Chapter 7
It had gone three weeks and Calleigh was missing her period, which had never happened before. And she knew all to well that it probably was only one thing that could cause her to do so since she hadn't been careful when she was with Peter and Horatio.
She sighed and went to the store to buy a pregnancy test. It was positive. What was she going to do, she was terrified. What would Horatio do when he found out that she was pregnant and it might not be his? And Peter? And there was no way she was going to have an abortion. She sighed and wondered how long it would take before she started to show, and she had to tell.
Calleigh called her doctor and made an appointment the same day, sighed once more and went back to work.
Later that day her doctor confirmed what she suspected. Calleigh sighed and looked down.
"Not the news you wanted?" the doctor concerned.
"No it was not" said Calleigh honest.
"Are you going to keep the baby?" her doctor asked.
"Yes" said Calleigh.
"Then here's what you need to do, slow down on work, get enough rest, and remember to eat enough since you'll be eating for two. And I know you Calleigh so you better listen or you might risk loosing your baby. And I recommend you tell the father" her doctor said.
"I can't, not for now anyway" said Calleigh thinking 'Oh why did this have to happen.'
"You know who the father is right" her doctor said.
Calleigh didn't answer, just looked down and her doctor thought 'Oh Calleigh, this isn't like you, how could you let this happen.'
"I have to get back to work" Calleigh said.
"Just be careful" said her doctor.
"Uh huh" said Calleigh before she left.
Horatio noticed Calleigh had been gone without telling him and that was not like her, so he was concerned and went down to the firearms lab to check on her. He found her in front of her laptop rubbing her temple.
Horatio walked up to her and asked, "Calleigh are you ok?"
"No, not really" she said which was true.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Horatio asked concerned.
"I can't tell you, I really want to, but I just can't" she said honestly.
"You aren't sick are you?" he asked even more concerned, thinking about how he couldn't bare losing her if it was something serious.
"Well kinda, but I don't want to talk about it, I just can't" she said.
"Pleas tell me if there is something wrong" Horatio said.
"I can't, please for once leave it alone Horatio" Calleigh said.
She was not in the mood, nor shape to discussing it with him, and even if she had been she didn't know where to start. Horatio was looking at his girlfriend, something was clearly wrong, so why not tell him about it. But he also knew her well enough to know that to push her on something only drove her further away.
So he just said, "Ok, but if you need to share it, you know where to find me."
"Mhm, and handsome I love you" she said.
"I know, I love you to" he said.
At that moment Calleigh started to cry, soft, sad, sobs. Horatio looked at her, he could tell that she was both scared and confused and that she needed him, so he walked over and held her closely and just let her cry without saying anything, he just thought 'Sweetheart I wish you would tell me what's bothering you, I really do since I don't like it when you're in pain, since it hurts me too.'
"Horatio, promise no matter what happens you'll never leave my side" she begged.
"Why would I do that?" he asked confused.
"Just promise" she said again, she just needed him to say it.
"I promise I'll never leave your side no matter what happens since I love you too much to do so" he said.
"Thanks, I just needed you to say that, but now I need to work, I'll come up later" she said.
"Ok" he said, gave her a soft kiss and left her.
Calleigh sighed in relief and continued to work.
One month later Calleigh watched through the window as Horatio came walking back up to the building after he had sent Ay Manning away in the car. He was really great with children.
The last month she had done exact opposite of what the doctor had told her, worked like crazy, slept too little and eaten too little, she was exhausted and didn't feel well at all.
As Horatio came towards her, she felt a sharp pain down stairs and fell to the ground. Horatio run towards her, while he called and ambulance. Her face was white, her eyes terrified and she was breathing heavily. Tears were running from her eyes, and the pain was getting worse, then everything went black.
When Calleigh woke up she lay in a hospital bed. Horatio was sitting by her said, he looked deeply concerned.
"Did I" Calleigh couldn't finish it was too painful to think about since she knew the answer.
"Sweetheart why didn't you tell me, if you did I would have made you slow down and this" he couldn't finish either, to painful.
Why hadn't she told him she was pregnant, and now it was too late, she had lost her unborn child.
Horatio looked at her, he saw her endless pain and sorrow, and he knew he could never imagine how she felt right now, and wondered if she could get by something like this.
"I just couldn't bring my self to tell you Horatio, since I didn't knew you were the father or not and because my own thoughtfulness, I lost my own baby I lost my baby Horatio, how could I allow my self to do so. Oh Horatio I should have told you, I'm so sorry can you ever forgive, oh it hurt so badly" she mustered to say before her voice disappeared and she started to cry heavily.
Horatio sat down on her bedside and held her in his arms as she continued to cry of hopelessness and sorrow. As she did so he gently stroke her hair and back to calm her down, he didn't know what to say, it was all just too sad to see her shattered into thousand pieces like that. It was like all her happiness and joy had disappeared forever and he didn't know what to do to comfort her other than to hold her close and let her cry.
After a while her sobs slowly died away and she started to calm down until she fall a sleep in her arms. He lay her gently down in bed and kissed her forehead.
How could she not have told him and held this to her self. Horatio walked outside and found Alexx.
