MEANWHILE!!!
"So what do you say to that?" Inoshi said as he lied out the plan for the new book. "Do you think it's too early to do an autobiography?"
"No." Neji said. "I would like to read an autobiography. I think it's entirely appropriate too, and people would want to read it just because you're an Uchiha. Especially after your previous work."
"But what do you think of the structure?" Inoshi asked. "I was thinking of dedicating a chapter to each member of my family to do a little introduction. Do you think that's a little TOO organized?"
"No, organization is a good thing." Neji said. He was about to continue, but out of the corner of his eye he caught Lee building a tower with the jelly containers and was officially distracted. "Lee…do you have to do that? Now? Here?"
"Um…I guess not." Lee said, knocking his tower over.
Neji was about to go on but then he caught Lil Gai doing the same thing.
"Is that a compulsive thing that your family does?" Neji asked.
"We're just bored, that's all." Said Lee. "Not being allowed to talk kind of does that to someone."
"Excuse me, but WE'RE trying to talk." Neji said, pointing to himself and Inoshi.
"It's all right." Said Inoshi. "I don't mind if they talk."
"I do." Said Neji.
"Why can't we sit next to each other?" whined Lil Gai.
"Because I have to sit in between my children and it's easier to talk to Inoshi if he's across from me." Neji answered as if it made perfect sense. In a way it does, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it's not nice.
"Neji, I just don't understand!" Lee said. "For thirty-eight years I tried to befriend you by being nice and open and enthusiastic! Thirty-eight years! And now, a twenty-one year old whom you've hardly even LOOKED at is suddenly the only person you want to talk to! No offense to you, Inoshi."
"Oh…um…" Inoshi said awkwardly.
"Lee, did it ever strike you that maybe I didn't want someone to be quite as enthusiastic as you to be my friend?" Neji said with a raised eyebrow.
"You know the term 'opposites attract'!" said Lee.
"No." said Neji. "That's not the case."
"Oh." Said Lee, lowering his head. "Fine."
"Dad, can we have dessert?" Hichou asked.
"No, you have to eat first." Neji said.
"But dessert's the best part." Hichou complained.
"You have to eat first." Neji repeated.
MEANWHILE!!!
"Oh, what's this?" said Chouji. "I have two napkins! Shikamaru, are you missing your napkin by any chance?"
"No, I have my napkin." Shikamaru replied.
"Do you want another one?" Chouji asked. "You never know when you might need another napkin!"
"Chouji, I saw you pull that out of the napkin dispenser." Shikamaru said.
"Oh…" said Chouji, putting the napkin down on the table. "Um…well, I have to go the bathroom then! If you want the napkin then it's right here!" Chouji quickly got up and ran off to the bathroom.
"What was that all about?" Kiba said. "He was just offering to give you another napkin."
"It's been weird around Chouji ever since he…" Shikamaru started. "I shouldn't go into it."
"Now you HAVE to." Said Naruto.
"Well, a few years ago Chouji turned into kind of a creepy stalker." Shikamaru said. "I kind of suspected it for a while but then he told me that he's actually been in love with me ever since we were fifteen."
"I can see why you got a little weird around him." Said Sasuke.
"I got myself a restraining order when it got to the point in which I thought he was going to attack me in the middle of the night." Shikamaru said.
"Don't flatter yourself, Shikamaru." Said Kiba.
"It's true." Shikamaru said. "He pitched a tent in my backyard once. He asked for a copy of my house key. He started visiting EVERY DAY."
"Okay…that IS a little weird…" Kiba admitted.
"Finally, I got a restraining order." Shikamaru said. "Chouji's a nice guy, but he's about five times my size and ten times my weight. I've been out of the ninja business for twice as long as he has and, even though I was Hokage for ten years, I was afraid for my life."
"That's sad." Shino said.
"It's logical." Shikamaru corrected.
"No, I meant it was a sad story, not that you were pathetic." Shino clarified. "I've been suspecting that Kiba's been in love with me for a little while but I haven't said anything."
"What?!" demanded Kiba. "Shino, you better be talking about some OTHER person named Kiba!"
"You have to admit, Kiba, you are very clingy." Shino said.
"I am not!" said Kiba.
"Well, for an Aburame you are." Shino said.
