Hey guys! The chapter is finally here! So sorry it took so long. If you guys saw my A/N from about a week ago, then you know why I took forever to update. If not, that't okay because I'm updating now! Enjoy!

Chapter 7

Rowan's POV

There was a kink in her neck when Rowan woke up. For a moment she couldn't remember how she'd gotten in the chair under a blanket in an unfamiliar room. Then it all came flooding back to her. Rowan exhaled and shut her eyes, letting herself deflate like a balloon.

Babysitting Matthew has been wonderful. He was easy to take care of and fun to be around. Although, part of Rowan was a bit jealous. He had gotten to grow up in a world where people actually cared about you, where they encouraged and loved you. The longer Rowan was at the New York Institute, the more confused and angry she became. What had she done to deserve all the horrible things her father had done to her? She only ever did what he asked of her, no matter how painful or sickening it was.

Now, all Rowan wanted was to stay. She wanted to train and live with the shadowhunters. Despite their hard exterior, they were kind people who cared about you if they felt you deserved it. Rowan wanted to deserve it. She didn't think she'd ever wanted anything so badly in her life.

A tear fell down her cheek. Rowan knew the truth. If her father's plan was carried out successfully, they'd never let her stay. They would throw her out. without a second thought. They would hate her. Just imagining that left a sickening feeling in her stomach. If she lost this, everything would be gone. She'd have nothing.

Rowan quickly wiped away the tears and stood up. There wasn't time for tears. As much as she hated it, Rowan knew that if they wanted her to stay, the shadowhunters would have offered already. She had a mission to complete. She had to come first. As much as it pained her, it had to happen.

Just as Rowan approached the door, she paused. Those were her father's words, not hers. She knew, deep down, that Jace or his family would never purposefully hurt her. That was the problem. Rowan had to, needed to, be free. The cost, though, was throwing her. None of them deserved to get hurt. Rowan clenched her fists and let her head hang low. It was so wrong. Nobody deserved what she – or any of them, for that matter - had to go through.

But what choice did they have? They couldn't change it now. In a perfect world, Rowan could be a part of a family. A real one, not the kind where people go out of their way to hurt you. She'd have friends who she could go out with at night like Natalie did. Or learn guitar, like Elliot was. She could do so much, but it wasn't real. It wasn't in the cards for her. It never would be; it was too late for that. She would forever be trapped by her father even when he wasn't there. All she could do was stand by and watch as he destroyed the only thing she ever really cared about. She was powerless against him.

Rowan reached up again to turn the handle when the door swung open. Her eyes widened as she was faced with Natalie. She exhaled a breath she hadn't known she was holding. Natalie laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the hallway. "By the angel, Rowan. You slept so late we all thought you'd died or something."

"No," Rowan responded, trying and failing to laugh along. "Like you said, I slept late." The concept of "sleeping late" was still foreign to Rowan, but she tried not to think too far into the idea.

Natalie talked on about random things and Rowan tried to listen. She really did, but she couldn't get the conversation with her father from last night out of her head. The tone he used when talking about choosing for her left a funny feeling in her stomach. Though, most encounters with him left her feeling uneasy. Nonetheless, it seemed like he was implying she would fail. Like he knew she would fail. Rowan didn't know what scared her more. Her father knowing she would fail, or not knowing.

Rowan was finally pulled from her thoughts when she and Natalie stopped walking. They stood outside Jace's office. "Jace wants to see you," Natalie said, answering Rowan's unasked question. "He's in there waiting for you." She then turned and walked away, leaving Rowan alone and confused, wondering as to why Jace had asked her here.

Carefully, Rowan opened the door and peeked her head into the room. Jace stood over his desk, his eyes focused on the papers sprawled in front of him. He hadn't heard her come in. Rowan quickly stepped into the room and shut the door. She cleared her throat. Jace looked up at her and smiled. "Take a seat, Rowan. I wanted to talk to you."

Carefully, Rowan sat down in the chair facing Jace's. The office was nothing like she'd imagined it would be. It was actually very intimidating, the way all the light seemed to angle toward her like a spotlight. It made her feel like she was being interrogated and left a knot in her stomach. "Why did you want to speak with me?" Rowan asked softly, not taking her eyes off her lap.

