The sun was shining brightly down when they arrived at the prison on Christmas day much earlier then was necessary. Thankfully the weather was fairly mild today because nobody wanted to impose the stifling confines of the prison's waiting room on themselves more than was necessary, least of all Red or Nicky. They loitered in the parking lot, Nicky walking in circles and seldom speaking. It was an emotional thing to return to a place that had imprisoned you for years of your life. Red had gotten used to it by now having rarely missed a week driving up for visitation, but Nicky had only been released a couple of days prior. It felt weird to be on this side of the prison walls.

She tried not to show her uncertainty as she walked laps in the parking lot alone with her hands in her pockets. Red had chosen to stay in the car where Lourdes had kept the heat running, but Nicky had needed to move. She knew by the time they got in to see Gloria she would feel fine. It was just the waiting that was killing her, and she cursed Red for insisting they drive up early. There was no real reason why they couldn't have stayed home and enjoyed their Christmas morning a little bit longer.

It had been so pleasant being awoken by the aroma of sizzling bacon, scrambled eggs, freshly baked bread, and brewed coffee. Yuri had dropped in briefly for breakfast before he headed out to pick up his kids and Red had expressed regret that she wouldn't be able to see Ivanna and Feliks on Christmas, although she knew that she couldn't be in two places at once. After breakfast was eaten and the table was cleared, Nicky and Red had leashed up their dogs and escorted Yuri downstairs to his car before heading out on a walk through the park together

They had returned from their walk cold but in good spirits, enjoying a peaceable morning together with no set schedule to follow. Red would have liked to watch Vasily's kids open their Christmas presents but she had decided it would be too much of a rush to get back in time. Nicky was glad to have a few hours to just do nothing. Her schedule had been kept pretty full so far.

Red had hung stockings up early that morning and had stuffed them with candies for Nicky and treats for each of the dogs. After their walk, Red and Nicky had curled up under blankets on the couch to warm up. Nicky had almost felt sad when Red received a text from Julio letting her know that they were on their way. She would have been contented to just have an easy day in front of the television with no expectations, but she knew it was important to see Gloria. Nicky had tried not to think about her too much the last couple of days because it made her feel guilty. Her heart hurt at the thought of Gloria still locked up in such a depressing place while everybody else was celebrating.

"Nicky!" a familiar voice called out, breaking into Nicky's reminiscence. Nicky whirled around with her hands still in her pockets and grinned at the sight of Piper Chapman headed her way. The girls had not spoken directly to one another in over a year, although they had often been in close proximity to one another when Piper came to visit Alex at the prison at the same time Nicky was receiving a visit from Red. It was a most bizarre thing to be seeing each other on the other side, both dressed in street clothes instead of prison scrubs.

Piper seemed to be thinking the same thing. "You clean up pretty nicely, Nichols," she teased as she pulled Nicky into a hug.

"And I didn't even brush my hair today," Nicky told her, "I'd like to see your reaction if I had actually tried."

"Did you ever brush your hair?" Piper raised her eyebrows, "I might not recognize you if you did."

"Fair point, Chapman," Nicky grinned.

"So, Merry Christmas by the way!" Piper exclaimed, "I didn't expect to see you here today. I thought you'd be doing stuff with Red's family for the holidays."

"We were with them yesterday," Nicky replied, "today we're here to see Gloria."

"So, you're here with Red?" Piper asked, looking around them curiously, "where is she?"

"She's waiting in the car with Gloria's aunt and son," Nicky said, "we all drove up together." She began slowly walking back to where she knew Lourdes car was parked.

"It's nice everyone is getting along," Piper said walking in step with Nicky, "Her son seems like a really sweet kid. He's always been so polite every time I've run into him with Red."

"Yeah, he's good," Nicky agreed, and then added, "things are still pretty tense with Gloria's other kid though."

"Alex was telling me," Piper said, her hands folded in front of her, "Gloria was freaking out about him the other day apparently."

She said it so casually, as though completely aloof to the painful blow her words had just dealt Nicky. For Gloria to "freak out", as Piper so eloquently put it, she must have been really upset. It explained why she might not have been in the best state of mind to phone Red the last couple of days and have to hear about the happy family times they had all been experiencing this Christmas without her. Gloria had of course reached out to her sons last night but Benny had refused to speak to her then, carelessly breaking another piece of his mother's heart.