"I'm not an Aburame." Said Kiba. "I'm an Inuzuka. And for your information, I'm giving you your DISTANCE!"
"I'd hate to see you not giving me my distance." Shino said.
"Does he ever sniff you, Shino?" Sasuke said.
"No." Shino said.
"Shino smells bad." Kiba said.
"No I don't." Shino said.
"What, do I smell good?" Sasuke said, looking baffled.
"Yes, you do." Kiba said.
"This is getting weird." Naruto commented.
"But that's not why I sniff you!" Kiba said, realizing what he had just said had been a little weird. "It's just because you're part of the family and that's what we do in my family!"
"I am so NOT in your family." Sasuke said.
"Your son married my daughter, didn't he?" Kiba said. "That puts you in my family and me in yours!"
Sasuke shook his head and looked away.
"Geez, excuse me for living." Said Kiba, grabbing his menu and hiding behind it.
MEANWHILE!!!
"So tomorrow we're going to go shopping for clothes for the party." Hinata said when there was a break in the conversation.
"We're going shopping?" Shika and Cho said at the same time as they both interrupted their discussion about fleecy tees to turn around and put all their attention on shopping.
"Yes." Hinata said. "We want everyone to look nice for the pictures."
"We're taking pictures too?" said Sakura. "I wish I knew! I would have cut my hair!"
"We can all get our hair done tomorrow!" Tenten said.
"Yes, I was planning on taking Tashoku and…Kobiru I guess… with us." Hinata said.
"What about Hana, Kajitsu, Neji's daughter whatever her name may be and Shino's three daughters?" Ino asked, counting off on her fingers.
"I know Kajitsu would want to get her hair done." Sakura said. "She'd never forgive me if I went without her!"
"Then I guess we'll have a bit of a girl's day out!" Hinata said, sounding a bit excited. "We'll probably take off at around noon for the shopping… get our hair done at around three o'clock…"
"Three hours of shopping?" said Shika.
"That sounds like a great idea!" said Cho.
"But do you think it'll be enough time?" Shika said. "There are a lot of people after all…"
"Some people can be picky about they wear." Cho said.
"Like you two?" Ino said.
"You don't have to worry about us!" laughed Shika.
"Yeah, we're going to be off doing some MANLY shopping with the rest of the guys!" said Cho.
"Oh are you?" said Ino. "That's something I'd like to see."
"We'll go off with Dad and the rest of the gang!" said Shika.
"They'll be a fun lot to shop with!" said Cho. "It'll be like old times!"
"Just don't mention the fleecy tees around your father." Ino advised.
"What has he got against the fleecy tees?" Tenten asked. "I think they're adorable."
"That's what we think too!" said Shika and Cho.
"I don't know." Ino said. "I just don't know. All I know is that one minute he didn't care and the next… he couldn't stand them."
MEANWHILE!!!
"I'm training harder than ever for the Jounin exam!" said Pansuke.
"I was helping him but then I found out I was pregnant so I had to put that on hold!" said Kobiru.
"Pansuke, if you only JUST became a chuunin, what makes you think that you can become a jounin already?" Lil Lee asked as he subconsciously made a tower of jelly packets.
"Because I just don't test well!" said Pansuke. "I'm OBVIOUSLY ready to take the jounin exam and be a jounin and go on jounin missions!"
"You only JUST became a chuunin." Lil Lee repeated.
"Obviously the system is flawed if YOU'RE a jounin and I'm not!" said Pansuke.
"What's that supposed to mean?" said Lil Lee.
"I have beat you…" Pansuke said, whipping out the list again. "One MILLION times! Which means that I am better than you are! And, personally, I'm rather disappointed that my sister got stuck with YOU as her teacher because she's likely to only learn how to lose from you."
Pansuke then leaned over to Sasuke Jr.
"How do YOU feel with this loser being your sister's teacher?" he asked.
Lil Lee knew he was above Pansuke, but it still hurt inside to know that it was true that Pansuke beat him every single time they fought.
"I love it." said Sasuke Jr., just to spite Pansuke.
"I think I'M all right with it." said Senjou. "I've seen Lee in the ANBU exams. I'm pretty sure he's worthy of teaching Hana."
