The penultimate series of writings.
Day 104 – Tales of Black and WhiteTime means nothing to me. Time is measured in black and white.
Black; the times where I'm losing.
White; the times where I gain a little ground back, for a little while.
I have learned much during the darker times. I have begun to know the demon inside of me. The "good" one. Like his name.
He has a name that is too dark for me to write, and still hard for me to even say, so we compromised on a sort of friendlier name. I may call him Maje. He said my name was too hard, and so he also must make a name for me.
We call the second demon Crim, after the color of his skin.
I write because as I do, as I regain some focus. Crim loses a bit of ground, because it lets me remember myself. But never for too long. This is the first time I have been able to finish more than a few words.
At least he keeps the bird in tact; it's terribly useful, I suppose, and maybe too beautiful for even the demon to kill.
I have caught flashes of our journey. We're heading to San d'Oria, and why I do not know.
We are on the outskirts of Jugner now, almost at La'Theine. I do not think we are yet being followed. Yet.
There are no people here, and so we have not yet fed. To ease my own hunger, I find tasteless mushrooms and drink the water from the stream. Neither Maje nor I know what to do.
Do we resist? Do do we go off course? Do we try and fight back?
Or do we let him run his course, try and stay alive, and try and take over?
I think we know what's going to happen.
It's going to be a long while.
Day 107 – Memories of Light and WavesI hunger.
Oh. How. I. Hunger.
I've regained a bit of myself again, and so I write.
Maje and I have made a little bit of progress in that we have found a safe chasm in my mind. A place he can't seem to touch, and when he does he hurts.
It's the broken part that lets me turn Flayer.
But that is also a place where we cannot stay forever.
It is hard to explain the intricacies of being inside yourself, trapped. Having a mental body, a spirit, but no physical attachment. Catching glimpses of your eyes as your body moves through the world.
And the inside of the broken part is a horrible place, full of bad memories and pain.
But there's something that lingers there. Something that gives me hope.
I suppose it's the memory of the one who took care of me.
Those memories seem to be the favorite of each of us.
Crim seems to try and hold them and twist them.
There is something sad about the way that Maje flips through them, searching for sustenance of his own, but never hurting them. He feeds off emotion.
I have become allied with this demon. I have become his friend.
And for me, those memories are the last thing I have linking me to a brighter world, and reminding me why I'm not giving up.
It's like a war inside of my head, feasting on parts of my soul. Emotions, drifting, being plucked and eaten.
I can see my own emotions.
Stuck in these memories, it's like they glow.
I can travel between my memories, and that seems to be how I can take control for a while.
I was back with her for a moment. We were on the bed, my head on her lap. Nashmeira was smiling, sucking on a chocolate covered strawberry. She took half a bite and then lowered it down to my lips. Only Altana knows where my shirt had gone to.
It was the memory of that strawberry on my lips that broke me free. It was warm. It was moist. It was sweet. In some ways, it was sultry. It was ours. And so here I am, trying to reminisce about her, to see if it keeps me here any longer.
I can feel myself getting a little stronger. A little more substantial.
I gave my Chocobo some water. I should really name him... her... whatever it is.
I'm trying to focus on anything. Everything.
Anything but the screaming in the back of my head.
Day 108 – A Word from Our Sponsors MajeMy name is Maje, and this fight we shall not lose.
You who takes the body back, you who tries to win, shall never win. Over me you shall win. Over him you shall him. Never shall you win us both.
To one warning I give: we know that which he makes you observe. To try and claim him you try and learn him. But you shall not win, for you shall never understand what I have given him and what he has given me. I give you one option: parley with the human, or your days shall end.
Possessor of souls, we will possess you, and we will break you.
SectumsempraThat is the first time that Maje has been able to take over.
I view this as progress in our theater.
We are figuring you out, he with skin of crimson; we do you not remember but six hours ago when you threw yourself from your Chocobo as you approached San d'Oria?
Though, truly, such a hassle; I would rather negotiate than waste both of our time any further.
I have a war to win, and you or I will simply be another casualty; what difference does it make now or later?
Day 115 – Terror Tactics SectumsempraThe following has been recovered from the left inside mountain walls of Horlais Peak. It appears to have been written in orc blood.
Did you really think that it would be so easy?
Did you really think you could get rid of us so easily?
Next time you get the body back, I want you to look at what you did.
That blood seal on my neck? That's a romp.
What do you think I am, some prince?
The chants of the Orcish Shaman?
What do you think this is, some sort of Fairy Tale?
You're scared.
And we know it.
But that's okay, because you don't even know we're here right now.
And you won't until morning. For all you know, you're just asleep, because this body sometimes needs it.
We're still here, and there's no way out this time.
But thanks for letting us know that the Orcs were in on this one.
They, too, will pay dearly for this one. They could have gotten by without the azure fury of an immortal army if they played it right.
Thanks, lovely.
I'll be sure to send a message to have my men slaughter the entire empire.
They'll never even know. It's not like anyone's left alive in this neck of the woods.
I hope you feel sick in the morning when you wake up, because I searched through your memories.
Not even you can make your magic dark enough to turn a body inside out.
But we, we are learning.
I look forward to our next message.
Oh, and don't you dare throw away any more of my books.
You'll regret it if you don't pick it up on your way to Davoi.
MajeThe following has been recovered from the right inside mountain walls of Horlais Peak. It appears to have been written in orc blood.
