"Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous after everything you've been through, but that's what happened."
Beckett wants to swear and cry and punch things all at once, because oh my god, the universe can't be serious.
It was a suicide bomb attack, her dad told her. A suicide bomber whose vest had apparently exploded too early, killing a fellow terrorist and four unlucky civilians. It had nothing to do with her job, nothing to do with Castle's fame. They were just two people in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Her father hasn't said anything like it, but she knows from the downward crinkle of his eyes that the death toll could have easily, easily been five, or six. She and Castle were lucky.
"How long was I out for?" Kate croaks, wanting another sip of water but not trusting her body to be able to lift the deadweight glass.
"Nine days."
"And before, just before I woke up, what was—" she trails off, because she knows the answer.
"Your heart stopped again," he whispers, as she watches him fight with the play of emotions on his face, and oh, oh, it breaks her, that she has done this to him. "You were… I thought you were stable, they all did, and then it just- god, Katie."
"I'm sorry, so sorry, I tried to—"
"It wasn't your fault," he insists again, and she swallows down the raw swell of guilt in the back of her throat, because even though it wasn't her fault that they got hurt, it was her decision to give up, her choice to stop fighting the darkness. Her fault.
"I know," Beckett lies, slumping further down in bed and wincing at the tugging pain across her ribs.
"How badly did I get hurt?"
Castle struggles with the weight of the immobiliser on his thigh, fights against the way his sling is tangled in the blankets. He can't get to his feet but he really, really has to because Beckett Beckett Beckett oh my god Beckett don't be dead don't be dead—
One leg out from under the covers.
Please be alive please be alive oh my god
His foot flat on the ground, now just move the other leg, and-
The redheaded nurse Eliza who takes care of him bustles through the door, slightly out of breath and pink in the face with her fringe sticking to her forehead.
"Mr Castle, I-"
"Beckett. Kate. Did anything…?" he wheezes, choked by both the flood of emotion and the effort of getting himself out of bed unassisted.
Eliza's jaw drops, her eyes widening as she turns to look at him, her hands stiff and open by her sides.
"That's- that's why I came to see you, how on earth did you know—"
"Is she okay?" he interrupts again, aware that he's being pushy but completely past caring.
"She woke up," the nurse says in one breath, evidently trying to tell him everything she needs to without being interrupted again.
Castle exhales, releases a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding into the sharp chemical air of the hospital room, his mind wiped completely blank of everything but those three words, she woke up, she-woke-up-she-woke-up. He plays them over and over in his head, a reassuring rhythm, three soothing syllables.
She woke up.
"She… when?" he knows when, it was when the flood of memories drained from his mind and left him alone, but he's not even going to try to explain that to her because it would probably end up with him being shifted to an entirely different kind of hospital.
"About fifteen minutes ago, her dad's in with her now."
Castle finds himself powerless to stop the smile from spreading across his face. The sheer force of the relief flooding through him is overwhelming and, apparently, contagious, because the grin that appears on Eliza's face is big enough to rival his own.
"Is she going to… go back under?"
"I'm not making any promises, Rick, but I don't think so."
His hands are clasped on his chest as if in prayer.
"So, you gonna propose to her now or what?" Eliza asks with a short laugh, dimples flashing just under her eyes.
"We're not even dating yet." She knows this, of course. He's talked to her about his not-quite-a-relationship with Kate Beckett more times than he'd ever admit to.
"Mm, 'yet' being the operative word there. Now, if you don't mind, are your mother and daughter still here? Because I think they should probably know that she's awake."
Castle flops an arm onto the table beside his bed, rummages around until his fingers are wrapped around the familiar shape of his phone.
"They left half an hour ago, and I know I'm not really meant to call people but I could just quickly call mother?"
The nurse took a few steps backward, a ghost of a smile still lingering on her face. "I may have gone temporarily deaf and have no idea what you just said, and I need to go run an errand now. I'll be gone for about five minutes, which is coincidentally the perfect amount of time to make a short phone call, but of course you wouldn't do that would you?"
The last few words are spoken in a rush as she trots out of the room with a bounce of tight red curls and a last enthusiastic flourish in his direction. Castle smiles even wider and dials Martha's number.
"Yes, yes, we'll be right there! No, of course, right away! I love you too, Richard."
Martha ends the call and starts a brisk pace forward from where she and Alexis are standing on a crowded footpath full of New Yorkers who all have their own lives to live. Alexis pulls at her grandmother's elbow, keeping pace.
"Grams, what is it, what happened-"
"Detective Beckett woke up." And then it's all Alexis can do not to collapse to the ground and sob in relief.
She's awake. Awake.