Chapter 6
It is dark and warm. I like this better than the bright light. With the bright light comes pain. Pain that pools in my arm before shooting south to make my fingers tingle. The pain shoots north as well. Over my shoulder blade and down my chest. It steals my breath. But when it is black I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Something naggings at the back of my mind that I am forgetting. Whenever I reach out to grab it I am blinded by more pain. So instead I think I will lie here for a while. Wherever here is. I settle comfortably in the recesses of my mind. Nothing can touch me here. Not the hunger pains I felt as a child. Not the aches in my feet when I developed blisters. I know I won't see new flowers bloom again. The vibrant colors or the fragrant smells. I won't splash in the rives as I catch fish. My heart hammers fast. Is it possible to feel like I'm running a race? Just around the corner I thought I found something. Something white. This white make my heart beat faster but strangely enough I feel no pain. I try to reach for it. I can't seem to gasp onto the memory that floats just beyond my reach.
I feel the wind rush by me and I duck against the strong currents. I am standing in a bizarre waste land. Everything is red. Red soil. Red sky. Red. Even a red river. I look around. Not a soul insight. I hear something behind me. I see the water lapping at the shore. I walk carefully to it. Wobbling a little. One would think that I haven't used my legs in years. Approaching I notice my reflection. My skin is pale. Worse than normal. Like I am carved out of marble. I have on a white sleeveless gown that reaches my ankles. My eyes are red. A deep crimson blood color. Oddly enough I am not shocked. What is shocking is the length of my hair. It is passed my waist. I can't believe it! I gently allow the hair to fall through my fingers. Glorious and soft. Healthy and thick. Every silver strand is perfectly defined. I gasp loudly. My hair is silver. And not just any kind of silver. My Lord's shade of silver. Still clutching my hair, I look up startled. Gasping again. Sesshomaru!
I see myself travel through my own eyes. Like being sucked through a vortex. This time when I am thrusted back into darkness I struggle to reach the surface but this black is thick and inky. It feels like swimming through tar. I struggle more because I know what is waiting for me on the other side. I have to get to Sesshomaru. I fight until I see the white light. Dammit. Gritting my teeth, I forgot about the pain. It comes rushing at me like a savage army. I try to with stand the force. It buckles my knees. "Rin." I can hear my Lord calling me. I could weep with joy. I am here! I want to say but my lips won't move. Even worst is that my eyelids won't raise even though I am sure he is just beyond the surface. "Come to me Rin." It is all the strength I need to pull myself through.
On another gaps I awaken with mouth agape and eyes wide. I look around to the right. Nothing but trees. Night has fallen. Looking to the left I meet a wall of flesh. "Rin." On the sound of my name I clutch my left arm. Pain is inevitable. I am sitting in my Lord's lap. Cradled in right arm as he leans against the tree. Tears come to my eyes. His left hand reaches to lift my face. Halfway to his eyes I jerk my face out of his hand. I am in pain and on the brink of tears. Both, I know are signs of weakness. And weakness in front of my Lord is something I cannot allow. I stubbornly look down at my lap. Willing the pain to at least subside so that I can breathe. This time I feel his hand in my hair and I am forced to meet golden eyes. "Hai my Lord." I can barely choke out. I swallow as I feel it hit me again. His hand travels up my arm. A sensation soon follows. One I am not at all averse to. His hand travels up my neck to my face. I still.
Closing my eyes, I wait for a kiss that I know for sure has to be coming. I can feel it in my veins. On a cellular level. "You will be fine. Your muscles are still healing." A scarlet blush rushes cross my face as I realize how foolish I must look. Chancing a peek "Of course." I tense as I move to get up. My emotions are jumbled and I just want to get away. He stops me with an arm around my waist. "Let me up." My voice shakes and I look straight ahead. Not really seeing anything but it has to be better than looking to my left. I am most sure of it. He responds by settling me for fully into his lap. My head rest on his chest. His mokomoko settles around me. So soft. I imagine this is what a cloud must feel like. Tucking myself more carefully in his arms I lay my uninjured hand over his beating heart. Closing my eyes "for a moment there." I stop to try to keep from slipping underneath the black blanket that covers my mind. "I thought it was over." My breath evens. "I always protect what's mine." Returns to me.
