Becoming Connor Davids

Chapter 7 : Understanding

Author's Notes :
- Don't own Cheetos.

Re-post and re-edit : 3/10/10

Dr. Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD, PhD, was pissed. He had been woken up three hours after he went to bed by some new scientist off the Daedalus. There had been a problem in one of the labs with flashing red lights and certain signs of doom that he just had to fix now, now, now. So he had rushed from his quarters into the lab to find the Ancient equivalent of a Soccer ball lit up on the lab table and three scientists hiding out behind a desk like a make shift bomb shelter.

He had ranted for a while, yelling, and waving his hands frantically to indicate how dumb they all were before stalking off back to his quarters. Where he proceeded to lay in his bed for an hour before deciding he couldn't go back to sleep.

Now he was in his lab, without Zelenka, just him, his three laptops, some Ancient devices and a giant cup of coffee. One laptop had the latest translations from Dr. Davids.

Dr. Davids. Another reason Rodney was pissed. He had woken up in his lab yesterday to find that his team had gone off on a rescue mission without him. Instead Sheppard had asked Dr. Davids to go along with them. Dr. Davids. A linguist. Rodney was insulted.

Rodney still wasn't talking to Sheppard, who had brought him blue jello twice to try and make it up to him. Not until Sheppard gives him a real reason. None of this 'I didn't want to wake you Rodney'. Yeah, like Sheppard's never woken him up for things before. Just last week Sheppard had woken him up to play golf on the computer. Golf.

So now here he was, in the dead of night on Atlantis, fidgeting with Ancient gadgets and trying to catch up on the database translations. Rodney liked people to think he knew everything about Atlantis by osmosis, but there had been a lot of late nights reading through reports, especially since Dr. Davids had arrived on base and started submitting weekly reports. Before the SGC had just sent them monthly.

Rodney started on the translations about Atlantis' star drive that were a few months old. Better late then never. When he finished that he moved on to the next section and the one after that.

"McKay."

"What?!" Rodney squawked, annoyed. He was intrigued by the small bit of information on Atlantis' food system that Davids had managed to translate. There was a prospect of chocolate in the future.

"You're late."

Rodney checked his watch. 0912. Shit. He had been up all night reading and was now late for a mission briefing. His team was scheduled to go off world later today for a check in with some allies that they traded with on M13-X98. He downed the rest of his, now, cold coffee before shutting off his laptops and running out the door.

John was annoyed. Not only was McKay angry at him for taking Connor out yesterday instead of him, blame Atlantis, now Rodney was showing his annoyance by holding everyone up at the meeting. After ten minutes John had had enough.

"McKay."

"What?!"

"You're late." He said succinctly. When Rodney didn't respond he got madder. John wondered if he would have to talk to the astrophysicist again about the merits of promptness.

Three minutes later McKay flew through the door looking a little flustered and like he didn't get any sleep. Some of John's annoyance dissipated.

John's eyes followed Rodney as he entered the room and then took the seat farthest away from John. Carter just gave McKay a look before starting on the mission briefing. John had made sure to read the briefing memo this time before the meeting. Last time he'd made the mistake of skipping the memo and then not paying attention in the meeting and as a result had missed one of the cultural differences and had ended up making a mistake that he paid for by consuming some soup that he swore was made from dirt. John could still hear Ronon and Rodney laughing. Even Teyla had covered a smile.

He liked the people of X98. The Lujarians. They were nice, had never tried to shoot at him, and always sent them home with a ton of a sweet bread that they made that John had fallen in love with, not that he would admit it to everyone. He thought they probably knew, or at least Teyla, seeing as how she always gave him half of hers. He glanced at Teyla, who was concentrating on Carter. A small smile came over his face. John had never had friends as good as the ones he had made in Atlantis.

He had always been a bit of a loner in school. He was a gawky kid who was good at math and only wanted to fly. John's family had moved around a lot when he was a kid. His dad's job had him moving and changing schools so often that John didn't even bother to learn the name of his teachers. He'd been to nine high schools before he'd graduated. And his time in the Air Force had him focused on doing whatever it took to fly.

He'd had a couple buddies in the Air Force after he'd graduated from the Academy. His squadron had been as close as John thought brothers might have been, but John had never really been able to open up to them. He'd never been able to get close to anyone.

