Hey turtles fans! I'm back with more goody-gumdrops! Last time, we left off with Donnie acting like a psycho, but now we get to see why exactly he's being a nut. I've had to shift part of this story to Donatello, because his subplot is essential to Lindsay/Mona's back story, as we will see in the next few chapters. So for now, enjoy a little more of Donatello drama before we delve more into Mona's story arc.
TMNT: Of Lizards and Turtles
Chapter 7: Memories of Pain
Splinter opened the door to his dark room, and ushered Donatello in first. The turtle went in willingly, as if entering into a safe haven, and knelt in front of his father's bed cushion. Once the door was closed, Splinter sat down on his cushion and gazed intently at his son – but the purple-masked ninja kept his head down.
"Donatello?"
The turtle started, but barely made eye contact.
"Something is not right with you, my boy," the rat began, seeming a bit weary. "Ever since you've come home to us, there has been nothing strife. Your nightmares and mood swings worry us all – we've hardly slept because of them. But…you haven't communicated with us regarding your mental state." He paused, formulating his next thought. "I understand you are quiet," Splinter continued, "and being quiet has its good points; but you must learn to speak up, even if you don't want to."
When the rat finished, he watched his son, waiting for a response. It seemed that Donnie was thinking, but it was hard to tell by the grim look on his face. Burying the internal pain from the abuse he suffered wasn't easy; and it was taking a serious toll on his mental stability and family relations. Whereas he was calm, cool, collected, and always had an answer for everything, he wavered now, passing between normal and psychotic, but never reaching either a hundred percent. It was a wonder he hadn't broken down and commit suicide. But when you live with a family like the Hamato clan, suicide is never an option.
Donnie's hands clenched tighter as he pondered on the situation; Splinter, noticing the change in mood, became wary, and braced himself for the worst. Maybe Don wasn't ready for this conversation; but if he was allowed to go any further with his current level of insanity, the situation would become much worse.
"…Are you feeling well, my son?" Splinter spoke up, seeing sweat form on the turtle's head.
"I'm…I'm fine," Donnie stammered. "At least…I'm trying to be…"
The rat sighed through his nose. He didn't like what he heard, but on the other hand, he was pleased that his son actually made an effort to talk. Placing a hand on Donnie's shoulder, the rat said softly, "It's okay to break every now and then."
No sooner had Splinter uttered those words than the tears gushed from Donnie's eyes, and the turtle fell into a pathetic pile of sobs on the floor. The rat leaned on his son's shell with a comforting embrace.
Meanwhile, a curious lizard had her ear pressed to the door. She hadn't noticed Raphael approach and suddenly stand next to her. By the time she sensed his presence, she nearly jumped out of her skin while suppressing an exclamation of fright. However, the turtle stood there as still as a statue.
"Are you all right?" she asked quietly, wondering at Raph's unusually sad expression.
"…I don't like what I'm hearing…" he said darkly.
Lindsay looked down. She wasn't sure how or what to feel at the moment. Her stomach felt tight with a nervous anticipation. She pressed her ear to the door again to listen. The sobbing went on; after a minute, the lizard had to pull away from the door, for she couldn't bear hearing the raw emotion spilling from Donnie. Raphael's hard gaze shifted from the door to Lindsay, whose arms folded tightly across her body.
"Hey…" he said tenderly. "What's wrong?"
"I'm…I'm sorry…" she half choked. "I've never heard emotion quite like that…"
"Yeah," Raph sighed heavily. "I hear ya."
The lizard looked up. Her distressed look had dimmed her gorgeous blue eyes, which upset Raph a little. He hated seeing anyone – let alone a female – shaken up. Without thinking, he reached his hand up and, burying it in her thick hair, gently massaged her head. At first, Lindsay felt awkward, but she welcomed the comforting gesture and relaxed herself. She hadn't expected this bunch of "weird" mutants to be so kind; but she figured since they were the only ones of their mutant kind – besides Master Splinter – they had to know and understand kindness. All they had was each other – and April, of course.
