"Severus Snape can't even afford clothes, how could he give you such a gift?" Cari ogled Lily's necklace.
Lily told Cari about the charm.
"That's so romantic," Kathryn said.
"It's not romantic," Lily bristled.
"Guess what? Guess what?" Ginny burst into the dorm room, smiling.
"Xing's banging Sprout?" Cari ventured.
Lily threw up a little in her mouth, "Eugh," she choked.
"That's-that's disgusting," Kathryn moaned.
"Hey you're the one who goes for older men, don' you?" Cari said.
"That was ONE time and he was—"
"GIRLS!" Ginny yelled, "I WAS BEING RHETORICAL!"
Lily knew she had been, "What do you have to tell us?"
"I figured out where the kitchens are!" Ginny said smugly.
"So?" Cari asked, "Sirius told me where they were back in December."
"Choosing to ignore that," Ginny held up a hand, "You realize what this means? We can have real snacks when we're hungry! No more stale toast or Bertie Botts Beans!"
"I think you're the only one who's always hungry," Marlene said.
"I have a high metabolism," Ginny said.
"I can get peckish after supper," Lily nodded, "How do we get in?"
"You know the fruit still life down near the Hufflepuff common room?"
Lily did not know. Anything outside her normal route to classes was unfamiliar territory to her.
"Well, you tickle the pear in the painting! Artie MacMillan showed me."
"That's groovy, Ginny," Marlene said, "But I've got an even better MacMillan story. Guess what happened at my parents' Christmas Eve gathering?"
"I'm not supposed to actually guess, right?" Cari said.
"He made 'special brownies'," Marlene air quoted the latter part of the sentence.
"You don't mean—marijuana?" Lily's eyes went wide. Her father told her all about drugs kids were doing and the effects they had on their behaviour.
"I mean pot brownies," Marlene said.
"Marijuana is pot," Cari said.
"What's pot?" Kathryn asked.
"A drug," Lily said.
"A dried up weed, more like," Marlene said, "Hufflepuffs have the best stuff, according to my brother."
"You didn't eat one, did you?!" Lily gasped.
Marlene shrugged, "I didn't know they had stuff in them."
"What was it like, being high?" Ginny asked.
Marlene told them. Lily was fascinated. Marlene had a bad Christmas though, even with her brother giving her a hangover potion.
"You're not going to ever do it again?" Kathryn said.
"No, never," Marlene shook her head, "That stuff made me so dizzy, I thought I was going potty. But you should have seen the boys, higher than hippogriffs, they were. Potter thought he could fly without a broomstick, and Shacklebolt think's he's going to be Minister someday!"
"So long as he doesn't murder his roommates," Lily would die if she had to share a room with boys, much less Potter and Black.
"THAT'S WHAT SHAFIQ SAID! OH MY G-D, NEARLY WORD FOR WORD!" Marlene cackled.
After that, Lily pulled out her Scrabble board and taught Marlene and Ginny, who'd never heard of it, how to play.
"May I be on your team?" Marlene asked, "There's only room for four, anyways."
"We're counting wizarding world words, but not Latin, by the way," Lily instructed before everyone took tiles out of her velvet bag.
Sirius wanted to stay in bed, so he did the first day of classes, and the second. On the third, Remus pulled him out by his ankles.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Sirius yelled.
"You're not ill, you're not hurt, nobody you love has died, so you're being lazy and need to move your smelly arse into the showers and then to Transfiguration! I'm tired of putting up with this! You have two legs which work perfectly well, use them!" Remus yelled.
"Remus!" James hissed.
Sirius was not being lazy. Being lazy was not caring. Sirius was caring, too caring, and it's making him tired. He couldn't sleep because he had a stolen book hidden on the bottom of his trunk, which was probably contraband on account of how dark the pages were. And the tome was taken from his father's library, a father who could never find out it had been taken. But if Sirius did not give the book to Cross then he'd get detentions. And if he got detention, Sirius knew his mother would make good on her promise to destroy his new throw he currently had wrapped around his shoulders.
"Fuck you," Sirius snarled, but he threw his blanket aside and got up off the floor.
Sirius closed the bathroom door and banged his head against it.
"Someone had to snap him out of it. He's not himself and you only encouraged it by coddling him," Sirius could hear Remus reprimanding James until someone flushed a toilet.
Sirius slipped the book into his robes before classes and ran to look in the mirror. He didn't look boxy if he kept his back slightly hunched. It would have to do. Staying after class in Defence was way easier than Sirius thought it would be. He had an excuse for ditching James, but Cross kept him from needing to do so by asking him to stay after class.
"You need to work on your impassive face, Sirius, you look guilty," Cross said.
"Get bent," Sirius shook his head.
"I'm going to pretend I never heard that, once you hand the book over."
"What do you need it for?"
"That's none of your business. Now," Cross stepped toward Sirius and slipped a deformed hand into his robes. Sirius habitually moved away, but not before Cross took out the book. "Good boy, Sirius."
Cross reached his hand toward Sirius once more, "If you pat. my. head. I will bite your other fingers off."
"Get out of here, then," Cross waved.
