A/N: Hey there, Charlie bear! Please review :) (Yeah, not much to say… except that I'm past 50 pages on word! Woo hoo! [Though, I've formatted it and made it all pretty and whatever. But who cares? IT'S PAST 50 PAGES!])

A/N: Btw, this is probably one of the most stretched and unrealistic chapter that you will encounter in I LOVE YOU GODAMMIT! But don't worry! Next chapter will be normal… kind of… :/ don't throw mangoes at me!

Chapter Seven

James was almost bouncing in his chair at the Gryffindor table in anticipation the next morning.

"What's got you all excited? Expecting a love letter?" asked Remus, yawning.

James shot Remus a glare but said nothing. A handsome brown and white owl landed elegantly beside the jug of pumpkin juice.

Eagerly, James untied the letter and sent the owl on its way. He ripped open the envelope and looked up at Remus, who was staring at him.

"What?"

"So it is a love letter!" Remus said jokingly.

"Love letter?" asked Sirius, who had just returned from his trip back to the dorm, for he had forgotten his bag. Peter jumped at the sound of the heavy bag thudding on the floor, for he was barely awake. Sirius smoothly slid into the empty space next to James and Peter, and Peter started to fill his plate, yawning and not paying any attention to what was going on.

"It's from Charlie," said James.

"Oh, so it's an incest love letter?"

"Shut up," hissed James, for people were looking at him suspiciously.

"What?" shrugged Sirius, "You're not really giving us any details. It's your own fault really."

"Whatever," said James, turning his attention to the letter. Dear James, it read,

This Lily Evans – the current Head Girl, she sounds very interesting, stubborn and very close-minded. Though, I could say the same thing about you. You're probably looking at my letter in an affronted sort of manner, but you know it's true.

Anyway, about this girl – sure, I can give you some tips so that she will dash into your arms lovingly and ask to elope immediately. Seriously, though, I will give you tips about how to make Lily Evans yours. For this year, anyway. It's just your last year, you don't need any long term mumbo jumbo yet.

So – tip number one:

No erotic insinuations when you're talking to her. Not a suggestive wink – nada. Save that for when it's time for the magical bedtime adventure! (You know what I mean.)

Tip number two:

Maturity is the key. Try not to laugh at something immature, like someone tripping over, for example. Help them up, smile and get them laughing even if she's not around. Word spreads quickly and it's practise for when she is there.

Tip number three:

Organization and attempting to study/put on a show, as if you are studying – especially since you're the Head Boy.

Tip number four:

Be friendly to her! No fighting, no nothing. You might not have to go so far as to be her best friend and do her hair and paint her nails, while she does yours, but be friendly. Be someone that she can confide in.

And tip number five:

Don't get ahead of yourself – this is only part one. If you try to pull a move on her when she seems friendly, she'll probably shut down. You know how feisty girls are (I hope I'm not teaching someone inexperienced…).

Anyway, how long have you liked this girl? Is this going to be sappy romance adventure that I have to read about in your letters? Or is this going to be an action filled romance that will teach even me a few tricks of the trade? Whatever you choose, I'll be here.

(By the way, I've sent a few… items, just so that you're not popping up children everywhere. You don't have to send back thanks. Just get to work on charming the pants off her! [Not literally, that's a DO NOT rule, no matter how tempting and funny it may be])

Yours handsomely,

Charlie Potter

James put the letter down, a plan forming in his mind.

"You've got that look in your eye," observed Sirius.

"So what?" asked James defensively.

"Just an observation, mate. So, what's cooking in that mind of yours?"

A slow grin spread across his face as gestured his friends to come closer and he shared his plan with them.

"So… you want our help so that you can win your stupid game? I don't get you! You like her, then you decide that it's all a game, and you kind of, not really, want her as a fling but also as a long term relationship! Make up your bloody mind, why don't you?"

James shot Sirius a reproachful look as the Marauders made their way to Potions half an hour later.

"To be honest, Padfoot, it's not so crystal clear to me, either," admitted James once they reached the classroom.

"Then why all this worry?" huffed Sirius as they rested their backs against the wall of their Potions classroom. They still had ten more minutes before Potions, and Sirius seemed to be filling it up by scolding James.

"So what if I want to do this and I need your help? Besides, aren't we all meant help one another? Isn't that one of the Marauder's policies?"

