(Haley's POV)

From across the store we were in, I watched Brooke for a moment, to make sure she was out of earshot. I turned my attention back to Peyton, almost afraid to bring up the topic I knew she wanted to avoid at all costs. I decided to beat around the bush for a bit, as long as Brooke stayed out of earshot. "So, I notice this is the first time you've spent away from Julian since you met him. I'm actually surprised he's not here. He's not going to crash the bachelorette party tonight, right?" I asked.

Rolling her eyes, she stuck her tongue out at me before returning her gaze tot he rack of clothes she was looking at. "Oh, come on. You're exaggerating," she said, holding a top up to herself. I didn't say anything, and she looked up to notice my gaze. "Okay, fine," she surrendered, putting the top back on the rack. "I've spent a lot of time with the guy. It's not a crime. We're friends," she insisted. "He won't be crashing the party tonight," she promised.

Still studying her, I knew she wouldn't say anything else. She had been insisting that she and Julian were just friends since she had met him. I looked into her eyes. They were bright green, as they usually were when she was in a good mood, but sometimes I felt that she was hiding this constant pain behind them. I got a glimpse of it occasionally, but it seemed whenever I tried to discern whether or not it was really there, she realized I had seen it, and worked even harder to hide it.

Before she could move on to the next rack, and closer to where Brooke and my sister were looking at clothes, I grabbed the shirt she had just put back on the rack and handed it to her. "You should buy it, or at least try it on," I insisted, glancing at the rack for a moment, trying to sound casual as I went on. "So, um, have you talked to Lucas since you've both been in town?" I picked out a shirt and walked over to the mirror, further away from the others.

With a knowing chuckle, she followed after me, standing behind me and meeting my gaze in the mirror. "No, not really at all," she answered, moving her gaze down to examine the shirt. "I like the style, but I think the deep blue would be more your color," she said, taking the red one away from me, and coming back with the deep blue, handing it over. "Nathan will adore it, I'm sure," she added.

As she walked away, to a display of jeans, I followed her. If she really thought that would be the end of the conversation, she was crazy. She made a scoffing noise in the back of her throat, as if she had heard my thoughts. I almost thought I heard her mutter, 'I wish.' "Listen, Peyton, I'm going to just cut to the chase right now," I said, putting the few items in my arms down, and glancing to make sure that Brooke was still on the other side of the room.

Also setting her things down, she met my gaze. I thought I might have seen the pain behind her green eyes in that moment, but she closed them before I could really tell, and when she opened them again and I looked at her green eyes, all seemed well again. "It's about time, Hales. You've only been wanting to say something throughout this whole shopping trip. I'd love it if you got whatever it is off your mind," she replied.

Sighing, I guessed it was time I just came out with it. I sent one glance over my shoulder, and looked back at Peyton. "Listen, I'd be the first one to tell you to work things out with Lucas, if I thought you guys would do it," I started, noticing her wince. "I just think that maybe, since he's moved on with Brooke, and you're starting to move on with Julian, maybe it's time you both stop dwelling in the past, if it's what you want," I said with a shrug.

For a moment, she didn't say anything, and I worried I was overstepping my boundaries, but if we were going to return to our old friendship, we had to be honest with each other, right? I hoped she would see that. She finally nodded slowly. "Thanks for telling me what you think, Hales. I appreciate it, I do. You just," she paused, trying to find the words. I knew what they would be before she said them, "don't understand," she finished.

Something made me remember the pain I sometimes saw in her eyes, and I realized maybe she was right. If she was suffering the kind of pain I thought she was, the kind of pain I would feel if I lost Nathan, a pain I don't even want to try to imagine, then I didn't understand, not really. I could understand enough, but to truly understand her pain, I would have to experience it, and that was something I never wanted to happen.

Nodding, I didn't say anything. There was no need for words to answer, we both understood the silence. I pulled her into a hug, and then turned the subject to lighter matters as we continued shopping. She grew more withdrawn as we continued going through the different stores in the mall, hugging her arms across her stomach as she carried her bags, and I knew it was because I had brought up Lucas. I almost wished I hadn't.

When we were in the food court, getting a late lunch, I got the orders of the Brooke and my sisters, and then sent them to the booth, so I could wait in line with Peyton and we could bring the food back to where we were going to sit. There were quite a few people in front of us, and Peyton was avoiding my gaze. I opened my mouth to speak, but she turned to me before I could. "Don't, Hales, it's okay," she said, with a smile. I knew it was forced, and after a moment, it slipped away.

I knew it wasn't, though, and I couldn't leave it that way. "No, Peyt, I'm sorry I brought him up, really. I know you don't like to talk about him, but I am sorry. I just want you to be happy again, you know that right? You are my best friend, and I don't want you to disappear again," I admitted, finally voicing what had been on my mind since she had gotten here. I was kind of afraid she was just going to disappear one day.

