Inoichi understands the human mind.
It is his specialty. He has spent years researching its secrets. In his prime within the dark and deadly branches of T&I, he could spend nearly hours at a time within a person's mind. His clan's abilities allows him to read minds, use them, take control over them, take them apart, put them back together again, and learn every little secret they tried to hold from him. His clan's jutsu gifted him with the ability to understand the human mind like none other.
Which is why he is so confused when he finds that he can't understand this one.
Currently, the girl is unconscious, held upright by Konoha's Mind Reading Amplification Machine. The machine is powered by him, along with a few other members of T&I. Together, they stabilize the condition of the subject, both medically and psychologically. This then enables Inoichi to enter the subject's mind and be able to do with it as he pleases. Well, almost as he pleases. There are obviously a few restrictions, but overall, it's enough to allow him to determine exactly who this girl is. He can sift through memories, take apart and reprogram personalities, even enter mindscapes. The possibilities are endless, so long as you can handle the side effects, which vary anywhere from momentary confusion to strokes and possibly even death. The subject mainly suffers the consequences, so as long as they are disposable to Konoha, there is basically no risk involved in this technique. A beauty, isn't it?
But case in point: if he can do so many amazing things with this jutsu, why is it that they aren't working now?
Inoichi studies the brain before him. It is standard protocol for a temporary mindscape to form immediately when he enters the mind of a subject. Typically, it consists of a dark area, occupied only by a visual representation of the subject's brain. From there, he can access the 'hippocampus', so to speak, of the subject, and review their memories in the forms of thick scrolls that he can manipulate in or out of the brain.
This is exactly what occurred when he first entered this subject's mind, but when he pulled a memory from her mind to review, he encountered a problem. The main problem, to be specific. Usually, the memories are transferred to kanji on the scroll. It makes for a lengthy reading, but just a few catchphrases are enough to trigger a viewing of a memory. Besides, Inoichi's recollection ability is nothing to scoff at. A single glance is all he needs. Once outside of the subject's mind, he can then review his own memories and find out all the little secrets the subject never revealed to Ibiki.
Except these scrolls aren't filled with kanji. They're filled with some strange symbols that he has never seen before, and he can't make heads or tails of them. No matter which scroll he looks at, all contain those same strange symbols. He memorizes it all, just in case Cryptology can find some use for it, but he expects that even they will be stumped by this. It doesn't look like any code he's ever seen before, and besides, you can't exactly encrypt a person's memories. Unless someone created a technique that can do so. He sighs to himself. This means that he might need to turn things up a notch. He doesn't want to, seeing as this particular subject is a child, and this next jutsu can be damaging to the brain's memory retention ability, but then again… They really need information on this one. Drastic times call for drastic measures.
He forms the hand seal and is about to draw the chakra when to his right someone shouts, "Hey! Whatever you're planning, you better not do it, ya hear me!"
Inoichi visibly jumps at the sudden noise, and berates himself for the reaction immediately after. He looks down, floating in the dark expanse of the mind as he is, with his normal stoic mask in place, and faces a mental image of the subject. It is strange to see a mental image in a civilian's mind without having summoned it first, which leads him to believe the cause is one of two things; either A, the subject has had training in mind techniques, or B, they consistently make use of their 'inner voice of conscious', therefore leading it to form a representation of itself. All he has to do is take one look at the mental image, and he knows it's the latter.
The image stares up at him, exaggeratedly short. It stands at just two feet tall, and its head is double the size of its body. Its pink hat stretches all the way down past its eyebrows, almost entirely covering the eyes, and the small bits of hair that stick out from below its cap are oddly limp. They are also colored green, which somewhat matches with the subject's actual appearance. So far, the hat and the green hair are consistent with both subject and mental image, but the height is grossly misrepresented and the hat covers much more than it did in real life. Their face is excessively expressive, and their outfit is the exact same one that the subject is currently wearing. This leads Inoichi to believe that the subject is acutely self-conscious of their height; is dependent on the hat for some form of protection; probably has trouble controlling their emotions, which could potentially lead to panic attacks, the exact thing that drew Konoha's attention to them, fancy that; has green as its favorite color, if the dyed highlights managed to make it as their base hair color in their mental image; and the outfit is their uniform, if it too made it to their mental image, so they most likely participate in a structured, monitored routine. The clothes don't look like the preferred option one would wear to a fight, though, so it seems that being a field shinobi as their career is ruled out.
The image scowls and shakes a finger at him, yelling "You get your ass down here, you S.O.B.! What the hell do you think you're doing, messin' around in my head!"
Inoichi floats down to land on the invisible platform that supports the image, and tonelessly replies, "I apologize for intruding. Who are you? Where do you come from?"
The mental projection rises to his height, it's proportions fixing themselves into a much more realistic interpretation of the subject. Inoichi notes it carefully. The image sneers, "I can't believe it! You literally just broke into my head! You're so, ugh! People these days!" They round on him with a fierceness he raises an eyebrow at. "Who the HELL are you? What gives you the right to do this? Do you feel good, just skipping around in people's brains? Do you get off on that shit?"
