A/N Thank-you to all my lovely reviewers, (if you commented as a guest and I was unable to thank-you via pm, my thanks to you too!) With this chapter we will be about half-way through the story. There's a wee bit of angst in this one.

Chapter 6

Doing eight performances a week was grueling but even more so when a show was as emotionally charged as this one was. Certainly nothing could compare to the rush of performing at the peak of one's ability with an equally talented lead. However, after only a few performances with Rachel, Jesse felt like he was walking a tightrope and teetering on the brink of falling into the unknown. He texted Sophie every day but not as much as he normally would have. He tried to keep things as professional as possible by avoiding one on one time spent with Rachel socially. If the cast went out as a group, he was friendly but reserved around Rachel and he never stayed out very late.

He felt a little less guilty about his avoiding her since Rachel seemed to be finding her footing on English soil and developing friendships. There were also several of the guys in the production vying for her attention. Still, over the past week, Jesse would sometimes catch her looking at him with sadness in her eyes, and he knew that she too was missing the easy camaraderie they had once shared. Part of him longed to get to know the woman she had grown into, but the other part was afraid that he just might like the older, wiser Rachel far too much for his own sanity. Still the temptation was there and it was growing.

After the Saturday night performance, Jesse was emotionally spent. Thankfully Claire was well enough to return to the boards and she and Stephen would take the Monday night performance and Tuesday matinee, giving Jesse and Rachel a real break. It was especially good timing as Sophie was arriving back in London late Sunday morning.

Jesse had removed his makeup and costume in record time and was just pulling on his jeans when Rachel walked into his dressing room without knocking.

"Oh, I….I didn't think you'd be changing just yet." she stuttered as her gaze came to rest on Jesse's very nicely toned upper body. She blushed and quickly looked away when she realized what she was doing.

Jesse pretended he hadn't caught her looking, nor found his heart quicken at that look, and quickly pulled on his shirt. "Yeah, well I was afraid if I didn't keep moving quickly I'd be too tired to make it out of the theatre and I'd end up as a puddle here on the dressing room floor," he joked feebly. "How about yourself? You got thrown in at the deep end this week what with Claire being off sick."

"I'm okay, I still keep to a pretty healthy diet and exercise regimen, so my stamina is good. But yes, it will be nice to have a couple of days off. That's actually why I stopped by. I wondered if you'd like to go out for coffee tomorrow or Monday and maybe we could get caught up on each other's lives? I really miss talking to you about the theatre and songs and… and everything." Rachel's voice dwindled off into silence for a moment before she suddenly blurted out "I really miss you, Jesse."

Jesse was torn. Both Rachel's voice and her big brown eyes were pleading with him. He found her so very hard to resist, especially tonight as he was overly tired and feeling vulnerable. Fortunately he had a good excuse to use. "I'm sorry but this weekend is out, Rachel. My girlfriend is just getting back from France and well, it's only right that I spend this free time with her, I'm sure you understand."

'Oh, I should have realized you'd have a girlfriend. It's just I hadn't seen you with anyone and maybe everyone thought I knew about her, but of course I didn't because no one mentioned it and they likely thought I already knew which I couldn't ha… "Rachel stopped as she realized she was babbling idiotically. Her brain seemed to be frozen and her mouth was on autopilot. "Right, I'll just be on my way then. I hope you have a nice break" and she all but ran from the room.

Jesse quickly finished buttoning his shirt. He still had the gauntlet of autograph seekers and fans to wade through at the stage door, but right now all he wanted to do was snap his fingers and be home. He'd given one of his best performances on stage tonight but these last few minutes in the dressing room had left him feeling unsettled, unhappy and unsociable. He grabbed his duffel bag and headed out. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he'd be home.

Back in her dressing room, Rachel took a long time getting changed and removing her makeup. She didn't want to chance having to stand with Jesse at the stage door greeting fans. She simply couldn't handle it right now. Her brain was operating again but all it kept saying over and over was "Jesse has moved on. Jesse didn't wait for you to grow up. You stupid, stupid girl, you could have had it all and you threw it away."

Later that evening, lying wide awake in bed, Rachel's mind kept going over and over the past few days. She had been so sure that Jesse was feeling the same thing she was when they were on stage together; not just that rare gift of immediate rapport and instinctive knowledge of what the other one was about to do in the scene- but also the constant shimmer of a deeper attraction between them. The two of them had chemistry in spades. She'd tried to pretend that it was only that they were two excellent actors and that Jesse offstage was arrogant and a heart-breaker, but she couldn't fool herself anymore.

Having taken Jesse's advice not to be overly talkative but rather to listen and learn, one of the most important things she'd learned was that Jesse was respected and liked. He seemed to have lost that "win at all costs and too bad for everyone else" attitude that he'd had drilled into him at Carmel. He still was a master at the sarcastic put down when needed, but he seemed to have tamed that aspect for the most part. She highly doubted any of her McKinley classmates would recognize the Jesse St. James that now was. He was still talented, gorgeous and driven; but aside from that, he was a decent human being, which made tonight's revelation so much harder to take.

Rachel had thought her heart had cracked when Jesse had berated her for the "Run Joey Run" escapade and then that it had shattered when he had egged her. She had thought her heart had broken in her junior year when Finn had dumped her for Quinn. But that was nothing to the pain she was feeling now. She realized she was in love with Jesse St. James and maybe always had been. Her teenage self had been too afraid of those feelings and so she'd pushed him away, turning instead to Finn who was the boring but safe option. But it had never been Finn who was her soul mate, it had always been Jesse. She'd waited too long to figure it out; too late to tell him.