Surprising me, she pulled me into a hug. I think that was the first time she'd ever initiated any contact between the two of us. She pulled back and sent me a real smile this time, or at least, as real a smile as I'd seen from Peyton. "I'm not going to just drop out of your life again, Hales. I promise," she said, and we had to move up in line and give our orders, so no more conversation was possible for a few moments.

When we got our food, and started walking to the table, Peyton slowed, and I knew she had something else she wanted to say, so I hung back with her. "Haley, when I left..." I knew she didn't want to say his name, "after graduation, I pulled away from everything, not just you, and this place, but my family, too. I know now that it was wrong, and I don't intend on doing that again," she spoke in a soft but firm voice, which I knew meant there was no doubting her words.

Waving a hand, Brooke called us over, and we didn't get a chance to continue the conversation. I knew she knew I believed her, though. The meal was nice, and though Peyton didn't eat, which didn't surprise me; she had told me long ago that she hated eating in public, even in front of her friends. She waited until everyone else finished eating, then she said she had to go, and she would be there in time to set up for my party.

After I watched her go, I turned to my sisters and Brooke. My sisters also had things to do, which left me with Brooke. She had gotten a ride with my sister earlier, and she now asked me to take her back to the house so she could find Lucas. I couldn't say no, of course. She wouldn't be mean, I knew. Since she'd gotten together with Lucas, we'd seemed to form a friendship, and before Peyton came back to town, we were pretty close friends. There was no reason that had to change.

(Brooke's POV)

After the shopping trip, I returned to the apartment with Haley so I could find Lucas. We rode together, but for most of the drive it was more awkward than it should have been. I knew she would take Peyton's side, and I realized that had been making me avoid her. I decided to break the ice anyway. "Listen, Haley, I know you've always been a Pucas," I liked to put couples names together, "fan, but I'm with Lucas now. Can't we still leave the past where it is?" I asked.

Her first reaction was to deny what I'd said, but then she seemed to cut herself off. "It's not really that you're with Lucas that I don't like. I mean, I know you've been good for him, and I won't deny either of you that. It's just, I used to hold them up so high in my mind. I never thought they'd break up, and when they did, I always kind of thought they'd get back together. I guess I'm having problems accepting that they won't," she replied.

Before I could open my mouth and say anything else, she continued. "I guess another part of it, is that they were the first couple I saw, besides my parents, that really seemed like they were honestly going to last. They were, like, perfect for each other, and a part of me has always wondered, how do I expect to make it with Nathan, when we're so different, when Peyton and Lucas couldn't make it, and they seemed like the perfect couple," she finished, looking over at me.

I honestly didn't know what to say to that. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth, not knowing what was going to come out of it. "Hales, I know you believed that, then, but that's not the way it is anymore. Lucas and Peyton obviously weren't that perfect for each other, if she left him. They didn't make it. Lucas and I, we're still together, and that's the way it is now. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but you have to accept it," I retorted.

I didn't give her a chance to react to my words, and the little bit of bite in my tone before I continued, wanted to get off the subject of Peyton and Lucas as a couple. "I know you wouldn't have thought I would have said this in high school, but I think you and Nathan are the couple that I look up to. You two really are amazing together, and it's so easy to see how in love you are. I hope to be in your space one day, getting married to a man who looks at me like Nathan looks at you," I said.

For a minute, she didn't say anything, and I wondered what she was thinking. "I guess I've always kind of held our past against you, even when we were friends, before Peyton came back into town. I shouldn't have done that, Brooke, and by what you just said to me, I know how much you really have changed. You're not the same person you were, so I can't hold that person against you. I'm sorry I was doing that," she finally said.

That made a lot of sense, actually, and it surprised me, only because I hadn't thought of it before. I could definitely understand where she was coming from now. "You're right, though, Haley, and I guess I should have expected that. I was a heartless bitch then, and there's really nothing for you to apologize for. I'd probably be weary of me, too, if I was in your position. I can't blame you for that," I paused for a moment, and I knew we were going to be getting to the apartment soon.

I wanted her to be clear on where I stood before we got out of the car and ended this conversation, though. "It may surprise you, but I can honestly say I'm happy for you and Nathan. If I had told myself back in high school that I would end up saying this, I would have laughed my butt off, but I honestly mean it. I'm really glad to be here for you while your marrying Nathan, and I only hope you can be happy for me and Lucas," I said sincerely.

Nodding slowly, she smiled reassuringly. "I really do believe that, Brooke. It's like you said, if you had told me back in high school that we'd be here today, even during out senior year, I definitely wouldn't have believed you. I'm glad we got here, though, not just because I'm about to marry Nathan in a couple of days, but because we're friends now. I'm glad you changed, and I'm glad I changed, too. None of us are the same as we were back then, and that's not really a bad thing," she replied.