Inoichi pointedly gives no reaction. This was getting a bit too strange, even for him. Also, the image entirely ignored his questions, which was much more important. "What Village are you from? Who do you work for?" Internally, he sighs. This would all be so much easier if he could just view the memories.
The projection splutters indignantly, then waves their arms maniacally at the dark expanse around them. "Can't you tell? I work for FUCKING Santa Claus, dipshit! Who the fuck do you think I work for? Better yet, who the heck do you work for?"
Inoichi initiates eye contact, and holds it. Their evasion tactics seem to be rehearsed. Could they have been trained?
The image suddenly narrows their eyes and peers closer at him with one eye. The action is overemphasized by how their eye suddenly doubles in size. The oversized eyeball blinks once, and then retreats to a normal size. "You look familiar… Oh!" The projection abruptly smiles kindly. "I remember you now. You're the father of that Ino chick, right?"
Inoichi's blood freezes in his veins.
The image laughs freely. "Oh man, this is too good. Yamanaka, right? Ino-something. Inojin? Nope, that's not it, though… Ah! Inoichi! Ha, see, told 'ya I remembered." It sighs happily. "It feels so good to remember things…"
It takes everything in him to not chokehold this Kami-damned mental projection and drag them on a genjutsu mind-trip down Tortureville. Whoever this son of a bitch is, they know his daughter. He has to approach this carefully. This is no longer just some routine mental screening. Inoichi continues to stare blankly at the image. "You have detailed information on Konoha-nin. How did you obtain it?"
The image giggles. Fucking giggles. Like this is all some sort of joke. "Silly goose, you just wanna know how I know ya, yeah?" They wiggle their eyebrows and chortle before waving him forward. "Follow me to America, Inoichi-chan!"
Inoichi resists the urge to throttle them again and follows. He glances back only once at the fading representation of the hippocampus.
"Man, that place was weird. I mean, come on, a brain with scrolls sticking out of it floating in darkness? That's just so weird. I have no idea how the heck that came about. I'd never seen it before, either. But where we're going now, man it's awesome! You'll love it there! And it'll have all the information you're looking for, too! It's pretty much where I go to daydream, and because of that, it has all my memories and imaginations, because daydreams come from memories and imagination, pretty much. But really, I know the only reason why I would think up a Yamanaka in my head was if I wanted to start some Naruto daydream up, so I'll just bring you back to your place, and let the water flow its course!"
Inoichi notices the name of Konoha's jinchuuriki. This is not good. Not good at all.
A library of sorts fades into existence around them. A wooden round table stands in the middle, polished to a shine, with papers littering the surface. It's almost as tall as Inoichi himself, and for a moment the mind reader curiously eyes the strange dark plants curling around the four legs of the table before scanning the rest of the room. Book shelves stretch farther than the eye can see, fading upwards into empty white space, and they act as borders for the area. Something glitters on a shelf, and with a squint, Inoichi realizes that a group of fairies are perched daintily on a book jutting out from the shelf. Speaking of which, books are everywhere. Open, closed, sorted onto a shelf, laying on the floor, arranged in piles of varying sizes; there's not a single spot that doesn't have a book on it. In fact, the floor itself is made of books. From underneath one such book, a green worm with round, black-rimmed glasses wriggles out, narrowing its eyes at a group of stick figures. It gnashes its teeth at them, and the worm chases the stick figures away from its territory before grumpily slinking back under its book.
Inoichi has no idea what to make of this.
The mental projection skips over to a bench by a window and pushes off all the books laying atop it. She pats the cushions and gives him a friendly smirk, saying "Well come on now, don't be a stranger. Sit down," before prancing off into a dark corner.
Inoichi makes to follow her, but has to stop just as a purple pegasus glides by. Inoichi blinks stupidly at the animal, only to receive a horsey grin before it speeds off with a rainbow trailing behind it. He looks to the side, and just a few bookshelves away from him, sees a yellow sponge with pants talking to a boy in black robes with the face of a man, round glasses, and a lightning scar grotesquely stamped onto his enlarged forehead. Something lands on Inoichi's shoulder, and he gawks as a tiny man in green chuckles up at him, "Who needs gold when you have Lucky Charms!"
All at once, Inoichi catches on to just how bad of an idea it is to follow a mental image of a foreign subject into their own mindspace.
The more he looks around, the busier the mindscape gets. Neon colors randomly splash into creation mid-air. He catches snatches of music he can't recognize. Birds of the like he's never seen before soar by, one in particular whining out loud, "Are we there yet?" A sharp sound yanks his attention to the left, where a parade of mermaids swim down the bookshelf in floating globs of water. Inoichi swallows past the rising panic in his throat, and steps forward to try and finally reach the seat, only to have his balance leave him entirely. He tilts to the left, and a giant finger props him back up. It then places itself on the floor, and joins another finger in mimicking the action of walking. He takes another step and a crab appears, circling around his left leg, shouting, "Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, will ya'!" He stifles a yelp in surprise and tries to hop away from the crab, but a mass of black slime with eyeballs abruptly appears and gurgles to his right. He whirls around, stumbles backwards, and falls onto the bench, even though he was sure he still had about 2 meters to go.