Killers such as we could have done great things.
Yet no longer am I so interested in killing so many; it is that of the few that I lust for.
It is a funny thing. You, who wishes to end their race for your Lord, have never realized the potential that a human soul harbors. Such foolishness came from myself one time, though now I see differently.
The soul of the races of Altana is a fragile thing, but the soul is such that it can do great things. Darker things than we know, we who never knew Light. Without Light, we had never known true Dark.
He will not kill you. He shall do things worse.
Do you not hear The Galka?
The Galka inside of him that he has not damned, that he has taken.
The Beastmen. The Elvaan. The ones he has broken. Their minds beaten.
When the time comes, you too shall fall.
We will parley, if you will.
But you are weak with fear now.
Day 118 – Caving InFine.
We shall parley.
Day 119 – Aggressive NegotiationsNegotiations were very, very rough.
I feel as though my life has become a series of ticking clocks. It is just as it was a few months prior, upon my days in the East. The feeling that I am on the edge of madness and sanity.
The voices in my head, they will not cease.
I have wronged them; wronged them greatly.
It is a funny thing to be aware of your own soul. It is something I may never get used to, even now with what can essentially be thought of as access to my soul at whim.
The ability to send myself into a sort of trance and lose this world. Am I crazy, or am I just literally between two realms?
It is late now, and I must file down what happened in negotiations soon, so that if I lose myself again that at least there will be some record of what has happened. Sometimes, I feel like these writings may be the only thing that may give me some chance, however slight, of the world understanding the monster I have become, and maybe forgiving the things that I have done in my life.
Is it forgiveness, or acceptance? I'm honestly not quite sure myself. I think I've come to terms now that the rest of my life is to be spent alone.
No, not alone.
That's what the voice in my head says, and I suppose it's right. At least I've got Maje.
He is a demon, but perhaps I was wrong about demons this whole time. I suppose as with anything, the more you get to know and understand, the better it seems to be.
It's so fickle, how we behave.
But that is not to say that the demons were not our enemies; no, it's easy to see that they tried to destroy us far too many times to forget. I think what it boils down to is that a creature can only be judged on the basis of who that particular creature is.
As demons go, Maje really isn't so bad. He had observed the humans with a careful eye, and from what he says, he only terrorized because that is simply what demons do.
But he also says that now that he's gotten to know me, he wouldn't kill me.
The demons and the five races, they share a lot when you think about it.
They are proud as the Elvaan; they are as cunning as the Mithra; they are as intelligent as the Tarus; they are as wise as the Galka; they are as ambitious as the Humes. And they are as arrogant, apathetic, cowardly, envious, and full of rage as the lot of them.
It's a little bit funny, truly, how similar we all are.
Did we not hate them on the basis of them being demons?
Imagine, if you will, the composition of a piece of pie.
You've got your Rolanberry pie filling, a good size one; we'll say it's in a massive bowl, just chilling out while I make the pie crust.
That's my soul.
Now imagine if you accidentally slammed a cabinet door and you sent a huge bowl of nuts tumbling off a shelf and it falls right into the pie. Okay, it's still salvageable, and it's functional. It's a Rolanberry pie filling, with nuts in it now. You stir it all together so that your friends think you made some crazy new invention and hope that it's good. But still, it's not the same. You can't get it out. It's like the shrapnel I hear that Cid had tested one day.
You just can never get all the nuts out. They were ground and roasted, too. Tiny. They become incongruous with the original filling.
That's Maje.
And then it becomes a disaster. Your Chocobo sticks its head in the window and knocks some a cup of Buburimu Grapes into the window.
Meh, it can still work.
That's the Galka. But he's kind of lumped off to one side, because there weren't too many grapes, you know?
Then one of your annoying Taru assistants trips and some bubble chocolate gets tossed in.
You're cursing now, and you know that there's no way in hell you're getting this Rolanberry Pie done, so you may as well just roll with the punches.
Those are the Mamools that I took the soul from.
At this point, the pie has changed colors, because those new ingredients are dyeing it. It's now blue.
You set your counter girl to stir the filling even as you go out for a breather to get away from the disaster. Alright, you see it; it's blue, but as it smooths out, you feel like it'll turn out alright. It's a nice blue; a thousand shades of it. Maybe it's still salvageable.
Yeah, right; the next thing that happens is that you come in and get pissed off at something, and you toss some spice in willingly. That cinnamon? Those are the Elvaans I broke.
But you can still manage.
And then just as you pour it into the pie crust and quickly run to the bathroom, you come back to see that one of your assistants put it in the oven for you to get it out of sight. You're thankful for a moment, and then you take it out of the oven a little while later when it should be done.
And you see that your oven was dripping oil and it ruined the whole pie. You've got a tar-colored mess now.
That's Crim. That's what he did to me.
That's what's happened to my soul.
But there's still yet magic in this world.
By this point in my life, I've done a lot of horrible things within the last hundred and nineteen days.
So we've got this oil stained pie. Okay, now what?
As I said, this is a world of magic.
Maje and I managed to win the fight for control of the body temporarily a few times, long enough to scare him, and that's what let us bring him back inside to talk.
That soul, still, while stained, was still primarily Maje and I.
And so when he came inside to talk, I let Maje do the negotiations.
I have so many souls stuck inside of me now that I fear sometimes I may go mad. Where are they? How are they tethered to me?