"I'm so happy Alex is going to be getting out soon," Piper was saying, and Nicky stared at her in incredulity. She was amazed, as she always was, that Piper could make a heartbreaking statement about somebody else's misfortune and then immediately bring the conversation back around to herself.

"Yeah, I guess we're going to be busy planning a wedding soon," Nicky forced herself to smile. "I'm her bridesmaid, who is yours going to be?"

"My sister-in-law, Neri," Piper replied, "and Cal is going to officiate. He got ordained online for us."

"Cool," said Nicky, "so what else have you been keeping busy with. You working?"

"Yeah," Piper rolled her eyes, "I got a job waitressing at this upscale place all the WASPS like to patron. My parents used to take us there for supper sometimes when I was a kid."

"How does it feel to see things from the other side?" asked Nicky with a grin.

"It makes you realize how silly everybody I've always known in my small world actually is," Piper replied, "my mom is embarrassed that I'm working there. She doesn't want me waiting on any of her friends."

"Would they be hiring?" Nicky asked, "I need to find a job eventually to help Red out with the bills and I'd rather not ask Marka for help finding one. She'd get me a job being assistant to somebody that owes her a real big favor and it wouldn't even be a legit job, just some place for me to hang out and pretend to work. Marka doesn't think I'm capable of doing much more than that."

"They're always hiring," Piper told her, "our bartender and two of our waitresses quit last week and they haven't been replaced yet because it's too hard to find people around Christmastime. Nobody wants to work."

"I could bartend," Nicky grinned, "I always thought I'd be good at mixing drinks and giving my two cents to all the people who sit at the bar spilling the beans about their problems. I bet I'd get a lot of tips."

"Do up a resume and I'll bring it to work with me on my next shift," Piper said, "it would be fun to work together again. You made the electric shop actually bearable, and that's saying something considering how irritating Luschek is."

"Luschek's not so bad," Nicky smiled, "you just need to know how to talk to him."

"There you girls are!" Red exclaimed, stepping out of the front seat of Lourdes' red Saturn, "we should have gone inside the building now, and you two were just walking in the opposite direction!"

"We weren't walking in the opposite direction," Nicky rolled her eyes, "I was walking laps and I started heading back as soon as I met up with Piper."

"We still have like twenty minutes anyway," Julio told Red, popping his head out of the door. He smiled and crawled out of the backseat. Lourdes switched off the car and stood up too.

"Lourdes, this is Piper Chapman," Red said, nodding at Piper.

"It's nice to meet you," smiled Piper, "and it's nice to see you again too, Julio," she added. With both of them being frequent visitors to the prison, Red and Piper had often socialized together after the visiting hours were over. Sometimes they would grab a coffee and when Red had started bringing Julio with her every week, he would also join them.

Looking back at the way Red had terrified and punished her during her first few days inside, Piper would never have imagined that she would have grown to care for Red as much as she did. Piper knew she owed her so much. She wouldn't have survived the prison without Red's tough lessons and guidance. Becoming roommates had been Piper's saving grace.

"The parking lot is still pretty empty," Lourdes mused as the group began the trek to the entrance, "I don't think it's going to be as busy as we expected."

"That's makes me sad for the people who don't get visitors," Julio said quietly to Lourdes, "and it especially makes me feel bad about all of the years we didn't come to see mom."

"We were living in Florida, papi," Lourdes told him, "it couldn't exactly be helped. At least you wrote to her, and you've been here nearly every week lately."

"Hey, mom," Nicky said jubilantly to interrupt the mournful contemplation that had befallen the group, "I'm getting a job bartending when we get home."

"Bartending?" Red said skeptically, "where is this coming from?"

"Piper works at a snooty restaurant that a bunch of people just quit from," Nicky said gleefully, "and she's going to get me in."

"I said I'd try to get you in," Piper reiterated, "I'm not in charge of hiring."

"Yeah, but you usually get what you want," Nicky told her meaningfully.

"I though you were going to apply to college, Nicky?" Red asked, "your mother said she would pay for you to study anything that you wanted to take."

"Meh," Nicky shrugged, dragging her feet on the cement, "I don't really feel like being stuck in a classroom all the time.

"Neither does Benny," Julio joked. He looked at his aunt, "maybe you should consider letting him drop out and get a job?" he teased.

"He's graduating if I have anything to say about it," Lourdes huffed, "he doesn't realize how fortunate he is to be receiving such an education. I only was able to go until eighth grade. I'd have loved to have those opportunities."