I awoke to more pain. This time form being uncomfortable. The ache in your bones when you are sleeping wrong. I get up slowly. Sitting up I lick my dry lips. One end of the shirt falls off my shoulder. Reaching down I grab at it. I wonder why it is so big. After a few more tries I give up and let the shirt hang off. Feeling my lord shift beneath me I clutch his shoulders. Golden eyes greet me. "Morning Sesshomaru." I greet him cheerfully. He nods slowly. "How are your injuries?" "Better." A smile breaks out onto my face. I am very happy to see him. Could have sworn that I was dying. I wrap my arms around his neck. Burying my head in his shoulder, I hold him close. "Thank you Sesshomaru." I tell him. So very grateful to have him. I feel his arms wrap around my waist holding me close. I pull back slightly to look in his eyes. I know mine must reflect how long and how deep I have loved him. Taking a deep breath, I do what I should have done a while ago. My left hand runs through his hair at the nape of his neck. I kiss my lord. Closing my eyes, I enjoy the feel of his lips on mine. I know he has to be surprised yet I keep going. I only pull back when I begin to run out of air. Lifting up a little I look at him. Quite satisfied with my handy work. I smile like a crazy person and try use his shoulder to get up. Imagine my surprise when I feel Sesshomaru's hand in my hair and on my waist as he yanks me back down. Sesshomaru doesn't take the intuitive often. I want to do a happy dance but I am too occupied.
I push his shoulders back when I realize that I am suffocating. I pull back grudgingly. Catching my breath, I stand up. When I see his reaching out for me, I side step him. I turn around quickly and go to A-Un because I don't want him to see me blush. "I am going to take a bath." I tell him while rummaging through my things. Some of what I am feeling is nerves but majority is satisfaction. Still digging through my orange satchel I hear "Rin." "I will only be a minute." I respond. I am trying to locate a hair tie or ribbon. Now that I think about it I should probably wash my hair. There is no telling how long I was out. "Rin." I am blocking out that voice. It is like a siren and getting closer. I refuse to give in. Sesshomaru is standing behind me now. His arms on either side of me. Resting on A-Un. "Rin." It floats like a butterfly to my left ear. His head must be over there. I lick my dry lips and close my eyes. I utter nothing. No other words will suffice for a moment like this and I cannot think of anything witty anyway. He steps closer to breathe in my scent. "You are running." Not a question bit it demands an answer anyway. I turn around and look my lord in his eyes. So brilliantly beautiful. "Not running my lord." Not exactly lying but not telling the truth either. I state with a calm voice. I reach up and peck his lips. I will never tire of this so long as I live. I head south towards the river. A-Un following all the way.
Taking my clothes off by the river I notice something familiar and alien to me at the same time. I am not wearing my kimono. Not even my Haneri. In fact, I am wearing Sesshomaru's shirt! A scarlet blush races across my face as I remember back to the campsite. He was shirtless when he cornered me by A-Un. He was shirtless when he kissed me. Even more startling is that I slept in his arms while wearing his shirt. I clutch it to my chest with both hands. It smells like him. I drop it. Startled even more. That means Sesshomaru saw me naked! No going back now. I grab the last of my liquid soap and head towards the river. I wash my body and my hair. Taking my time to ensure I am truly clean. Getting a seat after I dry off and put on clothes, notice that I still have my necklace. I stop combing my hair to reach for it. Still as captivating as the first time I saw it. Its beauty overshadows the ugliness that followed once I found it. I wonder where I was when I saw my reflection in the river. I still can't get the imagine of having silver hair and red eyes out of my head. I wonder if it is something I secretly desire. Not the red eyes but to have long silver hair. To have golden eyes. I get up and wade into the water. Pulling my orange kimono up to my knees, I look at my reflection. My reflection shows someone who is healthy and happy. Someone who is so close to having all that she dreams of. The longer I stare into the water the more my reflection changes. I see the woman I am and more importantly the woman I want to be. She is compassionate, honest, and loyal. The woman looking back at me is exquisite. She also looks how I long to look and it is that look that captivates me. "Come on Rin." Jaken calls to me breaking me out of my trans fixation.
As we are walking I eat an apple. I prefer the green ones to the red ones ever since Kagome told me the story about winter. I guess a queen gave her a bad apple to kill her. Lord Sesshomaru told me not to worry, that he would kill the queen but ever since then I eat strictly green apples. As I munch I think again about Kagome and Inuyasha. I know that I should visit them soon. Besides of running low on supplies and wanting to her pup, there is a lot I need to ask her. Someone above must really be listening to me because ahead in the clearing is Inuyasha and Kagome. Dropping my apple, I rush to Kagome as she rushes to me. We hug in the middle and exchange greetings. While still holding her arms I tell her that I need to speak with her. She nods her understanding. We break apart as Inuyasha and Sesshomaru-sama joins us. "Hey Inuyasha." "Sup Rin." I smile when Kagome elbows him in the stomach. "Err, I mean how you been Rin?" I laugh a little. Some things never change. "We were just coming to look for you." Inuyasha tells Lord Sesshomaru. I silently plead with him to play nice. As nice as he is capable of. "No need as we are here." "And I am happy to see you guys." I smooth over. I speak for myself because I know no one else is happy to see them. As long as one doesn't insult the other they can be in the same place as the same time. Inuyasha turns to head in the direction they just came from. Kagome links arms with me. "So tell me how it's going with Sesshomaru-sama." I have no idea why she is whispering because they can still hear us. I look over my left shoulder to see my lord looking over to his left. I scan the trees and see nothing. My focus returns to Kagome as she pulls me along.