The chair behind the desk creaked slightly signaling Jace had sat down. Rowan still didn't look up at him. "I'll just get right to it, seeing as there's no real way to ease into this. Last night when I got home, I went to go check on Matthew and you were sleeping on the chair in his room."

"Was that wrong? I am sorry, I did not know," Rowan rushed out. "I did not know what to do once Matthew was asleep, and I -"

"It was fine, Rowan. That wasn't the problem." Rowan let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. "What I was questioning was when I went over to make sure you were comfortable were the tear stains on your cheeks. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Rowan's breath hitched. Nobody had ever said that to her before, ever cared if she was okay or not. She desperately wanted to open up to Jace and tell him everything. What her father had done to her for years, what he was making her do now... it sickened her, really. "I am fine," she whispered.

Rowan glanced up at Jace, whose head was now tilted to the side. "Are you sure, Rowan? Last night doesn't convince me of that. I asked Matthew and he said you seemed fine all night. That just doesn't add up Rowan. What is going on?"

With her fists clenched in her lap, Rowan glared up at Jace. "Nothing is going on," she said through gritted teeth. "Why can you not just leave it alone?"

"Because I care about you. I can tell that you've been through enough pain already to last a lifetime. And even so, you are my responsibility as long as you stay at the Institute."

The worst part of it was, Rowan knew he was right. She had been through too much and she was his responsibility. And despite her resistance, Jace was going to continue caring until she gave him a reason not to. "I should be going, then."

"What?"

"I should be going," Rowan repeated. "You shouldn't care about me. It is not worth it. I am not worth it." Rowan stood up and began walking toward the door. "I will just go."

There was a scraping sound on the floor behind Rowan. She knew Jace had stood up and was probably following her. "What are you talking about? Why would you think that? Rowan, please talk to me."

Rowan had almost left the room when a hand grabbed her arm. She turned and saw Jace looking down at her with worried eyes. "Why do you not get it, Jace? You have to let me go. You are just going to get hurt."

The words stung, even though she was the one saying them. She didn't want to leave. All Rowan wanted right now was to stay. But she knew it was for the best. Despite her father's promise to choose for her, she had to go. It was better if he didn't know she was involved. He'd placed so much trust in her. It would break him and her if he found out the truth.

"What does that mean, Rowan?" Jace asked softly. "Nobody is going to get hurt. If you just tell me what you mean, maybe I can help you. It'll be bet- "

"No!" Rowan shouted through gritted teeth. She was trying and failing to shake Jace's hand off her arm. "Let me go! It's easier – please!" She reached for the doorknob again and tried to push out of the room.

Jace placed his hands on her shoulders and flung her around to face him. "Rowan, listen to me!" He shouted, shaking her lightly. Rowan froze. The world slipped away and she was somehow back with her father. The memory surrounded her, suffocated her, as she watched her younger self.

"I am sorry, Father," the young Rowan said softly. Her dagger was in the outer circle of the target. Better than before, but still not good enough.

"Sorry?" Her father walked toward her slowly. "Do you think 'sorry' will be good enough when you cannot kill a demon? When you fail, just as you always do?"

Rowan shook her head, staring down at her feet. Her father was standing in front of her now, engulfing her in his shadow. He was so much taller. She always felt small whenever he was angry with her. And he was always angry with her. She didn't understand why, though.

"Look at me, Rowan." her father commanded. Rowan glanced up, but the look in his eyes was so venomous that she couldn't keep the eye contact. He growled angrily. "I will not ask you again, Rowan. Look at me."

Rowan didn't even try this time. She was shaking and her breathing became short and quick. She couldn't do it. She couldn't face him. Not like this, when he was already fuming even after barely a minute. Part of Rowan wished he would just go away and leave her alone. But the other part of Rowan knew it was a pointless thing to wish for. He would never leave her alone. She was trapped forever.

Suddenly Rowan was knocked backward. She clutched her cheek, tasting blood, and glanced down to find her father's hand clenched in a fist. He'd hit her. It wasn't the first time he'd done so, but it still made her jump. Tears sprung to her eyes. Rowan finally looked up at her father. He was fuming.