"Me too," Red chimed in, "I was allowed to finish high school but then I immediately had to start working at a factory. I would have liked college."

"You want to take my place?' Nicky asked, raising her eyebrows at Red, "go to classes and take notes for me. Then I can get the paper saying I know something and we'll both be happy."

Red rolled her eyes, "let's just get through the holidays first, love. Then we can start planning your life." She opened the clear glass door that led into the registration area of the prison. Julio took the door from her and held it open for Lourdes, Nicky, and Piper to walk through.

"This part always makes me anxious," Lourdes muttered into Red's ear as they queued up to sign in at the registration desk. "So many procedures just to see my niece. What sort of danger do they think she is that we have to jump through so many hoops just to get into see her?"

Red didn't answer. Her thumb moved back and forth across her identification card. She'd been through this process weekly in the past year and she was used to the procedure. It wasn't frightening but Lourdes' anxiety had a powerful effect. Red knew her sons had adjusted to seeing their mother as a prisoner in lock up over the many years, but she hated thinking of them in this line. With Id in their hand, hoping the paperwork was in order and that the guard would allow them in to see their mom. Into a room where they were to sit across from their mother with minimal touching and conversations without privacy. Red had gotten over most of her humiliation and guilt concerning that by this point, although she knew neither she nor her sons would ever forget it.

In the weekly visits she had driven Julio to, Red had tried to keep an air of normalcy and reassurance for the boy's sake. He was often quiet on the drive home, completely emotionally spent from interacting with his mother as a prisoner yet again. In the tragic situation they were currently in, Red truly believed that time spent with his mother was worth the pain it brought, but she almost could understand why Benny avoided the place so often. He would deny it if anybody asked him, but Red suspected seeing his mother in prison garb shook him more than he would ever admit. It was hard.

Red only had to look over at Nicky to know how draining being in the prison could be for visitors. Nicky had paled significantly once they entered the building. Her pacing outdoors had not been for exercise after all. Being back so soon after a release was a trauma unto itself and Red felt a twinge of regret for bringing her here. Maybe she should have insisted Nicky spend the day with her brothers instead.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Nicky laughed nervously.

"Just making sure that you're okay," Red said softly. Nicky nodded and brushed her hair back so that the curls that had fallen into her eyes were not obscuring her vision. As they drove along in the car and the prison came into sight, Nicky had remembered how terrified she had been to surrender herself five years ago.

Almost five years ago to the date, Nicky had walked out of the trashed upscale apartment where she had lived alone. She had taken a final hit before leaving, but even drugs hadn't been able to ease Nicky's fears. It had helped her not to think about things as much though, and she had gotten some grim satisfaction at the look of disgust Marka had given her when she realized that her daughter was high.

"Are you on drugs right now, Nicole?" Marka had demanded once she got a look at Nicky's eyes. Nicky had just slid in beside her in the back of the chauffeured car that was going to drive them to Litchfield. For unstated reasons, Marka had decided to accompany Nicky today.

"One for the road, right," Nicky had said in her snarkiest voice. Dressed in a black oversize hoodie and a pair of dirty blue jeans and sneakers, Nicky had rolled down the window and lit a cigarette.

Marka had scoffed and stared out the window for much of the drive to Litchfield. In the frosty silence between mother and daughter, that had eaten up the better part of an hour, Nicky had smoked her way through the entire pack of cigarettes she had brought along for the ride.

"You know you're not going to be able to keep this up in there, right?" Marka had snapped, when she couldn't take a second more of Nicky's nonchalance towards narcotics.

Nicky blew smoke rings out the window and then turned to her mother, "you've never heard of all the different ways people smuggle drugs into the prisons?" Nicky raised her eyebrows at Marka expectantly, "usually it's the guards doing it. If I want them I'll find them." She didn't care how vulgar her words sounded, it was worth it to piss of Marka.

"So, you're not going to even try and get well!" Marka exploded in a fit of rage, "you're going to shoot up in filthy prison washrooms and wait to die or get sent to an even worse prison? I pulled a lot of strings to get you at least only put in minimum, Nicole!"

"I bet you wish that I had allowed you to pull those strings to get me into an ivy league school despite by low GPA instead, huh?" Nicky had rolled her eyes at the scolding.

"I've had it, Nicole," Marka had snapped back, "you want to ruin your life then go right ahead. You had the privileges and opportunities that most people only ever dream of having. If you want to hate me and moan about how horrible your life has been then I won't stop you. Maybe once you're inside that prison you'll meet some people who will show you how good you've always had it."

