" Hermione trailed off weakly as Padme and Pavarti entered through the portrait hole. "Well I think that's all the Gryffindor girls in now, so that means…" Hermione went pink again.
"Dean and Seamus, then," mused Fred. "That was fast."
"Well it took 'em five years and a small nudge from us" said George.
"A large nudge."
"More of a hefty push, really."
"So this is your fault?" asked Ron.
"Hang on," said Hermione. "What does he mean your fault? You haven't laced their drinks with love potions have you?" She looked incensed.
"Oh gods no!" exclaimed the twins in unison.
"No, Hermione- it's their dating agency that they're running," explained Harry.
"You must know!" shouted Ron, incredulously at the blank look on Hermione's face. "You know everything!"
"Hermione;" Harry again. "They've been fixing people up with the sorting hat."
"The sorting hat?" Hermione gasped "Does Dumbledore know?"
"I'm sure he's got better things to think about." scoffed Fred
"Like beard maintenance." suggested George.
"You really shouldn't be stealing powerful magical artefacts, especially not from Dumbledore!"
"Oh come off it, Hermione. It's a hat. He puts it on the heads of first-years. Just how dangerous could it be?"
"It's not as if it gives away a free sword of Gryffindor with every consultation!"
"I know, but that amount of knowledge on every student? That can be really quite dangerous" Hermione objected.
"Oh come on, Hermione! We're actually doing some good for once! The hat even said so!"
"And besides, as long as we're busy with this, we can't get up to any of our usual destructive hi-jinx."
"Well I don't know" muttered Hermione, whose duty as a prefect would certainly be a lot easier if she didn't have to persistently clean up after the twins. "Lots of people's emotions are running quite high."
"We'll make this a lot easier for you, Hermione. We've asked the hat some questions ourselves about certain of our friends, so we happen to know a thing or two about you. So if you let us continue our philanthropic extra curricular business that hurts absolutely no-one, we won't reveal to these guys who you have a crush on."
That little act of blackmail won them the argument. A slightly flustered Hermione threw up her hands in defeat, as if to say "do what you want", before stomping off back to her dormitory.
"Well that shut her up" said Ron, now with a tongue free from soap. "So go on then; who does she fancy?"
"We're not telling you, Ronald. We made a wizards' agreement."
"You can tell me; I'm your brother. And Harry's as good as!"
Harry made a gesture, subtly suggesting that he in no way wanted to be involved in this, or any inevitable arguments between Ron and Hermione that would stem from this.
"Nah; it's more fun keeping you in suspense."
"But we can tell you that it's really rather embarrassing."
"And sad."
"And pitiful."
Ron didn't get the hint. "Well go on; who?"
"We're not telling you!" said the twins in unison. "Now scuttle off before we tell the whole dorm who it is that keeps you up at night."
Ron looked about to challenge them, but changed his mind and walked away, muttering something about not having a dorm to go to. The twins shared a mental high-five.
"Um guys" said Harry, feeling slightly awkward after both his friends had been blackmailed into leaving. "If it was you who told Seamus and Dean to get together, then aren't you worried about what Ginny's going to do?"
Uh-oh. They'd forgotten Ginny was dating Dean. Although the thought that no-one was currently kissing their little sister wasn't exactly unwelcome. They'd often thought she was a little too popular with the boys.
"I reckon we can handle her." Said George, with Fred nodding in agreement.
"All the same, maybe we should we maybe fix her up with ...?" suggested Fred.
"I wouldn't if I were you." said Harry. "She can take care of herself. She's very independent that way. But once she properly breaks up with Dean, I'd be very careful if I were you." Harry smiled, before getting up to try and find his best friends.
Fred and George's eyes followed him.
"Should we tell him what the hat said about him and Ginny?" whispered Fred
"I reckon it can wait." said George with a grin.