Johns been to happy. I apologize if self harm is triggering. I have tagged my triggers before hand. And no, I don't cut myself so I have no first hand experience as to why people cut(besides close friends, sobs), So I'm winging it. I apologize, again! And i apologize for karkat. I love karkat uwu He is my patron i have nothing against him it's jsut an au im sorry /gets hit with a bottle.
#TW self harm #depression #cuts #avoid #TW! #Blows trigger whistle!
=== Be the kid that REALLY should have went to bed.
John sighed, slinking into his comfy bed spread, almost willing it to suck him up and eat him. It wasn't everyday he felt slightly good, in fact it was a rather rare occasion that her almost felt like should be celebrated. He knew he was grinning even wider than normal, showing off his buck teeth that he hated. He didn't mind though, not right now, of course. He blinked, flipping the comforter of his rather too big bed onto him. He stared dully at the dim light that was in front of him, the light was made on to a fan that spun at a nice pan, barely making any air flow.
It seemed like second of just sitting calmly in the bed before he was already leaving the blue soft bed's comfort. The raven haired boy sat up straight at the noise of pesterchum, raising a dark eyebrow before stalking over to his desk. Almost stumbling, but managing to sit in front of the laptop to inspect the laptop further. He leaned in the slightly fluffy chair, moving the mouse he had plugged in to check the time first, it was barely 9. Dave hadn't replied to him since 7 when he was explaining Roxy.
John smiled, seeing the familiar green text waiting for him on the screen, blinking as brightly as her personality.
- gardenGnostic (GG) started pestering ectoBiologist (EB) -
GG: john!
GG: you there?
EB: jade ! : B
GG: hey!
GG: did that roxy chick ever explain herself?
EB: no she's been on idle since we talked
EB: same with dave
GG: oh
GG: weird
EB: maybe its his attempt at a prank
GG: maybe!
GG: well, chat later, grandpa needs me!
- gardenGnostic (GG) stopped pestering ectoBiologist (EB) -
John frowned before gliding the mouse to the unfamiliar new pesterlog that greeted him. It had rather dull grey text, making John sigh, more random people, or so he thought.
-carcinoGeneticist (CG) began pestering ectoBiologist (EB) -
CG: HEY
CG: WHERE WERE YOU TODAY?
EB: dude if this is one of roxy's friends
EB: im not buying what your selling
CG: WHAT THE FUCK
CG: WHO THE SHIT IS ROXY?
EB: oh thank god
EB: who are you?
CG: IM A FRIEND
EB: are you?
CG: YEAH
EB: a friend of dave's or jade's?
EB: i dont give out my pesterchum at school
CG: SHUT UP
CG: IS DAVE THAT NEW KIDS NAME?
EB: the guy with the sunglasses?
CG: YEAH HIM
EB: yeah thats dave
CG: I SEE
EB: wait you go to school with me?
CG: OF COURSE I DO YOU FUCKASS
EB: who are you?
CG: KARKAT
John leaned in his chair, staring at the grey text. Karkat? The guy that had bullied him everyday at school and going home since the third grade Karkat?
EB: really?
EB: why do you have my pesterchum
CG: WHY CANT I HAVE IT?
EB: because i didnt give you it
CG: IS DAVE YOUR FRIEND?
John narrowed his eyes at this, what did Dave have to do with this?
EB: yeah?
CG: ILL TALK TO HIM
CG: BYE
-carcinoGeneticist (CG) ceased pestering ectoBiologist (EB)-
John stared at the grey text. Why did he want to talk to Dave? Maybe they'd become best friends? John shivered at the thought, biting his lip as he laid in the fluffy chair. It really didn't seem to bad, It would figure how Karkat had his pesterchum, they might've already been friends, for all he knew. Dave wasn't like that, was he? John shook his head before messing with his hair. No way, but it was possible. They were probably more fun than John was, all he did was sit there awkwardly and listen, even in skype calls.
John frowned, closing out of Karkat's caps lock using pesterlog and clicked onto Dave's and his. It still stung to read over it, the history of him calling Dave a douche was right in front of him. Dave always had a pokerface, he didn't really know if he hurt Dave or not. Oh hey, It's your best friend, Man, He looks like a tool! Good fucking job Egbert growled to himself before glancing down. He froze, seeing the slender slices that were on his wrist that laid in his lap.
He had forgotten he had even taken off his hoodie, He stared at them for a second. Two, four, six, eight, he lost count, they blurred together as he remembered in his head making the slices himself, watching the beads of blood form at the cut. He glanced at the laptop again, Dave wasn't talking to him, and Jade would probably be gone all night, No one would miss him for a while, right? He logged off pesterchum swiftly, shutting down the computer with excellently scary haste.
The raven haired boy steadily walked into his room's personal bathroom, locking his bedroom door on top of the bathroom door. He closed the door to the bathroom quietly, locking it behind him, his dad wouldn't be home anyway. But safety was needed when he did this. Safety and solitude were definitely needed for this. He sighed, glancing around the bathroom, it looked completely normal, small, but normal. Yellow bland walls, a toilet, a sink with cabinets under it, a mirror, and a bathtub and shower.
John sat down on the rug that laid in front of the sink, opening the cabinets. He rummaging through the accessories that were within it (mainly towels) to find a small first aid kit. Of course, The first aid kit was never handy, in fact, there were only razors in it. He opened the familiar box with ease, staring at the things it held within with his blue orbs.
He frowned, picking out a familiar friend from the box and setting the rest behind him, by the toilet. He sighed, propping himself against the door before stretching out his left arm. He eyed the cuts for a second, before quickly making a new scar with his right hand. It was a diagonal cut, he frowned before adding another cut, marking an x on himself. He flinched slightly at the pain, but it wasn't anything new to him. No, He caused this pain, this was his friend. Solitude.
He made another slash through the center of the x before stopping to watch the red beads of blood form at the cuts. He smiled, watching the drops run down his arm for a second before panic flashed in him He stood up rather fast, razor in hand and held his left arm over the sink. No way he could get out the blood, and his Dad would ask questions. Too many questions. He sighed at the drops that dripped into the sink before he turned on the water. Watching the blood go down the drain as it mixed with the clear liquid.
The ink haired man groaned, washing off the new cuts as they stopped bleeding, and then tending to the razors. Adding it back to the collection he had gathered throughout the years. He stuffed the 'first aid box' back into the cabinet and stepped back to look at the bathroom, good as new, he figured, before unlocking the door and hopping rather quickly into his bed after turning off the light.
He breathed a breath of relief as he curled up into the blankets, taking off his glasses and setting his phone to silent. He looking at his arm in the dark, still able to barely see the cuts from the light outside. He smiled at the handywork before tucking it under the covers. No one needed to know.
No one ever needed to know.
Solitude.
Solitude was his best friend.
=== Be the 'okay I'm done with this crap guys', guy.
a/n
im not okay with this chapter
not one bit
i feel bad just for writing it
i neED TO HUG SOMEONE THATS DEPRESSED. MY GOD.
imgoingtohell