Condom Fairy

A Word: On Tumblr there was a post made in regards to Dick making a fuss over Jay and Tim not using protection, and how he would harass them. I laughed.

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The boxes of condoms and tubes of lube start showing up after Tim and Steph had to go out and pick up a smashed Jason and Dick from a diner a good five miles away from the bar that'd called for the pick up in the first place. Tim only connects the two events because he had born the brunt of Dick's drunken outrage over Tim and Jason's non-usage of protection while Jason snored into his neck and Steph tried not to crash them by laughing too hard.

Tim looked through the different boxes of various sized condoms that's appeared in the bathroom cabinet of his rooms in the manor seemingly overnight.

"Do guys with dicks this small really need condoms?" Jason ties off the end of one of the smaller ones he's blown up with air. Flicking it to join the other various sized condom balloons he's filling the tub with. Skinny things of different colors and shapes.

Tim pulls out one of the glow in the dark condoms and hands it over to Jason. "What exactly did you say to Dick anyway?"

"Not a damn clue," Jason shrugs as he unrolls the condom and stretches it out. "Think I can stuff these into Dick's bed without Alfred seeing?"

"No," Tim doesn't hesitate in answering. The condom blows up a sickly yellow color and almost looks like the beginning of a balloon animal. "But you're going to do it anyway."

The condoms start showing up slowly over the weeks. A strip and a small tube of lube in the glove compartment of the car Tim uses when he wants to be seen in public. A few boxes in his apartment in the city. Jason's grin the next time they tumble into one of his safehouses and he pulls out some, horrible, pink condoms let him know Dick's not just targeting Tim at least. A few singles slipped into the pocket of various clothing Tim or Jason own.

The embarrassment has long worn off and Tim's more bemused as his brother continues to leave them condoms everywhere Jason and Tim could possibly have sex. Jason nearly kills himself choking on some food the day Alfred corners Dick about a strip of condoms left in one of the library couches. Tim has to leave the kitchen before bursting out into laughter as well.

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It stops being funny the day Tim reaches into a drawer at work for a pen and finds a very indiscreet box of condoms and some flavored lube. Tim nearly flushes, but while Tam's listing off his appointments for the day she'll still scent the blood in the air and swoop in for the humiliation kill. Tim forces himself to pull out a pen and casually shut the drawer before she can see the neon cardboard. Quietly seething inside and planning to maim Dick.

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Jason looks way too gleeful when Tim's venting later in the day, "So I can fuck you over your desk now?"

"No," Tim glares as Jason completely misses the point. "No sex at work."

"But-" and that look is far too calculating for Tim's comfort. He's going to have to watch out for Jason trying to sneak in at WE.

"No, Jason!" Tim slumps back against his kitchen counter. Letting his head fall back far enough to thunk on the cabinets. Vowing to hurt Dick for putting him in a situation where he's going to have to worry about being ambushed in the office now.

"Hey," warm hands grip Tim around his waist, hoisting him up onto the counter as Jason steps between his legs. Pulling them up and around his body. "Relax. If Dickie wants to become our personal lube and condom sex fairy? Let him. Gives us all the supplies we'll ever need, right?"

"Right," Tim let his disdain for that idea drip through his voice even as he wraps his arms around Jason's neck. Fingers tangling in his hair, rubbing a lock between his thumb and forefinger as Jason presses closer. Rubbing just enough to start distracting them both. "Hm, think our lube and condom fairy left anything for us in here?"

Jason grins and, without moving away, pulls open one of the junk drawers. There's two boxes of condoms with the lube in it. Tim lets himself be pushed to lie flat on the counter with a laugh.

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