That much, I do not truly understand, but ultimately, I'm the one in charge; I suppose, as the chef and maker of the Rolanberry filling base, but whatever dark magic this is, I'm just a tad bit more powerful than the lot of them. Perhaps because I've been tethered to this body longest, or perhaps because maybe it all doesn't work like I think. Either way, I know that ultimately, I can wield them in some way.
I could silence them before, I could break them; hell, the act that I could extract them was proof enough.
And so when he entered the area that which we may all meet, the false reality in my heart, I had Maje do the talking as I prepared.
Maje, under the guise of being the one in control, made the negotiations ferociously, and they argued it out and beat their demands into the ground and what they were willing to give up.
Ultimately, though, the final act would have to come from either Maje or I; that's simply how this soul works now, somehow.
And so finally they reached some term or another, and we began to get ready for the tribulations that allowed for the repartitioning of the soul. I suppose that Maje and I underwent a sort of trial by fire the first time, now that I think about it; it was a little different.
But each time after I took a soul, there was some mutual understanding, a mutual pact.
I'll keep you in here, for the time, and I may use your memories and your powers and your ideas, but you stay with me.
And Maje and I, in the depths of my soul where Crim did not seem to be able to come, had planned around this policy.
As master of this false reality, this soul, ultimately I supposed that I could be the one to end the pacts and violate them.
And so as Maje and Crim became ready to split control over me, he glanced at me and I struck.
Imagine if every other soul that I have detailed in all my journals as having taken was suddenly brought to the table.
With one lightning paced motion, I lunged at Crim as Maje grabbed him and forced forth all the other souls.
The rules are a little different inside a soul. You can sometimes play around.
Like how I was essentially possessing the Galka, The Elvaans, the Mamools, all of them at once... and grabbing at Crim. Maje, too. Myself, too.
Our goal was to overpower him, and split him up between the lot of us.
And that's exactly what we did.
But now all the souls inside of me are howling in pain.
It's bought us some time, but not enough.
Day 120 – BreakingBut at least, mostly, it's Maje and I.
I can shut the voices out for a little while, but even Maje and I have a little bit of Crim in us now.
When we took our body back, we found ourselves-and my Chocobo, thank Altana-in Jugner, on the road towards Davoi.
It seemed as though the Orcs played some sort of important roll in this. I'll go investigate that now, while I still can.
Maje and I at least can tell one thing: I'm a ticking time bomb now. Next time Crim breaks through, that may be the last time. Unless I keep claiming souls and splitting him up inside of me.
I truly wonder if I will be alive for much longer.
I don't know how much more this body can take.
Day 121 – The Fall of a PeoplesSleep is not coming so easily anymore.
I was up all night, but I'm not terribly tired. It's hard to explain.
I snuck into Davoi and prepared for the worst, and was met with essentially just that. Demons and Orcs were there; it seemed to be a station for them.
Used to be.
I'm becoming entirely used to sneaking into enemy strongholds and destroying creatures, it seems.
It was simpler this time.
Maje translated for me, and I was able to sneak pretty far in before having to kill the first few Orcs. We made it into their inner sanctum, the Monastic Cavern, and killed some more.
It was good to go tentacular for a bit. My sword was also getting thirsty.
I've relied too much on my tentacles though, and not so much on my own abilities. So I spat some fire, swung my sword like crazy, and soon enough I had found Overlord Bakgodek himself.
I'm sure you know what my interrogations are like by now, so I'll spare you any detail. Just know that the Orcs had a very large hand in the initiation of this plague.
Punish them dearly.
Any that I didn't kill that night.
Day 127 – Against My OrdersI have taken to wandering, unsure of what to do for now.
It was on this morning that I learned that my warning had been in vain.
I had thought that with the note I left in the ashes of Jeuno, it would be known that I was serious.
Don't follow me.
But they did not listen.
I was found by Ludo and Selim. They say they have been search the whole month for any sign of me and were only able to find me by following the scent of Orc blood that was littered across me.
They begged me to come back, or at least allow them to stay with me.
But Maje and I both knew that that was a bad idea.
I explained it to them, profusely, and I ultimately I simply mounted my Chocobo and left them.
I'm not to be trusted.
They could have been hallucinations for all I know, but I doubt it.
They say that the entirety of the populus had been safely moved to Altepa, very quickly. Wolfgang had lost most of his respect from the people, and now they answered only to Cid.
I couldn't say I was surprised in the least. Arrogance made Wolfgang impragmatic; ingenuity made Cid the logical choice to follow.
They say that there is currently a system being built to bring water from the underground streams that created Korroloka. I'm happy for them. Cid will be able to see to it that a stronghold is made, if no one else can.
Especially with the strength of the Gigases by their side.
Apparently they made record time by the Gigases offering to pull giant chariots of sort. They were simply able to jog for an hour, pulling a cart together in groups of two to three, take a break, and continue. They said that it only took three days to make it into the desert.
For now, I'm just fleeing. I see a fire in the distance; I'm in the Valkurm Dunes. I hear some tamborines, or something.
I can only pray that nothing comes of this.
But by Altana, I'm scared of myself at this point, because I'm hungry. That type of hungry.
And Crim, the little part of him in me, is hungry too.
Day 128 – Nice HairIt was a nomadic group that's been surviving as their own little gypsy circle.
They say that some of them came from Norg, and others had been trying to get back to the Far East when Norg was fleeing, so they ended up on the same ships inwards.