"Are you allowed to disobey me Rowan?" he growled. She quickly shook her head. She didn't want to make him angrier. It was easier to just comply, no matter how awful her father was. Rowan didn't know what would happen if she continued to defy him. She didn't want to find out.

"Say it! I want to hear you say it."

"No," Rowan said softly. "No, I am not allowed to disobey you." Despite no longer being able to see his face, Rowan knew her father was glaring at her. She could feel it. Instinctively, Rowan shrunk back. She kept her eyes locked on her feet; her hands were shaking harder now. Rowan didn't want to be afraid. It was weak to show fear. But she couldn't help it now. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it would beat out of her chest.

Rowan was suddenly slammed against a wall. Her ears rang and her head felt light and heavy at the same time. The floor seemed to sway beneath her. Everything looked blurry. Rowan raised her hand to her head, trying to steady herself. "What..."

"Quiet, Rowan," her father commanded. "You don't get to speak."

"Bu-"

Her father's hands shook her roughly. "Rowan, listen to me! If I say be quiet, you are quiet. You do not get to pick and choose. You have no authority here. Understand? You are worthless, Rowan. You are nothing. Nothing"

"I am nothing," Rowan said, barely audible. Jace stepped back. He looked confused and alarmed.

"Rowan, what are you talking about," he asked. He reached out his hand again but paused when Rowan flinched. "You are nothing. We all care about you and want you to succeed. You are so far from nothing. Where did this come from?"

Rowan shook her head. "I am nothing."

Quickly, Rowan spun around and ran out of the room.

Jace's POV

Jace sighed. He didn't know what to do about what just happened. He didn't know what to do about Rowan in general. Her eyes had just glossed over like she was sucked into a whole other world. It was almost terrifying. At that moment, she'd seemed so broken. Jace wanted to help her, but he didn't know how.

Sliding his arms through the sleeves of this jacket, Jace jogged the steps to the front doors of the Institute. He needed some air. Ever since Rowan came to the Institute, he felt connected to her. He knew that it wasn't possible, Rowan being his daughter who was secretly alive all this time. Simon told him once to never believe a person is dead until you'd seen the body. And he had seen her body. Still, it was kind of nice to pretend he had gotten a second chance.

The air was cold against Jace's skin. It didn't bother him though. He had other, more important things, to focus on. He needed help, though he'd never admit it to anyone out loud. Hell, he couldn't admit it to himself for years. But now, Jace knew he did. He couldn't figure it all out on his own.

When Clary had died, her family had decided to dedicate a gravestone in her honor in a mundane cemetery for those who couldn't enter the City of Bones. It was a walking distance from the Institute. At first, it was too painful for Jace to go visit her in either place. He couldn't see her name. It made it more real.

Once Rowan turned twelve, or when she would have turned twelve, Jace finally decided to visit her grave. He didn't totally know what changed in him. Maybe it was the fact that this would have been their daughter's first milestone as a shadowhunter and they should have been celebrating it together. Or maybe it was just a coincidence. Whatever the reason was, Jace could never put his finger on it.

The grass was damp but not so much so that you couldn't sit on it. Jace sat down cross-legged in front of her headstone. Heroes aren't always the ones who win. They're the ones who lose sometimes. But they keep fighting. They keep coming back. They don't give up. That's what makes them heroes. Those were the words written on her headstone. Jace had chosen them. He remembered Emma telling him that she'd said that to her in Idris once. Jace felt in encompassed who she was perfect. When he read those words, he felt closer to her, in a sense. Like she was still with him, guiding him in the right direction.

"Hey, beautiful," Jace whispered softly. "I'm sorry it's been so long since I came to visit you. I've been a little busy. You'll never guess what happened." Jace paused briefly. He'd always dreamed of hearing her respond one day. But she never did.

"A few weeks ago, on a patrol, we found a girl. She was huddled in a corner, covered in dirt and blood, and a demon-infested warehouse. Her name is Rowan too. It's weird, though. She looks just like I always imagined our Rowan looking. And acting, too. It's the craziest coincidence I've ever seen.