Sirius seemed to have run out of retorts, so he kept quiet and folded his arms across his chest.

"I have no objection to this plan of yours, James," said Remus.

"Thank you, Remus."

"Me neither," piped up Peter.

"Thanks, Pete."

Sirius didn't say anything, and the Marauders leant against the wall in silence.

Suddenly, the door to Potions opened with a large, unnecessary amount of force that made the Marauders literally leap off the wall.

"You're not welcome in Potions anymore – in fact, don't come back down here. Ever!" yelled a voice that the Marauders recognised as Professor Slughorn's.

"Fine!" spat a hassled looking boy that the Marauders, bar James, had never seen before. It was the 'ringleader' of the death threat writers – Will.

"What are you looking at?" he sneered, adjusting his robes in a manner that caught the Marauders' eyes. They glanced at each other, then their attention turned to Will again. His cheeks were flushed, and James caught a tear trickling down his cheek before he wiped it away and turned, running down the corridor.

"What was all that about?" whispered Sirius, for the door was still open and he probably feared that Professor Slughorn would yell at them, too.

"I dunno. But it's a bit suspicious. Potions tutoring gone wrong? Or was Professor Slughorn and that boy lovers, but the boy had enough?" suggested Remus.

"No way," said James, "Slughorn? Gay? Going for a student? That's just… wrong."

"But it doesn't mean that it's not true," shrugged Remus.

"I think," stated Peter, "That it was a Potions tutoring gone wrong, and by going wrong, I mean that Slughorn harassed that kid. By the looks of him, he's just a year younger than us."

"In Ravenclaw, too," added Remus.

"Does he know everything?" asked Sirius incredulously.

"No, I'm just observant," sniffed Remus.

"Yeah, yeah, Remus, you don't have to lie about being a super brain that knows everything there is to know," said Sirius patronizingly.

"Whatever," mumbled Remus.

Suddenly, Professor Slughorn was standing before them.

"What are you all doing here?"

"We have Potions next, sir," said James.

"Did you get the notice I sent out? That Potions is cancelled this morning?"

"No, sir, we did not," said James, perplexed. His friends glanced at each other, shaking their heads and shrugging. Suddenly, his eyes turned hard.

"How long have you been standing there?" he barked.

"Five minutes, sir," said Remus quickly.

"Did you hear anything?" Professor Slughorn asked.

"No, sir, we did not hear anything besides our own thoughts and what we were discussing," answered James.

Professor Slughorn didn't seem to have anything to say because, to James at least, it was a lose-lose situation - if he asked them if they saw a young boy running out of here and getting yelled at, the Marauders would enquire further if they didn't see a boy, and therefore, they would find out the story behind the argument. If they did see a boy (which they did) then they could use it as blackmail against the Professor, and enquire further anyway, or they could bluff and he would spill the whole business with Will.

Professor Slughorn and the Marauders stood there for a minute or so, staring at one another, and then Professor Slughorn requested them to leave, which they gladly did. The Potions door slammed audibly as they turned a corner, and then James thought of something.

"If it's a free period now…" he said slowly as they walked to the Gryffindor common room, "Then we have about 2 to 3 hours doing whatever we want to do."

"I say that we should – " started Remus.

"Study in the library," finished James and Sirius in a bored tone of voice.

"Well, what do you two propose, then?" asked Remus, slightly annoyed.

"How about just hanging out?" asked James, "I think there's room for discussion about the recent, gossip-worthy event that just happened. And we could discuss my plan, too."

"You and your stupid plan," Sirius grumbled. James chose to ignore him.

"We can't discuss your plan in the common room, James," said Peter, his voice dropped into a whisper and James and Sirius leaned closer to hear Peter's next words, "What if Lily's in there? Or her friends?"

"That's true," said James, nodding, "I think that we can talk in the common room if no one's in there, and if someone comes in, we'll just switch the subject to… jam or something."

"I think that you're just fabricating something out of nothing," said Remus suddenly, as though they were talking about what he was thinking about all along.

"Huh?" asked Peter.

"I agree with Pete, huh?" said Sirius.

"I'm talking about the 'gossip-worthy' event," said Remus, making quotation marks in the air at the words gossip-worthy.

"Pink cupcakes," said James to the Fat Lady, who swung open and allowed them entrance.

A quick look into the common room told them that Gryffindor students with a free period were elsewhere.