They had heard that the situation here was diffusing, and so it was the more logical choice for survival. I can't say that I fault them.
For now, I'm going to stick with them for a few days because we're both heading North. I suppose that it may be time for me to investigate the icy prisons.
There is a particular female there, and it seems like I just attract all the characters. She's wearing lots of yellow garments and has this long red hair that absolutely radiates a perpetual desire for mating. She immediately came over to find out more about me.
Apparently, she's had her share of adventures, too. I told her a little bit about my last hundred thirty days or so. I've become more cold, more stoic, more icy, I suppose. I felt like there wasn't much to say. But she had a lot to say, and I had nothing better to do than listen. There was an old man with an eye patch eyeing me speculatively throughout, but she went over to talk to him and seemed to assure him that I was safe.
Which is funny, because I'm really not.
But still. She's alright. She's kind of cute, too. That's always good.
But still, nothing will come of that. My heart, if such a thing exists, is in Aht Urhgan. And it shall stay there, I hope.
I hope.
They watch me as I write in this book, not understanding much about me and my albino bird. We're stopped for now, probably for some food.
I don't eat very much anymore, or drink. I know what I want.
It's not very safe for these people, but I have no strong emotional attachment to them. Meh.
Day 130 – Maybe She's a LionHer name is Lion. I suppose it's fitting, really; she's got the mane to match the name. I wonder if it's a nickname.
We've been traveling back northwards now. They say that they make rounds to and fro, not staying in one place too long for fear that if they do, the Turned will find them.
I remain mostly silent. It's really not the Turned they have to worry about. It's rare to see a group larger than a cluster of them now.
But the people fear them, all the same. I suppose they see how badly the population was devastated. When I was staying in Delkfutt I estimated less than two thousand people had made it there. Jeuno, by itself, had housed no fewer than five thousand people. Windurst's population seemed the most stable. The Humes? The Elvaans?
Only Altana knows. I heard talk that San d'Oria had fallen, for the most part and was decimated; there were rumors, however, that there may yet be a considerable population that had taken to their catacombs and mysteriously dissapeared. I had also heard that a decent portion of Bastok's people may, in fact, have fled before the whole thing even began. To where? Who knows.
The main land, while not safe, is no longer as deadly as it was in the first few weeks where it was suicide to leave safety.
While we moved, and we moved slowly, mind you, northwards, I spoke of such things with Lion because she liked to talk so much and because, maybe, I could offer them the insight needed to settle down somewhere safe. I've learned enough though to know now that people just don't seem to listen to the good advice. Myself included.
Maje's laughing at that one. How true, he muses, but it's a flaw that's shared among even Demons.
And it will probably be their downfall.
She's very interested in me because I'm new; she said so herself. She keeps asking questions, but I offer up very little.
I don't want to get too attached to anyone, ever again.
Day 132 – Animal I Have BecomeIt was late two days ago when she had said it.
"There's somethin' different about you; I just can't figure out what. Somethin' inside of you."
I gave a shrug, but I knew that she was right.
I should mention, I suppose, that we had an Elvaan Clergyman with us. That will come to importance in a few more paragraphs.
It was on the night between the hundred and thirtieth and the hundred and thirty-first day that it happened. I settled down to sleep, curled up with my diary.
And that was when it happened.
RecapI opened my eyes, and I stood up.
They were all asleep around me, except for the one person keeping watch around the fire. I walked over to him. "Long night," he said, making small talk.
I gave a small laugh. "Don't worry, your shift's over," I found myself saying. It just... it was my mouth, but not my words. I began to realize what was going on as he stood up and turned, thanking me, to walk off... only to find that a moment later that I was swinging my golden scimitar clean through his neck. His body simply fell to the ground, crumbling in a heap. I tried to stop moving. I couldn't.
I wanted to toss myself into the fire and end it all, but I could not bring myself to.
No one else had woken up yet. That was good.
It was with the arts of black magic-the kind I had not performed in a while now-that I ensured that none would get away. A circumference of flames rose up around our campsite. They started to wake up now.
There were a total of fourteen people left alive.
The younger they were, the easier they were to kill. It was the old man that gave me the most trouble. And, of course, how could I kill Lion? That dear, precious, sweet object of lust. No, she'd make it out alive... for the first part of the ordeal.
It was myself verse three young adults for a few moments, and I very quickly demolished them. That was before the old man, Gilgamesh of Norg, could realize what was going on. It's not like he could have stopped me.
Eleven left now, and I let loose to the urges to feed and my left arm went to its familiar flayer styled, organic weapon of terror. Two more met my tentacles. One had jumped and perished in the flames.
Eight now, and at that point, I grabbed one and fed on him. Seven.
The next three were quickly taken care of by my breathing fire, the trick I learned from the Mamools.
Five now, these were real warriors. Three and Gilgamesh, with my dear Lion trying to fight but being told to run. It was with utmost pleasure that I sparred with the old man and his two wakizashi. Unfortunately for him, you simply cannot destroy a creature that is so damned and unfair to fight against, I'd imagine.
The next two I simply fed on, keeping them alive long enough to watch the other get eaten.
And then there was one. My dear, sweet, little Lion.
She tried to fight, but she simply wasn't able to. The heat was getting to her, the trauma of watching so many others be barely able to even land a blow to me... people just weren't used to the dirty tactics of fighting like a demon, I suppose.