"Hey," Raph said softly. Lindsay looked up; her skin seemed a bit pale, which worried the turtle even more. Moving his hand to her shoulder, he asked, "Do you need to sit down?"
"Um…yeah," Lindsay answered quietly. "Sure. Maybe you could explain all this to me...?"
The turtle sighed heavily. He didn't relish the thought of explaining the nightmare his family had endured. But the lizard had to know one way or another.
"Come with me then," Raph suggested. "We'll talk in the living room. Um- would you like some water?"
"No," Lindsay denied. "I think I'll be fine."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
Raph nodded reluctantly. He genuinely cared about Lindsay and was more than willing to assist her if she needed something.
Gently grasping her hand, he led her to the living room and the two sank into the couch cushions. Lindsay waited patiently as Raph sat in silence, gathering his thoughts. Men seemed a bit more complicated than the girl thought, so giving this particular one a little time to think was best at the moment.
With a sigh, Raph began, "I don't even know where to start."
"How about from the beginning?"
The turtle's lips pursed in a deep thinking manner. He nodded half to himself, as if starting from the very beginning was a better idea.
"Perhaps I can start?" Lindsay suggested.
Raph eyed the girl. "Sure…"
"Okay," she breathed. "From what I've gathered, Donnie is a psychopath as a direct result of suffering – what I'm assuming to be – severe abuse. How did he end up in that situation?"
Raph sighed gruffly and closed his eyes as if in pain. When he opened them, his golden orbs seemed faraway and full of grief. "…Donnie and I had an argument," he began. "I don't even remember what started it – but when we do fight, it's like World War 3." He paused, recalling the memory. "The verbal exchange between us became so heated, he ran off into the sewers. Leo and Mikey went after him. When they came back, they said Donnie had vanished."
"Keep an eye on the time," Leo said firmly. "If he doesn't return by nightfall, then we search."
Raph and Mikey agreed to the plan. They knew Donnie needed some time to cool off, and decided to respect their brother's decision.
Night had fallen, and still there was no sign of Donatello. The three turtles and their father took off into the sewers, making a beeline for the surface. Once up top, they spread out, each with their own designated section of the city to search. Raphael was the most vehement one in the group; he had felt horrible for screaming at his brother earlier, and for stupid things to boot. The red-masked ninja hardly remembered what he and his brother had argued about in the first place. All he cared about was finding Donnie and making up.
Three hours of fruitless searching slowly passed. When Raph caught up to his family, he shook his head sadly. Leonardo's throat tightened; tears stung his eyes as he looked out over the city. The eldest was stressed beyond comprehension; and when under extreme stress, he had a tendency to get emotional.
"…Guys, I'm sorry," Raph choked, prompting his family members to look up. "This is my fault."
Leo, Mikey, and Splinter stared in surprise at Raph's words. The hot-head wasn't usually one to admit his mistakes. Yet here he was now, bemoaning his error, wishing for his brother to come back. Raph had a lot to say to Donnie.
"How long was Donnie missing?" Lindsay queried.
Raph swallowed hard. "Three weeks."
Lindsay's eyes became as large as dinner plates. "Three weeks?!" she nearly burst. "Where was he that you couldn't find him for three weeks?"
The turtle locked his eyes on the lizard. "He was right under our noses," he said with dismay. "The only problem was, there was no cell phone service where he was located; and the twerps that captured him had caught him off guard."
"How do you catch a ninja off guard?"
"When he's in a fit of rage. Donnie apparently wasn't thinking straight; that's how those little fools…" Raph trailed off, as he himself became enraged.
"Oh no," Lindsay muttered under her breath. "Don't tell me…"
"By the time we found him, Donnie was isolated and near death," Raph concluded quickly. "…He was marked with every imaginable sign of abuse: emaciated, bruised, whipped…even cuts that were infected."
Lindsay almost sobbed. These details were painful to hear. "My friend went through something like that – though, not to the point of death," she said quietly. "About every weekend, she would come to my apartment for some reprieve; she was always covered in bruises."
"Who would abuse a lady like that?"