James snagged an armchair by the fire and quickly settled in, while Sirius took another one and Remus and Peter shared the couch.

"So…" started James, "About this event… do you have any more theories?"

"I told you mine," shrugged Remus.

"Lovers? Really?" scoffed Sirius.

"Hey! I've noticed that you didn't have any theories."

"Whatever, Remy Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaarling."

"Shut up! I told you not to call me that!" growled Remus.

"Anyway," pressed on James, "I actually I don't think Slughorn bats for that team. Besides, he doesn't go for younger students… right?"

"You never know. Perhaps Dumbledore hired Slughorn for his extra services… and maybe those people who you wouldn't expect to pass passed by bribery, in the pleasure sense," said Remus.

"OK, you can stop now. You're grossing me out, Moony."

Remus shrugged, as if to say 'So what?'

"Anyway, what was that about fabrication, Moony?" asked Sirius, tilting his armchair back and resting his feet on the table in front of the fire.

"I think that our over-imaginative minds have fabricated some sort of situation between Slughorn and that boy. Maybe that boy is horrible at Potions, and Slughorn was fed up with it?" said Remus.

"I think that is what happened," said James, nodding. Sirius had a devilish grin across his face.

"Or… maybe the boy was fed up with Slughorn. It can get very tiring, you know, being with one person who is undesirable…"

"Anyway," said James, ignoring Sirius' comment, "I think we should move past that. It's not like he's going to try and slit our throats in our sleep to keep from yelling on about it in the corridors. Now, about my plan, do you think it will work?"

"It's worth a shot," said Remus, "And we'll help you, so long as you help us out with girls. And if it doesn't work, we could try something else."

Peter shrugged and said, "That's fair, Prongs."

"Deal," said James, standing up and preparing himself for the famous Marauder Deal-Shake. Remus and Peter also stood up, but Sirius looked at the floor. They all stared at Sirius who didn't talk for a few moments.

"Is this really necessary?" asked Sirius, looking down at the floor, "I mean, all this time, effort, energy and all these elaborate plans… is it really worth it? Is Evans worth it?"

James laughed, "This is coming from the man who dressed up as a teddy bear and bent down on his knee in front of his girlfriend, who was royally upset with him, and apologized with a song with us as the backup singers. At dinner. In front of everyone at Hogwarts. Besides, my plan is not 'elaborate'. It's as simple as one can be, but with a few tricks and spells."

"But… is Evans worth it? Does she really mean that much to you? Would you do what I did last year for her?"

"I…" James faltered. Did he?

"I think," said Remus, speaking up, "That James is very confused at the moment. I think that this plan will help clear his head – to decide whether or not Lily is really that special to him."

A look of serious concentration passed Sirius' face. Then, he stood up.

"Alright then, for you Prongs. But the deal is the same with me."

"Of course, Padfoot."

The Marauders stood in a circle, their hands gripping one another's forearm. Then, they jumped twice, turned once and started to chant,

"A deal is made, a deal is done, let us seal this deal, let us seal this deal."

A white glow surrounded the four friends and then it collected into a ball into the middle of their circle.

"This deal is done!" shouted James. The ball of light exploded into four different directions and then absorbed itself into a Marauder. The glow faded, and they let go. Then, James and Sirius stood next to each other, and Remus and Peter faced them. James grabbed Remus' hand and shook it, then they promptly slapped each other in the face twice, Sirius and Peter doing the same. Sirius and James turned to each other and slapped one another on the face then jumped at each other, bumping their chests, and Peter and Remus echoed their actions.

"Boom!" cried Sirius.

"Yeah!" shouted James.

"And to think," stated Remus, checking his watch, "We still have ages until we have to head off to Charms."

He flopped onto the couch with a sigh, and Peter, Sirius and James did the same.

They sank into silence. Then, Peter literally started to sink into the couch.

"Pete…" started James, shooting him a bewildered look, "Are you shrinking or are you being eaten by the couch?"

"What an odd question," said Peter dreamily. Then, he suddenly turned into a rat, and curled into a ball and started to have a nap.

"Oh, that's a relief," said Sirius, "We thought you were being midgeted."

"Midgeted?" asked Remus.

"Midgeted. As in, turning smaller," defined James.

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"Remus," started James.

"Yeeeeees?"

"What animal, if you were Transfigured into one, would you rather turn into?"