I could feel Crim inside of me. I could feel him taking over, and I knew this was him. Maje had lost the urge to do this to people.
I grabbed her and slapped her across the face when she struggled. Twice. The tears started welling up from the stinging. She was fragile. More fragile than she thought.
I ripped off that ridiculous excuse for a blouse. It shredded in a single tear. She tried to pull free again and this time I forced her to the ground. Next came her skirt and that awful headband.
She screamed an awful lot. It was a bloody mess. Absolutely terrible how stained my shalwar had gotten in the whole process. But by the end of it, I got her to just take it.
She was barely a hollow husk when I finally left her, naked, beaten, and thoroughly abused, there.
The Realm of the LivingI woke up, gasping for air.
I looked to my left.
There was no fire. There were no scorch-marks on the ground.
The man was still watching the fire.
My body was covered in sweat.
I moved my hand. It was still me.
He's coming back...
Maje was worried.
I was, too.
There was one other person awake, staring at me. The Elvaan priest.
"I know... I've seen it before..."
His words, scarcely more than a whisper.
"There are ways..."
He was clutching a miniature statue of Altana that hung on his chest from a platinum chain.
"Child, I can save you."
Could it be so simple?
I stared at him in mild shock for a moment.
Do it.
It was Maje. There was something in how he said it. Some half pause, some sort of wavering in it.
I stared at the priest.
"Tell me, Child, what is your name?" he said, slowly approaching. Trying to be fatherly.
I was scared of this priest, and I wasn't sure why.
"My name is Legion, for we are many..."
I laughed softly at my own joke, but I saw that he was aghast.
"There are so many inside of me..."
Do it.
It was Maje's voice again, and this time I understood.
"We can send them back to whence they belong," he said, sitting in front of me.
I was about to beg him to.
But I looked at my hands, and I wasn't sure why at first.
If Maje left, if my soul could be restored... then I would no longer be beyond human. Or below.
I would be human again.
And that meant that I could not save the world.
I stood up.
"I can't, sir."
Do it.
And I began to walk away. I turned back to him.
"I've got to end this all, alone. When this is all over... when it's safe to go out at night, travel alone, when the world is safe again and Jeuno is restored... tell them that they'll find my body in The North. It's time to finish the fight."
Do it!
Maje was screaming inside my head now.
DO IT!
But it was the sort of screams that someone screams when there's one bullet left in the Hellfire and all but two chambers have been tested and we're just waiting to see if the brains fall onto the table or not.
I refuse to put him, or any of the others, through that.
They can die with me. In peace.
Once more, I left, and I didn't look back. Into the night, I set out with my white chocobo.
And in my head, I felt Maje crying tears with emotions he never felt before.
Day 135 – The Taming of the Shrewd In The Land of TwilightIt became a game of cat and mouse now.
I could tell that Ludo and Selim were still tracking me.
This time, they had chocobos, too. They were catching up quickly, too, because I have to stop. I have to write. I have to fight the demon inside of me.
It's a slow journey North, full of soul searching. Full of trying to regain myself.
Full of pain. Full of suffering. Full of ambition. Full of desire to end.
Full of hatred.
I'm so full of hatred. I'm not even sure if that's Crim now. Is it just me? Is it just me hating the world?
That didn't matter much.
What mattered was that by the time they were catching up, I was in the Ranguemont Pass.
I could hear their voices echoing from the start of the tunnels.
Have you ever formed a plan in an instant?
There were dead bodies everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. It was a slaughterhouse here.
They were still looking for me. They were marching through piles of dead bodies to try and catch up to me. To try and save me from myself.
They wanted me back. They wanted to save me.
I found myself... angry.
Not at them. I finally understood why I was angry.
I was angry because I have become a monster. I have become so far less than human that I let my soul be taken.
I grew angry, and because of that, Crim grew strong, because Crim was feasting on my negativity.
I felt everything go a little hazy for a moment and I felt the struggle for my body begin once again.
Not this time, you son of a bitch.
I was clutching my golden blade.
Not this time.
I felt my hand turn tentacular, and the fun began.
Trapped Inside My SelfA moment later, I was inside myself again.
He was everywhere. I could see his face everywhere. I could see fragments of his body crawling to piece themselves together. I could see bits of flesh forming the body of a demon. A crimson demon.
I felt Maje next to me. He was weak, and I was strong.
"It is good that two killers such as we can fight together."
I grinned as I said it and I handed him my sword. My soul, I suppose. There was something about handing him that that... it was more than an act inside my mind. It was as though I was giving him the keys to my soul, trusting him with a weapon.
My left arm burst into the tentacles just as Crim finally formed. The fight began.
There were many of him, and there were two of us, but one must realize that many of the many of him were still very much souls that hated him.
Souls that knew I was just fighting the good fight.
I watched as the main embodiment of Crim tried to command the lesser ones to attack us, and they simply froze up.
And so, the two of us, began to approach him as he realized that I was finally taking over in full this time.
Imagine, if you will, becoming the universe. Imagine that you're suddenly everywhere, everything... everyone... every particle of existence.
Crim turned, and I was there. He moved, and I was next to him. He was, and I was like a shadow. I was everywhere. I was everything. I was him. Finally he understood that, and I understood that.
In here, I was everything, and everything was me.