"About that ANBU exam." Said Lil Lee, turning to Senjou. "I know another one is coming up in a few weeks."
"Yeah…" said Senjou, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Are you saying that genjutsu is STILL a requirement for becoming part of ANBU?" sighed Lil Lee.
"Sorry!" said Senjou. "I don't make the rules! It's just… such a huge disadvantage… I mean… if we were on a mission… and then Pansuke the chuunin walked over and used genjutsu…" Senjou paused. "It's not that GENJUTSU is a requirement. It's just… the cancel move. THAT'S a requirement."
"I'm still going to be in that exam." Said Lil Lee.
"I know you will!" said Senjou, trying very hard not to just blurt out, "You're just going to waste your time!! AGAIN!!"
"Why do you bother?" said Pansuke. "You don't know the cancel move so you can't become an ANBU."
Lil Lee was just about to commence in attempting to smite Pansuke when, all of a sudden, BIG Lee came out of nowhere.
"Are all you kiddos getting along?!" said Lee enthusiastically.
They only just looked at Lee skeptically since they were old now and didn't like being referred to as kiddos. Especially Lil Lee who was ready to go on the warpath if Lee called him that again.
"All I've been hearing at this table is the same ol' thing!" Lee continued. "I'm better than you! No, I'm better than you! No, I'm better than you! Is that all you guys ever talk about?"
"Well, tell your son that I've beaten him a million times!" said Pansuke.
"I KNOW you've beaten me a million times." Said Lil Lee. "I wasn't denying it. At all. Ever."
"What?" said Lee. "But…he's only a CHUUNIN!"
"I know." Said Lil Lee.
"But Lil Lee!" said Lee. "How could this chuunin beat you one million times when you are a SPECIAL jounin on the brink of becoming apart of ANBU?!"
"His specialty is genjutsu." Lil Lee answered.
"Oh." Said Lee. "I understand. Wow, that must be horribly frustrating for you. If only there was some way for you to beat out all of your aggressions towards Pansuke and prove to everyone that you're better than him even though he's beaten you one million times!"
Lee stood there silently for a moment and then turned away. And left.
"Lee, your dad needs some medication or something!" said Pansuke.
"Pansuke, that was pretty much the only cool thing my dad has ever done or said so don't ruin it for me." Lil Lee said.
"What are you going to do about it?" said Pansuke. "Try and fight me?!"
"No." said Lil Lee, rolling his eyes.
"Why?" said Pansuke. "Because you know I'm better?"
"You're not better." Said Lil Lee. "You just fight dirty."
"I do NOT fight dirty." Said Pansuke.
"Okay…" Lil Lee said. "Sasuke, you're just a regular jounin right?"
"What?" said Sasuke Jr., coming back into reality. "Yeah. As opposed to what?"
"A special jounin, like me." Lil Lee answered. "So that means I'm better. Pansuke, if you can't beat—"
"Wait, what did you just say?" Sasuke Jr. said. "Did you just say that you were better than me?"
"Bad move." Said Tashoku.
"Oh right, I forgot you were an Uchiha." Said Lil Lee under his breath. "Rank wise, I'm better than you."
"Rank wise, you're better than Pansuke but he's still beaten you a million times." Sasuke Jr. reminded him.
"I meant SKILL wise." Said Lil Lee.
"Then I'm better." Sasuke Jr. said.
"Can't you just work with me here?" Lil Lee requested.
"Okay, fine, Lee." Said Sasuke Jr. "You're…'better' than I am." He did the little quoteys and spoke in sort of a condescending tone. Of course, this offended Lil Lee to an unspeakable extent.
"Now I have to prove that I'm better than you too…" Lil Lee sighed.
"Good luck." Said Sasuke Jr.
MEANWHILE!!!
"So out of the three of you, who is the best?" Hana asked Moujo, referring to her and her two silent sisters.
"Uh…probably Jijo." Moujo answered.
"That's so sad." Said Hana.
"Why?" asked Moujo.
"Because you're older!" said Hana. "It must be so hard for you to have a younger sister who's better than you are!"
"No, not really." Said Moujo.
"I know when Inoshi was younger, he used to stay in his room all day because we all were better than him." Hana said.
