Sorry about the delay in getting this chapter out. I went away on holidays and then back home I had to spend a few days at the hospital. I hope this extra-long chapter makes up for the wait! You might wanna reread last chapter to recap.
He parks his car in front of their building and jumps out of it, almost tripping in his haste to get to her. He decides to take the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, the reality of what he's about to do descending on him as his feet carry him blindly towards her. He's just walked into the apartment and kicked the door shut when he hears the music coming from Jess' room, and he freezes on the spot when he recognizes the song. He feels his eyes closing, the words echoing in his ears as his breathing speeds up again.
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad
Sometimes, sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last.
He slowly walks up to her door and presses his trembling palms against it, trying to slow down his breathing and his nerves. He rests his forehead against her door, the tune softly playing behind it. But the need to see her suddenly becomes too overwhelming for him to wait another second.
He yanks her door open without knocking and sees her standing by her old turntable, her finger tracing the edges of it and her cheeks stained with tears. His eyes are burning into her and his heart is beating so fast he feels like it were about to jump out of his chest. But it doesn't matter, it doesn't fucking matter because she's all that matters right now. She's looking at him with a surprised look on her face, her hands immediately going up to her face to dry her tears. His eyes are glued to her, watching her every move.
Are you in love with me? He's dying to ask her. But when her eyes meet his he doesn't need to ask. Because he sees it then, he sees what he's been blind to.
And he stops wondering if maybe Tran was wrong, if maybe she doesn't love him.
He stops wondering because he doesn't need to ask her. Because her eyes are still glued to his and the pain behind them is a dead give away.
He walks up to her then, dodging his way through the boxes that are already scattered around the room, and before she can try to protest and yell at him to get out of her room, he grabs her by the hips and pulls her to him, her eyes widening in surprise and a gasp escaping her just before his lips crash against hers. He pushes her back until her body hits the closet door, but he doesn't stop when she lets out a small yelp at the sudden contact. His mouth opens against hers, groaning as he swallows her soft sigh and holds onto her hips.
Her stillness makes him terrified that she's going to push him away, her hands flat against his chest and her body completely rigid, but then his heart skips a beat when he feels her hands slide up and go around his neck. He kisses her with every fiber of his being then, her fingers grabbing at his hair while his hands seem unable to decide where to touch her. He compromises by touching her everywhere his hands can reach while making sure his lips don't stop moving against hers.
"I know, Jess", is all he says, and she's all flustered and her lips are red and wonderfully swollen. She looks up at him and he can see the confusion on her face, but he kisses her again and the way she just melts against him pains his heart. He lets his hands roam down her back and she moans against his lips, her own arms trying to bring him impossibly closer to her. He reluctantly pulls back, resting his forehead against hers and watching as she finally opens her eyes to look at him.
"I know", he repeats then, while she's still trying to catch her breath.
But the thought that she doesn't know, that she doesn't know what she means to him makes up his mind. She needs to know now, he thinks, and presses one last kiss to her lips before pulling away from her. She lets out a soft groan of protest and he can't help but smile, giving her hands a little squeeze between his before letting go. He walks to the turntable and turns off her music, but it's only seconds before he's standing in front of her again.
"What…?", she starts, the first words she's said to him since he burst in her room. But he just presses a finger to her lips and she quiets down.
"Come with me", he says then, and turns around and tugs on her hand, making her follow him until they reach his room. He doesn't stop walking until they're both standing next to his bed, and then he lets go of her hand and takes a deep breath, smiling at her. He digs in his pocket, muttering out a curse when his fingers don't find what he's looking for straight away. She watches him silently, and when he smiles at her again her eyes drop to his now open palm. He motions for her to extend her hand and places a cold, shiny object in the center of her palm.
Jess looks down and her eyes immediately fill with tears, and she doesn't need him to explain anything else because she knows exactly what it is. And she knows exactly what it means.
"I've never not carried it with me, Jess", he says. His hands frame her face and he waits until her eyes meet his, her tears wetting his palms. "Every single day", he tells her, and the bright smile on his face makes her let out a strangled half sob, half chuckle. She tightens her grip around the coin and lets her other hand fist the shirt at his waist, and his thumbs sweep under her eyes to dry them.
"Why didn't you tell me?", he asks her softly. He's still mad at himself for not seeing it from the beginning, but he asks her anyways.
"Because I was scared", she says, and her voice comes out filled with emotion, the feel of his hands against her skin keeping her heart beating harder and faster. "I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same, or that you…", she tells him, and his hands slide down to cup hers and give them a comforting squeeze. His eyes are burning into her, offering a warm and encouraging stare for her to go on. "That you would still choose Reagan", she finishes, and Nick feels his stomach kicking him from the inside.