"Happy to," Sirius met James and the others outside.
"He wanted to know why I missed a class," Sirius told his friend when he asked why Cross had held Sirius.
Remus slapped his forehead once Kingsley went to the toilet. On the way back to the room, He and his other roommates had almost been caught by Filch for being out after hours, all because they couldn't stay under James cloak without stumbling over each other.
"The whole point of an invisibility cloak is to be invisible, innit?" Peter said.
"Peter's right, this shit's not going to keep working," Remus said, "We may be invisible, but Filch has ears and can hear us. Plus, if we fall over one more time, who's to say the bloody thing won't slip off and expose one of us?"
"You take that back, Remus Lupin! Never curse the cloak!" James said.
"My point is we need to be stealthy and not half-cock our means of transportation. So tomorrow night, nine o'clock, mirror room, we're practicing moving undercover."
The practice did not start off well.
"Left right left ri—blimey Sirius, that's my ankle again!" James said.
"You're starting off on the wrong foot," Remus was able to look down at his and Sirius' feet best. Because the two of them were tallest, they stood behind James and Peter to let the front of the cloak drape better.
"Sorry that's not the foot I'm naturally inclined to put in front of me first."
"And my right foot isn't naturally inclined to heel you in the shin, but I'll still be capable of it!" James said.
"Great! Let's do right first then," Sirius said.
The boys could walk a much better straight line after switching this tactic. Turning was difficult, but overcome. Changing speed was more difficult, because Remus had a much larger stride than James, and the footsteps got all out of order again.
"You know how the inside Beater and Chaser have to turn slower in the introductory lap? We need to do that with Peter and Remus. James, extend your short little fox legs," Sirius said.
"We must only use this power for mayhem," Sirius smiled when they were done.
"Oh, it goes without saying. The mayhem's going to be more efficient now," Remus said. And it was true. The boys got from the mirror back to the Gryffindor tower in record time since they started using the cloak.
Lily was getting suspicious of her roommates. They always stopped talking when she entered the room or sat down at the table, it was annoying! At first she was worried. Worried she'd done something very very wrong to make them hate her. But deep down she knew that wasn't true. Once you shared toothpaste, you were friends for life. After that she felt left out. But she rationalized everyone had their secrets. However, she was, as Remus (who she had hardly spoken to all month) would say, a "nosey little fucker." So now she was suspicious. Her friends were planning something or discussing something, probably involving her, so she did the only thing she could do when she was this irate (besides yelling)-she went to the library.
Madame Pince was shelving books too close to the table she usually worked at with Sev. So she went to the section even the older students avoided: Goats and Their Uses. Goodness this place could benefit from Dewey.
The stack wasn't empty though. Remus sat against the shelves with a paperback in his hands.
"What are you reading?" she whispered.
He looked at her and budged up a bit, "Slaughter-house Five."
"Is it something you think I'd enjoy?" she asked stupidly. She would probably hate anything with 'Slaughter' in the title.
"I do, actually. Your dad was actually in the second world war, right? He has to be old enough—"
"He was in intelligence and mostly decoded telegrams, but yes."
Lily paused and bit her lip, wondering if she was yet again about to reveal herself a nosey fucker, "I haven't seen you in here lately, nor has Esther. You're still reading schoolwork, right?"
Remus dog-eared his page and put his book down. He sighed, "I've been busy with my friends, you know? I'm actually hiding from Sirius right now. He's too cheerful today and extra reckless; says he's going to see if he can make a spell hit the Whomping Willow."
"Aren't you worried he'll hurt himself?" Lily knew the tree was dangerous.
Reaching inside his robe, Remus pulled out a long, onyx, piece of wood, "Nah, I snatched his wand."
"How was your Christmas?" Lily asked. She never got to talk to Remus about his personal life.
"Shitty," Remus picked his book back up.
"Any particular reason?" she asked.
"How was yours?" he ventured.
"I scared my family with Chocolate Frogs. Oh, and you're good at spelling, we need to play scrabble sometime. I got that for Christmas. And I went to see The Hollies with Kathryn on Boxing Day."
"Like, in person?" Remus' interest seemed piqued.
"It was so so groovy. I can't even begin to describe it! Then I had my first slumber party with Kathryn."
"Well I can see why your parents wouldn't want Snape spending the night in the same bedroom as you," Remus said slyly.
Lily punched his shoulder.
"Oi," he smacked hers with his book.
The paperback hurt, a lot, but she wasn't about to show weakness in front of Remus.
"Why are you in this section anyways? You weren't looking for me," he said.
"I needed to get away from my roommates. They're talking about me behind my back."
"You know this how?"
"I just know it's about me, okay?" Lily didn't want to seem too paranoid after explaining her reasoning.
"Yes, because you, Lily Evans, are the sun, and the whole bloody world revolves around your life. Everyone else are only side-characters, even in their own biographies, compared to you, right? Relax, I know exactly what they've been saying, and it isn't anything bad, okay?"
"Tell me, then!" Lily demanded. How did he know what they were saying?
"I really don't think I should do that," he said.