"How is she?" Alexx asked concerned.
"Not good at all, but a sleep at the moment" said Horatio.
"And you?" she asked.
"I don't know Alexx, I mean we're a couple why was she so afraid to tell me even if Peter turned out to be the dad that she lost it. Do you think she'll get by this" he said.
"I dunno she's a strong woman, but this is really something that is going to take a lot of work to get pass, and you have to be there for her more than ever, but you know that right" said Alexx.
"Yes and I intend to, since I promised a while back to stay by her side no matter what happened, but at that time I didn't know why she asked me that, now I know, I only wish that the situation were different, but I have no intentions of breaking that promise, I love her too much" said Horatio and meant every word.
"Good to hear, I have to go, take care of her Horatio" said Alexx.
"I will, see you later" said Horatio and went back inside to Calleigh while Alexx went back to the lab.
Calleigh slowly opened her eyes and saw Horatio sitting on a chair next to her bed and reading a newspaper.
"Anything interesting?" she asked.
"Murder, war, catastrophes, the usual, feeling any better" he asked.
"No, I just, just, I'm sorry" she said.
"I'm sorry to, if I paid more attention I would have known" said Horatio and took her hand in his.
"I still should have told ya, since it could have" she started, but it was to hard to finish.
"Yes, but I can still understand why you didn't, it must have been hard on you" said Horatio understanding.
"It was, I was so scared, I mean I didn't plan it, and I didn't know what to do, and you know me when I feel I can't handle something I work twice as much as I use to, not to think, and this time" her voice went silent as she looked down.
"Oh Calleigh, sweetheart I'm so sorry, you didn't deserve that" said Horatio and held her close.
"Horatio, what do I do now?" she asked.
"What do you want to do, do you want time of?" he asked.
"No, then I would go crazy, I rather work, but I need you close by" she said.
"Of course, anything else you need" he said.
"Thanks for being so understanding and supportive" she said.
"You're welcome, anything you need right now?" he asked.
"Just hold me close, right now I only need you" she said, which was true.
Horatio did as she asked, he held her tightly, and whispered softly into her ear "I love you more than anything in this world".
"And I you" she whispered back and he kept holding her never wanting to let her go.
One month later Calleigh had started to regain her strength from the abortion, little did she know that another event would happen that would change the way she looked on her work.
Calleigh and Eric were at the same crime scene and while he was outside, she went inside to check. Calleigh looked on the dusty floor and found a square clean spot.
"Weird, wonder what's missing she thought and bent down to take a picture of it. She had just taken a shoot when she suddenly felt something press against her head, she knew instantly it was a barrel of a gun and thought 'So this is how I'm gonna die.'
She terrified closed her eyes and waited for the shot but it didn't come. Then she realized that the gun was gone, got up and run outside only to find no one other than Eric. Who had held a gun through her head, she felt angry and a bit frustrated.
Later that day she was putting away the evidence to go with John for a cup of coffee, it was then she heard it, the sound from the gun on her crime scene and she thought 'Now I'm dead.'
Then she heard the gunshot and turned around and saw John's dead body on the floor. A thousand thoughts run trough her mind mostly she was wondering if she could have prevented it.
As Alexx was taking Hagen's body away, Eric tried to comfort her, but she wasn't really listening to him, just replied. She didn't even want him there, she wanted Horatio, but she hadn't been able to reach him all day. Right now she needed his comfort, but since he wasn't there she figured she block everything out by working.
It was later that day Calleigh's world fell apart. As she was holding a gun and Hagen's brain mass fell down on her white lab coat she felt angry, tired, confused and sad, this was so unfair, why did all of this happen to her, just because she loved to work with guns and weapons so much.
First losing Tim, then her baby, then John, all because she did the one thing she was good at they died by bullets, at least Tim and John, not by her bullets, but she still felt guilty since she felt she could have prevented it, but did nothing. She was after all the bulletgirl, she could have checked and made sure Tim checked his weapon more often. And John she could have talked to him not ignored him the way she did, that way he might still be alive.
And her baby, her unborn child, her own flesh and blood, she had lost her child because she had worked her self to exhaustion.
She was wondering if the job was really worth it.
Calleigh slowly took out the ammo of the gun and put it on the desk and walked away, even if she loved guns and weapons she knew she couldn't work with them for now, maybe for life, right now she didn't even feel like being alive.
This was just too much to handle right now, she felt like she had lost to much. As she removed her name from the message board she knew she would say good bye to what she loved for a long time. When the elevator doors closed she once more tried to call Horatio with no luck. Then her tears came and she decided to leave him a final note, one message before she ended it all once and for all. All of this was just too hard to live with. She left the note in the reception desk and went home.
Horatio had just sent his family on the plane to Brazil, he couldn't believe his brother had been alive all these years and lied about it. How could he do that to him and his family, it was just so wrong to do that. How could Raymond inflict him with so much pain on purpose?
Horatio was angry and hurt, but at the same time glad Raymond was alive.
It was so confusing seeing him alive after all these year thinking he was dead and then send him away again. His brother sure knew how to mess things up; Horatio shook his head and sighed.