And I was inside him, on a physical level almost. We did not need to land a blow. His gut suddenly exploded, and I was crawling out of it. And then out from inside of him, I laughed.
"It's time you learned who's the master here."
And I shall spare the details, for you already know how I kill and how I steal souls. Just know that this time, I broke him. I broke his sentience. His will. His spirit. Everything he had, except for his memories and his knowledge. Those, I kept.
Once and for all, the Crimson One was dead. Or so I had thought.
Under The MoonFor when I had opened my eyes next, I realized that everything was different. It was the light that I had first realized. It was all wrong.
Colors seemed to be extreme, as though everything were black and white before this. I could see in the dark terribly well. My senses were all extremely retuned and sensitive. I wasn't sure I understood it.
But I heard their footsteps approaching.
In a moment, I had a plan.
Have you ever had a plan from nowhere? A perfect plan?
I saw a body not too unlike my own. A young man.
I dragged it to the center of the room. I put my sack on it. I left everything except one last journal and a quill. My chocobo, mind you, had been left outside Ranguemont. I didn't want it to freeze to death. It would run away sooner or later.
"I'm sorry..." I breathed, and I took my golden scimitar and wrapped the dead boy's hands around it. I pulled it through his stomach, spilling the stuff of guts to the floor.
I let out a shrill scream.
"You can die with me!"
I immediately heard them start to run.
I lit the body in a blaze that I knew would strip it down beyond the bones in just a little over half a minute.
I calmly walked away.
Now, finally, I was free.
Day 142 – For The Bad of the GoodHe explained everything to me after we fled.
I can see from what we learned from The Crimson One... and I understand. You, the races of Altana, are connected.
That was how the conversation began.
I had taken refuge in an ancient structure that was in Beaucedine. I had never been here before, but Maje knew it well.
There were many dead trees; I was burning wood from them.
Did you know that you all share a connection? I had not; I was not so important to be privileged with such knowledge.
"No," I said aloud. "I had no clue."
It makes sense, though; I should have realized when the samurai had told you about your parents. You seem to be in tune with the souls by way of the dead.
"Do I really now?"
There was a long pause. I could feel Maje thinking. It was curious.
And all the while, I could not help but stare in wonder at the world. I knew that there was almost no light besides the small fire I started in this structure, yet I could see perfectly.
"Maje, what about that? Why are my eyes wrong?"
Wrong? Child, they were wrong before, and now they are alright. Did your people not know that we see the world different?
"Well, I think we're the only human and demon that ever really struck up conversation," I said, leaning back and then just laying down on the stone floor.
Such is true. How are your other senses?
"Very sensitive. Painfully so. The snow almost blinded me, and the wind is giving me quite the headache."
It should pass, I suppose. You're simply not used to it. I do so wonder... I started the path that allowed you to transform yourself into the eastern Flayer...
He need not continue.
I experimented. With my left arm, I normally performed my tentacle trick.
But there was something telling me that that wasn't all now, and that Maje was right.
Let us see it.
I glanced at my right hand.
Shall I help you the first time?
"Please," I said. I wasn't exactly sure how to test this. Before, I simply... did it.
I felt my hand burning up and watched as the skin grew much harder. It began to turn red.
"Curious..." I said.
I had claws.
I could not wait for this fun, particularly as this occurred all the way up through my arm.
It almost ripped my shirt. I was becoming naturally muscular before; now my arm wasn't even proportionately muscular in this form. But mostly, the spines up my arm, I liked those. I liked them a lot.
It was like I was naturally wearing battle armor.
I liked this.
I liked it a lot.
"One last gift from Crim, eh?" I asked.
I would say so.
I relaxed my arm and willed it to turn normal. It would be a few more transformations until I could do it as quickly and naturally as my left arm, but I sensed great potential. Great potential indeed.
"It's going to be interesting from here on out," I said.
I would say so. We should take some time to teach you the rest of the abilities you may have inherited.
"Oh? There's more?" I inquired.
We demons have the ability to make a pact with another demon, and such our soul is shared. You know this; you and I, we have a pact, too. However, the five races, they all seem to have this bond, without a pact. I wonder if you, a mix of man and demon now... I wonder if you can see what we see.
"And what is that?"
We can see life and energy and souls. And with a pact, we can see... everything about that person. Such is how you and I share the same mind, now. You can feel what I feel; I can feel what you feel. We can share thoughts. If we so duly desired, our souls, we could become one.
"But we don't want that," I said.
We do not want that.
And I was curious now.
If it works as such, do you really want to see?
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.
He laughed. Before your little stunt, did you not realize what it would do? Your friends, your lover... they will be scarred forever. As they see it, you had been driven to suicide by a demon. Just a small boy, so frail yet so strong, and he fell to the demon.
I had not realized it, and I did not care at first.
And then I thought about Nashmeira.
How she would react when she was told that I had fallen to my own, charcoal soul.
"Well, shit."
Well, shit. He echoed.
There was not much else to say that night.
Day 149 – Better This Way Revving The Engine to 88MP/hWe're taking a few more days to rest, because we know we can afford it. It was a long road to get here, and it was honestly such a short time.
Five moons. A bit more, really.
Altana, I'm so tired.
So very tired.
It's been a fight, that's for sure.
I've met a lot of people, and I've killed a lot of people.
It was on this day that Maje and I finally decided to face my fears and see if I could see as two demons could see each through each other.
Not the lover, he advises. Not her first.
