Me: Hey Yall!

Zoro: Since when were you from the south?

Sanji: Sierra-swan can be whatever she wants!

Me: Thank you Sanji-kun~ Anyway, I'd like to tell you all something very important. My grandmother has gotten very mad at me because of my very low grades in school (2 F's, 2 C's, and 3 B's) so my grandma has decided to take away my computer for 6 weeks and take away all of my anime stuff. Including my Chopper plushie and my Luffy doll! Just so I'll get better grades!

Franky: That's so sad!

Me: I know…! But I will try my best to work on it during Biology class (I know not workin' very hard for those grades am I?).

Brook: Sierra does not own One Piece, except for Linda, her brothers and mom, and any other characters you do not recognize!

Me: And a note to all. There will be A LOT of spazzing in this chapter.

Chapter 7: Candy Island Part I – Gummy Bears, Mental Disorders, and Baths

"Linda, come celebrate with us!" Luffy yelled, bounding over to me, his arms linked with Usopp's and Chopper's.

I looked up from the map Nami was showing me, and frowned. "Celebrate? Celebrate what?"

"Just ignore them, they're always partying for no reason," Nami said.

"What is it, Luf?"

He smiled and pulled me up from the ground, and dragged me over to the edge of the ship. He pointed toward a small dot on the horizon. "It's a new island!" he cheered.

And so now I was celebrating as well. This would be my first island visiting as an official pirate!

"Luffy?"

"Hm?"

"What'll the island be like?" I questioned.

He scratched his head and made a humming noise as he thought. "I'm not sure, they're all different. Like one time, we went to this island were there were zombies!"

"Zombies?" I gasped.

"Actually, it was a ship," Usopp corrected.

Neither of us listened to him and I listened intently to Luffy as he continued. "-and then I punched Kami like this-" he said punching the air above my head, " –and he went flying!"

"Cool~" I breathed in fascination. "I hope it'll be like a monster filled jungle, or…or a Marine base, or-"

"You have got to be kidding me," Nami and I said in unison.

I had gotten excited over nothing. I had expected for the island to be inhabited by savaged, or cannibals. A little action! But, C'mon! Just throw me a bone or something! But this? I so did not expect this.

"Nami?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I crazier than I thought, or are you seeing this too?"

"I'm not sure," she mumbled. " Let's just say we're both crazy and leave it at that."

"Right…"

The island we had arrived on looked like it had been pulled out of a story book – or a chocolate catalogue. Just imagine Willy Wonka's garden and you're pretty close. Take away the building part and add moving, talking, candy-coated people – and you have exactly what we where we were at this moment.

"Welcome to Candy Island!" a gingerbread man about Chopper's size said.

The gingerbread 'man' had a candy 'cane' and a sugar glass monocle. He had gumdrop buttons and a suit made of icing.

I leaned toward my right, toward Luffy, and whispered in his ear, "Nee, Luffy?"

He grunted, and stared wide eyed at the gingerbread man.

"Do you have the urge to run up and bite his head off, just to see what happens?"

He nodded.

"Me too," I murmured, before stepping forward and following the gingerbread man as he led us toward – wait for it – Candy Mountain.

Apparently "Candy Village" sat at the base of the mountain, were all of the citizens of Candy Island lived. I don't know about you, but by the time I leave this island either I'll be really fat from too much chocolate, or have gone into cardiac arrest from sugar.

"My name is Mr. Monopoly, I am the mayor of this island, and – if I may ask – what are your names?"

We introduced ourselves to him, then he went into an elaborate explanation of the island's history. None of us listened – except Robin maybe.

"So you're saying this island was once inhabited by cannibals?" I heard Robin inquire from the front of the group.

My ears perked up and I turned my attention from watching Luffy stuff a chocolate rabbit down his throat – that had been hopping on the ground just moments before – to the conversation between the two.

"Cannibals?" Usopp squeaked.

"Yes, cannibals lived on this island, but they're gone. Arrivederci, Sayonara, Shalom, gone forever!" Mr. Monopoly cheered suspiciously, stopping at the gate and turning around to look at us. "Now does anybody have any questions?"

"MEAT!" Luffy randomly yelled, before anyone could even think.

"Excuse me?"

"MEAT! DO YOU HAVE MEAT?"

"No, we do not eat meat. All of us here are – excuse the pun – candybals," he said, his licorice lips turning up into a strange smile.

