A/N: This story is not a songfic, but I did put a song in here...if you don't do songs at all, just skip it when you reach the bold type. :)

What the hell am I supposed to think about all this? Kagome was with another fucking man—if you can call him that! Seeing them together like that--and knowing she fucking wanted it—shit, it makes me sick!

'Didn't you hear her?' something in his mind says. 'She said she didn't really want it. She felt...obligated.'

Shut up! his consciousness replies. She admitted that bastard wasn't forcing her!

The half-demon sighs heavily.

'But she was about to stop it before you came in. And there was more to it than obligation alone. You know it. Not only did she tell you so, but you know her better than that.'

No. I only thought I knew her...Kami, why did this have to happen?

'Because you were an idiot. You were too blind to notice what was right in front of you.'

Shut up! orders Inuyasha's consciousness again. She knew what the hell she was doing and she fucking did it anyway!

'Like you do every time you go to Kikyou, knowing it will hurt Kagome? Besides, didn't Kagome say she was sorry? She told you she didn't want that. She told you she was going to end it. She told you it was a mistake. She told you she wasn't in love with Kouga and didn't want to be his mate. That's far more than you've ever told HER about Kikyou!'

Shut the fuck up! If she didn't want it, then why the hell did she do it?! And what the hell does Kikyou have to do with this?

'Kagome was jealous—and deeply hurt. She told you herself...you broke her heart every time you saw Kikyou.'

But if that's true, then WHY? I never DID anything with Kikyou!

'But did she know that? Did you ever tell her?'

No...

But I still don't understand why the hell Kikyou bothers her so much—much less how it led to her being with that fucking fleabag!

'Kagome explained her actions the best she could. She doesn't understand it all herself. She just...wasn't herself. And Kikyou bothers her because...she loves you.'

Inuyasha snorts. "That's what she says now. Kami, I want to believe that so much...but how could she love me if she was with Kouga....like that?"

'Jealousy of you and Kikyou...exhaustion from the heartache and waiting for you... feeling she somehow owed it to Kouga...any of this sound familiar?'

Inuyasha growls.

The voice continued...

'Kagome doesn't seem to think she's worth any more than that. The way you treat her doesn't help.'

I treat her just fine! For once, this isn't my fault!

Besides, she's been with me long enough to damn well be used to everything! Me, Kikyou, our relationships being the way they are...

I mean after two years, none of it ever bothered her to this point! Why should it now?

'Maybe it took two years of insults and *two-timing* to push her that far! And besides, you know she was telling the truth when she said she didn't want to. You were there. You saw it with your own eyes. She wasn't enjoying it. Remember her face?'

Inuyasha sighs. The fight within himself is taking its toll. Kagome really hurt him—and he hates to admit to being vulnerable. Even more so to the fact that he was somehow responsible for Kagome's actions, even in part. But he can't stop turning it over and over in his mind.

She wasn't facing me, she was facing that fucker, Kouga! But...she didn't look very happy, come to think of it...her jaw was stiff, like someone enduring some kind of pain...and her scent...I could barely pick it up over his disgusting arousal! Maybe she IS telling the truth...

'Of course she is, baka! Kagome made a big mistake, and you're both paying for it now, but she's not a liar. All she wanted was a chance to be happy, to live without pain. She chose the wrong path but that's all she was after. She never meant to hurt you, and you know it.

'You have to forgive her. You can't let her continue to suffer like this.'

She brought this on her fucking self! Nobody shoved her into Kouga's arms and forced her to start taking her clothes off! If she's suffering now, then it's only what she fucking deserves!

'And what about the way you've made her suffer for the past two years? Baka...stupid...wench....weak...bitch...shall I continue? She said herself she felt like a burden, helpless, worthless...it's part of the reason she ended up with Kouga in the first place...she felt...unlovable.

'Not to mention hurt every time you left her behind to get kidnapped or injured--or both--while you were seeing your old flame...over and over again, knowing it would hurt her.'

Damn it, this is isn't all my fault! She's the one who left me, remember? She's the one who decided to go live with that damn wolf—and apparently be his fucking mate!

'No, it isn't all your fault. Granted, she made a big mistake...but she's only human. She isn't perfect, you know. And you still have to take your share of the blame.'

Feh!

'Why are you fighting so hard to stay angry? Just a little while ago, you were thrilled that there wasn't a mate mark on her neck, that there was still time to win her back...you wanted to fight for her. You were thrilled to hear that she couldn't get you out of her mind; that she loves you.'