"Her idiot boyfriend," Lindsay answered with contempt.
"Hm," Raph hummed thoughtfully. "…If anyone could help Donnie," he mused, "it should be you."
"You think so? 'Cuz I don't-"
"No, please!" Raph begged. "Donnie needs help from someone who understands abuse. …We…we don't know what to do anymore. Please…?"
Lindsay glanced at her turtle friend. A hopeful light gleamed in his golden eyes; how could she resist? With a light grin, she said, "Why not?"
A grand smile spread across Raph's face. You may as well have told him he was going to heaven given the nature of his smile. Without a second thought, he pulled Lindsay into a tight hug. The lizard was a bit alarmed, but relaxed and slipped her arms around his shell.
"Thank you, Lindsay," Raph said huskily. "You just may be the answer to our problem."
"Aw, you're welcome," Lindsay answered sweetly.
They clung to each other a moment longer before the lizard spoke up. "…We should see how Donnie's doing."
Raph released Lindsay. "You're right," he nodded. "Let's go."
The two made their way to Splinter's room. The doors were still closed, which meant Donnie was still in there. Both turtle and lizard silently stepped up to the right of the door and listened. A heartbreaking sound filled their ears: sorrowful sobs still escaped Donnie's mouth. Even Splinter's soothing voice did nothing to stop his son's raw emotions from spilling out.
The gut-wrenching sounds went on for another minute. Then finally, Donnie's voice broke the sobs.
"Why does this hurt so much?" he cried miserably.
Splinter sighed heavily. "My son, you have been through a terrible ordeal. You need to let us help you through it," he advised.
"But they won't understand…!" Donnie objected.
Splinter thought a moment. "…They may not fully comprehend your suffering," he began. "But pushing them away won't help you overcome the effects. Even if you can't speak what is on your mind, at least allow them to support you."
Donnie placed his hands on his knees in an attempt to stabilize his shaking body. He thought sincerely on his father's words for a moment. "…Could I stay in here a while?"
"You may, my son," Splinter said warmly. "…Would you like me to keep you company?"
"If you could, please…" Donnie requested as he wiped his tear-stained face.
Splinter nodded understandingly and prepared himself to sit there for a long while. Meanwhile, outside the door, Lindsay and Raphael stood in utter silence. It took a moment for either of them to say or think anything coherent.
"…I guess he ain't coming out any time soon," Raph said in a low voice.
Lindsay sighed through her nose. The fact that Donnie was isolating himself again didn't bother her as much as the story behind all his craziness. She wanted to know more, and was disappointed that Raph had cut the details short so fast. It was obvious that the memories weren't fond for any of them; but sometimes, relating these types of things helps ease the pain. Lindsay wasn't sure if asking Raph for more of the story would help him any – however, Mikey and Leo were still available to talk, that is, if they weren't unconscious still.
"I suppose we should check on your brothers?" the lizard suggested.
"Yeah," the red-masked turtle agreed. "That'd be good."
Slowly and solemnly, they retreated from the door of Splinter's room and made their way to the bedrooms.
"I'll check on Mikey," Raph muttered.
"Okay," Lindsay answered awkwardly.
"Leo's room is the first one at the top," Raph mentioned.
"Thank you," said Lindsay as they mounted the staircase.
The turtle went to the last bedroom – Mikey's room – as Lindsay paused in the doorway to where Leo was. Brushing her hair aside, she timidly entered the room, her little feet falling softly on the floor. As she drew closer to the bed, the turtle stirred. Lindsay started and about froze in her place. But her desire to learn more of these turtle brothers' nightmare intensified, and nudged her to the side of Leo's bed. Kneeling down, she tenderly touched his head. The turtle breathed in and slowly opened his eyes. At first, his vision was blurred, the shadows and light mixing with the form of Lindsay. He shut his eyes and rubbed them sleepily, prompting the lizard to smile. She thought he looked rather cute when he was feeling sluggish.
"You all right there?" she asked sweetly.