John briefly thought back to the two girlfriends he'd had. One during college for five months and the other for the year before his deployment to Afghanistan. He was pretty sure he'd loved her, even though he'd never told her, and three months into his tour he had received a Dear John letter and that was that. He couldn't be bothered with girlfriends after that. Flying was his life and the whole time he was dating Charlotte she had wanted to be his life instead.

John knew that Rodney thought he was the Captain Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy, but John wasn't really one to sleep around. He'd had a few one night stands over the years and decided they weren't worth the effort. John's new best friend had become his right hand and it's been a great friend.

But lately, watching Rodney dance around with Katie Brown and Teyla glow when she returned from New Athos, and even Ronon who had seemed a little less doom and gloom lately, John realized that maybe he was a little lonely. It wasn't anything he didn't think he could live with, after all he'd made it through almost forty, John winced, years on his own, and he had more family now than he'd ever had.

"I guess that's it then, anything to add, Colonel?" Carter asked with a smirk in John's direction, looking for all the world like she knew that he wasn't paying attention. She probably did.

"Nope, I think you got it all, Colonel." John said with an easy smile, hoping there really wasn't anything to add.

"Dismissed then. Good luck." She said with less of a smirk and more of a smile. Carter wasn't Elizabeth, but John respected her well enough and thought, in time, he would be able to like her too.

He followed his team out the door and to the mess hall. He watched as Rodney and Ronon fought for the title of who could eat the most food. He observed as Teyla took extra silverware for Ronon, a cup of coffee for Rodney and an apple for John. John filled his plate modestly, never liking to overeat before a mission, but knew that anything could happen and this could be his last meal for a while. He grabbed a cup for coffee and decided at the last minute to grab a cup of tea instead.

He headed towards the table his team had chosen when he passed Lorne sitting with a few other marines. John stopped at the side of the table, awkwardly holding his tray.

"How's the arm, Major?"

"Better, Colonel, in fact--"

"Don't even try it." John warned, cutting him off. "Keller would use the long needle on me next time, in an unpleasant place. You're on light duty for three days."

Lorne tried to look like he wasn't about to say anything of the sort before sighing. "Yes, sir."

"Good boy." John said. "Enjoy your meal, Major, gentlemen." He said, acknowledging the other soldiers.

"Thank you, sir." Lorne said. And with the John walked the rest of the way to his team.

Teyla gave him a smile in acknowledgement as he sat across from her. It was an unspoken rule that John usually sat across from Teyla. He was the only one with table manners that she could stand to look at. She would never say anything, but the lines near her eyes would get tight and her eyes disapproving. John glanced at Rodney sitting next to Teyla who was gulping down his third cup of coffee while holding some toast in the other hand. Ronon had shoveled scrambled eggs onto the fork Teyla passed him with one hand as the other warily protected his food.

John pulled his silverware apart, cutting up his omelet as his tea steeped. Teyla raised an eyebrow at his choice in beverage and John answered with a shrug. She didn't press the matter as she took a sip of her own tea.

So yeah, maybe John was a little lonely, but as Ronon slapped away McKay's hand and Teyla placed his apple by his plate, John realized that he could stand to be a little lonely as long as he still had his family.

Ronon was happy. They had just returned from the bread planet. And while he didn't get a chance to shoot anything, and no Wraith had shown up, begging to be killed, all in all it had been a good mission. They secured more fruit for Atlantis, enjoyed some of the local mead and were sent home with giant loaves of bread.

Sheppard loved the bread, Ronon knew. He also knew Sheppard would never admit it. So Ronon would never admit that he gave some of his bread to Teyla knowing she would pass it on. Sheppard was a good guy, and a good commander in Ronon's book. He never asked for more than you could give, but always asked for more than you thought you could give.

And he never left a man behind. That was important in Ronon's mind. He had been on his own for years before he'd captured Sheppard and Teyla. He didn't want to be alone anymore. And they made sure he never was.

From his first day on the team, where they had invited him to watch football, Sheppard called it a Hail-Mary right of passage, Ronon called it confusing, but nonetheless had shown up and eaten popcorn with them. Sheppard had made an effort of explaining the game, while McKay had loudly argued that football was for girls and that hockey was a real man's game, as Teyla had quietly whispered to him to just go with it.

And Ronon had. He was still just going with it. But now he understood football and Hail-Mary passes and even hockey. Instead of being confused he felt like part of a family. He had even taken it upon himself to train McKay some more so he would be safer in the field. Ronon thought he deserved more than chocolate for that. Maybe some more Cheetos or ice cream. Ronon liked ice cream, he had never had any before Atlantis. Now he awaited every Daedalus shipment hoping for new flavours.