"A small part of me wants to pretend like I've gotten a second chance. But we both saw her," Jace said, voice quieting and thick with tears. "But I know it's not possible. You would like her though. A lot. You'd get along so well -"

He breathing hitched. It was too hard to talk about it sometimes, even after seven years. "Honestly, Clary, the reason I'm here is that I need some help. I walked in on Rowan in Matthew's room asleep on a chair after she'd babysat for him. There were tears on her cheeks. This morning, I tried to get her tell me why and she freaked out. Her eyes just glossed over... It was kind of terrifying.

"Basically, I'm just worried that I pushed her too far. I want her to trust me, but I don't know how to get her to. By the angel, Clary, you were always so much better at this than I was," he said, sighing and running a hand through his hair. "How did you do it?"

Just then a sharp ding began. It was coming from Jace's phone. He pulled it from his pocket. It was Isabelle. Emergency here. Hurry back. He turned back to the gravestone. "Hey, Clary. I have to go. Sorry to cut this short, but I'll be back soon. I promise."

Rowan's POV

The shadowhunters, excluding Matthew and Andrew, were all waiting for Magnus and Alec to arrive in the front hall of the New York Institute. An hour before, they'd received a fire message that had sent everyone into a frenzy.

The beginning of the end.

Arrive in one hour.

-SM

Rowan had never seen anyone move as quickly or an anxiously as they did. She didn't know who "SM" was, but she was apparently going to help fight him. She'd caught bits and pieces of conversations but had learned very little. All she knew was that they'd fought this person, whoever it was, before a long time ago.

The front doors burst open. Alec and Magnus stumbled in. "Are we all ready9 to go? We shouldn't waste any time prolonging this more than we have to," Magnus said.

"I really hate this," Alec muttered. "We already killed him twice! I was taught growing up, personally, that when you kill someone, they stay dead!"

"Believe me, I get it," Jace agreed. "I don't know how much more of this I can handle."

There was a rush of wind and a swirling portal appeared on the wall. Despite having been through one before, it still made Rowan a little bit nervous. She didn't even want to consider the possible outcomes if something went wrong. Rowan took a deep breath and stepped into the portal. The magic felt icy on her skin and sent nervous shivers down her spine. Still, she couldn't shake the excitement in her veins. It was her first mission, a chance to prove herself.

Their destination was nothing like the Institute and just like it at the same time. The general architecture was the same, but the décor and the atmosphere were completely different. Here, it all felt heavier and darker. It was like nothing could live here. Not physically, per say, but more so mentally.

The group had arrived in what would have probably been the library if it weren't for the crumbling shelves, lack of books, and the throne in the center of the room. On it sat a man with pale skin, white hair, and black eyes. Seeing him again shook Rowan to her core.

"Sebastian," Jace growled. "How long is it going to take you to realize that you lost? You didn't kill me. You didn't get Clary. You didn't take over the world. Enough. If you don't, I swear to you I will kill you. And believe me, I'll enjoy doing it."

Sebastian smirked wickedly. "It's wonderful to see you again, brother. It really has been too long. Though, I must ask: where is Clary?"

Rowan saw Jace's knuckles turn white around the hilt of his sword. Sebastian was pushing buttons, she could tell. Rowan knew how much Clary meant to him, so whatever Sebastian had wanted with Clary must have been truly awful for Jace to react this way after he only said her name.

"You don't get to talk about her," Jace said through gritted teeth. "Not after what you did, what you tried to do."

"I hardly agree, Jonathon. I was merely taking what was mi - "

Sebastian paused suddenly. He eyes had found Rowan, despite her attempts to stay hidden. His mischievous smile widened at the sight of her. "Rowan, what a pleasant surprise. How nice of you to join us."

Jace's head snapped to Rowan, looking confused. "Rowan, do you know him?"

Rowan looked down at the floor. She didn't want to see his face. "He's my father."

Alright, that's it! The chapter is over! I hope you all enjoyed. Please please please comment and favorite/follow. Getting those notifications really make my day. School is almost out so I'll be able to write more! I'll try and update soon!

-daugtherofpercabeth417