"I'm okay," Leo slurred lazily. He paused a moment as rational thoughts flooded his brain. "…Did Donnie get you?"
"He did," Lindsay admitted forlornly, "but Raph and April rescued me."
"Oh good," Leo sighed with relief. "Glad you're okay."
"Aw, thank you," the lizard cooed, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree.
"…So tell me," said the turtle in a clearer voice. "Where's Don?"
"He's with your dad right now. Poor guy had an emotional breakdown."
"Finally?"
"Yeah…you were expecting it?"
Leo nodded sadly. "To say that everything we've experienced is hard would be downplaying the situation." He turned his head and gazed intently at Lindsay. "Did Raph tell you anything yet?"
"He only told me part of the story," she revealed.
"It would figure," Leo mused. "…He's had the hardest time with it."
"That's basically what he implied. He just gave me the long and short of it."
Leo glanced at her, and then turned over on his side to face her better. "Tell me exactly what Raph said."
Lindsay thought a moment, recalling the information the other turtle gave her. "From what I've pieced together, Donnie and Raph got into a big fight of sorts, which prompted Donnie to take off. Um…he was missing for three weeks, and you guys found him almost dead; and there was nothing but trouble ever since he came home. …That's…as much as I got."
Leo's mouth twitched; he looked down a moment, thinking deeply. Bracing his hand on the bed, he pushed himself into a sitting position and gazed intently at Lindsay. The lizard wasn't sure what to expect, given the troubled look on the turtle's face. With a sigh, he reached under his pillow and retrieved a red book.
"…This is Donnie's journal," Leo explained quietly. "…He wrote down everything…from his capture to the hell that followed when he came home." He swallowed hard. "When he gave me this, I assumed he was going to be fine after his last entry. I guess he tried to bury the pain; but it seems your coming here must have triggered something in his brain…I don't know…" He paused, measuring his next words. "I'm not saying it's your fault."
"He blamed it on me screaming about my tail too early in the morning," Lindsay said quickly. Leo looked up and stared at the lizard. "But that's when I found out…you know…about his previous experience. Even he didn't tell me everything."
"Hm," said Leo. "Well," he continued, opening the journal, "once you read this, you'll have a better understanding of his predicament."
He flipped through the pages until he found the entry he sought. "Here," he said, handing the book to Lindsay. "This entry details what happened after he ran off."
"How long is it?"
"Not too long….his handwriting is pretty neat and doesn't take up much space."
"Oh…! Okay then," said Lindsay. Switching Leo's nightstand lamp on, she sat on the bed and began reading the entry quietly to herself.
This is what was written:
Thursday, September 3
I don't know how to start this. My mind is in a hundred places at once. My life has taken a new turn – not for the better, though. It seems as if someone – a cruel dark force – is always trying to rip my family apart; and there's nothing I can do to control it. I've never felt so helpless before; never felt so alone and dejected. My brothers don't fully understand what's going on in my head right now; I'm not sure they ever will, unless they also experience what I have.
This cruel dark force took the form of some punks no more than 18 or 19 years of age. My brother, Raphael, and I had a horrible shouting match – I don't even remember what started it or what it was even about – and I ran off in a fit of rage. The night was especially dark; no stars shone, not even the moon. Thick clouds had rolled in and I only had the lights of the city to see by. Soon the rain came; but I ignored it and continued running across the rooftops.
I had no idea how long I ran; by the time I decided to stop, I realized that I needed to get home and rest my aching body. But nothing ever goes as planned. I hadn't even found a manhole cover yet when four young men jumped out and began assaulting me. I fought back with what little strength was left. Two of them fell victim to my bō staff; but the other two beat me up until I passed out. (I can still feel the force of their punches.)
When I woke up, I found myself in a dark room with the only light coming from several candles. But there was something else I found disheartening: I was in a cage! Of all places to be…locked in a cage in a cold, damp, dark room after being rained on and beaten up. The musty air made it hard to breathe. As I tried to move, I felt something heavy on my wrists: shackles. Attached to these shackles were thick chains that ended at the wall. Even my ankles were restricted by the heavy metal. I cursed under my breath, and wished that somehow I could get out of this place and go home. I didn't fully realize what these guys were planning to do to me.