Great, now Lily was irate in her hiding place to get away from being irate, "Well, if I am the sun, you're the moon, Remus Lupin, because you follow Potter and Black blindly around when you know they can get you into trouble. I don't see you stopping them or ever standing up for yourself. You are incapable of producing your own light!"
Remus' hands began to shake, "Maybe that's because my light makes something more dangerous than the sun." He stood up, "Your friends are planning you a surprise party. Happy almost-fucking-Birthday."
Lily watched him stalk away, book to his chest. She saw he had left another book behind. This one belonged to the library. She stood to re-shelf it in order to have something to do. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde—Remus was reading all sorts of scary sounding novels. Her heart actually began hurting inside her chest. Not her stomach, which is what hurt when she was nervous or usually felt guilty. No, her heart was hurting because she yelled at her friend who, besides Sev, was equally interested in reading and learning as she was. And she was the one who sat down and bothered him.
Lily promised herself to never bother Remus Lupin while he was reading ever again.
January 30th dawned and Lily's eyes snapped open. She was twelve now! Almost a teenager. Standing up, she stretched her limbs and picked up her toiletries to take to the bathroom. Today was weird, because Lily didn't feel twelve. Looking at herself in the mirror produced the same results. Lily didn't look twelve. Oh well, she still would eat and dress like it was her birthday.
After she stepped back into her room, someone's hands draped over her eyes, "Guess who?" Ginny said.
"Hmm, Dorcas?"
"Do I sound like Dorcas to you? What about my hands? Do I have bony hands? Never mind, keep your eyes closed."
"Your hands are doing that for me," Lily giggled. She could guess what was coming next, and it excited her more than not knowing about the surprise ever would.
"Just follow me into the toilets, all right?"
Lily did, albeit confused. Why was she in the bathroom again? She didn't see any party decorations in there.
"Okay, you can open your eyes now. I didn't want to wake the others when I gave you your present," Ginny said.
Oh, Lily was wrong about the surprise party being then.
She opened her eyes and took the parcel Ginny pulled from her robes. Lily opened it and pulled out a phial.
"It's Felix Felicis! Luck Potion. My brother gave it to me, but I don't need any luck."
"And I do?" Lily joked. In actuality, she was astounded she was receiving such a thing. Potions such as these were difficult to brew, and therefore rare.
"You may if you make anymore runs to the Slytherin common room," Ginny wagged her eyebrows. "Anyways, Happy Birthday!"
"Thank you so much, Ginny," Lily hugged Ginny.
The door on the other side opened, "Sorry, am I interrupting something?" Dorcas stepped in, smirking. Before closing the toilet stall, Dorcas peered around, "By the way, don't go anywhere, Lils, I need your opinion on a Potions paper.
Could one of you sing? Things will move much faster in here!"
Lily burst into a fit of laughter. She nearly dropped her Felix Felicis, so she pocketed it in her jeans. She was dressed muggle for her birthday.
After Dorcas stepped out and finished washing her hands, she took Lily's and dragged her to her door.
Lily was slightly offended Dorcas hadn't mentioned her birthday, but at the last second realized there was no 'Potions paper'.
But when Dorcas opened her door and walked over to her bed, she did indeed reveal a Potions paper. Two feet worth. Lily began going over it in ink, because Dorcas would have to do another copy with the way she misspelled thirty percent of her words.
When she was least expecting it, five curtains pulled back at once and little girls jumped off as many beds, "SURPRISE!" Lily shrieked and her quill scratched across half the length of parchment. When she caught her breath she felt silly for letting her party guard down. Even Alice was there, smiling. She grabbed Lily's hand and said, "Now go back to your own room!"
Lily was having fun running back and forth between rooms. When she returned to her bedroom, Lily jumped a little on the balls of her feet at the decorations. Red, yellow, pink, orange, and purple balloons covered the place. Flowers were in all the windowsills, Lillies, and daises were littered around the rest of the room. Lily wondered where they had found flowers at this time of year. In the middle of the room was a table with a candle lit cake which had pink frosting and chocolate sprinkles and read: Happy Birthday Miss Lily Evans! Hmm, seemed like Ginny was taking full advantage of kitchen access.
"Happy Womb Emancipation Day!" Dorcas brandished her arms.
That was a new one to Lily.
"Haa-," Alice began singing, "ppy Birthday to you!" Everyone joined in. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LILY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"
Lily held her hair back and blew out all twelve candles. She wished for her sister to stop resenting her. As Lily stood up, the candles caught fire again and people laughed.
"Sorry, I used the trick candles," Cari said.
"You would," Marlene said. "Ah-em, moving on. I had to learn the muggle traditional birthday song, Alice and I are now going to lead in the wizard's:
To thy loving parents
On this very day
God did gently bring thee
Here on earth to stay
Then there came a spark of magic
From a heav'nly land
Which through life will lead thee
Gently by the hand
Merlin's memory protect thee
From all danger here
May a happy birthday
Come with every year!
Oh how we love you, Oh how we love you, Happy Birthday dear Lily, Happy Birthday tooooooo yooouuuuuu!
