Grandma.
The worst thing in the world has happened.
This might sound strange if you knew me when I was little. I didn't speak until I was almost three and then only to my mother. So when I tell you I'm at a loss for words, I only expect you to understand because you weren't in my life until a year ago.
Though I suppose you won't be reading this in bits and pieces, getting up and walking away, making circles on the floor, and curling up in a ball, like I am. You won't know where I stopped and started. You won't know how long it took me to say this.
Grandma, this story starts before you showed up in Los Angeles. Back in the first few days that my mom was dating Tim, Team Scorpion was sent to an on and off client named Richard Elia and long story short, Walter ended up being launched into space. I think I told you about this, and how he was in a lot of pain for a week or so afterward. He couldn't remember what happened. I didn't
I didn't know about what happened until today. Grandma, we knew that my mom and Walter have feelings for each other. But when he was in space, he was hypoxic, and he told her that he loved her. And Grandma…she said it back. She didn't admit it at first. But then she said she did. To save his life.
I didn't think I would ever hear about them telling each other they love each other and now I know it has happened and I was kind of excited. Because my mom doesn't say that stuff. Because my mom doesn't say that stuff. The only person I've ever heard her say it to other than me was my father. She doesn't throw that word around. She doesn't say that stuff. She even criticizes those Bachelor and Bachelorette shows for using it just a couple days in. She feels that cheapens it. And Walter has never said it. Not in that way.
She said it to save his life. That's what she'ss saying. But Toby told me that Walter wouldn't have survived if she didn't talk to him because she was the only one who would get through to him. He tried to make it seem like it was because of how he cares about her, but I could tell he wanted to say it worked because she cares about him too. She wouldn't have been able to snap him out of it if she wasn't desperate to. And he believed her. He didn't believe her today when she lied to him but his hypoxic brain believed her when she said she loved him. Grandma, I know he meant it. And I think she did too.
But it's all gone so terribly wrong. I asked my mom to think about what she said to him. I said I think that she does love him, and maybe she just didn't realize it. She listened to me. She treated me like an adult and listened and I asked her to think about it.
Then Walter fired her.
It's hard to convey tone in e – mails. I don't like showing emotions a lot. But I do, for some reason, want you to know that it took me almost twenty minutes of staring at the screen to write that sentence.
I dno't really know exactly what happened. I didn't hear him yelling. I knew they were talking. I was a little bit excited. Then she started raising her voice. And he was confused as to why she was mad. He said he made sure she had a job. She grabbed me and dragged me out of the garage. I wanted him to run after us. But he didn't. I texted him when we got home. I hope he texts me back. My mom made some comment to me as we got into the car that I hope she didn't mean. Because if I never saw Walter again I don't know what I would do.
A little part of me is angry with him, just because he didn't fight for us. I wish he would say exactly what he apparently said to her in the rocket. I want him to pour his heart out to her and say he wants to be with us forever and I don't think she would reject that because I honestly. I honestly think she loves him back. I think she reacted this way because her feelings for him are so strong, things hurt more. But at the same time I can't be mad at him because if he feels any of what I've been feeling this evening…this pain feels unbearable and honestly he probably feels worse.
Grandma, I wish you were here. I want you to hug me. I want you to come up with one of your elaborate schemes even though I don't like them because anything feels better than this. (Please don't actually come up with something. That would hurt my mom and this place doesn't need any more hurt right now.)
I want to believe everything will work out. Just right now…right now it hurts. Right now it feels like we're in so deep it might be easier to just swim down.
I didn't want to put this note at the start of the ep to see who picked up on it, but if you saw in this chapter sentences were repeated, words were misspelled, or a sentence was started then stopped then started over on the next paragraph, that was intentional. Sometimes when you're upset about something you forget what you've said or what thought you've already completed or not, so I was hoping to use syntax to show more of Ralph's pain.