It's like he tripped through an invisible barrier. The world unexpectedly becomes muted. The neon colors still randomly appearing dull in intensity, and though he can still hear the strange music, he can do so only when he strains his ears. The other side blurs to the point where all the bizarre creatures from before are distorted enough that he can ignore them. Inoichi feels like he can breathe again. Why was this girl's mindscape so busy? So crazy?
The projection forms next to him, holding two steaming cups, and smiles wanly at him. "Tea, or coffee?"
Inoichi responds with a question of his own, "What do you know about the Leaf?"
The image sighs and sets the saucers down. "Alright, I think I figured it out. Do me a favor and look up?"
Inoichi is tempted not to, but does so anyways. He gasps. Instead of shelves fading into white, a giant black hole covers the entirety of the top half of the room. Stars swirl around inside it, and at its epicenter is a large brown eye. The iris flickers every which way, ensuring nothing goes unnoticed under its vigilant stare. It settles on him, scrutinizing. Inoichi gulps.
This is way, way above his paygrade.
The projection smiles at him, and it takes him only a moment to realize that they're different now. Her face is entirely normal, her expressions no longer exaggerated. Her height is appropriate, and her brown hair now has the edges colored green, like how it is in reality. "Right then. This here is my home. Welcome. I know it's a bit crazy, but you get used to it after a while. I have a really active imagination."
Inoichi stares at her. "You're not a projection."
She gives him a confused look. "I don't know what you mean by a projection, but that's not important right now. I remember that I'm apparently in Konoha right now, yes? So we have a problem. To me, Konoha didn't exist, not in real life, until just recently. I'd like to keep it that way. I want to go back home. Can you do that for me?"
Inoichi's expression becomes fierce. "You say that, and yet clearly you know more than you should." Such an extreme reaction is breaking interrogation protocol, but Inoichi is far past caring about that. This stranger, an unknown potential hostile, with flying pegasi and talking crabs living in their mindscape, knows his daughter. Inoichi doesn't give a damn about protocol; no one hurts his baby girl. "Who the fuck are you? What Village are you from? Better you tell me now, before I hand you over to Ibiki again." Inoichi leers at her. "He won't be as nice next time, little girl."
Her expression crumbles into one of pure fear. "Oh god, please no, not him again." she whimpers For a moment, she looks like she's about to hyperventilate, before she regains some modicum of control over herself. "Right. Well, I want to avoid that as much as possible. The thing is, I'm not from a Village, I'm not a ninja, I don't even have chakra. I'm not from your world, Inoichi. I have no idea how to show you that. You ninja are too paranoid to accept it. I could show you my memories, but you probably won't understand the language they're in, since I speak English and you're speaking Japanese, I think. I could show you what I know about the Naruto manga, but you'll think that I'm just some spy or something. No matter what I say or do, you guys will find some way to spin it to make me look like a bad guy."
Inoichi knows she is right, and doesn't argue it. "You still haven't told me your name."
Her pinched expression deflates into that of horrified acceptance. "That's the thing. I can't remember. I can't remember my name."
This revelation shows something utterly vulnerable about the subject that Inoichi highly doubts is a lie.
She bites her lip and casts worried eyes around them. "Look for yourself."
Inoichi does, and he sees. The library around them is foggy. At first he thought it might be because of the separation between the bench and the rest of the area, but on second thought, it's much more cloudy than he originally thought it was. The crab that yelled at him is no longer moving. The dark slime thing is evaporating. The flying creatures are now all walking on the floor, instead of zooming around everywhere. The clothed sponge and the boy-man are melting into each other. The music he heard before is distorted. As he studies it all, a book falls. And another. And another. In seconds, it's raining books. The wooden bookshelves are rotting, and they are fading into the black hole above at a much quicker rate. He directs his gaze to the giant eye, and after looking closely for a moment, manages to notice a strange film that makes the eye look glazed and unfocused.
Inoichi looks back at the girl in front of him, feeling a little pity. "You're dying." She's so young, too.
She gasps and lunges forward. "WHAT?!"
Inoichi startles. "You didn't know?"
Her mouth gapes open. "NO! No, of course not! I-How-FUCK!" She grabs at her pink hat. "Shit. Fudge-covered shiitake mushrooms. Fucking hell, okay. Okay. I-I can deal with this. Okay. I got this. Just, just focus. Focus." She takes a determined, and yet shaky, breath. "Okay, Inoichi, I'm just going to give you everything I got. I hope you can deal with it." She picks a book off a shelf and hands it to him.
Inoichi looks at the book warily for a moment, but above all, he came here for information. He takes the book in hand, opens it, and immediately falls into oblivion.
This feels so rushed like herhamgee. now i wanna say that her having a minscape isn't realisitc. yes i know that. The Yamanaka clan jutsu are never fully explained, and Kishimoto pulls one out of his magician's hat whenever he feels like it. I actually do have an explanation for the mindscape (something about Inoichi's chakra and projection needing a representation of the mind they can work with coupled with the subject's own subconcious, which is why her mindscape is bananas instead of Inoichi's generic darkness and floating brain.) so yeah, hit me up for more if you want to, y'all.