"An eagle," said Remus immediately.

"What are you thinking?" asked Remus warily.

"Well… it's quite boring, being here and just sitting around as humans, if you know what I mean. And, you're left out because the whole point of us being animals, nudge nudge, wink wink, is because of your furry little problem."

"That's thoughtful of you, James," said Remus.

"What of it?" asked James defensively, "Would you rather be alone while we run off being animals?"

Remus didn't have anything to say to that.

"So, Sirius, will you help me?"

"Paaaaaaaardon?"

"Will you help me turn Moony into an eagle?"

"Oh, yeah, sure."

Sirius, Remus and James stood once more and Sirius and James pulled out their wands and started to mutter the incantation. Bright purple jets of light exploded from their wands and encircled Remus, who was lifted into the air by a foot or two. With a pop, a handsome eagle landed to the floor in place of Remus.

"Looking… feathery, Remus," said Sirius, standing back and admiring his and James' handiwork.

"Hey, Sirius," said James suddenly, grabbing Sirius' arm.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember that trampoline that we made way back in the second year?"

"How could I forget?"

"Do you have it with you?"

"'Course. Let me go grab it."

Sirius jogged up the steps into the Marauder's (plus Lionel Case) dorm and James sat back down on the couch. Then he realised something.

"Uh, Remus…"

The eagle, who had been looking at the reflection of himself in a polished cabinet, turned his head to James.

"Try not to eat Wormtail."

The eagle's head cocked to one side, in a confused manner.

"You're an eagle… he's a rat… Come on, Remus, you should be able to figure this out."

The eagle let out an odd sort of a sound that seemed like a chuckle.

Sirius charged down the stairs, a small trampoline in his hand.

"What're you going to do to it?" he asked. James grabbed the trampoline and threw it out the window.

"What the hell was that for?" cried Sirius, immediately rushing towards the window.

"Don't worry," said James, "This is an experiment."

"Oh, well that makes me feel so much better," replied Sirius sarcastically.

James pointed his wand at the trampoline, which, despite its size, he could still see. He muttered an incantation and it immediately started to grow.

"Pete," said James, grabbing him and shaking him gently. The rat opened his eyes somewhat lazily.

"You might want to pay attention to this. Oh, and wait for us at the bottom, will you?"

Without another word, James walked to the window and let go of Peter as gently as he could. A loud, horrified squeak followed Peter down to the trampoline. James turned away from the window and advanced on Remus.

"You next, Remus."

The bird backed away, shaking its head.

"You can fly out the window, if you want."

What Remus said next in his strange birdlike squawk sounded like, "BUT I CAN'T FREAKING FLY!" or "MUTT A BAT REEKING SLY!"

James decided to go for the first one, and replied, "Then it'll be time to learn. I'll be jumping out after Sirius, and I've got bloody antlers. I still can't decide whether or not I want to change in mid-jump, which would look epic, or if I should jump out as a stag, antlers and all."

Remus sighed and allowed himself to be carried to the window.

"It'll be fun. Just don't land on Peter or accidently eat him."

James let go and Remus' terrified screech echoed in his ears.

"Well, I can officially understand bird," said James, slightly amused. Then, his attention turned to Sirius.

"No."

"C'mon, Padfoot," whined James, "Did you hear how much fun they were having?"

"All I heard was terrified squealing and screeching. No way am I jumping out of a window as a dog and racing towards the Forbidden Forest. I look like a freaking Grim! Do you know how many people will get heart attacks if they catch me?"

"You've been turning into a real party pooper this year," sniffed James. He knew that he struck a nerve.

"Party pooper?" whispered Sirius.

"Party pooper," repeated James, looking Sirius dead in the eye.

"I'll show you how much of a party pooper I am," muttered Sirius before turning into his dog form. Then he dived out of the window with a loud woof.

"Here it goes, Jamesy boy," James muttered to himself. He leant out of the window, checking to see if the coast was clear. Then, he went back into the common room, and was about to take a running start to propel him out of the window when the portrait door banged open.

James froze and then a familiar voice asked, "Potter?"

Shoot! Shoot! Fudging turtleneck sweaters! Lily! He was caught now. What should he do? Should he start being responsible now? Ahh, stuff it. That can wait for tomorrow.

"Uh, yeah, hi. Don't try this at home."

Without any other explanation, he dived out of the window.