Lily didn't know what to do while others were singing so she attempted to clap along and increased the speed of her hands at the end, "Wonderful!"
A quick knocking at the door made James look up from the game of Exploding Snap he was winning. Peter had lost his eyebrows, Remus was leaning against his bed post, barely trying, and Sirius was too predictable. However, in the second it took for James to look at the door, Sirius played a card and it exploded in James' face.
"Crap!"
"YES!" Sirius shouted.
"G-go see who it is," Peter said.
James opened the door, but no one was there. But when he looked down, "Cake!" he cried.
"Cake?!" Peter and Sirius said at the same time.
"A whopping hunk of one!" James picked up the strawberry pink cake with equally pink icing. A note fell off the plate. Peter rushed to grab it.
"I-i-i-it says, 'I'm sorry, please forgive me, Moony'."
"There's no Moony here," Sirius said, "Sounds like a stripper name."
"It's L-lily's handwriting. Probably for Remus?" Peter held the note in Remus' direction.
"You can eat it," Remus shrugged.
"Why's Evans baking you cake?" James asked.
"It's from her birthday party; no one's baking me anything."
"It's Evans' birthday?" Sirius asked.
"I heard Hampton float the idea of playing 'Pin the Prick on Potter' as a party game," Remus said.
"What?" James was appalled. He wouldn't put something like that past Virginia Hampton.
"Only joking," Remus said, "It's only pin the broomstick. But I'd bet good money she's hoping someone will stick it up your—"
James quickly handed the plate to Peter, "I must get to that party!" He ran out the dorm.
"This can only go wrong," he heard Sirius say, "We should go watch."
Staring up at the girl's staircase seemed like looking up a mountain. It seemed straight forward from the base, but would suck once he was a few feet up. But Hampton and a bunch of other classmates were up there challenging him in a party game, and he needed to see.
Peter and Sirius stood beside James, "Where's our Remus?" he asked.
"Called you an idiot and lay down for a kip."
James huffed. He was a Gryffindor. He was a Potter. And he was top of the bloody Transfiguration class. If anyone could figure out a way into the girls dormitories, it was him.
He wound up bracing his arms and legs on either side of the wall so none of his body touched the stairs. Pushing the wall and swinging his legs in front of him, he proceeded to climb the wall like a spider monkey. After seven hops his body was on fire and the stone became so far apart his legs were extended as far as possible—to the point of groin pain.
Beneath him was a crowd of Gryffindors, headed by his two mates, chanting, "JAMES, JAMES, JAMES, JAMES." Okay maybe it was only Sirius and Peter, but they'd drawn attention.
"Oh Merlin," he gasped and his leather shoe slipped. He shut his eyes so he didn't have to see his own fall. Crashing to the stones he groaned and waited for them to become a slide so he wouldn't have to crawl down.
He hit the common room floor shoulders first and squinted his eyes open. Sirius was above him, roaring with laughter, "Idiot," he said between laughs.
"F-f-fell a b-buh-buh-bit short there, huh?" Peter said and helped James up.
"Cor blimey, short...fell," Sirius kept laughing until James tackled him to the rug.
He came in second in that game as well.
Remus had to leave his room extra early to meet Professor McGonagall since the days were still short and the moon rose early.
A part of him was strangely glad to be back in his little ramshackle prison.
Thoughts such as these changed after he had to remove his clothes and cold January wind blustered through the cracks. Remus didn't dare light another fire. Pulling the already shredded blankets from the bed and floor, Remus wrapped their filthiness around him to try and block out the wind.
He sat on the floor near the bed and couldn't help but think about Lily. He'd been a right arse to her when she'd only ever been kind to him. He deserved everything she said back at him, however untrue some of it was. Remus was unlike James in the way he did not want other people to know his involvement in the shenanigans he assisted or even came up with. James knew, Sirius knew, Peter knew; that was enough.
G-d, where did Lily get off when she decided to call him 'Moony'? Sirius was right, that's a stripper name if Remus ever heard one. But still he smiled. Lily had no idea what she was talking about when she eschewed his metaphor back in his face. The moon would always be his mistress; his first love would always be the night.
Remus woke up warm. Actually, that would be an understatement; Remus woke up hot. He was trapped under thin hospital sheets and was burning up. Trying to call for Madame Pomfrey to release him from the textile prison, Remus opened his mouth and let out an Achoo.
Great, now snot was dripping out his nose. His attempt to scrunch it up and rub it against the sheets failed.
"Miss?" He managed to scratch out.
Madame Pomfrey pulled his curtain back and told him to blow into a handkerchief.
"Why didn't you tell me how cold it stayed in that place? You nearly caught your death."
"Too bad," Remus said.
"Remus John Lupin, never let me hear you talk like that again. I think you have a nasty bout of the flu."
"Horse shit," Remus coughed, "I've never been sick aside from what the moon does to me."
"You caught it while your immune system was already compromised," Madame Pomfrey ignored his cursing. "I'm putting you on Pepper-up Potion, same as everyone whose been in all day. Also, ring this bell if you need me. I don't want you straining your voice. Don't try going to the loo by yourself either, your left leg's been chewed something dreadful. So ring and I'll give you a bottle."
