FLOATING BETWEEN ECSTASY AND EMOTIONAL AGONY

I can feel her kissing my throat her lips are moving up my neck slowly and gently as I lie naked on the cold floor and she lays over me, her body against mine. I can feel the heat of my body and feel the pounding of my heart it is ringing in my ear like an eternal instrument igniting every part of my soul. Its dark all around and I am in bliss but under this bliss is a piecing rage burning to get free and I am trying to control it with every inch of my will. Yet it is so hard it's like feeling daggers being trust in to my body which is already on fire, I'm riding so high that I can't come down as I feel my lovers lips move across her chest as her hands drifted lower. I could feel my legs being straddled by the older woman's body as my hands find her back and my nails dig in, I can't take it anymore I want to let go but I can't. I want to transform but shouldn't I want to die and be reborn a new, the monster in my sexual drive is taking control and I am struggling now to control it.

I feel my teeth pinch against my lips their growing and I can't stop them, I'm so close to reaching climax on two levels and feel the claws as they burst through my finger nails. I hear her scream as I loose control pushing my claws in to her skin feeling the cold liquid as her blood runs free and her scream of agony hits the air. I'm hurting her I'm breaking her and wounding her and I can't stop myself. Its awful delightful and painful ecstasy, I can see the blood running free and see the pain in her eyes as she looks down in to mine. I can see fear, pain but she does not stop and nether do I. I can feel the my body changing buckling as I transform and my claws remain in place cutting deeper wounds along her back tearing through muscle and bone as I force her forward feeling her now smaller body pressing against mine. I force her down on to the floor my huge jaws opening with in inches of her face before clamping shut. It is no longer pain I see but terror as my jaws slam in to her throat tearing pulling ripping as blood sprays forth like a tide soaking the floor , this can't be happening, why is this happening? I would never do this to her I love her! Please let me wake up! Please get me out of this nightmare!

Gabrielle felt her eyes snap open as she grabbing her sword bolting up right in bed feeling the sweat as it poured down her face. She groaned painfully closing her eyes for a moment trying to focus on where she was. She was fine the dream wasn't real she was in Xena's room in her bed she turned sharply trying to control her breathing as she looked at her lover who was sleeping on her side next to her. She could feel the cold air as it hit her chest she looked down realizing that the cover had fallen down exposing her naked upper body. She eyed her weapon before easing up her knees and putting a hand on her face. Why in Ouroboros's name had she had a dream like this? It had been utterly awful on every level she would never do that to this woman, she would never hurt her, her gaze drifted to her weapon hand realizing that it was shaking violently. She breathed in feeling her heart beat start to slow down and she gained control over her body she eased up her hand wiping the sweat away looking at sword hand once more which had stopped shaking.

She had never experienced a dream like this or experienced a shaking weapon hand before, clearly it was just a side effect of the dream but she didn't like it regardless. She tensed focusing her thoughts eyeing the night sky which was still dark so much for sleeping all night. She had probably been asleep for less than four hours. She turned looking at the sleeping woman again, what if she ever did that, what if she hurt her? What if she lost control and she paid the price for it? If she ever hit her it would be the end their relationship for sure, she had only ever hurt her on one other occasion but they had not been friends back then and it had been after Xena had, had her dance in front of the royals in chains. She had control over her anger but despite this it always felt like under the surface and constantly being restrained and there were moments when she lost it. She wished that she could control it most days but had come to accept that, that would never be so. Normally she wouldn't have cared but now she did unlike her past lovers Xena was human not a werewolf and it meant that she had to stay in control all of the time or she would really hurt her.

She had never been in this situation before and her anger she could control to a point but she wouldn't lie, her lust and sexual drive was not as easy to control. She had almost lost it once during their love making not long ago and though the other woman had not said a word she knew she had hurt her. She put a hand through her damp fringe as she looked at her sword seeing her own face reflected in the gleaming blade like a mirror. She breathed in deeply about to lie back only to stop as she caught sight of something leaking out under the central door from her room that led to her room, it was dark in colour. She put down her sword as she threw back the cover getting out of bed as then pulled on her robe and closing it quickly as she took hold of her sword again. She moved slowly towards the central door raising her sword higher as she kneeled down running her finger tips through the dark pool.

She smelt her finger only to pull away sharply it was blood but not human blood she stood up leaning against the central door she could hear someone moving behind it, she narrowed her gaze she could smell another werewolf. Since when did any bastard slip in to her room with out her knowing and bleed all over her floor? She felt her grip on her weapon tighten as she moved her fingers towards the door handle. If a werewolf was here why hadn't they come in to this room and attacked her out right? Why hesitate she had been sleeping and a perfect target, no something wasn't right about this she could feel it deep in the pit of her stomach, she hated it when things didn't make sense to her. Who ever was in her room was clearly very badly wounded that was why they hadn't attacked her.