I just keep seeing it in my head....over and over again. Her, with that bastard Kouga...half her clothes gone, his hand holding hers...there...it makes me so mad I want to fucking rip him apart and then rip apart the pieces left over!

'You shouldn't take your anger at Kouga out on Kagome. She feels bad enough as it is. You need to move forward. Kagome is a good person. She just made a mistake. One that was largely your fault.'

Inuyasha growls at himself. He can't deny what this part of him is saying, but he can't get that image of Kagome with Kouga out of his mind, or the feelings attached to it out of his heart. He doesn't know what to think—or what to do. He wants Kagome to be well, and for things to go back to the way they were before—but he isn't sure he can get past this.

--

In the meantime, Kagome continues to heal from her injuries—the physical ones, anyway. The emotional scars and guilt she carries are another story. Nonetheless, she is soon ready to travel.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Kagome notices how distant Inuyasha is. The hanyou stays to himself, quiet for the most part. He doesn't even look at her, much less offer her a ride on his back. She must walk, or ride on Kirara.

Kagome looks at her feet the majority of the time, or Kirara's fur when riding--when she isn't stealing glances at Inuyasha's brooding figure. She is noticeably depressed, taken in by her own thoughts.

Sango and Miroku don't know exactly what, but they know something must have happened at Kouga's den to cause this behavior in their friends. However, the pair feels it is best to leave the frowning, grumbling, would-be couple alone for the time being.

The kit, on the other hand, forced to ride on Kirara, is full of unanswerable questions. The houshi and taijiya appease him with lies about Kagome missing her family, and Inuyasha just being in 'one of his moods.' They order the kit to leave the two alone, and he reluctantly complies.

–

This is all my fault. My plan didn't work at all, and now Inuyasha hates me. I can't blame him, after what I did. I really screwed up. And I can't take it back. What am I going to do?

Oh Kami, what if he never forgives me? I might as well be stuck on my side of the well! I can't imagine losing him...and here I've gone and done something that hurt him so badly...I may never win him back!!

How will I survive?

She sighs heavily, dejected. Tears threaten her eyes; she bites them back and keeps walking.

How could I have done such a thing? Even though I tried to explain it all to Inuyasha, I still don't really understand it all myself. All I know is that I may have permanently damaged my relationship with the one and only person I truly love. How could I?

I'm so worthless.

Salty liquid lines her lower lids. She quickly wipes it away.

I'm sorry, Inuyasha. More than you'll ever know. If I could take it back, I would. Please understand that somehow...I need you.

--

Inuyasha spares Kagome a glance here and there, but she never sees. He notes her demeanor; he smells her depression, her fear, her tears of remorse. If he could see auras, he is certain hers would be dim, tinted with darkness. Once, his extraordinarily sensitive ears even pick up a statement she makes, thinking aloud without realizing it: "That fox should have just killed me."

With a sigh, he rehashes his old argument with himself. It hurts him to see Kagome like this, despite her wrongful actions. Still, he can't get past the images and arguments in his mind.

--

A week goes by, and nothing changes. Kagome keeps herself as distracted as possible with the portable cd player she had brought back from her time following her last visit. She chooses a mix cd she once made full of uplifting songs, for times when she felt low.

Then she comes across a song she had put on the disc, ironically, to cheer her up after Inuyasha went to see Kikyou:

I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.

Tears stinging her eyes, feeling even more hopeless than ever before, she tears the headphones from her head in frustration and hurt, stopping to put the player away in her backpack. She doesn't notice when a piece of paper flutters out of her open bag and blows off in the wind as she replaces her music player.

--

Inuyasha catches the paper and tucks into his haori before anyone notices, and falls back into his previous churning thought patterns.

He still loves her, and it hurts him to see her like this. He struggles internally to move past the anguish and anger of betrayal.

He wonders how he could ever trust her again.

She betrayed him.

A/N: Thanks to my beta, brakken, for beta-ing above and beyond the call of duty! :) And thanks much to all my beloved readers for sticking with me thus far!

I hope nobody was turned off by the song add-on...I just really wanted my readers to hear it and feel it with her, ya know? Cuz when your future looks bleak and you think you've just destroyed it yourself, cheerful songs aren't so cheery. They suddenly become great reminders of how bad your life sucks. That's kind of what happened to Kagome, and I wanted to let you, the reader, in on it. Hope it worked.

Please let me know by...reviewing!! Pweez? (grin)