Remus slammed his head against the pillows, which was a mistake on account of his sinuses, "Fuck!"
Madame Pomfrey looked at him pitifully.
"Sorry!" Remus said, "But please please don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" she raised an eyebrow.
"Like you feel sorry for me. Like you wish I had been put out of my misery sooner."
"Never, Remus. I just want to take this burden away from you. You're incredibly brave, you know that? A right good Gryffindor."
Remus had to lay in a smoke curtain for several days; he was getting bored. So bored. He wished he could see his friends, but Madame Pomfrey said that wasn't a good idea since he had injuries on top of the flu. His cursed immune system was stuck dealing with both. Remus felt like he had tiny lycanthrope antibodies who couldn't decide whether to run to his leg or his head, so they were stuck chasing their stupid werewolf tails.
On February third he woke up to pressure on his uninjured leg. He didn't feel Madame Pomfrey in the vicinity so he started. There was somebody's tabby cat on his legs.
"How'd you get in here?" Remus talked to the feline. He didn't dare reach his hand out because he didn't fancy being hissed at. However, the fact that the cat was already sitting on his person was reason enough for him to believe it wasn't afraid of him.
"Grr," he growled lowly.
The cat stood, stretched, and stared at him with black marked eyes.
"I may not scare you now, but I am dangerous," Remus warned. He reached out two fingers and scratched behind the animal's ears. The feeling was surreal. He'd never been able to get this close to a cat. They all knew what he was.
"You must be a retarded cat," he decided.
The cat ducked it's head to escape his fingers and glared at him. Remus smiled at how something so small could think itself so ferocious.
"Time for more Pepper-up, Remus," the curtain opened and Madame Pomfrey stopped short.
"How'd that get into my hospital wing?" she gasped.
The cat turned and stared down the mediwitch.
Madame Pomfrey raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat, "Yes, well, some people do believe an animal's presence can speed healing and boost morale. She can stay for now if you're all right with that."
"How do you know it's a she? She could be a he whose had his poor bollocks hacked off."
Nevertheless, the cat curled up at Remus' feet for the evening.
Remus had never spent a more blissful night in the hospital wing.
She was gone when Remus woke, but returned after lunch, slinking in and daintily bounding onto the covers.
"Hullo," Remus said politely. "How's life on the outside?" He continued to talk to the creature like he would Peter or James until his stomach got queasy and brought up his stew. Remus barely had time to ring the bell in time for a basin to be held under his chin.
Sirius straightened out the notes he'd taken for Remus in Charms and put a fresh sheet of parchment on top for Potions.
"Lupin's never been gone this long," Schmidt, who was his partner today, said.
Sirius ignored her.
"I know his mother's been ill, what if he's finally caught what she has?"
"Shut up. Don't talk about things you don't understand."
Sirius watched her fumble with the potions ingredients and rolled his eyes but continued to listen to Professor Slughorn's lecture.
"What if I took notes for Lupin, and you did the potion?"
"Do you have legible handwriting?"
"Of course," she slid her notes over to Sirius. He snorted at the chicken scratch. Only Peter's penmanship was worse.
"Mine's better," he said. And Remus needed the best for when he returned. It also vindicated Sirius not taking notes in other classes since these were so flawless.
"Fine," Cari huffed, "Prepare for a barely passing potion."
Sirius really did not care, but he could hear Remus' castigation for shoddy schoolwork in the back of his mind. He also knew how difficult it was for Schmidt to do a potion by herself. While she had a deal with Slughorn, he didn't want to be a contributor to her failing grade.
"Switch with me then," he caved.
As Schmidt passed the cauldron over, the copper swung and hit a measured cup of lizard urine. The piss fell over—all over Sirius' notes.
"Shit!" he yelled.
The entire class turned to look at the pair.
"THAT WAS A WEEK'S WORTH OF NOTES!" his temper flared.
"I didn't do it on purpose!"
"Mr. Black, if you cannot lower your voice, I must ask you to leave my classroom," Professor Slughorn said more sternly than Sirius had ever heard him speak.
Sirius stormed out and spent the rest of the day laying in bed.
When James and Peter returned, James tossed a sandwich at him, "There mate, since you missed lunch. By the way, Slughorn said to tell you he normally didn't give his star students detention, but you cursed in his classroom or something, so he wrote you up."
"I'm not hungry," Sirius huffed.
"Remus will understand," Peter comforted.
"It's my fault for putting all of the papers in one spot!" Sirius sat up and ran his hands through his hair.
"You know Schmidt didn't mean to do it."
"She should have left the bloody work to me and not messed everything up!" Sirius was caught between placing blame on her or himself.
"I-I'm worried about Remus. He's missed an entire week of school," Peter said quietly.
"I'm trying to not think about that, Peter," Sirius said.
"We should go to Dumbledore," James suggested. "See if he can give us an address to owl."
"You two go ahead," Sirius flopped back down and pulled the covers over his head.
The two left. Once the door slammed, Sirius picked up the mangled sandwich and started to eat it, damning the crumbs which landed under his sheets.