Lindsay's gut tightened; she was afraid to read the rest of it. Nevertheless, she turned the page and continued reading.
What followed was the worst nightmare that ever happened. No matter how much I begged these guys to let me go, they wouldn't listen. Next thing I knew, I was being beaten again, but this time with batons and shock sticks.
The lizard suddenly gasped and covered her mouth, staring in horror at the text.
"What's wrong?" Leo asked with concern.
"…This," she struggled. "Oh my gosh…I can't imagine. Batons and shock sticks? Like, who would do that?"
"Sick people do that," Leo said grimly. "But that's not the worst."
Lindsay's face fell. She wasn't sure now if she wanted to find out what 'worst' was. Taking a deep breath, she read on.
But those were only the beginning of my tortures. The next weapon they used on me was a whip; next was starvation and severe dehydration. Most nights I would cry to myself after the punks would depart to their homes. Day in and day out, they would torture, taunt, and even make crude jokes about my suffering. To add insult to injury, I couldn't fight back; I had no wherewithal to throw their jokes back in their faces. All I could do was watch, wishing that through some miracle my brothers would come.
"…I can't believe this…" Lindsay muttered.
"I couldn't either when I read it," Leo admitted. "But what bothered me was that he would never talk about it. I guess he figured writing it all down was sufficient."
"Writing stuff like this down is never sufficient," Lindsay said emphatically.
"I couldn't tell him that, though. Just the sheer mention of talking about it made him irate."
"Why though?"
"Not sure really," Leo shrugged. "Donnie's always been the quiet one of the family. The only information he knows how to share is science and technology; and half the time we barely understand what he's talking about."
"Hm," Lindsay said quietly. "What happened after Donnie came home?"
"It's in the journal," said Leo. "But he only wrote one paragraph – which doesn't reveal a whole lot."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Donnie was a bigger mess than we initially thought," the turtle explained. "He often got too big for his britches. One day he punched Mikey out."
"Mikey, I told you to leave me alone!" Donnie snapped.
"Dude, I just wanna hang out with you!" Mikey objected. "Is there something wrong with that?"
"Let me tell you something," Donnie came forward. "When I want to be left alone, I expect you to respect that decision and go find somebody else to bother. Are we clear?"
Mikey's face flushed red with rage. "What is your problem?!" he challenged.
"You are the problem," Donnie said hotly. "Can't show respect to anyone but yourself."
"That's a lie and you know it!" Mikey shot back.
The purple-masked turtle didn't respond. He simply glared. "Just leave me alone."
"Or?"
"I'll put it this way…"
Don suddenly lunged at his brother, delivering a fury of harsh blows to the younger turtle's face and chest. Mikey desperately tried to defend himself, but the genius was too powerful. Even the youngest sibling's pained cries did little to stop the enraged Donatello. However, the sound of the commotion caught the attention of Leo, Raph, and Splinter. Raphael charged first, plowing like a bull into Donatello; with Don pinned to the floor, Leo quickly pulled Mikey up.
"Oh my gosh, Mikey, your mouth is bleeding!" Leo panicked.
"I know," Mikey said, wiping at his mouth.
"Let's go take care of that," said Leo, gently dragging his brother away from further danger.
Raph used his impressive weight to keep Donnie down, and was now glaring at the purple-masked turtle.
"Get off of me, Raph!" Donnie growled, straining against his brother's insane heaviness.
"Not until you explain why you were beating Mikey up!" Raph shouted, leaning harder on Donnie. "You – of all people – should know better!"
"Listen to you," Donnie scoffed. "You're the worst aggressor!"
"I NEVER go that far!" Raph corrected.
"Close enough!"
The red-masked turtle snarled ferociously. "You got some nerve, pal," he growled low in his chest. "You owe Mikey an apology – and a sincere one; not some half-hearted bull-crap!"
