A/N: This came about after I was shown a picture of a particularly large dog and is in fact based on a true story.

Disclaimer: As usual I don't own MGLN

It was a nice peaceful evening at the Yagami residence. One of those nice ones where for once there was no great huge pile of paperwork to deal with and they could all just enjoy the company of each other. So of course they were all doing completely different things.

Signum was taking the time to flip idly through the television channels while Shamal was busying herself braiding the distracted knight's hair in ways that were definitely not beneficial to Signum's fierce image. Agito and Rein were fighting about something no one understood in the background. Vita meanwhile was comfortably resting her head in Hayate's lap, too happy to be annoyed by Signum's flipping. Zafira was taking a nap at their feet and the mistress of the Wolkenritter was reading a very peculiar magazine.

Earlier in the day, when Hayate had taken Zafira on his daily walk, they found that if the giant wolf walked himself he frightened people, Hayate had had the misfortune of running into a familiar enthusiast. The woman had cooed over how handsome Zafira was, how silky smooth his fur was, how big his teeth were and just generally giving him a big ego. She had then handed Hayate an issue of Familiar digest monthly and walked off shouting something about a meeting.

So now, having no other reading material, Hayate was reading the bizarre magazine for weirdo enthusiasts.

"The current weight problem in… familiars?" Hayate read out loud.

The others, save for the sleeping dog, all turned to her.

"Weight problems?" Vita snorted, "like a familiar could have that kind of trouble."

"…" They all stayed quiet after her words.

"Read on," was all Signum said.

"Increased weight can make your familiar slower, take up more mana, and make him or her generally unappealing to potential 'playmates'," Hayate giggled. "The easiest way to tell look at your familiar in animal form from above, if he looks like a sausage he is overweight."

In sequence their heads all looked down.

"That's one big sausage."

"I'm going to go to bed," Zafira yawned as he woke up from his name, oblivious to all the eyes on him. He stumbled to his feet, "ophff." He slowly waddled towards the stairs. One step at a time he hobbled up them, "were these always so tough?"

As soon as he disappeared his family gathered 'round the magazine.

"Quick Hayate how do we get rid of this!" Shamal's eyes grew wide.

"Zafira will be useless to us if he can't move," Signum nodded sagely.

Rein's eyes grew wide, "I don't want him to die!"

"He's not going to die dummy!" Agito smacked her over the head and the two proceeded to fight in the background.

"Plus right now he's not looking pretty," Vita pointed out.

Hayate flipped through the magazine, "There are several methods to help your familiar lose weight…"

Method 1: Diet

"…" Zafira stared at what was in his bowl, or more like what wasn't in it. "And this is…"

"I thought I'd try something new," Hayate offered. "Yummy veggies and all."

"But… the meat." He pawed the bowl. "There's none of it around.

"Hey Hayate what will we be eating tonig—" Vita halted as she reached her place at the table. "… Where's the real food?"

"Vita you know we all eat the same things here, no one has a special meal," Shamal giggled and patted Vita's head.

Vita pouted.

Signum was the last to come down. "Ah yes I'm quite hungry." She sat down without looking at the plate. She forked up the food and stuffed it into her mouth. "…" With the force of a rocket launcher she spat out the food. "What. Was. That?"

"Vegetables for you know what," Hayate waggled her eyebrows.

"What do I have to eat them?"

"Healthy food never killed anyone Signum," Shamal pointed out.

"Are you calling me fat?"

Shamal shrugged.

Signum's mouth hung open.

Hayate facepalmed, "Maybe this isn't going to work…"

Method 2: Exercise

"Hey Zafira ready for a walk," Vita spun around his leash around in her hands.

Zafira blinked, "Didn't I just take one?"

"Another one couldn't hurt ya come on!" She practically dragged him outside.

"A-Alright."

Thirty minutes later.

"Zafira let's spar," Signum already had leviathan out and ready.

Zafira's eyes widened. "Right here?"

"But of course."

"But this is the living room."

"And one must live in the living room, and life is battle so we should spar."

"I-I don't know if Hayate will appreciate your logic much."

His response was leviathan coming in too close for comfort next to his head.

One hour later

"Zafira!" Shamal ran down the steps, "I want to move my things from my room into Signum's!"

Zafira blinked, "Then why isn't Signum helping you?"

She looked from side to side, "She's busy…"

"But I was just sparing with her—"

"SHE'S BUSY!"

He tensed up, "Of course. I'll help at once!"

Thirty minutes later.

"On second thought I feel like moving it all back."

Zafira sighed.

Ten minutes later

Rein and Agito zoomed down to Zafira's level. "We need you to settle an argument!" They shouted at once.

Zafira blinked. "What is it?"

Rein nodded quickly, "Show us how many pushups you can do!"

"Followed by sit-ups!" Agito chimed in.

"Huh?"

That night

An exhausted, weary Zafira finally got a moment of rest and collapsed in front of the sofa, it was that moment Hayate decided to burst in.

"Zafira I nee—"

"NO!"

Method 3: Sweat it out

"Don't worry Zafira, saunas are perfectly safe," Vita assured him as she pushed him toward little wooden building.

"But I'm a wolf!"

"Yeah yeah we all know that Zaffy" Vita rolled her eyes and shoved him in.

"But Vita!"

She slammed the door in his face.

"Now that that's done," Vita wandered off.

Ten minutes later.

"Is Zafira still in there?" Signum looked down at Vita.

Vita shrugged, "Last thing I remember he was complaining about being a wolf."

Hayate blinked, "Vita he didn't go into there as a wolf did he?"

Vita looked at her as if it was obvious. "Well of course he did!"

The other women all face palmed.

Shamal shook her head, "Vita, wolves can't sweat."

Vita paled and ran off.

As soon as she arrived at the sauna she ripped open the door, "Zafira!"

The poor wolf was sprawled on the ground, panting like there was no tomorrow, "I'm going to get you for this."

Methods failed

Hayate sighed and she and the other female members of her family gathered around the magazine. "Zafira hasn't lost nearly enough weight, and he keeps putting it back on."

Agito rubbed her chin, "Maybe we should burn it out of him."

The others looked at her in horror.

"It was just a thought."

"We have to find the source!" Vita announced, "There has to be something causing him to get so pudgy!"

"But all he does is look after Vivio all day," Signum rubbed her chin, "what are we missing?"

"Some rare disease? An allergy?" Shamal offered.

"Or perhaps he's just being lazy and letting it all go," Rein squeaked out with a smile.

They all stared at her.

She looked confused, "What? That's what Amy said Chrono's doing."

"Zaffy" Vivio ran into the living room, she had been spending the day at Hayate's. "I'm looking for you and I got a treat!" There, in Vivio's hands, was a box that suspiciously resembled a certain snack cake's box.

"And there it is," Hayate rubbed her forehead, "he's not sick just a pig."

Two weeks later

"Wow Zafira you look great!" Rein spun around the giant and now thinner wolf.

"Thank you," he nodded. "It's good to be back to norma—"

"HAYATE!" Vita's cry came from the kitchen.

They all ran in and found Vita pouring over the familiar magazine.

"Zafira doesn't have glistening fur like he's supposed to!" Vita held up the magazine.

Zafira slowly backed towards the door.

They all turned with an evil glint in their eyes. "Bath time puppy."

Zafira whimpered.

A/N: Reviews are love :D