He decides that he's done listening right there, the need to explain everything too strong to keep quiet anymore. He lets go of her hands and turns around, walking to his nightstand and rummaging through it before turning back around, his hand made into a tight fist. Her confused look turns into a curious one as she eyes his actions.
"There's one more thing…", he says, walking up to her again. And he knows now it's possibly not the best time, and there's also a tiny voice in his head that yells at him and tries to warn him that he's probably going to freak her out, but it's not nearly loud enough to stop him.
"I bought this two days after we first kissed", he tells her, and she can't stop the sob that leaves her throat. "And I've kept it here ever since that day", he continues, the little box firmly grasped in his hand. And he's going to tell her everything now. He knows he should be scared, but he's so tired and desperate for her to understand that he swallows his heart down and keeps talking.
"It was you, Jess", he says, "It was you all along", he tells her, and holds onto her hand. He opens his palm for her to see the velvet box that leaves no room for questions. She lets out a quiet sob and bites down on her lip, and wonders if the last half an hour was a dream because there's no other explanation to what is going on between them. He feels his own eyes starting to prick with unshed tears, but he keeps going because it's time for him to be completely honest with her. "Now I'm not going to ask you right now", he says, smiling at her until she lets out a choked laugh. "But I'm going to keep it right there", he adds, and points back at the nightstand. His expression turns into a more serious one, and he places his finger on her chin and holds her stare until her smile falls from her face.
"You are the reason why I came back, Jess. You are the reason why I couldn't do it." He watches her eyes widen in surprise and feels a rush of confidence running through him. He grabs her hand and notices her whole body is shaking with repressed emotion. But he keeps talking- he's already wasted enough time.
"Because every morning when I woke up, it was you that I thought about. Because all I could do was think about your face when I told you I was leaving, because all I could do was think about how it was not what I wanted. I wanted you to stop me, Jess", he says, and she's no longer trying to stop the tears falling from her eyes. "That's why it didn't work out, Jess."
"Nick, I…", she weakly tries, but he shakes his head at her. Her eyes are going back and forth between his and the box in his hand, and he just needs to get it all out now. He squeezes her hand in his and sees her slowly nod at him.
"Just let me finish", he speaks, "Fuck, Jess… If I'd had the slightest idea that you still… I would have never left, Jess. I would have never done it", he says, and he needs her to understand that. Letting go of her hand, he opens the lid and turns the box around to show her. The look on her face tells him she's half stunned, half on the verge of an emotional break down.
"This is the only thing I could think about, Jess", he says, and he's never been so honest in his life. "But I never thought that you… Jess, I never thought that you would…", he tries, but he's so nervous and so in love and so overwhelmed that his hands have started to shake. He closes the lid and throws the ring box next to them on his bed, trying to organize his thoughts to tell her everything. "I'll keep that in my nightstand for now, Jess. But if you want to give this, us, another chance… That ring won't stay there for long", he says, and she yanks her head up in surprise. But he just smiles at her and gives a little shrug of his shoulders.
"It's always been you, Jess", he tells her, "right from the beginning". It's right then that she decides she's heard enough, and when he starts talking again she presses her hands against his chest and interrupts him.
"Shut up, Nick", she pants out. It comes out all breathless, her face red with dry tears and her eyes puffy and bright, her hair messy from his hands running through it. And she's never looked more beautiful to him than in this moment.
"No", he tries to argue, "because I'm not done. There's still something else I need to tell you… Actually, there are a few things I need to tell you", he tells her, but her next words interrupt him before he can say anything else.
"I love you", she says then, and he wants to cry because he never thought he'd heard those words again. "Nick, I love you, and I should have told you, and I'm sorry…", she says, and her voice is shaking but she can't stop talking. And he wants to be slightly bothered that she said it first, but he also just needs to kiss her right now.
He grabs the back of her head and pulls her forward until her lips crash against his. His fingers tug at her hair and she wraps her arms around his neck, her body molding into his. She's crying while he kisses her, but when he pulls back to look at her he sees nothing but happiness in her eyes. She smiles brightly at him and he lets out a relieved chuckle, automatically leaning in to kiss her cheeks, neck, anywhere his lips can reach.
"Is this real?" she says, her whisper vibrating against his lips nipping at her throat. Nick just smiles and feathers kisses along her neck up until he reaches her mouth, kissing her sweetly and silently answering her question.
She pulls back from him and her eyes fall to the bed beside them, the ring box lying there and a million questions start to race through her head. His eyes follow hers and he gently loosens his grip around her.
"About that…", he starts. But before he can say anything else, his door bursts open and Schmidt comes through it, grinning from ear to ear and looking thoroughly pleased with himself.
"Jess?", he asks, his grin morphing into a confused frown when he notices her. She lets out a sigh that matches Nick's annoyed huff, Schmidt's frown deepening at his two friends. He stares at them for a moment longer before his eyes twinkle in recognition.
"Did I interrupt something?"