Donnie glared. In his mind, he felt justified for dealing with Mikey that way. Mikey was being a bother; Don felt he had no choice but to speak to his brother in the language of brute force.
Splinter stepped forward. "Donatello!" he said sharply. "You have much explaining to do!"
Donnie snorted – a reaction that highly displeased the rat sensei. "You won't get a word out of me," the turtle refused.
Raph became irate. "How's about we do it this way?" he began. Standing up, he roughly pulled his brother off the ground, and began dragging him away from the lab. "Where are Mikey and Leo?"
"I saw them go to the kitchen," Splinter answered stiffly.
"Thank you…!"
Grasping Donnie's bandanna tails and the edge of his shell, Raph harshly brought his brother to the kitchen, where Leo was tending to Mikey's injuries.
"There you go," Leo said gently, applying a rag to his brother's mouth. "Hang on while I get the ice pack."
Mikey sighed as he held the rag against his lip. He winced as pain shot through his lower jaw.
"Here bro," said Leo as he brought the ice pack. "Let's go sit at the table, okay?"
The youngest nodded meekly. With matchless tenderness, Leo guided his younger sibling to the table. As they both sat down, they noticed Raph and Don approaching.
Forcing Donnie to the table, Raph said, "Now you take a good long look. Think about what you're seeing."
With the stubbornness of a donkey and a high-and-mighty gaze, Donnie said what no one should utter in their lifetime: "I hope you learned something, Mikey."
Leo stared in shock; Mikey's throat tightened. With the rage of a mother grizzly bear robbed of her babies, Raph threw Donnie out of the kitchen.
"How dare you?!" Raph bellowed, once again pouncing on his brother. "You have the worst attitude I've ever seen!"
"Look who's talking, big-mouth!" Donnie returned.
"Why I oughta…!"
Suddenly Mikey shot out of his seat. "STOP IT! STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!" he screamed. All eyes turned to the orange-masked turtle, each brother shocked at Mikey's outburst. "What is it gonna take for all of us to just get along?!"
The silence was so thick, you could have cut it with a knife. "…Um, Mikey?" Leo said first. "You kinda spit blood on me."
Mikey looked down to see spots of red on his brother's shoulder. "Sorry Leo," the youngest said quietly, and sat down again.
Raph brought his attention back to Donnie. "I hope you're happy now." Without saying another word, the red-masked turtle stood up and went to the kitchen table. Bracing his hands on the surface, he gazed earnestly at Mikey. "I'm sorry, bro," Raph sighed. "…I'll watch my temper from now on."
Mikey only sniffed, wiping the tears from his blue eyes. Leo pulled his little brother into a tight hug. The road to recovery would not be easy.
"Wow…" said Lindsay, unsure of how to process what she heard.
"Yeah," Leo sighed heavily. "There were more incidents like that; each one was worse than the last."
"At what point did it stop?"
"When Donnie finally owned up to his mistakes and apologized to all of us."
"…I'm just stunned," said the lizard.
"He actually wrote about the other fights we had, if you care to read them," Leo mentioned.
"No," Lindsay sighed. "I think I've heard enough for one day."
Leo nodded in agreement. In all honesty, he hated having to relive the negative parts of the past few weeks; on the other hand, it did help Lindsay to understand Donatello's problems. She felt more prepared now to handle him. As she was about to close the book, a shadow blocked the outside light coming in the room.
"What are you doing?" Donnie asked.
"Hey Don," Leo greeted warmly.
Don came in the room. "Why is she reading that journal?" he said uneasily.
"Donnie, back off," Leo said warily.
"She's not supposed to be reading that!" he snarled, lunging for the lizard. Lindsay braced herself against the wall as Leo saved her from possible injury. He held Donnie back with such strength, Lindsay was impressed.
"Donnie," Leo pleaded. "Don't start this again…!"
Did I make you all cry yet? If so, then I've done my job right! ;) Chapter 8 is still in the works, but it will be here before you know it. Next time, I'll be introducing a new character, which will throw an interesting twist to the plot. Let me know what you all think in the reviews!