So now, after returning from a successful mission, Ronon sought out Dr. Keller to share his happiness with her, and maybe some of his bread. He knew she would like it. As he approached the infirmary he listened for voices. After confirming that Jennifer was there with two other nurses he slipped in the door.

She was bent over her computer studying funny shapes that Ronon didn't understand. She was a lot like Melena, devoted to her work and her patients. Ronon tapped on her shoulder, smirking as she startled.

"Ronon! Hi, what uh, brings you by? How did the mission go?" She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Good." Ronon answered. "Brought back some bread, thought you might want to share some with me."

"Bread? Um… sure." She smiled. Ronon felt a small twinge in his chest. She was beautiful. "When?"

"How about now?"

"Now?" She asked, looking back at her computer screen then looking back at Ronon. She turned back, hit a few buttons before hopping off her stool. "Sounds good." She said with another smile. Ronon felt that twinge again. "Let's go."

Ronon followed her out of the infirmary with a smile on his face. Oh yeah, Ronon was happy.

Teyla was meditating, surround by candles. After returning from their successful meeting with the Lujarians she had gated off to New Athos to spend some time with Kanaan. They had been seeing each other for some time and Teyla had decided it was time to question the progress of their relationship. After talking for two hours she had realized that while she loved him, their paths lied in different directions. He was helping to build up New Athos and Teyla was still devoted to the destruction of the Wraith and the cause of the Lanteans. So she had looked at him with a sad smile, one he returned, before announcing that it was time for her to return to Atlantis. While both knew she would be back to New Athos, they both knew that she would not be back in his bed. They had touched foreheads, Kanaan had wished her happiness, and with that she had gated back to Atlantis.

Now she was meditating on her decisions. She had long held her people as her priority. Fighting with the people of Earth had given her greater resources with which to fight the Wraith and she had jumped at the chance. Now she was paying the price. She had been happy with Kanaan, and could have even pictured a future with him, but she also knew it was not meant to be.

As she moved to blow out the candles around her, the door chimed. She gracefully climbed to her feet, deftly avoiding the burning flames and moved to open the doors. John was waiting on the other side, shifting nervously from one foot to another.

She watched him take in her clothes and the candles burning behind her. Teyla saw the moment he realized he might be intruding and a wall started falling over his eyes.

"Sorry, I'll come back." John said apologetically, turning away.

She gently grabbed his arm before he could make it more than a step away, effectively keeping him in place. "You are not disturbing anything, John. I am quite finished here." She said. It had taken her over a year to use his first name instead of his title, and now she relished being one of the few people he allowed the honor. She gently tugged his arm until he followed her back into her own room.

"Is everything… alright?" He said nervously.

Teyla knew that Sheppard did not like to talk about feelings but would do anything for his team. She also knew that he knew she meditated to seek answers and comfort in decisions. She smiled. "Everything is fine. Please come in, sit down."

Teyla gestured to her bed, and tried not to show surprise when John moved to sit in front of the lit candles on the floor. The Athosian followed, lowering herself with more grace than John had.

"Is there something you wish to discuss?" She questioned after sitting in silence with him for a few minutes. Teyla had assumed he had come for the Lujarian bread, but now, looking at him in the candlelight, she could see that he was bothered by something. Perhaps the very thing that had been bothering him for over a month.

They say in silence as Teyla watched John struggle for words. She would be patient with him. If there was one thing she knew about John Sheppard it was that he kept his own time and his own secrets and Teyla would respect that.

"I, uh… how's Kanaan?" He asked suddenly.

She raised her eyebrow knowing that was not what he meant to ask. She would answer the question anyways. "He is well, but we have decided that our paths are no longer along the same road."

"Oh. Sorry, I know you liked him." John offered.

"I did, but this is perhaps for the best." Teyla replied, still waiting.

Suddenly John was a flurry of motion as he got to his feet. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. I'll just go." He was already moving towards the door before Teyla could stand.

She quickly moved to follow him. "John, wait." John turned to face her. His face was a mixture of embarrassment, nervousness and… fear? Teyla would have to think on that later. "Please, stay. You do not have to talk if you do not want to." She knew that sometimes John liked to be reminded that he was not alone, but that he could never ask for it. He hesitated, his nervousness increasing. She knew he was already looking for excuses to leave. "Please." She said again.