"I'll make a note of it," Nicky had said sarcastically, "I'll look at prison as a life experience similar to that overnight camp you started sending me to all summer long when I was three. That was good for me too."

Marka had scoffed, playing with the snap on her Prada handbag with a shaking hand. The other lay clammy and cool in her pencil skirted lap. There was nothing that could be said to make any of this better. Her daughter was damaged and prison is what it had come to. She swallowed as the driver turned down the road that led to the prison and she caught sight of the barbed wire fences surrounding the tall fortress that was the maximum-security prison. Nicole was not going to be in there, thank heavens, but the sight of those fences unnerved Marka more than she cared to admit.

Beside her, Nicky had let out a small involuntary gasp of fright and before Marka could process or react, Nicky had slipped her hand onto Marka's lap and wedged it under Marka's own hand. Nicky hadn't planned it and hated herself inwardly for attempting to seek out any comfort from her icy mother, yet she did not pull her hand away. Marka's hand was cold. It was sweaty, although Nicky couldn't tell whose hand that was emitting off of. She could feel the thick gold from the ring that Paola had purchased for her at some point in time. The set on the top of Marka's hand was an enormous square cut sapphire, but Nicky wasn't looking at her hands. Her eyes were transfixed upon the seemingly endless barbed wire fence surrounding the prison, there to ensure she couldn't possibly escape.

Marka coughed and stared down at their stacked hands. She didn't know what to make of it. Contact between she and her daughter of any form had always been seldom in the past, and virtually non-existent once Nicky had reached her teenage years.

"You're not going to be in there," Marka had said, in a weak attempt to sound comforting.

"Say what?" Nicky had muttered, her eyes still glued to the window.

"That's Maximum," Marka cleared her throat, "you'll be in the camp. It won't be as restrictive in there. No cells or bars, that's what I've been told.

"Huh," Nicky muttered.

"Just don't mess this up," Marka had almost pleaded, "get clean and get better. You can do it if you try."

Nicky rolled her eyes out the window but still did not wiggle her hand away from it's place beneath her mother's. Marka had kept her hand exactly where it was. She hadn't pulled away, but she hadn't made an attempt to pat or join their hands more tightly together either.

They reached the entrance to the minimum-security prison and the driver parked the car in a parking space close to the door.

"Your commissary money should already be in there for you," Nicky could remember Marka saying in those final moments together. "I had my assistant send the cheque two weeks ago. They probably will let you buy the things you need tomorrow."

"Uh huh," Nicky had said with wild eyes fixed upon the front door of the prison.

"You should probably get in there," Marka sighed mournfully. She lifted her hand off of Nicky's and unnecessarily tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her ear.

"Are you going to visit me?" Nicky had croaked in a very husky voice. She hadn't dared look at her mother as she spoke, she hated how needy she sounded.

Marka hesitated, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Paola has been offered a brilliant promotion in Brazil that starts next month. We're going to be moving there in three weeks."

"Wow," Nicky said in a flat voice.

"I'll try and visit you before we leave though," Marka had told her. The patronizing tone with which she spoke had been the final straw for Nicky. She resented what a chore she was, and always had been, to her mother.

"You know what," Nicky had said, whirling her head around to stare at her mother, looking almost deranged from her fury, "don't even f**king bother, Marka! I don't even know why you bothered to come along for the ride out here!"

"I'm doing everything I possibly can to make your sentence as easy for you as possible," Marka persisted in saying, "but I'm not going to give up five years of my life because you wound yourself up in jail! You did this to yourself, Nicole! All the rehab and all the promises, it never made a difference. I tried everything and you didn't want to let me help save you. Only you can save yourself now and I hope you will. Just stay away from the drugs, Nic—"

Her voice had cut off as Nicky impulsively opened her car door, climbed out, and slammed it back in her mother's face. She covered her head with the hood of her black sweatshirt and walked briskly towards the entrance of the prison. Willingly surrendering herself to captivity had seemed more appealing at the time then sitting in that car continuing to engage in that godawful lecture.

"I'm here to surrender," Nicky could remember shouting, slamming her hands loudly down on the admittance desk. The guard stationed there had looked her up and down, watching the way Nicky's chest heaved with her breathlessness, as though she had been in a hurry to get there.

