Chapter 7: Local Wipeout match - Kevin, Rolf & Nazz versus Jonny 2x4, Jimmy & Sarah.
Megaman: 'Ladies & gentlemen, this is the Local Wipeout 6-person tag team match, and it is scheduled for one fall. Here are the rules of this match. All holds are legal and weapons can be used. Introducing first from Team 1, he hails from the old country, weighing in at 95lbs, ROLF!'
Rolf came out to the sound of Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, armed with a shovel in hand and to a standing ovation no less: even though Rolf was from out of town, he was well-known and recognised, so he was family to the fans. He reciprocated by raising his fist into the air.
Megaman: 'And one of his partners, hailing from Peach Creek, California, she is the resident tomgirl of the Ed, Edd n Eddy family... NAZZ!'
Pool Party by the Aquabats hit and Nazz came out to a crowd reception that was full of town pride. She was visibly moved by the overwhelming cheers of her hometown crowd. The fans then quieted down in anticipation for the bad boy's entrance.
Megaman: 'And finally, their partner, also from Peach Creek, California, weighing 97lbs, he is the Peach Creek Rider, KEVIN!'
American Badass by Kid Rock boomed around the arena and the fans exploded into another standing ovation as Kevin rode out on his motorcycle, dressed in a long black trenchcoat, a black & white bandana and denim jeans. He rode around the ring and then entered, hugging Nazz and shaking Rolf's hand.
Megaman: 'And introducing their opponents from Team 2, first, the youngest members of the EEnE family... SARAH & JIMMY!'
If I Were You by Hoobastank hit and Ed's younger sister Sarah, with Jimmy at her back. They got a mixed reaction from their hometown crowd.
Megaman: 'And lastly, their partner, weighing 100lbs, accompanied by Plank, he is JONNY 2x4!'
Turn the Tables by Saliva played in the background as Jonny walked to the ring with Plank in tow.
The match starts with Kevin and Jonny. Kevin and Jonny exchange a few takedowns and Jonny quickly tags in Jimmy. Jimmy tells Kevin that he wants Rolf. Rolf gets the tag and he gets in some rights on Jimmy. Jimmy backs away and he tells Jonny this wasn't a good idea and that he didn't want to be here. Rolf goes after Jimmy right away and they brawl to the outside. Kevin takes out Jonny on the outside as well, spitting water in his face. We see a shot of Rolf laying in some lefts and rights on Jimmy. Kevin cracks a street sign over the back of Jonny and throws more weapons inside. Rolf throws Jimmy back in.
Kevin hits Jimmy with a sign and Rolf hits Jonny with a trash can. Rolf puts a trash can over the head of Jimmy and Kevin hits a baseball slide into the face of Jimmy. Jonny fights back taking out Kevin with a shot to the face with a cookie sheet. Jimmy starts hammering away and Rolf's face with rights. We see a shot of Jonny grabbing a ladder as Jimmy throws Rolf over the guard railing into the crowd. In the ring, Jonny takes out Kevin with a shot to the face with the ladder. Jonny sets up a ladder in the corner. Kevin stands up, Jonny charges, but Kevin hits a hip toss throwing Jonny back first on the ladder!
On the outside, Rolf and Jimmy are still brawling. Rolf sends Jimmy face first into the steel steps. Rolf then gets the ladder, puts his head through it and Rolf takes out Jimmy and Jonny with it. Rolf chokes Jimmy with the ladder in the corner and sets it up in the corner with Kevin. Rolf climbs up the ladder. Rolf gets to the top and Jonny pushes the ladder over. Rolf hits the mat with force under the ladder. Jonny grabs the ladder, Kevin gets Jonny on his shoulders and Sarah comes in low blowing Kevin. Jimmy kicks Rolf out of the ring. Jonny and Jimmy go under the ring and grab plywood covered in barbed wire.
Spongebob: 'You don't pick up something like that at the Home Department Store!'
Jonny and Jimmy take the barbed wire covered board and slam it over the body of Kevin. Kevin shakes in pain. Jonny and Jimmy pull it off the body of Kevin and it sticks to Kevin. They lift it up again and Rolf trips up Jimmy. The board falls over the head of Jimmy and partly on Jonny. Rolf hits the ring and goes after Jimmy. Kevin grabs the barbed wire board and sets it up in the corner. Rolf and Kevin send Jimmy into it and he stops himself, but still sticks partly.
Rolf and Kevin punch Jimmy a few times and then throw him back first into the board! Jimmy screams out in pain. On the outside, we see Jonny low blow Kevin over the guard railing. In the ring, Jimmy takes the board and throws it on Rolf when he went after Jonny. Sarah then hands Jimmy more barbed wire. Jimmy wraps it around his forearm. Jonny pulls the barbed wire board off Rolf. Rolf is bleeding everywhere. Jimmy drops his forearm over the head of Rolf. Jonny gives Kevin a baseball slide when he tries to get in. Jimmy drives the barbed wire into the face of Rolf. Rolf screams out in pain about his eye.