He looked at her, staring into her eyes. Teyla saw the decision as it was made, John would stay. If not for himself, than for her. She smiled and gestured back to the floor. He moved to again sit as she lowered herself in front of him. She knew he would not talk about what was bothering him, at least not today, but for now she could offer him companionship.

Teyla opened her mouth and began to tell John tales from her childhood, something she knew he loved hearing. A smile crossed his face and Teyla knew that she had done the right thing.

Connor was waiting. It was 2030 and he was sitting in the deserted mess hall with a cup of tea. He'd been sitting in the mess hall for four hours waiting for Major Lorne. His laptop was open in front of him, along with a pot of hot water, three unused tea bags and seven used ones. He was hoping that Evan would come for some dinner. He wanted to make sure he was okay with his own eyes. All Connor could remember was Evan with blood dripping down his arm.

He knew logically that the wound was superficial, that Evan had been patched up by Dr. Keller by now and was probably even on duty. But he was Connor's first friend and Connor thought that meant he should make sure he was okay. So he had been waiting in the mess hall since 1630 and Evan still hadn't come in. Connor was beginning to think that Evan had probably taken an early dinner.

The linguist looked up as the mess hall doors slid open. John walked into the room. Connor saw him glance around, his eyes briefly landing on Connor before he moved to grab a mug. The linguist watched as John filled it with hot water and grabbed a tea bag before making his way to stand by Connor's table.

"This seat taken?" John asked, gesturing to the seat in front of Connor.

"No, sir." He replied, pushing his laptop to the side. He thought it might be considered rude if he had it open between them.

Connor watched as John played with the string attached to his tea bag as tea seeped in his mug. The scientist took another sip of his tea, wrapping his hands around the mug as he lowered it to the table.

"How's it going, Connor?" John asked. Connor thought he sounded genuinely interested.

"Pretty good, sir." Connor knew the eventually the other man would insist, again, that he call him John, but he found it weird. 'John' seemed intimate. Connor had never heard anyone else refer to the military commander as John.

"Connor…" John warned, and this time Connor smiled and laughed a little. It seems he knew Sheppard better than he thought he did.

"Sorry, John."

John took a tentative sip of his tea, before making a face. "Needs sugar." He said.

Connor pushed a packet over to him. The Colonel smiled gratefully before tearing off the top and dumping it into his tea. He took the spoon Connor offered as well, stirring the sugar in.

"So…" John said with a look at the used tea bags. "Been here long?" He asked, taking another sip of his tea, this time he had a smile on his face as he lowered the mug.

Connor wondered how pathetic it would sound to say he'd been waiting for someone for four hours. He stared into his tea. When he looked back up, John had an expectant look on his face. "I'm, uh, waiting for someone, sir."

John looked startled. "I'm sorry," John said, suddenly also looking very apologetic. "Am I interrupting?"

"Interrupting?"

"Yeah, you're on a date, right?" John asked cautiously.

"Date? What?" Conner asked, confused. "No, I'm, uh, I'm waiting for Major Lorne."

"Lorne?" The other man looked bemused. "I thought he was flying some scientists to the mainland."

"The mainland?" Now it was Connor's turn to look bemused.

"Yeah, he's on restricted duty, so we put him on ferry duty to keep him busy. Some scientists have been heckling to see the new mainland, and Lorne was bugging me about paperwork so I… gave him something to do." John finished with a shrug.

Oh. That would explain the Major's absence. Now Connor felt dumb waiting four hours for a man who wasn't even on Atlantis. "Oh." Connor said.

John studied Connor's face and Connor blushed lightly under his gaze. "Did he know you're waiting for him? He didn't mention he had a meeting."

"No, no, it's uh, not a meeting. I just wanted to, um, make sure he was alright. Yesterday with the blood, and the uh, yeah." Connor stumbled.

John gave him a look that Connor couldn't decipher. "Well, if it helps any, I saw him this morning and he was well enough to try asking to be put back on full duty."

It did help, Connor realized. He believed Sheppard and the need to make sure Evan was okay vanished.

"Uh, yes, John, thanks." Connor said, reaching over to close his laptop before collecting his tea bags together. He started to stand when John's hand reached over to rest lightly on top of his.

"Stay." John said, not looking at Connor's face. Connor sat back down and glanced at John before saying, "Okay."

And together they sipped their tea in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

Connor was having his eleventh flying lesson. It'd been seven weeks since they had started, since a couple lessons had been canceled, and he had decided he liked flying the puddle jumpers. He didn't think he was particularly good at it, but he liked it nonetheless. It got Connor out of his lab, away from his thoughts, and just sort of let him…float for a while. And the company wasn't too bad. He glanced over at Colonel Sheppard in the co-pilot's seat.

