Chapter 7: There's No Way

Olivia and Alex sat in shock for a good minute before Olivia could even ask the doctor the barrage of questions forming in her head.

"When the lab saw a high white blood cell count, they did a blood smear and found the blasts. It might be more advanced then we think, but we caught it at least."

"Run it again!" Olivia demanded. "I'm a cop, I can't have cancer."

"They ran it twice, I'm sorry, but it's conclusive. The next step would be a bone marrow biopsy to conclude that it is in fact Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia."

"Meaning?"

The words flowed into her head, letting them resonate. She had cancer. "I want to talk to my squad, and Alex," was all she said.

Dr. Hall simply nodded and exited the room, leaving the door open. Elliot, Munch and Fin trampled in. They saw the shocked look on both women's faces.

"What's wrong?" Elliot asked.

"I.. I.." Was all Olivia could say before breaking into tears. She rested her head on Alex's shoulder.

"She has leukemia," Alex explained. "The doctor's ran the blood they drew in the ER and that was their conclusion.

Elliot's first reaction was to hug her. In a few steps he closed the space of the room putting his arm around his partner. "We'll get through this," he gently told her.

Even Munch and Fin sidled up to the bed and joined the pow-wow. They talked in hushed voices, trying to comfort Olivia.

"Maybe you should just get the bone marrow biopsy over and done with," Alex suggested.

Olivia sighed. "That would just make it real."

An hour later, Olivia went to find the doctor and gave him her decision. He nodded and told her he'd get the paperwork started. Many, many forms later, she was ready.

One, ugly blew gown on, she was laying on her stomach on a long table.

"Okay, Olivia, I'm going to cleanse the area," a doctor informed her. She felt a cold sensation on the her left hip. "Okay, I'm injecting lidocain to numb it."

A small prick went in, and in a few moments she felt nothing at all. The doctor proceeded to insert an aspirate needle into the skin till it hit the bone, twisting it through the bone and into the marrow cavity. He then attached a syringe to suck out liquid marrow.

Since Dr. Hall had also recommended a bone marrow biopsy, the performing doctor inserted a trephine needle into the bony cortex again with the same twisting motion to anchor a piece of marrow to be removed.

"All done," Olivia heard not long later. "I have to observe you for another 10 minutes then you're out of here."

"Oh, great," she muttered.

Upstairs, Alex was out of her bed, pacing the floor until she saw Olivia walk through the door. Elliot, Munch and Fin sat with her, just waiting.

10 minutes later, the doctor told Olivia, "Okay, there was no bleeding at the sight, you're okay to go. There will be some soreness at the sight for a few days, I recommend nothing too exerting. If the pain gets to you, I'll have Dr. Hall write you a prescription for stronger acetaminophen, Tylenol."

"Okay," she replied sitting up slowly.

He ran through the aftercare procedures, she signed and the doctor left her to get dressed. She moved as fast as her sore spot let her and got into the elevator hitting "6" to go back to Alex.

Alex saw Olivia down the hall, and she almost flew into her. "Did it hurt?"

"No, they numbed it. My left hip is still sore though."

Alex looked into the brunette's eyes and hugged her again.

They walked back to Alex's room to the waiting crowd.

Alex was discharged, and naturally, Olivia went with her. The tabloid scandal suddenly didn't seem to be the top priority concern. Alex watched Olivia move, a little slower then usual but managing.

She didn't know what to do, this was a bombshell. Olivia was her world, how could she be sick?

In the next few days, Olivia's soreness went away and she was moving normally. But the results pending kept them both worried, long after they had returned to work the following Monday and began investigating the tabloid scandal and the bomb threat.

The days lapsed into weeks. Alex's head healed nicely. It had been uncovered that the tabloid was courtesy of Lillian Cabot but the bomb remained a mystery. The girl who had walked in the precinct seemed to vanish into thin air. The phone number was a fake.

One Wednesday, a few more weeks later, Olivia's cell phone rang. "Benson."

"Miss Benson? This is Dr. Hall. You're results are in."

"Can you give me a second?"

"Sure," he said

She covered the mouthpiece and motioned for Alex to follow her upstairs. Once they were there, she spoke into the phone. "Okay, I'm ready."

"I'm sorry.."

That's all it took for Olivia's hope to disapear that this wasn't real.

"The biopsy confirmed that it is Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, also known as ALL. You're in stage 2 right now which is why I recommend starting treatment as soon as possible."

"Which entails what?"

"Chemotherapy, radiation, steroids and possibly bone marrow and stem cell transplants."

"Wow."

"I know, it's a lot to process. Most likely you will be started on chemotherapy and see if that puts you into remission."

"When?"

"Is Monday morning at 9 AM okay?"

"Fine, see you then," Olivia replied, hanging up her phone and facing Alex.

"I have chemo on Monday. I'm nervous."

Alex sat on the table facing Olivia in the chair. "If you want I'll go with you. I'll do anything I can to make you feel safe during this."

Olivia looked down then into Alex's eyes. "I just don't want you to see me getting worse."

"I don't care about all of that, in case you couldn't tell. I want you to be healthy and since I can't do that I promise you, that I won't leave your side, in sickness and in health."

"Sounds like a proposal, Counselor."

"And what if it is?"

Alex leaned into Olivia, placing her hand on her cheek. "I love you, Lex," Olivia said, "but I just don't want you to be responsible when I die."

"Baby, you're not dying anytime soon. I looked up on the internet, the chemotherapy will last 2 years, 2 months at first and there are even more stages of chemo after to keep the cancer away. The odds are looking better."

Olivia just shook her head and stood up. "No, Lex, I mean, you're going to take care of me for all these years and when it eventually takes its toll, you're alone."

Alex just stared at her, incredulous. "Olivia! I'm asking you to be with me forever and you're worried about what might or might not happen years down the road."

"It WILL happen Alex, whether you like it or not and I'm not going to leave you in a lurch. I LOVE you but can we just keep it simple?"

Alex pulled a small box out of her pocket and threw it at Olivia. "That's the ring," were her last words as she stormed down the stairs and out the door.

Olivia opened the navy blue box and her jaw dropped. A white gold band with a single stone. It was beautiful. Her heart told her to go but her head told her no.

Alex had never run that fast in high heels as she did out of the Precinct. She never thought that Olivia would do that. All she tried to do was help and this is what happened? 'Fine,' she thought, 'then I'm done caring.'

She hightailed it back to her office and stayed there most of the night, working to get the events of the day off of her mind, which wasn't as effective as she'd hoped.

Olivia, sat numb upstairs for what seemed like hours. She was dying and turned down the woman she loved in a proposal. Before she could say, 'What could make this day worse?' she stopped herself knowing that will ALWAYS make it worse.

Elliot was standing at the top of the stairs. "What are you going to do?"

Olivia turned. "I don't know." She showed her partner the ring. His eyes widened. "Yeah, exactly. If I chase her now, she might not care. If I don't, I might never know."

"Just think, Liv, she wants to spend the rest of your time with you, no questions asked."

"But, when I'm gone, I don't want her to have the burden."

Elliot shook his head, "Always the stubborn one."

Olivia shrugged, pocketed the box and followed Elliot downstairs and back to work.

Monday at 9 AM, Olivia reported to the oncology department of Mercy Hospital. She met with Dr. Hall and the oncologist, Dr. Jergens. Once they were sure Olivia understood everything, she was taken into a room, stuck with a needle and so the chemo began.