"Gabrielle?"

Gabrielle turned sharply seeing that her lover was now wide awake she eased up her free hand keeping whispering under her breath. "There is a werewolf in my room, I can smell them." She watched as the older woman grabbed her robe pulling it on while grabbing her sword. She breathed in seeing the taller woman come to stand opposite the concern in her eyes. She turned the handle slowly opening the door catching sight of bloody drags marks which led to the centre of her room there was a figure. She could tell that it was a werewolf but who ever they were they were laying on there stomach legs outspread and tail down but there was something wrong though. It was the way there limps were moving and how they looked crooked and distorted she narrowed her gaze edging closer to the fallen werewolf. She took in a painful breath as it became very clear to her why the body was so distorted. She could now see that werewolf had no fur only burnt skin which was pulsing as blood ran from open holes as its body tried to heal itself.

There were whole area's were there was nothing but bone showing through. She could see open ribs in one area which had the insides showing through and there were bone ligaments on the legs, arms and tail section. The worst part of all was the face half of it had been burnt away revealing nothing but teeth and white bone and an empty eye socket were an eye had once been. There were areas were muscle was growing in stands and making patterns of red all over the heavy upper and lower jaw bone. The one good eye which was brown and gleaming in the low light could be seen but it was an eye that was filled with pain and torment. She couldn't imagine the agony that this werewolf was in or even how long he had forced himself to stay alive just so he could get to the palace. This was the werewolf who had gotten away but had still been set alight in the flames. The survivor if you could call him that she watched as her lover took hold of the lit candle on her desk moving to light the torch stand opposite. She raised her hand stopping her as she lowered her weapon putting it on the floor opposite. "You don't want to put that on, it's not pretty."

She moved over to her bed yanked of one of the fur covers which was light and warm then kneeled down gentle putting it over the rebels destroyed body she knew it would do nothing for his pain he was to far gone and he was dying but it would at least give him his dignity. She gently took the candle from her lover's hand putting it opposite his body just enough to light the area near his face so she could see it. The face looked up to her as the mouth moved all though the words were gargled due to the werewolf's tongue which had been damaged. "Golden…hind." Gabrielle felt a sad smile form the werewolf was male the voice gave him an identity, even if his body didn't. "Yes I'm the Golden Hind." The eye looked at her as the mouth moved again with great difficulty. "I found…you." Gabrielle nodded trying to ignore the agonizing pain in her heart as she met his gaze. "Yes you found me." She watched as the taller woman slowly sat down opposite her keeping quite she could see the sadness in her eyes as the werewolf spoke again. "The Apollonia rebels…wish to give…this to you." Gabrielle watched as the one clawed hand which was burnt down to the fingers bones came out from under the cover pushing a bag towards her, only the outer leather had been burnt but not very deeply.

The werewolf spoke again as she took it from his bloody hand. "The Imperial…Council wants to bring bleeding….pillars… of…sorrow to humans." Gabrielle eyed him for a long moment, bleeding pillars she had never heard that statement before not even in her readings. What did it mean and why would he say it to her? She looked up only to watch in surprise as his boned hand took hold of her sword blade pulling it towards him she didn't think as she grabbed the handle. She tensed as he pushed the blade up to his throat as he raised his head. "Kill…me." Gabrielle felt her hand on her weapon start to shake before she could stop it. It wasn't fear it was that tense feeling returning once more and her having no control over it. Xena eyed her lover's sword hand she could see it shaking, not in all the time she had known her had she seen her sword hand shake even when she was angry or sad. She always had complete control over her weapon even if not her emotions, which made this very strange. She looked up as her lovers grip tightened causing her hand to stop shaking.

Gabrielle looked at the werewolf's one good eye feeling the pain twist in her chest she had only ever done this once before on a werewolf in her unit who had been skinned alive back when she had moved to the Grand City. It was considered an honour as a warrior to kill those who were in to much pain and end their suffering to give them any less was cruel and dishonourable. Gabrielle looked at him for a long moment before leaning forward. "Tell me your name, so I can tell the rebels of your bravery." The werewolf looked up. "Ucalegon…my name is Ucalegon." Gabrielle felt a sad smile form as she pulled him up slightly. "When I suite the throne as king you will always be remembered I will ensure that your name goes down in history." She raised her blade higher feeling the intense pain hit home, she took in a deep painful breath tensing her body this kill had to be perfect if she slipped the blade she would cause him a very painful death. Xena felt her body tense she could see her lover preparing herself she knew that she had no choice this werewolf was in so much pain to not offer him death would be cruel.