"Well, Jijo's ALWAYS been better than me." Said Moujo. "But she can control the bugs so that's a given!"
"Eww…bugs…" said Kajitsu.
"What's wrong with the bugs?" said Jijo.
"Nothing, they're just kind of…gross…" Kajitsu answered truthfully.
"You don't just SAY that!" said Hana.
"Say what?" said Kajitsu.
Hana threw her hands up in the air and sighed.
"So do you think that in a fight, you'd lose to Jijo?" Kajitsu asked Moujo.
"Probably." Moujo said with a shrug. "You think so, Jijo?" Jijo shrugged. "I'm better at taijutsu than she is, but she's better at… everything else. Plus, I feel like a broken record, she can use the bugs."
"I just can't see myself losing to someone younger than me." Said Kajitsu.
Hana cleared her throat. "What about me?" she said.
"You don't count." Kajitsu said.
"Why don't I count?" Hana asked.
"Because you're PRACTICALLY my age." Said Kajitsu.
"I'm an entire year younger than you!" Hana pointed out. "Actually, a year and three months!"
"So?!" said Kajitsu. "That's practically nothing!"
"You only say that because you realize that you ALWAYS lose to someone younger than you!" said Hana.
"You don't beat me EVERY time!" said Kajitsu. "I beat you the LAST time we fought!"
"No you didn't!" said Hana. "That time it was a draw because Lee forced us to stop before we could finish!"
"But I was in the process of winning!" Kajitsu said, crossing her arms.
"Ahh…Shikataro, do something again!" said Moujo.
Shikataro sighed. "Just let them argue." He said.
MEANWHILE!!!
"Now all the GIRLS are fighting!" Lee observed. "We'll have to make a tournament for THEM too!"
"Lee, we don't need to have tournaments." Said Neji.
"Yes we do!" Lee said. "My son needs to show everyone that he's better than Pansuke! Hichou and Hiyoko will be in it too!"
"Well…I suppose…" said Neji.
Inoshi looked over Lee's shoulder. "No, Lee." He said. "Take me out of the tournament. I haven't been a ninja for…well, you know how long. You were my teacher."
"But it'll be fun!" said Lee. "Won't it be fun to refresh your ninjaness?!"
"No." said Inoshi. "I don't need a reminder of my ninjaness." He looked at rest of the list since Lee was currently mapping the tournaments out on a napkin. "Kobiru's extremely pregnant. She can't be in the tournament. Shikataro also quit being a ninja too."
"Inoshi, are you going to force me to get violent?" said Lee.
"Oh…sorry…" said Inoshi.
"Maybe we could have a tournament of all the RETIRED people!" said Lee. "That would be Inoshi, Shikataro…Sasuke…"
"I think, at this point, pretty much everyone is retired." Neji said.
"I'M not!" said Lee. "I went on a mission almost one month ago!"
"One month?" said Neji. "That's a long time ago."
"Well…" Lee started. "So anyway! I will put the names down entirely at random!"
"You probably shouldn't put Senjou in the tournament either." Inoshi said.
"Why?" said Lee.
"Because then there would be absolutely no mystery to the winner of the tournament." Inoshi said.
"Are you implying that Senjou would defeat Lil Lee?" said Lee.
"And Hichou?" said Neji.
"Um…" Inoshi said timidly.
"I'm putting him in." said Lee. "Unless you want to take his place, Inoshi."
"Dad, who do I get to fight first?!" asked Lil Gai, leaning over Inoshi.
"Um…" said Lee, looking around for Lil Gai's name. "Sasuke's FIRST son!"
"YAY!!" cheered Lil Gai.
"Why are you cheering?" said Inoshi.
"Because I can't wait to fight!" said Lil Gai.
"But Sasuke's a jounin." Inoshi said, still a little confused. "Aren't you only a chuunin?"
"Yeah?" said Lil Gai. "So?"
"Inoshi, I think you have a little too much faith in your own family." Said Lee.
"Well…I just know that they're all really really really…really really good." Inoshi said with a sigh.
"Not as good as Hichou." Said Neji.
"Right!" said Hichou, putting his thumb up.
MEANWHILE!!!
Actually, not a meanwhile. Everyone ordered their food, received their food, ate their food, paid for their food and then left. HURRAY!