I had to agree to that; I was scared of what I may see.
What was my greatest fear? That she believed me dead? That she was with someone else?
The Samurai?
Caiyuo, he meant.
The Ninja?
Or maybe Rumaha.
The Hunter, the Knife Master?
Ludo, Selim.
The Mithra? The Woman Ninja? Who shall it be? The Master of Beasts?
Alyria. Marz. Stikle.
The Samurai and the Knife Master, you knew them best.
Such was true.
"Let us see... the Samurai."
I shut my eyes, and the only way I can describe what happened next was that I "willed myself to be neither here nor there."
*Maje says that's pretty accurate.
Across The UniverseFlying. I was flying. By Altana, I was soaring through the air. Down towards the earth, from the clouds, because he was so far. I could see where I was passing through. Flying from the Northlands to the South, to Kuzotz, to the desert region.
I could see the ground, so far below me, in such great detail, and as I began to descend I picked up speed. It was warm. It was amazing, it felt so warm and real on my skin. I missed the warmth.
And then I slowed as I slid through the desert floor and saw the walls of a cave around me, and I was pulled through a labyrinth of stone walls. And then I stopped.
I could see Cai in front of me. He was sitting in a dark corner. I could smell the whiskey on him; there was a bottle of it knocked over to his left.
But he was different. His eyes, while I could see that they were red, it was as though they were glowing. I could feel Maje whispering somewhere far back in the North that that was because he was alive. And in his chest, I saw a beating heart. It was as though I could see the very fabrics of his skin, all moving together as he breathed. It was strange; it was as though I had never seen a body before, and now I was seeing it in such great detail.
He hiccuped and then suddenly started to cry. He placed his head in his hands and just kept shaking his head and sighing.
The tears, they were the color of blood.
I could see as Rumaha walked over to him and sat with him. Ludo was across the room with Selim. When I saw their eyes, I saw the utter despair and torment that I myself had gone through. And then, finally, someone spoke.
"We were too late. Just seconds too late..." Selim kept muttering it.
I felt bad for them. I felt horrible for what I had done. But I knew that it was for the best.
It was Rumaha who seemed to think he understood and, in some way, accepted it.
"I think he knew... there was no way he could ever be saved," he said. "I think all hope was lost when we told him about his parents..."
Cai started crying all over again. He must have felt so guilty. Cai, whom had been with me for more of the journey than anyone else. Cai, whom had never given up hope. Whom had spent so many nights keeping watch when I was hospitalized. Cai, whom could have been, to me, a father.
I was pretty stupid, and pretty selfish.
It was then that I finally saw Alyria. She was a pitiful state. She was also looking like a shattered creature.
"I should have done something, I was his leaderrr," she cried out.
Marz placed a hand on her shoulder and tried to comfort her.
I moved near Caiyuo. He turned to the general area where I was, as though he could almost but not quite sense something.
I placed a hand on his shoulder. His eyes glanced to his shoulder. Panic? Could he feel me? "Don't worry," I said, scarcely harder than a whisper. "I'm better now."
Everyone in the room turned to where my spiritual being was "standing." Someone cried out, "What in the name of Altana-?"
"Don't worry," I repeated, smiling slightly now, understanding a bit more about all this. "It's better that it happened this way."
Day 152 – Planning AheadWe've been, shall we say, training and planning.
We figure that the easiest way to perform this next part is to infiltrate. Espionage. Assassination.
It almost made me giddy inside.
And so we've been working on slowly practicing walking, talking, and living like a demon. Exploring the customs, their powers, and the differences between demon and human.
If all would go well, I would be able to impersonate Crim personally.
According to Maje, whom has been kindly sifting through his memories and knowledge, Crim was one of the thirteen head demons in charge of this operation.
It's really a good thing that Maje possessed me and not someone else; now that we're friends, I can see that if I had gotten some stupid demon, I would have really committed suicide just to get him out of my skull.
Their methods towards bringing their lord back are a tad bit strange to explain. They will, essentially, be using the link between thirteen higher up demons and the links between those they killed and connect the two. The "friction" between the demon and human souls, it is said, should cause a sort of reaction that would rip through a small area and allow The Shadow Lord, as they call him, to be brought forth.
It's all very fascinating, to be honest.
Our plan?
I will kill the Demons and break them on the spot, not giving them time to possess me. Maje will take any information they have on how to perform this process, and he will take their souls this time.
And when all are dead, we will "cause the friction" to occur, and we'll do what I do best.
We'll take, and break, whatever comes out, and end this once and for all.
Jolly good idea, I think.
Day 164: Tears of Scarlet, Tears of Gold The Final PagesIt seems as though when a diary runs dry, my life always changes anew.
When the first book ran out of pages, I began the trip that almost killed me.
The trip, also, that saved me and an Empire.
When the second book ran dry, I had mastered my fears and I had become a hero, and then I had gone home to lead an army to a war that never happened.
As I finished the third book, I had fallen to my foe, and to myself, and to all the demons inside me-both literally and figuratively. I had taken a chocobo and fled, and I alone had burned Jeuno to the ground. I had taken my home... and I destroyed it.
As this fourth book runs out of pages, I cannot help but look back to all the bad I have done.
I have killed so many people. Beast Men, animals, and those of the five races. I have killed so many people, so many souls, and I cannot regret each one at this point. There is simply too much that has changed. I have no room for regret.
I have taken a demon, and made him my own.