She leaned over removing the bag which was clearly important in some way. Gabrielle took in another deep breath before gently putting her hand on the burnt flesh at the back of the mane watching as the werewolf nodded as best he could signalling that he was ready as his one good eye closed. She trust her weapon forward in a lightning fast motion hearing the crack as it pieced bone hitting the target, she watched as his body tensed before going completely still as death took over. She looked down at her blade which was now deeply embedded in side his neck then carefully pulled it out watching as the head drooped down fully as she let go of the burnt skin on his neck. She felt the word slow down as she looked at her blade watching as blood ran down the centre creating patterns of red she lowered her weapon watching as it hit the floor. She looked down trying to hide her pain which had become so much more intense. She felt her lovers hand as it came to rest on her lap as she lowered her head sadly looking at the floor. She moved her hand realizing that it was now covered in blood due to her putting it close to the werewolf's body.

"I'm sorry."

Gabrielle looked up meeting her lovers gaze before covering the werewolves face with her blanket. "I have to go now and visit my people…I don't know what he even meant by bleeding pillars." Xena slowly eased herself to her feet she took hold of her lovers hand easing her gently up in to a standing position seeing the intense pain and sadness in her eyes. "No first I need you to let me wash this blood of your hands." She moved her towards the open central door closing it behind her wanting to keep the now dead body out of her lover's sight. She would have Demetrius remove the body and have the guards clean her lover's room. Thaleia was not ready for this if the young maid saw it, it would be far too much for her to handle, it was true she had seen blood and guts but the body in that room was enough to give anyone nightmares. Maybe she being over protective but she wanted Thaleia to keep some of her innocence as she had always felt guilty about Ceto loosing her innocence after being with her all on the battlefield and seeing so much blood.

She watched as Gabrielle sat down on her bed the younger woman looked sad and deflated as if she now had the weight of the world resting firmly on her shoulders. She moved over to her wash room filling a wooden bowl with cold water. Gabrielle had, had no choice but to put that werewolf out of his misery but she couldn't help but feel that this wasn't the first time the younger woman had done this. As there was so little hesitation when she had made the kill and she had very methodically placed her blade at a point where it would kill instantly. She moved towards the younger woman seeing that the bloody sword was still in her hand and still being gripped it firmly. She slowly kneeled down in front of her taking hold of the weapon gently freeing it from her fingers, before placing it close by. She eased up the bowl and wet cloth slowly and carefully wiping the blood away from her fingers until they were clean before speaking. "You did the right thing he was in to much pain."

Gabrielle looked up slightly meeting her intense light blue gaze. "Then why doesn't it feel right? He probably had family, children or a partner and I just took him away from them." Xena shook her head sadly. "This isn't your first time doing this is it?" Gabrielle felt her body tense. "No it's my second and it's not any easier it's just harder." Xena carefully dried her hands with a cloth. "It never gets easer in my youth I once had the job of putting dying men and women on the battle field out of their misery I will never forget the way they looked at me, some wanted to die others looked at me with disgust. I just felt sadness at cutting their lives short, back then I was just part of the rebellion I wasn't leading it." She put the dry cloth to one side watching as Gabrielle's her pet Collared Doe Icos flew over landing on the bed next to her. The younger woman picked him up gently stroking his back listening to the deep cooing sounds before speaking. "I've never liked to kill those who are suffering I remember the one killed during my training, he was stupid and got captured the hunters skinned him alive. Putting him out of his misery was the only thing I could do, but I'll never forget the way he looked at me."

She felt the other woman's hands as they found her knees running her finger tips over them. "Like it was my fault…but it wasn't my fault I did what I was told but he took it up on himself to go against orders." She shook her head. "There was something he said to me which I didn't understand back then, he said, that might is right even when it's wrong. It's this saying which Ares the God Of War is meant to have said as he charged in to battle at he head of his armies." Xena felt a smile form she had heard that saying many times. "I think what Ares meant with that comment was that some times you must charge in to battle but you must plan ahead. I think a lot of people misunderstand that saying as him saying that you should force your way in to battle and they end up dead because of it." She looked up slightly. "It seems that you and I both know that winning any battle is about more than brute force." Gabrielle carried on stroking her pet. "Yes I guess we do." Xena slowly stood up giving her a gentle kiss on her scar. "I'll get Demetrius to move the body from your room."

End of part 7

Silvermoonlight