Then he took up his phone and saw all the unanswered calls from Calleigh. He felt bad about not taking it, he had missed her all day and couldn't wait to share the news about his brother with her, and he knew she would be happy for him.
Horatio smiled by the thought of her, her beautiful green eyes, her smile and everything else about her. The last month after the baby had been really hard on her, but she had been getting back to her old self one day at the time and has proven that she was a very strong woman, but then again he always knew that.
Horatio parked the car and walked into the building and saw Eric. They said hello and Eric informed him about Hagen as Horatio got his messages from the reception desk.
"He didn't" said Horatio shocked feeling even worse about not taking the phone when Calleigh had called.
"He did she was crushed, the weird thing is that I never knew Hagen meant that much to her" said Eric.
'That stupid John Hagen, he just had to do that in front of her, like she hadn't got enough on her mind already' Horatio thought and said, "Neither did I."
No one in the lab except him and Alexx knew about the abortion, and Horatio guessed this had made it all come back.
He found a note from Calleigh between his messages and read:
Dear Horatio, my handsome prince. I guess by the time you read this you have already heard about John, I feel so guilty and I just can't take it any more, it's just too hard. Just remember I love you forever handsome, and I'm sorry. Your bulletgirl Calleigh.
"Oh dear God" said Horatio.
"What?" said Eric.
"She's going to kill herself, I got to find her" said Horatio, hoping she was at home and he would get there in time, he run out to the car and drove off.
Horatio tore up the door to her apartment and stormed inside. He found her in her bed her eyes were closed and she slept peacefully. Or that was what he first thought until he went closer and saw the glass with strong sleeping pills empty.
"Oh my dear girl, what have you done" he thought while he called an ambulance hoping it would get there in time, while he tried to wake her up for no use. Then the paramedics came and took her away.
Horatio sat by Calleigh bedside at the hospital, her stomach had been pumped and she was unconscious, but still not hooked up to any machines, her chest were slowly up and down on it's own.
Horatio hoped she would wake up soon, but the doctor had told him not to get his hopes up, still Horatio had no intention of leaving her side. Right now he was glad he had found her when he did, or else it could have been too late.
"Oh my beloved Calleigh, why did ya do that" he whispered even if he knew the answer. It had all been too much for her, and he could understand that, if he had only picked up his phone, he felt so bad as he sat there holding her hand.
"Oh Calleigh, please wake up, I can't live without you, you're the love of my life" he cried, the tears where running down his checks and he was shaking.
Without noticing it she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. Then she took her free hand and strokes his hair gently. She just felt so sorry for him.
He looked up at her and said, "You scared me, promise you will never do that again."
"I won't it was just, I couldn't reach you and I felt like I had no other option, I was so overwhelmed and sad, my whole were crashing down on me and I felt like I couldn't live with my self anymore" she said.
"I know, and I'm so sorry I didn't answer my phone when you needed me, I had a crazy day, I found out that Raymond was alive only to send him and his family to Brazil for their own safety, it was just like a surreal dream, it was great seeing him, but still, then I came back and found out about Hagen, that idiot shoot him self in front of you, I knew he had problems, but to do that to you was to take it to far, then I got your note and I found you, I thought, I thought" he couldn't finish.
"Raymond is alive wow, but enough talking, come under the cover with me, I need to feel you close" she said.
"Mhm" he said, got undressed and crept under the cover with her and held her closely. Calleigh felt his warmth, but something else too and said, "But Horatio."
"I'm sorry" he apologized a bit embarrassed,
"Don't be" she said and kissed him passionately realizing that this was probably what she needed right now, to feel him as close as possible, to let their two bodies unite as so many times before. As she kept on kissing him, her hand went down to his hardness and she rubbed it to please him.
"Ohhh, Calleigh, sure this ohhh is the right place toooo doooo this?" he growled.
"I don't care, I need you" she said between her kisses, she had moved down to his upper body.
"Calliiii, slow down" he said.
"But I need you, I need to feel you" she said.
Horatio got on top of her and started to kiss and nibble on her breasts while she moaned: Horatioooo, ohhhh, ohhhh, Horatioooo, I neeed yoooou.
"I'm right here sweetheart" he said and got inside her and started to work his way further into her, while her arms held him close and their eyes locked.
Their hips worked together and she screamed out in pleasure as the waves of her orgasm went through her body and she creamed out to him as he let go with a load growl and surrendered to her.
Then he slowly released him self and she got on top of him, both breathing heavily, but both also very pleased and satisfied.
Horatio stroke her back gently and asked, "Are you feeling better sweetheart?"
"Yes, thank you, but Horatio I don't think I can work in my lab for a long time or if I ever can" she said, there was a hint of sadness in her voice and Horatio knew why, but he just said, "No worries, I'll find someone else, and you can come back when you're ready."
"Do you think after all this I ever will" she said.
"Yes, you just think you need some distance bulletgirl" he said and kissed the top of her head gently.
"Hmmm, Horatio would you mind if I slept, I'm really exhausted" she said.
"No go on" he said.
"Hold me" she said.
He held her closely and soon they were both sound a sleep.