Jimmy starts choking out Rolf with his boot and Rolf continues to scream out about his eye. UCW medical officials come out and take Rolf to the back. In the ring, Jimmy grabs a barbed wire bat as the fans call for The Eds. Jimmy takes the baseball bat and slams it over Kevin. Sarah comes in, Jimmy puts the barbed wire bat over the groin of Kevin and Sarah kicks it into Kevin. Nazz is forced to look on from the corner. The fans start another 'WE WANT THE EDS' chant. Jimmy pulls out a Mick Foley-like Mr. Socko as the fans boo. Jimmy puts the Retainer claw on Nazz. Kevin runs up and takes out Jimmy. Jonny interferes and holds Kevin back. Jimmy puts on the Retainer claw on Kevin and Jonny hits Kevin with the 2x4 Spear. Jimmy tells Jonny to cover Kevin. Jonny says no and goes over to Nazz. Jonny takes Nazz, bends her over, hooks her arm back in a wristlock and then we see a bandaged up Rolf making his way through the crowd with a barbed wire bat. Kevin low blows Jonny.
A bloody Rolf comes in and hits Jimmy in the gut with the barbed wire bat and again on the back. Rolf hits Jonny with the barbed wire bat as well. Rolf then sets the barbed wire bat on fire. Rolf hits Jimmy a few times. Jimmy retreats to the ring apron. Rolf hits Jimmy again, Jimmy falls and breaks the barbed wire board with force cracking it in half. Jonny then throws Rolf through the ropes and he lands on Jimmy. Kevin hits Jonny with a big DDT and then wraps barbed wire around his neck and head pulling back. Sarah interferes on Kevin. Nazz comes in and tackles Sarah. Sarah and Nazz go at it.
Spongebob: 'CATFIGHT!'
Kevin grabs Sarah, puts her on his shoulders and connects with the Kevolution Edge. Kevin and Nazz both do the Raven taunt to the UCW crowd. Jonny grabs barbed wire and hooks it around the neck and eyes of Kevin. Jonny pulls Kevin down into an Edgomatic with the barbed wire. Nazz checks on Kevin. Jonny then hits Nazz with the 2x4 Spear. Jonny covers Nazz but Jonny gets a two-count as Rolf knocks him away.
Rolf put the boots to Jonny in the corner and went for a cover before walking to the outside of the ring and grabbed the table and tossed it into the ring. Jonny caught him on his way into the ring and hit a leg drop with Rolf's head sticking through the middle rope. Jonny began setting up the table before taking Rolf's head off with a clothesline. He draped Rolf across the table and went for his Plank Drop armed with his imaginary friend Plank and missed completely. Rolf picked up Jonny and DDT'd him into the remains of the table. Sarah attempted to stop the pin, but Nazz took her out of commission with the Blonde Bombshell Powerbomb. But Jonny kicked out anyway. Rolf signalled for his finisher The End, which is a twisting suplex into a sitdown tombstone piledriver and hung Jonny in the air, but then Jimmy pulled Jonny down, grounded Rolf and locked on the Rings of Saturn.
Kevin comes back with a chair and smashes it over Jonny & Jimmy, saving the match for his team. The mat is covered in blood, frothing at the edges with it. Nazz drags Sarah into the six-sided ring and Rolf gets up. Kevin and his team then set up their finishers. Kevin drops Jonny with the Last Ride, Rolf blasts Jimmy with The End and Nazz slams Sarah with the Blonde Bombshell. All three make the cover for the triple pin and inevitable triple victory.
Megaman: 'Ladies & Gentlemen, here are your winners of the Local Wipeout match, ROLF, NAZZ AND KEVIN!'
Backstage
Lola: 'This is Lola Bunny once again reporting for UCW Backstage. I'm here with the resident Duck of the Looney Tunes family, Daffy. Earlier, you lost a hard-fought match to your Disney counterpart Donald Duck. But that of course came after a mass of interference. Your thoughts?'
Daffy: 'Well, Lola, here's my thoughts: my partner Bugs said it best when he declared that the Disney losers can't win any of their matches without interference. Because of Donald's underhanded tactics, he sent the Battle of the Ducks straight to hell and turned it into crap that nobody wanted to see. Just remember, my white and short counterpart: there's always another night. I will get even with you if it's the last thing I do!'
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A/N: Well, there's your seventh match of the One-Shot. Kevin, Rolf & Nazz triumph over Jonny 2x4, Jimmy & Sarah in a brutal Local Wipeout brawl, fitting for the ECW Arena in 1996 while Daffy Duck promises revenge on Donald Duck after the Battle of the Ducks fell to interference from both parties. Chapter Eight will feature the first of three main events: the Black Pearl Brawl match for the Undisputed World Tag Team championship belts, pitting Captain Jack Sparrow & Will Turner (the Pirates of the Carribean) against Scorpion & Sub Zero (the MK Ninjas). Can Scorpion & Sub Zero put their differences aside long enough to capture the titles? Find out in Chapter Eight! Peace.
DJ Diddy Dog.