Present-day Nicky sniffled at the memory, hating that she couldn't stop her mind from replaying what had happened on that horrible day. When the drugs began to wear off, Nicky had reverted into an inconsolable mess. As crude as she had been to Marka about the possibilities of scoring drugs behind prison walls, Nicky had been too terrified to go searching on arrival and had nothing of value to trade anyways. Unable to stop it, Nicky's body began convulsing under the agony of going through withdrawal. She could remember how she had staggered blindly to the bathroom to throw up and wished to die. She had been curled up on the filthy floor next to the toilet after dark when Red had walked in and found her.

Marka had not been wrong to say that Nicky needed to save herself, but it only was made possible because of Red's loving care. She made Nicky feel like she was a person actually worth saving. Red had stayed up with Nicky all through that excruciating night and then rarely left her side for the remainder of that first week. She stayed until the worst of the pain was over and she could trust that Nicky would be okay. Nicky could still hear Red's harsh Russian accent assuring her that what she would do to her if she used again would hurt a lot more than the symptoms of withdrawal. Nicky had never used again, despite the triggers and cravings that had continued to peck at her and that she now knew would be with her forever. Red's love had saved her. It had been stronger than addiction.

Nicky smiled at the back of Red's head as she watched her present her identification for admittance to the unsmiling guard. Piper was standing behind Nicky, so close she was almost breathing down her neck, and behind Piper was Lourdes and Julio. Nicky frowned and glanced around the waiting room. She looked behind her and caught Lourdes eye.

"Shouldn't you call Benny over to sign in as well?" Nicky asked innocently.

Lourdes sighed and turned to call to the dark-haired boy sitting slumped in one of the hard-plastic chairs. "Benny," she called, "come over here so that you can register."

"I already did," Benny replied, raising his eyebrows, "I did it before you came in." He pointed a finger at the "visitor" badge that he was already wearing on the front of his shirt.

"Okay then," Lourdes nodded, "just stay seated until we're ready."

"What do you think I've been doing," Benny muttered under his breath. He had opted to come visit his mother on Christmas Day, although he had deliberately kept everybody wondering whether he would until the last possible moment. He had only shrugged over breakfast that morning when Lourdes had asked him if he had decided to visit, but when it was time to get in the car he had slid into the backseat next to Julio without a word.

Although he hadn't been rude, Benny had purposefully kept his distance from everybody else. He had spoken barely a word on the entire car ride to Litchfield, and when he had it had only been directed towards his brother or Lourdes. He acted as though Red and Nicky did not exist. Once they had arrived at the prison he had immediately gone inside to wait by himself, preferring not to linger outside with everybody else. Benny had no interest in playing happy family with any of them. He was here to visit his mother because he knew it needed to be done. No matter what else she happened to be, Gloria was still his mother.

"Did I mention how glad I am that you came?" Nicky said to Benny as she plopped herself in the seat next to him. Benny huffed in reply.

"This is my friend, Piper Chapman," Nicky told him, extending a hand towards Piper who had taken the seat next to her, "and this is Benny, Gloria's other son."

"Merry Christmas, Benny," Piper said, Benny glanced back and forth between Nicky and Piper and said nothing.

"Piper was an inmate too," Nicky said casually, "just so you know the company you keep."

"I'm basically surrounded by ex-prisoners," Benny grumbled, "and Lourdes complains that I hang out with a bad crowd at school."

"That's how it starts," Nicky shrugged, "I see her point. Consider us to be examples of what not to do."

"I mailed Alex a Christmas card and some photos I took last weekend in Central park," Piper said to Nicky, "I wish I could have gotten her a real present."

"I think I know what sort of present you're talking about," Nicky said coyly, she turned to Benny, "Piper and Alex are engaged," she explained.

"Oh," said Benny flatly, "congratulations."

"Thank you," smiled Piper, "Al gets out in March so we set our wedding date for the last weekend in April."

"I still don't know why you picked April," Nicky said gruffly, "it's guaranteed to rain."

"We can't wait any longer than that," Piper told her, "and rain showers can be romantic."

"So long as you don't care what my hair is going to look like in pictures if you make me stand out in the rain," Nicky told her, "that's all I'm saying."

"Visitors," called the guard who had just finished signing everybody in, "you can now make your way towards the visitation room. Before you're admitted though, you will be required to pass through a metal detector."

Benny got up and walked swiftly towards the guard to get scanned and then waved through. Nicky followed close on his heel, no longer content to just let him isolate himself from them all. Besides, he couldn't possibly have anything against her.