Luffy's attitude did a complete 180, and his jaw dropped, his eyes watering. "I don't like it here!" he cried. "I wanna go somewhere where there's meat!" Then he buried his face into the closest person's shoulder – being me.

"Any more questions?"

I pushed the sobbing Luffy to the ground and stepped forward. "I do!"

"Yes?"

I doned the most serious expression I ever made and looked Mr. Monopoly in his chocolate coated eyes and said, "Do you know…the Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man…"

"Who lives on Drewery Lane?"

"Yes!"

"Why yes, of course I know the Muffin Man! As a matter-a-fact, that's his house right up there," he replied, pointing to a large mansion sitting at the top of the mountain – and it, like everything else, was made of candy.

"Now time to move along, there is much more to see!" he cheered, then marched through the archway.

We just stood there dumfounded.

"I feel like I just stepped into the most fucked up storybook…EVER!" I said.

"Yeah…" everyone agreed.

Mr. Monopoly led the group into the town, where I had the most horrible spazz attack anyone in the history of spazz attacks ever had.

I saw a unicorn!

TWO FREAKING UNICORNS!

I spazzed, jumping into Zoro's arms and letting out a shrill scream, then yelled, "OH MY GOD! IT'S A FUCKING UNICORN! KILL IT!

"SUGEI~" Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper breathed.

Zoro dropped me onto the ground and held his head in his hands. "I think you just made me go deaf!"

"Oi, Marimo! You bastard! How dare you handle such a delicate lady so aggressively!" Sanji screamed in Zoro's face, biting the filter on his cigarette so hard it snapped.

Zoro blinked at Sanji confused then held his hand up to his ear. "Huh?"

Sanji repeated it and Zoro just smiled. "Well, I guess there's a plus side to being deaf!"

The blond cook ignored the chuckling swordsman and helped me off the ground. "Are you injured, my lovely Linda-chan?"

"I'm just perfect," I grumbled. "My only problem is, I feel like I just walked into my worst nightmare…"

"Care to elaborate?" Robin asked.

I huffed. "Well, seeing as almost everything – and everyone – is made of candy; then maybe…just maybe… there is a small chance that – OH MY FUCKING GOD! GIANT GUMMY BEARS!"

Everyone turned and saw five Brook sized gummy bears walking in out direction.

I promptly hid behind Nami, tears and snot streaming down my face.

Everyone stared at me like I had gone crazy, which technically I had, because – it's not like anyone else would freak out when they see ten ton gummy bears…that walk!

"Um, Linda?" Nami whispered, "are you…okay?"

"No, I am not okay! Don't you see the giant gummy bears standing right in front of you?" I hissed.

"Wait, so you were serious when you said 'gummy bears scare me'?" Usopp asked, confused.

"Of course I was serious! I said that I would tell you a secret and I did!"

"But you said it was-" Usopp started.

"-I said it was what?"

"Nothing," Usopp sighed in frustration.

The gummy bears ran off barely a second after I stated my phobia and I immediately began to calm down. Two times freaking out in one day probably isn't good for someone's health. I stepped out from behind Nami and followed Mr. Monopoly toward a large building with the word 'LODGE' written on the sign in icing.

"I wonder what they do when it rains," I mumbled as we got closer.

"Linda, do you have a mental disorder of some kind?" Chopper asked me quietly, making sure I was the only to hear.

I nodded. "I'm bi-polar," I whispered, "why?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "When was the last time you took your medication?"

I tapped my chin and thought for a moment. "I think I ran out to the day before we left my island."

Chopper shook his head. "That explains the random mood changes. Tell me, why is it gummy bears frighten you?"

I giggled and gave Chopper a sly smile. "Are you trying to play physiatrist, Dr. Chopper?"

He blushed and wiggled around like an idiot, and I had no idea what I said in that sentence complimented him. Maybe it was calling him Doctor?

"You may all stay here for the night," Mr. Monopoly interrupted.

The lodge was just a single circular room, a sunken ring in the middle of the room held a bonfire and was lined with plush, pastel colored cushions. Circling the ring were ten cots, each spaced perfectly apart.

"It's almost as if they knew we were coming," Usopp whispered to Nami and I.

Nami rolled her eyes. "Don't be so paranoid, they're just being generous. I wonder if they're generous enough to share some of their treasure with me?" she pondered with an evil smile.

"Over there are the baths," Mr. Monopoly said, pointing to a single white door on the other side of the room. "Unfortunately it is a mixed bath, so you will either have to take a bath together, or one after the other." And with that said he left.