He thought things might be weird between them. They had sat in silence for two hours, sharing multiple cups of tea a couple weeks ago, the day after Connor had flown his first and only rescue mission. Instead, the lessons that followed had been the same as before, even a little less stilted. John continued to offer stories from his past, even a few from his days in the Air Force, and Connor had continued to reciprocate with stories of his own. He was sure now that he would call John a friend. What he didn't know was whether the man would do the same.

John shifted in his seat as he continued to tell Connor of his upcoming mission. The other man liked the villagers, and was hoping to get more of the like-apples. Connor knew that John loved apples, so he had offered up the story of when he tried to make an apple pie and failed miserably. To this day Connor had no idea why his dessert hadn't turned out. He had followed the recipe but the pie had come out a pile of mush anyways. John had laughed saying that his mother had made the best apple pie. Connor knew enough to figure that John's mother had died when he was still young and he felt a pang in his chest at the wistful look that crossed the military commander's face as he mentioned his mom.

"My mom loved to bake, too." Connor offered.

"Something we have in common." John said with a smile.

Connor smiled at that too. Ever since they started sharing childhood storied they had struggled to find things they had in common. They both steadfastly ignored the fact that they had loneliness in common, instead comparing sneakers and board games.

The linguist looked back at the HUD. Today he was going to navigate an asteroid field. They had gated to a planet near one and were headed towards it. Fifteen more kilometers and they would reach the edge. Connor was a mixture of nervousness and excitement.

"What have you been working on lately?" John questioned, turning to watch Connor as he flew.

John had shown a real interest in his work. Always remembering what Connor was working on. Connor didn't know if that was because he being polite or was hoping Connor would find something useful.

"I've actually been, uh, translating some writing that Evan, um, brought back from ruins that his team found." He had been working on it for the last week. It was completely fascinating how the languages matched up so closely with Earth languages.

"How's that going?" John said, facing forward once more.

"Really well. I'm, um, almost done. It's so fascinating." Connor said, his face lighting up. "Evan took a video of the ruins for me, too. It's amazing how cultures can be so far removed from, uh, each other but still so similar." Connor was excited. He wasn't an anthropologist, but he could appreciate culture.

John watched as Connor's face lit up while talking about his work. He seemed so happy. John loved asking Connor about his work, it always produced a real smile from the quiet man.

"So far the writing is, uh, mostly about, um…" Connor drifted off.

John waited before realizing that Connor had no intention of finishing his sentence. He prompted, "About…"

"Um." Connor blushed," Fertility rights."

"Ah." John smirked. "Anything useful?"

"Um, not unless you're, uh, looking to sacrifice a--a virgin anytime soon." Connor flushed an even deeper red.

John laughed. "Nah, I only sacrifice virgins when I'm really, really bored."

Connor offered a slight laugh of his own. "Good to know, John."

"So you said Lorne took a video for you?" John asked.

"Yeah, last time he took all these picture but I, um, was hoping for a better idea of the--of the layout."

"You haven't been to the ruins?" John asked, surprised. The planet had been deserted, and with no giant dinosaurs or elephant sized chickens, John figured it would have been safe for Connor to visit.

"Uh, no, sir. I don't go off-world, unless it's, um, in a jumper." Connor said.

"Never?" John was surprised. Connor had been on Atlantis for months now, and at the SGC for years.

"Never."

John thought he could probably do something about that. "Do you want to?" John asked.

Connor's face briefly showed his excitement at the prospect before the linguist could hide it, but John caught it anyways. "It would be interesting."

John decided he would talk to Lorne when he got back. He smiled, "Lemme see what I can do."

"You don't have to, uh, do that, John." Connor said softly.

"I want to."

And with that Connor smiled. "Thanks."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence.

John looked up as they reached the edge of the asteroid belt. He watched proudly as Connor moved into it without hesitation, maneuvering the puddle jumper swiftly around asteroids. Connor was definitely turning out to be one of the better jumper pilots. John wondered if Connor would let him put him on pilot rotation and made a mental note to ask the younger man when his training was finished.

Twenty minutes later they emerged on the other side of the field and Connor hadn't even broken a sweat. John was pretty sure the linguist was a natural. Connor turned them around, sped up and made his way through the asteroid field again, heading towards the planet they had gated from.