The door slammed open half an hour later.
"GUESS WHAT?" James yelled.
"What?" Sirius asked, "Remus isn't sick, is he?"
"We went to McGonagall, couldn't find Dumbledore's office, and she told us Remus has been sick with the flu and in hospital this whole time!"
"You mean we could have been visiting him this whole time?" Sirius was outraged. McGonagall, or even Frank, should have told his roommates what was going on.
"Sh-she said i-i-it was too contagious," Peter said.
"Screw that, we're his friends and should have been told!"
"Mate, I couldn't agree more. But I have better news," James pulled a hand out from behind his back and brandished a stack of parchment. "When we got back to the common room Schmidt and her friends were around the fire drying this out. Evans kept telling her Remus could use her notes, but Schmidt insisted she needed to fix the ones she ruined. They're well—foul smelling, but legible."
"Grotty," Sirius scrunched his nose up, but his mood lightened considerably.
That night Sirius drifted in and out of sleep until he had a nightmare of his father burning his room down. After this, he could get no sleep. Turning his head to the side, he peeked out his drapes to James' bed next to his. James was probably asleep, but Sirius needed someone to talk to. He'd have to get over it.
Sirius padded over quietly and rubbed James' shoulder, "Not now, we have to give the girls their wands," he mumbled and rolled over.
"James," Sirius shook him.
"Morgan," James opened his eyes and squinted them, "Who—Sirius?"
"Who's Morgan?" Sirius crawled next to his friend.
"Morgan le Fay—Merlin's mistress," James rubbed his eyes. "I was about to save the world, mate."
"Charming," Sirius tried to smile, but couldn't.
"Do I need to get my glasses?" James asked.
"No, I just—I just need to ask you something."
James waited patiently in the dark for Sirius' query but Sirius didn't know where to start.
"I-I had a nightmare," Sirius said.
"Hold on," James cut him off and wriggled the covers from under his person, "Get in. Sleeping with my parents helps when I have nightmares."
Sirius uncomfortably slid beneath the sheets. He continued, "My parents were—upset? that I got detention and...they kind of burned my room down."
"Why would they destroy their own property?" James asked innocently.
"Because they're potty," Sirius sighed. "I—I don't think they would do that. Plus, I don't have a lot of crap I care too fondly for anyways. But—but this summer will you take home my presents from Andy? To keep them safe?"
"Why would your parents take away a shirt and a blanket?"
"Because they're potty," Sirius reiterated, "My mother told me if I got another detention she would rip my blanket. She doesn't even know about the shirt. I stole a book from Father for nothing; I'm still going to be punished."
"No, that's-that's despicable," James sounded disbelieving, "Wait, you stole a book?"
"Oh, Merlin, James, I've screwed everything up," Sirius' voice broke. He put a hand over his mouth to stifle a deep breath, "My family's insane, and sometimes I'm scared I'm going mad too."
"You're a kid, you can't be mad," James said, "But if you do lose your mind, I'll be sure to tell McGonagall to give you a homework extension."
Sirius' eyes scrunched and the tears floating there fell down his cheeks from an actual smile.
"I'm sorry for crapping on your night," Sirius whispered.
"You're not," James assured, "Besides, tomorrow's Saturday and I can sleep in. May I ask you something?"
"Sure," Sirius said.
"Why did you steal a book from your dad?"
Sirius told him. About Cross. About threats he could tell weren't empty. About how weak he'd been. He'd lost all resolve and was crying by the end.
"Sirius, listen to me. You need to tell Professor McGonagall. She's cross, but not Cross."
"NO!" Sirius said loudly and James shushed him. "She'll tell my parents and everything will be worse!" he tried to explain.
"How worse?"
"Worse," Sirius was unsure; his life was unpredictable.
"So tell her about that, too," James said.
"I can't, they're my family," Sirius said.
"Please tell me if that happens again. I will help."
"How?" Sirius asked. James was the smallest boy in their year and had nothing on Cross' magic.
"I just will. Because that's what friends do. And so will Remus and Peter, I know it."
James sounded so sincere. It was at this moment Sirius realized he had not one, but two brothers.
"Please don't tell them, not yet, promise?" Sirius pleaded.
"It's going to be okay, Sirius. And don't worry, I'll take your things home in my trunk this summer."
As Sirius was falling asleep, he realized James never answered his plea.
James was sure Remus threw Sirius' piss soaked notes away and used Lily's instead. He wanted to tell Remus how hard Sirius had worked for those, but decided ignorance may be bliss for once. His friend returned looking much healthier than he had when James last saw him. James was glad Madame Pomfrey was able to help him, but still miffed he hadn't known Remus was ill.
"I was contagious," Remus said, "I spent the whole time in the hospital wing." That had to suck. He didn't even get to see his mother like he usually did that time of month. This thought made James pause. Remus' leaving wasn't random, it was like clockwork.
"What possible sickness could Remus' mother have which makes her nearly die once a month?"
"What i-if she has cancer?" Peter suggested, "My mom's friend had it and she had to take medicine which made all her hair fall out and made her even sicker."