Nothing but silence followed. The crazkling of the flames in the bonfire and a single cricket – albeit a chocolate one – chirped from outside was all that could be heard.

Luffy's lips turned up into a wide smile, and he opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by Nami.

"Don't even say it Luffy! We are not all taking a bath together!" the orange haired navigator said.

"But Nami! It'll be fun! We never take baths together!" the captain protested.

"And there's a reason for that!"

"I don't mind it," I said. "As long as the guys keep their hands to themselves."

"YAHOO!" Luffy cheered, running off toward the bath ahead of the rest of us.

Nami glared at me. "Do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into?"

I smirked. "One word: bathing suit."

"That's two words…"

"WHATEVER!"

"Are you sure you aren't coming?" I asked Nami from the doorway to the bath.

"No way in hell am I going in there with a bunch of half-naked guys!" Nami snapped. She plopped herself down on her cot along with her maps, and ignored me.

I shrugged and left the steaming navigator be.

The bath was huge. It was like a giant water park. A huge waterslide spiraled down from the ceiling and ended coming out of a giant clown's mouth, and not a very pretty clown either. A small tree sprouted up from the middle of the bath, hundreds of candies dangling from its chocolate branches.

"Linda-chan, why are you wearing a bathing suit AND a towel? This is a bath." Sanji asked me, a faint glimmer of excitement visible in his eye.

I grimaced. Leave it to Sanji to try to get me naked in the least perverted way possible.

"Sanji, just do us all a favor and keep it in your - ," I paused and looked down at the towel hanging from his hips. "-towel" I finished.

He turned beet red and sputtered incoherently. "I-I-I-I d-d-didn't m-mean it t-to be, I'm just gonna shut up now."

Robin chuckled from somewhere behind me and I just smirked as Sanji took his defeat.

"Linda!" Luffy yelled from above. I looked up and saw Luffy standing at the top of the slide, water wings around his upper arms. "Watch this!"

"Where'd he get those?" I asked nobody in particular.

Luffy jumped into the slide and rode the water around and around till he reached the bottom. He screamed happily and threw his hands up in the air. "That was fun!"

"LUFFY!" several voices screamed, and a pair of hands slapped themselves over my eyes.

"HEY! WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!" I squealed, tugging at them. "LET ME SEE!"

"You don't want to," Sanji mumbled in my ear, a hint of disbelief could be heard in his voice.

"I don't want to see wh-OH. MY. GOD." I had pulled Sanji's hand's away from my eyes and just gawked.

Luffy was standing there completely clueless, his towel floating in the water around his ankles, leaving his bottom half exposed. I had only two words for what I saw.

HOLY

SHIT…

Blood dripped from my nose and my jaw slackened. I quickly covered my eyes back up with his hands.

"Luffy, you idiot! How dare you show yourself so indecently to ladies!" Sanji screamed, furiously, not even daring to take his hands away from my eyes to shake his fist at him.

"Oh~hahahahahahaha! Sorry!" I heard Luffy call, then the noise of water sloshing around.

Sanji uncovered my eyes and there stood Luffy, grinning like his usual idiot self. My lip trembled and I dashed over to Robin, hiding behind her.

"Entertainer-san? Do you realize your nose is still bleeding?"

I wiped at it and blushed.

Her smile widened and she whispered with a wink, "Did you like what you saw?"

I gritted my teeth, and I bet my face was starting to clash with my hair. "Shut…up…"

I layed down on one of the cots and sighed in bliss. "These beds are soooooo soft!" I breathed happily.

"Yeah~" Brook replied. "It's so soft against my skin. Eventhough I don't have any, because I don't have any~ SKULL JOKE~"

"Where is Nami-swan?" Sanji cried.

"She's probably out looking for some safes to crack. Just leave her be, she'll be fine~" Usopp sighed.

"But, she could be-"

"Just listen to him Sanji-kun, Usopp's right!" I said. "Now go to sleep…"

"Anything you say Linda-chan~" Sanji swooned, landing on his cot in a shower of hearts, falling asleep almost instantly.

"G'nite everybody!" Luffy cheered.

We all groaned in response.

Zoro and I shared one last glance and a nod before the light went out.

I layed down on the cot and kept my eyes wide open for as long as possible. Both Zoro and I knew – Nami was NOT out cracking safes.

Something was wrong.

Very wrong…