She felt the cold blade press to her skin, felt Dean's vice like grip around her shoulders. Her whole body was trembling, tears spilled from her eyes and she choked on sobs that she tried to suppress. In a matter of seconds Sam appeared in the doorway along with Crowley. A moment later there was a guttural groan and Dean spun around, still with Holly in his grip, to see that Castiel had appeared from thin air and plunged a blade through the female demons chest. Holly's whole world was beginning to collapse and she started to panic. The tears blinded her and she had began to mutter the same sentence over and over; "please don't kill me".

"Dean, let Holly go," Sam said, his voice firm but the fear in his eyes was evident.

"Oh come on!" Crowley had stepped forward, glancing at the sofa then thinking twice about sitting on it. "If your going to run that blade through her pretty little throat just do it, I don't have time for your silly games, squirrel,"

"I need to," Dean growled low and threatening. Holly flinched and shut her eyes tight.

"Do you, Dean? How about you hand me back the blade and then we'll decide," Crowley said, his tone casual. Holly saw Sam's eyes flash over Dean's shoulder and before she could even think why, everything changed. She felt the blade nick her skin and then Dean's grip released and she fell forward. She watched as Sam launched himself towards his brother. Holly hit the floor and quickly turned to see Sam and Castiel struggling to wrestle Dean down. She moved her hand to the side to push herself up and quickly drew back when she touched the cold of the blade. When she saw drops of blood on the edge she remember the sting she had felt only seconds ago. With shaking fingers she touched the side of her neck and drew her fingers back to see blood. She began to feel utterly sick and stumbled to her feet. She made for the door, her feet carrying her faster than she had ever moved before. The rain battered down and by the time she reached her car she was completely drenched. She started the ignition and sped away, still terrified, still seeing her world changed forever. She didn't look back, she didn't even give it a second thought.

Minutes later she came to a screeching halt in the underground car park and ran up the three flights of stairs. She flew into her apartment and locked the door before slumping to the ground and sobbing. Her whole body was convulsing with her hysterical sobs. She couldn't think straight, she couldn't see through the waterfall of tears. She shivered in her soaked clothes but was unable to get herself up from the floor. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, all she knew was that she felt completely exhausted. She wondered if she actually had the strength to pull herself up and walk around or if she would just lay on the cold, hard ground and hope she had more strength when she woke up. Finally she gathered the strength to collect herself off the floor and made her way into the bathroom where she ran a steaming shower, tried to warm herself.

The rain was still coming down heavy when Dean blinked open his eyes. He looked up to see Sam, Cas and Crowley looking at his curiously. Seconds later holy water hit him in the face. He looked unimpressed and went to sit up but found he couldn't.

"Sorry, had to be sure," Sam said as he went about unshackling Dean. Nobody else spoke and Dean realised things must have been bad. He sat up and wiped his face dry.

"What the bloody hell happened?" Crowley demanded to know.

"They cornered me, too many to take on by myself. Forced me to take the blade...You know the rest," Dean said curtly. He went to stand but his head started to spin. He closed his eyes and saw it, saw everything. He saw a demon, her hair bright, he saw himself kissing her. He saw Holly, she looked terrified. He saw himself grab her, blade to her throat. He shot up, looking about the motel room frantically.

"Don't go near her Dean, you've scared her to death," Sam said, knowing exactly what Dean was looking for.

"I have to see her, I have to explain," Dean rushed as he searched for the keys to the Impala and stopped when Sam held them up.

"Just don't," Sam said, this time his tone ending the conversation.

"I'm curious as to how Dean Winchester got himself cornered and overrun by a bunch of Demons," Crowley chimed in. Dean just stared at Crowley, he didn't speak.

"It doesn't matter," Sam said. "What I'm curious to know is how they got the First Blade,"

"It happens," Crowley bit as all eyes fell on him. He picked up the First Blade and then he was gone. It was silent for a minute. Dean sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hand over his face. Sam closed the door then moved over to sit on a plastic chair that sat near a flimsy looking table. Castiel stood in the corner of the room watching the brothers.

"I thought you had the Mark under control," Sam commented. For the next hour the three men talked, although it was mainly Dean explaining in detail what had happened. He tried to make sense of how he was fine one minute and as soon as the First Blade touched his fingers he went full on demon. Castiel offered him some answers and Sam tried to reassure him that things would be ok and that he could keep himself under control, that everybody had a relapse now and then. When the room had become silent and nobody spoke for several minutes Dean's mind began to remind him of what he had done.