"I brought lots of change for the vending machines," Nicky said, after she had also been waved through the metal detector. She sat down in the chair next to Benny at the large table he had chosen. They were the first two through, everybody else in their group was still lined up.

"Okay," Benny said warily.

"Do you want to go pick out some stuff with me to munch on?" Nicky asked him, "before everybody else gets in and there's a line up."

"Sure," Benny gave in. He and Nicky stood up and walked over to the machines. Nicky pulled out her wallet and the two went to work making a varied selection of sodas, chips, and chocolate bars.

"This should keep everybody happy," Nicky said, "Is there anything else you think we should get?"

"Hmm..." Benny considered, "maybe a Kit-Kat for my mom. That's her favourite. Or at least, it used to be her favourite."

Nicky smiled and punched in the code on the machine for a Kit-Kat. Benny retrieved it from the slot and then helped Nicky carry the rest of their large assortment of treats to the table.

"Cool," Julio exclaimed, from his seat between Lourdes and Red, "can I have one of those?" Benny slid into the seat next to his aunt.

"Of course," Nicky said, "I got enough for everyone." She dumped the junk food onto the table and passed sodas to Red, Lourdes, and Julio.

"You got enough for everybody in this room," Red told her, sounding amused as she flicked a bag of Lays potato chips, "did I not feed you enough for breakfast this morning?"

Nicky sat down in the end chair beside Benny, so that she and Red were both on the opposite ends of the table. "That was breakfast," Nicky replied, craning her neck to look at Red, "this is my snack. Apples and Oranges."

Red rolled her eyes. Nicky opened up a bag of pretzels and offered one to everybody else seated at the table before she took a large handful for herself. Benny and Julio both had accepted, and snacking gave them something to do while they waited for what seemed like an eternity for Gloria to come out. It was just Gloria, but there was always uneasy anticipation when one jumped through as many hoops as the administration put them through before they were allowed to be seated in this room. Even Nicky had a tightness in her stomach from the wait. She could only imagine what Benny was feeling after not seeing his mother in such a long time.

"Merry Christmas!" Nicky cried exuberantly, the first to speak when Gloria walked through the door and caught sight of the large group of people waiting for her. Red, her aunt, her two sons, and Nicky. Gloria looked tired but the sincere smile on her face made her look even more beautiful than usual. Even clad in bland beige prison attire, altered to show off her shapely form, Gloria looked good. The gold hoops in her ears glimmered and she had taken special care applying makeup that morning so that her dark eyes seemed larger and her plump lips rosier. The look on Red's face told Gloria that her efforts had been worth it. Gloria and Red's eyes met for a long moment before Gloria turned to greet her sons first. Red knew enough to hang back.

To compensate, Nicky directed Red's attention over to Piper and Alex, who had just taken their seats after exchanging a very passionate hello. Alex waved across the room at Red and Nicky who smiled back.

"Piper's obsessing about wedding details already," Nicky murmured to Red, "she's sort of reminding me of Lorna."

"It's going to be a beautiful day," Red said, "and get real Nicky, nobody obsesses about wedding details the way Lorna did."

Her arm wound tightly around Julio's back, Gloria kept him close to her as she extended an arm in a plea for Benny to come to her. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and when Benny begrudgingly wrapped his arms around his mom, the tears she had been holding back slid down her face and onto the purple shirt her son was wearing.

"My boys, my two boys," Gloria kept murmuring, keeping a firm arm around each of them, "both of you together. This is the greatest Christmas gift a mother could ask for."

"Merry Christmas, Mom," Julio said with a smile, leaning forward to kiss Gloria's cheek. Benny awkwardly pulled away from the embrace he had enveloped his mom in, but Gloria still kept a firm arm around him which he did not shake off.

"Okay," Benny said, his eyes shifting side to side, when Gloria still had not released him a minute later. Gloria gave an emotional chuckle and took her arms off of him and his brother. The boys returned to their seats on the crowded visitor side of the table and Gloria took a seat in the single chair across from everybody else.

"Merry Christmas, Chiquita," Lourdes gave Gloria a small smile. "How are you?"

"Fine, Tia" Gloria replied, offering her a weak smile."So the drive wasn't too bad getting here?"

"Bumper to bumper traffic on the freeway," Lourdes bemoaned.

"Yeah, for like five minutes," Nicky chuckled, "the rest of the time we were cruising. I saw the speedometer, Lourdes, you were going ten over the speed limit most of the way."

