Bella
Jacob
Emmet
Rosalie
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Hey my man, Jake.
Or wolf.
Whatever.
Yo, Emmet. What's cooking up in your world?
I want to play prank. (quietly) On Bella.
What kind of prank, homeboy?
A sweet ass prank.
What is it, homeskittle diddle?
You'll see.
I feel so naughty. He he.
Promise you'll go along with it.
Okay, playa.
(calls) Bella!
You should know Emmet the frog that when you're calling someone with notes, they can't hear. (smugly) I even know that.
I'm a frog now?
Yes you are a frog. (pinches Emmet's cheeks and coos) Froggie Doggie. Emmetie isie froggie. Froggie I lovie.
Weirdie.
Oh Jakie! You're here!
I am.
You have to help me sort all the wonderful umbrellas in our house in colors. I already have all the red and blues. Then we can cut holes in the umbrellas and stick toilet paper tubes through them. What do you say, smelly dog?
Uhhh...(looking away)...not now, Pooh Bear.
(buts in) Bella! Oh Bella!
What froggie?!?
It's...(chokes over sob)...horrible!
Mr. Frog, tell me what is horrible! (emotionally)
No...NO!
Emmet, what is it? Did Alice fall down the well? Did Rosalie's hair get stuck in her hairdryer? Did Edward kiss a man? Oh, please tell me!
(stifles a laugh) No, Isabella...something much, much, much, much more horrible. I can't even begin to describe it.
Did Carlisle die his hair black? Did Esme cuss some human out at a dance off? What, frog?
It's Bob. He...(tears pour down cheeks)...he...died!!!
(quiet for a second) ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
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...............................................................................NO!!! BOB!!! WOAH! WHAT?! WHEN?!? WHERE?!? WHY?!? WHICH?!? WILLY WONKA?!? WINDOW?!? WELL?!? WANTED?!? WTICH?!? WALL?!? (sobs) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! PLEASE!!! NO!!!!!!!! THIS CAN'T BE!!!
Wait. How do I know you're telling the truth?
(fake crying) Look..(holds up fake newspaper)..Here's his obituary.
(grabs the paper and begins reading)
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Bob E. Rock (10,000 B.C. - 2009)
Mr. Bob Rocjkl, a verry cool person of Forks, Washingtan, died in Spoon, Washingtan one week ago he fell off a clliff and and roll down th rocke terain until he breaking into many pieces and stuffs becase he are not careful / so hear is his obituery so yea :( below is a saying/thingy by the hot vampire Edwerd Coolen
I wood like to remembar Mr. Rock cuz he was nice and stuff i don't know what to say he was nice i guess, i don't know, why the helll are you askang me?
Hear is something/thingy by Aliss Coolen, below
Bob was stupid i hate him! he thiknks he so cool, strutting his stuff. he wus alzo very sexy, haha, okay, but he wus meen cuz he never talked to me and he never moved, that b****** okay that he wanted something so i got it him but he allways through it away and cuss me out like heck so i got mad at him when he colared on my hare with pink markers and on the walls so esmay went nuts like the kind uf nutts a sqirrel eets bye
Mai we remembar Bobie, even if he nevar seemmed to tallk and move, as the saim heartlass persan wi al hate
The End
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It's true!!! (breaks down) True. Poor Bob. NO!!!
(reads paper) Where did you learn your grammar Emmet?
Shut up!
What was that suppose to mean?
Nothing!
(goes on mourning) It's...just...so...sad...sadder...saddest...Bob was my bestest friend the whole wide world! He was there when Schmedward left me for that chick Seattle!
Uh Bella, that's not a person, that's a place. And he didn't leave you. He just had to pick up some pizza from the Dominos there.
Really? Oh.
Hold on brother.
What?
The paper said Bob died a week ago! I played Barbie with him yesterday. So that's a total of...(counts on fingers)...hold on....wait....hmm...three days that he was alive after his death!
Actually, it would be six days.
Okay, six. So how could he have been here if he was dead?
Ugh...
Hmmm?
Are you sure you weren't playing with his zombie?
(freaks out) ZOMBIE?!? I was playing with a rock zombie?!? ARE YOU TELLING ME BOB CLIMBED OUT OF HIS GRAVE TO PLAY 'IF I WERE A FAMOUS PERSON' WITH ME?!? You know lipstick doesn't go well with rocks. Seriously, when I tried to put some on Bob, my lipstick was totally destroyed by the time I got to the other side of his mouth.
Hey guys, what's up?
Hey Rosie.
ROSALIE!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella? What's wrong?
You have to order the flowers and a small casket!
Why?
Didn't you hear? (whispers) Bob...died.
You mean that stupid rock? Bella, he's a rock. A rock is a rock. He can't die. He's a rock.
Says you.
I'm smart.
No you're not.
Yes I am.
No.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'M GOING THROUGH A VERY EMOTIONAL TIME RIGHT NOW?!?!?! I LOST A ROCK WHO MEANT A LOT TO ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME MAD!!!
Hey Bella.
(angrily) What?
The ice cream truck is outside.
(happily) Really?
(runs out door) Yahhh!
(turns to Jacob and Emmet) So I hear Bob is a zombie. How's that going for you guys?