I share my body with a demon, now emphatically and now as a close confidante. A close friend. A sage in my own soul. And that same demon, he has come to see me much the same way. It is almost as I had befriended The Runt.
I, just a boy, am so naive that I befriended beastmen and demons. And apparently, it was the wisest thing to do.
And yet I have destroyed the bonds that hold my friends together. I can see that while I travel across through the plane that only demons and spirits may see in.
How blessed I am to have claimed a demon into my very soul, this time under my subjugation! To be able to see as they see-literally, figuratively-has been such an amazing thing. The potential I behold...
It is a gift that I wish I could share, in some ways, but a gift that I know should not.
Maje says that the only reason I can probably even stand the journey between the two realms is because I have been so tainted. Tainted. Because we both know that no matter my disposition, the truth is that my soul has been beaten and raped in so many ways.
I have seen the darkness and horrors of this world, in so many ways. I have lived them.
I feel as though that this was all necessary. That this was meant to be.
I'm tired, and so is Maje. We know, though, that this is the last neck of our journey.
We've discussed a return plan for me, but we never could finish the conversation. I think in our hearts we both know that where we're going, there is no return.
I have become a husk. A husk in the same sense that I had left Lion in that nightmare. A husk. Like a husk from some discarded millioncorn. Like a discarded, bloody, bleeding, naked woman.
That image will haunt me as long as I am left alive, because sometimes I close my eyes and I see someone that is not Lion there.
Someone that I love.
I have, from time to time, checked up on all the others, but only once had I looked at her.
They are finally planning a war effort. Half the Immortals have sailed South, realizing that the situation had become much more manageable. Knowing that resources in the desert are too scarce to support a thousand, and hungry for blood; they had been warmed up for war.
The others... they had taken my "body" to Jeuno. They had summoned for Nashmeira.
Would you believe that I felt it? That a few days ago, I had felt it all before she even read a letter. I had felt her joy when she had been told that there was an important visitor from The West to see her. And then the pain. I had felt the pain so strongly that I'm still not sure if she had whisked my spirit to her for comfort.
A letter delivered, of all people, by a man named Wolfgang. A man who had disdained me in every way.
I suppose he had tried to fulfill our promise.
"If I ever fall to what I face, I want you to kill me and bring my body back to Al Zabi."
My body had begun to shake and cry as I saw Wolfgang walk through the doors, sullen, in ceremonial armor with a box, to speak to Nashmeira.
Funeral For A Friend, Love Lies Bleeding; Scarlet and Gold"What word from The West?" she had asked him. She hadn't realized yet as he had walked through the doors.
He was silent for a moment. Wolfgang was a man that was too proud to lose composure, and it seemed as though it was finally time.
"The Western campaign has made considerable leaps and bounds thanks to the supplied forces of The Empire."
She was behind the curtains that she had to stay behind.
"It is good to hear that we could aid your lands as ours had been aided."
He nodded.
He sighed and seemed to want to walk around in circles, to dodge the point forever, but he would not. "It is with great regret, however, that I must request something from you, Empress..."
"What does The West require?" she asked. I could feel the curiosity in her voice.
He bit his lip. "The West requires nothing... however... I have an... invitation for you; from Cid, the leader of our peoples."
He held up a mahogany box.
An attendant had taken it to her, and she opened it.
I felt it then. I felt everything. I felt the color fade from her. I felt the scream before it happened.
"I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, Empress. Sectumsempra has fallen. We think it is only right that we not bury what we found of him before you may say goodbye."
I heard the scream. I felt, in that instant, what happens when a heart breaks. I heard her start screaming. I heard everything. I heard her shriek through down to my soul. I felt the soldiers that had grabbed Wolfgang and dragged him out of the room, and I had felt the chambermaids that had rushed in to comfort her.
I tried to speak. I tried to scream out "I'm here! I'm safe! I'm alive!" But I could not. I knew that no matter what happened, I would be dead; why should she see be comforted, only to find me dead in a another moon's time?
I stood there and cried, in a world that I could not cross through. I felt a claw on my shoulder.
I turned. It was Maje.
"It's better this way..."
He ushered me to turn around, and we went back to our physical world.
"Never have I seen so much pain..." I heard him say, and he brought me back.
Six days after that I had been pulled back into that realm in Jeuno to watch my own funeral. It was a beautiful affair. Truly beautiful. She was dressed all in black. Everyone was crying. Everyone had something to say during the eulogy. Everyone was saying such good about me. And it was there, that Nashmeira had confirmed to the world something that had finally given me a reason to try and survive.
She had said that she had been carrying my child.
I had watched as everyone had cried. It was there that I had almost seemed to become corporeal in front of them as I watched them cry.
It was then that I had seen something so powerful that blew my mind.
I began to see bits of their souls as they cried. The tears themselves had colors now.
Those not part of my team, they had cried tears of black; tears of black, Maje explained, for the hope that they had now lost.
My team? Scarlet tears, for the blood that had been spilled. The blood that we spilled together. The blood we bled for each other. The bonds of blood we shared. The bonds of life and death.
And Nashmeira... she cried tears of gold, for her heart, above all else, had been pure.
It was then that I too had cried with them, for I knew that all hope for my life was lost. I knew that I had hurt people in ways that would never be repaired.
And so we cried. We cried. We cried.
We cried so many tears.
Tears of scarlet, tears of gold.