"With my babies in the car?" Gloria exclaimed with a wicked smile at her aunt, "Tia…."

"Never mind," Lourdes said loudly, "just be glad I got them here. My Christmas gift to you."

"I'll take it," Gloria said softly. She glanced across the table at Red, who had not yet said a word to her. Gloria hoped that Benny hadn't been rude to her the entire ride to the prison, although he did seem in better spirits than she had ever dared to dream he would be. She hadn't even wanted to hope too highly that he would even show up today.

"Have you guys had a good Christmas so far?" Gloria asked, mainly directing the question to her sons. At the same time, she extended her leg beneath the table, trusting the large grouping of legs to camouflage her own should the guard look over. The guard on duty at the moment was Donuts though. He was one of the guards most likely to cut inmates and their families a little bit of slack. Carefully, she ran her black booted foot against Red's leg. She blinked when Red pressed her legs suddenly together so that Gloria's foot was trapped in between. Gloria wiggled her foot slightly, and tried not to smile too obviously at the sudden smirk that had appeared on Red's face as she nonchalantly popped open the tab on a can of soda and took a large sip.

"That sounds so fun," Gloria said to Julio, as he told her about spending Christmas Eve over at Vasily's house with Red, Nicky, and the rest of the family.

"Benny and Tia came too," Julio said, not wishing to exclude his own family, "Benny, Vasily, and I made ramps for this little car we got for Alexei. That was fun, right Ben?"

"Yeah," Benny admitted begrudgingly.

"You don't look so good, Gloria," Lourdes said bluntly. Sh hadn't taken her eyes off of Gloria since they sat down. "Are you sick?"

"I think she looks pretty hot," Nicky said in Gloria's defence, "especially your new eye makeup. Good for you".

"Just tired, Tia," Gloria said, "I'm fine." Red looked Gloria over closely and thought she seemed sadder then just tired. Her forehead creased with concern but when Gloria met her eyes, Red pursed her lips discontentedly. Gloria sighed.

"And to think you thought you were going to be well rested once I was gone," Nicky teased, "so how much are you missing me?"

"Missing you?" Gloria blinked, "you haven't even given me a chance to miss you yet. You only left like two minutes ago."

"Two days ago," Nicky corrected, "way to minimalize my feelings."

"I'm teasing," Gloria smiled, "of course I miss you. Things have been too quiet around here."

"And two days can feel like two years when you really love somebody," Nicky added.

"That's true," Red said suddenly, looking meaningfully into Gloria's eyes. Gloria bit her lip. She leaned the side of her foot more heavily against Red's calf and wished they had the time and privacy for her to explain herself. Her intention had not been to make Red sad by not phoning the last couple of days, it had actually been the opposite. Gloria was doing her very best to hide just how bad of a place she had been in psychologically ever since Nicky had been released.

She was struggling to be happy for them but it was misery to see Red and Nicky together and as much as it did delight her that Red had somehow worked a miracle with Julio and Benny, it pained Gloria not to be a part of it. She hated so much that she was stuck in prison wasting so much time. She had wanted to call Red and allow her love to be a reassurance that Gloria had not been forgotten and was still very missed, but every time she had been about to call something had stopped her. She knew that Red would be busy with all of the Nicky things and the family things, Gloria didn't want to ruin any of that by admitting how depressed she was feeling. Gloria was trying to be strong.

"Do you want a Kit Kat, mom?" Benny asked, holding out the one he had selected especially for her.

"Thanks baby," Gloria said, smiling and giving her son a small wink as she took it, "my absolute favourite."

"I remembered," Benny said, and then cleared his throat.

"We used to split them after dinner sometimes," Julio said, "You, me, Benny, and Arturo." Julio covered his mouth after he spoke the last name, as though Arturo was a disgusting swear word he had let slip. It might as well have been. Arturo had been Gloria's ex-boyfriend and the boys had witnessed his abuse of their mother on more than one occasion. Ordinarily, he was never spoken of.

"Pff," Lourdes scoffed at the mention of Arturo, "enjoy hell, lizard lips."

"Let's remember it is Christmas," Nicky said loudly.

"Exactly," Gloria said, showing no sign that the mention of her former boyfriend had affected her at all. She had had plenty of time to make her peace with the past and she had forgiven him. "Do you want a piece, papi?" Gloria smiled, breaking the Kit Kat and placing a piece in front of Julio and then Benny.

"You too," Gloria said softly, looking piercingly at Red as she extended her hand across the table with a piece of the Kit-Kat bar in it.