This confused James. Why would Remus' mum get muggle medical treatments when she was a witch and could have St. Mungo's take good care of her?
Drawn from his recollections, James' head snapped up when the door opened.
"You going to tell me why I risked my neck pinching this shit?" Sirius asked.
James smirked, "Not here. Mirror."
"What?" Kingsley asked.
"Bye Shacklebolt, enjoy your books," James pocketed his cloak, picked up his bag of supplies, and felt three presences follow behind him down the stairs.
James had a plan. James had a good plan.
"Alright lads," he pulled the cloak off over his head and turned round to face mussed Remus and Sirius. "As you know, my seventh favourite holiday is coming up,"
"Valentine's Duh-duh-day," Peter supplied.
"Thank you, Pete. Yes, Valentine's Day. Chocolates from home, calligraphy letters to Mum, and everybody wants to wear red (he popped his red collar here); it's a wonderful time of the year. But, Remus and I got to talking, and we decided it's also a prime pranking day. I've decided to embrace the concept of romance and devotion bestowed upon the day by believers in the legend San Valentine illegally married many couples. Lads, we're brewing a love potion for this prank," James finished his speech with a bow.
"Tell them who will be imbibing in this love potion, James."
"Happy to, dear Remus: Narcissa Black and Professor Cross."
"Whoa," Peter said. "A-are you sure?"
"They've both fucked Sirius over, so we're going to make them want to fuck each other," Remus said crudely, making James cringe. That was the gist of the idea, but not the whole plan. It was a type of Kissing Concoction, Remus himself had said anything stronger would be illegal and shouldn't be done.
"It will at the least be embarrassing and at best get Cross fired," James looked at Sirius.
His friend smiled, "Brilliant. Here, take your ashwinder eggs."
Remus cast the fire, Sirius put the cauldron on, Peter handed James a stirring stick, and the water began to boil.
The first thing Sirius said on Valentine's Day was to Peter, who was getting out of the shower, "Do you realize your birthday is almost exactly nine months after Valentine's Day?"
"Oh my G-d, it is!" Remus finished tying his tie, "Just think, nine months from now, hundreds of baby Peters are going to be born."
Peter stood, towel around his waist, blushing furiously.
"What's significant about nine months?" James asked, confused.
"That's how long it takes to grow a baby," Remus supplied.
"P-p-puh-put a sock in it," Peter mumbled.
"I've been thinking," Sirius said and Remus put his listening ears back on. "We have a fair bit of potion leftover. I was wondering if we could use it on some of the birds who will wish today is gushy and lovey dovey? After all, that's what they want."
Remus watched James struggle with his tie, "Do you have any idea how difficult it's already going to be spiking a professor's pumpkin juice? One who teaches Defence, at that?"
Sirius replied, "I have an idea, considering I'm the one doing it. So why don't you three do the girls? Make them like Snivellus or something."
Remus voiced his concerns on how inappropriate that could wind up being.
"It's too late to bring up ethical qualms, Remus! Besides, it only lasts four hours."
"We can prank the girls, but I am not doing a love potion on them; they're underage and that is illegal to take one under seventeen," Remus was not going to Azkaban.
"What do you propose then?" James finished putting on his robes, "I call dibs on McKinnon and Hampton, by the way."
Remus thought. He didn't really want to torture his classmates needlessly. What they were doing to Black and Cross was revenge, and Remus did not want to seek that out on anyone who'd ever crossed him, even Lily. He would not be so cold to her ever again. The joke had to be funny. However, what James found funny differed from what Peter found funny, and that differed from what Sirius found funny; so the cycle went.
As far as harmless pranks, 'Confuse; Don't Abuse' was Remus' mantra. A prank on his classmates needed to be funny to the other girls as well, otherwise they'd seek retribution, and it was quite possible the boys could end up with something worse than Kissing Concoction in their tea. Remus knew, he had been Lily's Potions partner, twice. He'd been Snape's partner four unfortunate times. If he did anything bad to Lily, Snape wouldn't even hesitate to use Dark Potions, regardless of his age. But again, he didn't want to hurt Lily, just make her laugh. He was in a conundrum.
Here was his chance to prove to Lily he could be a ring-leader, "Here's what we're going to do," he raised his eyebrows.
First off, they had three meals that day. Remus determined it would be best to do their shit at two separate meals; that way, the more ethically questionable thing would be more difficult to pin on him and his boys. Second, this meant Sirius would be available for the prank on the girls and would have an alibi...albeit a mischievous one.
So at breakfast Sirius crumpled a piece of parchment with Bitch Black's name on it and dropped it into the bottle. The name smoked and dissipated. The concoction was now ready for Cross to drink. Remus sat where he could see Sirius' reflection in the Gryffindor hourglass glass (which was dreadfully low on rubies). He kept his wand under the table, but sent a Confundus Charm Cross' way before scratching his head so Sirius would know he had time to act. Act he did.
Once the first bell rang for lessons, Bitch Black and her friend stood to leave. The professors also stood for lessons. In the hustle and bustle of the Great Hall, Remus watched Cross weasel his way through the crowd, grab Bitch Black's cheeks, and plant a kiss on her lips.