There was hesitancy in her voice as she continued on. "I know it's not my place, but I really think this needs to be pointed out. Please, don't hate me for saying this, remember, I'm saying this as your friend," she paused, and suddenly I wasn't sure I wanted her to continue. "Are you sure Lucas really does make you completely happy? I noticed that you said 'man' earlier, not Lucas, when you were talking about marriage," she rushed to add.

The question shouldn't have caused me to hesitate. I should have been able to immediately answer. So why did I pause? "Of course, Lucas makes me happy. I'm completely happy with Lucas, and I would love to be married to him one day. When I was talking earlier, I wasn't talking specifics, I just said a man. I could easily see that man being Lucas," I said, but the words sounded almost like I was doubtful of that. I hoped she didn't hear the doubt in my voice.

From her emotionless expression, I couldn't tell what she thought either way. She held up her hands in surrender, and I realized she might have heard a defensive quality in my voice. "Okay, Brooke, now, if I say this, don't bite my head off again. Were you trying to convince me there, or were you trying to convince yourself?" she raised an eyebrow and glanced at me before looking back at the road again. I honestly didn't know.

Fortunately, we pulled up at the apartment, and we both got out, getting our purchases out of the car. "Leyton," she said as we walked toward the apartment. I looked at her like she was crazy, wondering what she was talking about. "I think Leyton sounds much better than Pucas. That sounds just nasty," she said, crinkling her nose. "I guess that's why you call them that, though, huh," she added, and I laughed with her as we entered the apartment.

(Peyton's POV)

When I left the mall, I went straight to the Riverwalk, and I sat on the bridge, just looking at the trees. I wondered if Lucas was able to go into our clearing, and remember the fond times we'd shared there. I realized that he probably didn't, not because he wasn't able to, but because he didn't want to remember those times, and as much pain as that caused me, I knew it was all my fault.

Talking with Haley had made me think of him, and with no Julian around, it had been all I could do to stand up, and walk around. I had known the whole trip would be difficult anyway, but the conversation had made it nearly unbearable. I knew I should call Julian right now, and get a dose of my painkiller before the party, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than stare at the trees for a moment, as the pain nearly pulled me under.

I didn't want to call him, because I knew that would only draw him in more, draw me in more, and I wasn't sure I would be able to give him what he needed in return for his help. Haley was right about me spending so much time with him, and her bringing it up to me made me realize the damage I could be causing. I decided I would try to get through tonight without talking to Julian, or seeing him. I would try to do it. No, there couldn't be trying. I would do it.

As I sat there, I wondered if his name was going to continue to come as easily to my mind with as little pain as it did now, or if I was going to be able to shut his name up in that small part of my mind, with the rest of everything that reminded me of him, like I had before. I wasn't sure which one I was hoping for. On the one hand, the pain reminded me I was still living, and thinking his name reminded me that it was real, but sometimes I wished I could just be numb, or forget.

That was the paradox of my life now. The pain was so horrible and crippling and made it hard to remember, but at the same time, I was terrified to forget, lest I forget that small time in my life when I was truly happy. I didn't want to forget, but it hurt so much to remember. Did he go through the same things, or had my letter, like I had hoped it would, caused him to hate me enough where he didn't have to feel the pain that constantly crippled me.

When I had written the letter, that had been my one intent. I had finally come to terms with the fact that I had to leave him, and so I had written those words so he would hate me enough, and be angry enough at me so he wouldn't have to feel this pain, and that he would forget me easier. I knew he was human, and easily distracted, so I hadn't thought that he would be tormented by my leaving for long. I hadn't expected this outcome.

The very fact that he was a vampire now threw my whole plan, my whole life, off-kilter. It was obvious he had moved on with Brooke, and that hurt me even more. That he would choose a human, any human, over me now that he was a vampire, spoke a great deal of what our relationship had meant to him. If it had really meant something, he would have come and found me when he was changed, and we at least could have talked.

Then again, maybe he really truly did believe the lie. I couldn't understand that, though, and I doubt I ever would. I had done everything I possibly could while we were together to make him believe I loved him with everything I had. There wasn't one part of me that didn't love every little thing about him, and just because of one stupid letter, which was a complete lie, he forgot all that. How could he doubt me that much? I had always thought he was a smart human.

Until I started really thinking about the fact that this was the longest period of time I had thought of him, the pain seemed to be in the back of my mind. When I started really considering how in depth I was thinking about our relationship, the pain ripped through me with an intensity I hadn't felt since I had met Julian. Despite my earlier conviction, I couldn't stop myself from calling him. I needed him if I was going to go to the party.

Already, it was like an addiction. I knew it wasn't safe. At any time, he could decide that he wasn't getting enough out of our relationship, or that it wasn't worth it, being close to someone with so much baggage, but I couldn't help it. I was already addicted to the way he made me feel, like the pain was going away, and the wound was healing. I knew no matter how much time we spent together none of it would completely go away, but maybe one day, with his help, there would only be a faint scar.