We all sit around the kotatsu at Kagome's home. Sesshomaru and I with our backs to the wall and facing the door. Ayame is to my left. I guess this is where she went after she left me. Next to her is Shippo. To my right and across from Ayame is Miroku and Sango. Sango is hitting Miroku in the back of his head. You would think after five years of marriage he would learn. Minako is five and Nara is two. Miroku is quite fond of his daughters. Says he does nothing but attract women. Maybe he is just lucky because you have a 49% chance of having a girl, and a 24% chance of have a second girl. I only know this because she and Miroku were arguing about it last time I was here. Speaking of Kagome, her and Inuyasha are sitting directly across the table from Sesshomaru and I. They have a pup named Hiroyuki. Meaning widespread happiness. I wanted to name him Kazuhiro which means first harmonious prince. Inuyasha picked Takashi, praiseworthy. We were both vetoed. Me by Sesshomaru who scoffed at the idea that Inuyasha's child could be royalty. Inuyasha was vetoed by Kagome saying "I'd rather my child be happy than praised." I can still see her hands on her hips. Yuki is seven and Kagome and Inuyasha have been married for ten years now. Something about not giving him her cookies without a ring. I asked Sesshomaru-sama why Kagome would sell her cookies instead of just sharing them. He immediately said something to Inuyasha that made him hang his head. The children are with Yori right now.
I reach for the tea Kagome passes me. "Oh, how beautiful." She tells me. I look down. "Oh my necklace. I love it too. Just got it yesterday. Or at least I think it was yesterday." "You think it was yesterday?" I hear the question and see the worry in her eyes. "Uh yeah. My days are running together." Not wanting to say too much. "Okay." Kagome says. She settles back but I know she still has questions. It's Inuyasha that doesn't hold back. "How do your days run together? Either it was yesterday or it wasn't." My head swings to Inuyasha. He can be so insensitive at times. "I swear! I should have never taken the necklace off of you." Kagome hits Inuyasha in the back of his head. "It's okay. Tell us when you are ready Rin." Sango. Ever the diplomat. "It's okay." I say more for Sesshomaru-sama's benefit than my own because he looks two seconds away from jumping the table and strangling Inuyasha. I proceed to tell them what happen. Not everything. Just the stuff at the village. "Oh wow." Ayame leans into me. "So that necklace is Sesshomaru's and it came from his palace?" Even I am impressed with that fact. "Apparently." I shrug. Everyone is captivated by my necklace. Well everyone but Sesshomaru of course.
"So the spiders came out of nowhere?" Leave it to Sango to bring the meeting back around. "Seems that way. Wouldn't you say Lord Sesshomaru?" I turn towards him to gauge his response. "Maybe the spiders need food." Shippo replies. "And that is why they attacked the village. You said it had to have hundreds of people." "I think she was over exaggerating a bit." Kagome throws in. "I've been to some really busy cities and trusts me when I say, there is no way hundreds of people could have been there." She states this so calmly but I know what I saw. "Besides if some many people were there. Why not just make the village larger? Or why didn't people leave who couldn't find work?" "Not everyone can just pick up and leave Inuyasha." The way she puts emphasis on Inuyasha's name irritates him. "Well, Kagome, since you know it all why don't you tell us?" As they go back and forth Miroku gets dragged in which cause Sango and Shippo to get dragged in. I chance a glance at Sesshomaru-sama. He looks bored. Ayame is staring at me. Why? I am not sure. When she notices that I am looking she looks away quickly. Honestly that makes it even more suspicious.
"Right Rin?" "Oh what?" I look at Sango. "I said that spiders attacked the village on purpose and they even had a spider queen." "Yea it does seem that way and they did have her. Such an ugly thing at that." I am not superficial but there is beauty and then there is hideousness. I make sure that my eyes don't cut to Sesshomaru every time I think of beauty. "When was the first time you saw the spiders?" "She saw it on the shoulder of a guy." Inuyasha cuts Miroku off. "Actually, I first saw the spider in the forest. One crawled onto my sleeve. But this one was regular size." I answer Miroku's question. "So what you are saying is-" Kagome is cut off. Jaken comes flying through the door. "Come quick milord." He is huffing. "The spiders are back." My eyes widen. Within seconds everyone springs into action and grab their respective weapons. I reach for mine and proceed to the door. Since lord Sesshomaru and I were in the back of the room we will be the last to leave. Before I make it out of the door Sesshomaru-sama grabs me. "You will stay." He places himself between me and the door. I don't move when he leaves closing the door behind him. I am certainly not going to be obedient, just giving him a head start is all. After counting to ten I try the door only to find it locked. Dammit!