Several Slytherin students cursed loudly. Bitch Black cast an Ear-Shrivelling Curse and a Stunner in rapid succession. Cross was blown back and landed on the Slytherin's table, out cold.
Remus passed by Sirius who was hiding behind a tapestry, and Sirius fell in line with the other shocked students who were leaving. James gave Sirius the most discreet high-five Remus had ever witnessed between the two.
There was a sign on the door saying DADA was cancelled that day, as Professor Cross had taken some ill side-effects of a potion.
Those weren't side effects, rather the intended purpose, Remus thought.
He used his free period to continue helping James transfigure salt grains into glitter. Sirius and Peter had the cloak ("Be extremely careful; don't get it dirty," James said.) and were currently in Greenhouse Seven pinching flowers.
"They have to fall at the same rate," Remus told Sirius the charm he should use for this, along with the Amplifying Charm they'd need.
Remus had James practice transfiguring the bed into a piano one last time before he felt confident in the ability for their plan to go off without a hitch (bar Professor McGonagall stepping in, of course). However, Remus reasoned this was something people like Slughorn and even Professor Dumbledore would enjoy.
At lunch hour, Remus was fully prepared to take the fall with James, because he was going to prove to Lily he was no one's lap dog.
Peter carried James' invisibility cloak, fit to burst with flower petals, over his shoulder like Santa's sack. He and Sirius were two minutes late to the rendezvous point, but they'd nearly been caught after Sprout's students were let out. He watched Remus move everything into position.
"All right, I'm going to go ahead and put amplifying charms on Remus and Peter," Sirius said, "So neither of you speak until time to begin. I'll do me and James after we speak our last spells."
Peter didn't feel any different after Sirius cast a Sonarus on him, but knowing his friend, it definitely worked, so Peter stayed quiet. His knees began to tremble when he made his way to sit down at the table. The spot was not his usual one, rather closer to people like Meadowes and Russell.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, counting in his head all the way. Peter would not let himself be the reason this failed. He wouldn't be alone, James, Sirius, and Remus would be with him, and James had a tendency to draw attention towards himself. This meant the general populace's eyes would hopefully be off him.
James and Sirius took their positions on the bench, next to Peter, who then knew he had a short amount of time to stand up, because the bench he was on was about to become much shorter, and the table, a piano.
"What are you doing down here?" Cari asked confusedly.
This would have been enough of a prank for Peter, simply sit somewhere unexpected and watch people's bewilderment to the situation, maybe even apprehension. But to get to that apprehension point, Peter knew he first had to prove he wasn't predictable.
James cast the spell and several plates and silverware clattered to the floor, along with several girls, while the rest of the plates stayed on top a black, baby grand piano.
"Potter!" Peter looked further down to where Lily Evans was sitting. James stood up, winked and allowed Sirius to cast the Sonarus on him. Under the table, concealed under the cloak, James pulled out a smallish guitar fitted precisely to him. Sirius began to play the piano and James strummed. Peter counted in and began clapping with Remus, "Well, shake it up, baby now."
James and Sirius joined in, off key, "Shake it up baby."
"Twist and shout," Peter caught Remus' eye and while the heat of blood still unwillingly made its way into Peter's cheeks and his palms sweat, he knew it was okay to keep going.
"Twist and shout," James stood up on the table's bench.
Peter and Remus joined. Peter couldn't concern himself with thinking about how the teacher's table looked at him, "C'mon cmon, cmon, cmon, baby now."
"Come on baby," Sirius nodded his head.
At the second chorus pink rose petals and red glitter fell from the ceiling, mostly on the first year girls since there was no possible way to have enough for the entire student body. Besides that's not who Sirius wanted to prank.
Peter twisted carefully and had to refrain from laughing as Remus did the Frug.
Once the table was transferred back and detentions assigned, "Those were Pomona's good roses!" McGonagall yelled as she vanished the food on the floor.
But Peter didn't care, he felt like he'd stood on top of the world.
"You know there's a difference between pranking and showing off," Kingsley said when Sirius returned to their room.
"You know there's a difference between sucking fun and being a ponce," Sirius replied, shaking glitter out of his hair.
"This stuff is never going to come out!" Ginny yelled while Lily ran a comb through her hair.
"Those brats didn't even consider they were ruining the lunch food," Kathryn said.
"At least the red looks good in your darker hair, it's rot in mine," Marlene shook her tresses.
"You know, there are rockstars who put glitter in their hair," Lily said.
"Yours looks worst of all of us," Cari said and Lily glared. Red glitter in red hair, she knew it drew too much attention to the stain of red blotches on her cheeks she got from having her temper flare so highly in the Great Hall. Ginny's hair actually looked really good, but her textured hair made the glitter near impossible to remove. Now her hair was mussed and sticking up all over the place.
Kathryn let out a small laugh, "Ya have to admit, that was rather fun to watch. Who knew Remus Lupin could dance? Or Potter played guitar? I heard Alice call them 'adorable'."
Lily pulled a rose petal out of her robe pocket which had fallen in there, "Happy Valentine's Day, Kitty."