"So, you think I can be so easily won," Red murmured, taking the piece Gloria offered and placing it down on the table without taking a bite.

"Probably not," Gloria smiled, "you're stubborn." She wiggled her fingers and breathed a sigh of relief when Red placed her hand in hers, "I'm sorry I didn't call," Gloria murmured.

"You should be," Red said back quietly.

"I will tonight," Gloria said softly, "I promise." Red gave Gloria's hand an affectionate squeeze and started to slide her hand away before it garnered too much attention from the boys. She didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

Gloria's hand clamped around Red's tightly, so that she couldn't pull it away. "A hand for a foot," Gloria grinned wryly, referring to her own extended foot that was still deliberately trapped between Red's legs. Red smiled and squeezed Gloria's hand yet again. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, Red picked up the chocolate Gloria had given her and took a bite. Gloria beamed.

Trying to be inconspicuous about holding Red's hand in hers, Gloria turned to Lourdes and asked her how her arthritis was behaving as of late. Lourdes had painful arthritis in both of her hands and knees, which she remedied with her own Santeria methods. It was one of her favourite topics of conversation and one that she could speak about at length. As Lourdes held her hands out in front of her and explained which fingers were most afflicted, Gloria feigned interest and kept her eyes on her aunt while she rubbed the back of Red's hand back and forth with her thumb. It was more affection than they usually dared show and Gloria longed for the future when they could be alone whenever they wanted. In six months from now, Gloria would be able to hold her all through the night and not worry about upsetting anybody else because they could be alone. Of course, there were many other physical acts Gloria was anticipating, but she forced herself not to think about those now.

"You boys just made my Christmas," Gloria whispered tearfully, once the guard announced that visitation was done for the day and that everyone needed to say goodbye.

"Jeez mom," Benny muttered, "keep it together."

"I'm your mom," Gloria said, kissing him twice on both cheeks, "I'm allowed to get sappy when I say goodbye to you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Benny sighed, "well I'm going to leave before you really lose it."

"Bye Baby," Gloria sniffled, as Benny walked towards the exit. Saying goodbye to Julio was easier because Gloria knew that he would be back in a week, more than likely. Red drove Julio whenever he wanted. Gloria knew she might not see Benny again until her own release when she could get out and hunt him down wherever he was.

Red made sure she was the last to leave. Even five seconds alone was something to be cherished.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Red asked worriedly, after Gloria had pulled her close for a quick kiss.

"Yeah," Gloria nodded, not at all convincingly.

Red placed her hand on Gloria's cheek, "I'm worried about you." Gloria covered Red's hand with her own and allowed the tears she had been fighting to flow freely from her eyes.

"I…I…I don't know what to tell you," Gloria choked out, and Red moved swiftly to pull Gloria tightly into her arms. They were the last two people in the visitation room, but Donuts looked wary about ordering Red out when Gloria was crying so freely.

Red's heart was pounding in desperation. She didn't know what she could do and she knew that any second the guard was going to order her out and she couldn't do that. How could they force her to walk away when Gloria was crying? Gloria almost never cried.

"It's just...I'm alone," Gloria sobbed, her voice muffled as she pressed her face into Red's shoulder, "I didn't realize what a difference it would make to not have Nicky here. That's why I didn't call you. I couldn't listen to how happy you were about having her home, while I'm still in here. I know that makes me selfish…I just…"

"Shush," Red breathed, her hands rested on the back of Gloria's head. Tears were springing into her own eyes now, that's how much it pained her to see Gloria in such distress, "Feeling that way makes you human. You're the least selfish person I know. You're the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing person I know. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Gloria said, pulling back so that she could look into Red's eyes. The eyes that spoke love in all their depths. Red used her fingers to wipe the stray tears off of Gloria's face.

"I'll be alright," Gloria murmured, "it's just so hard."

"Call me," Red pleaded, "please call me as much as you can. Don't ever hide how you're feeling from me ever. I want to be there for you."

"I will," Gloria nodded, "I'll call you everyday. It's six months. I can do this."

Red nodded, "you can," she said confidently. Red brushed her lips against Gloria's and then slowly started walking towards the door. Donuts had started fake coughing a few moments ago. It was time to go. In a bid to compose herself before she joined the others, Red kept reminding herself that six months was not forever and by summertime she would finally be able to give Gloria everything she deserved. In sixth months things would be as they should be. Red was determined.