Eeeeh, I've got so many reviews already! Well, I say many but it's considering how UtaPri fanfictions with OCs aren't that popular to begin with. Thanks a bunch for the support!
Thoughts.
Singing = boy
Singing = girl
Singing = both
Enjoy!
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Pull Me Out Of This Golden Cage
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"Free day, at last!" I exclaimed, stretching my limbs to a maximum.
Another month had passed since the beginning of school. After what had happened in the training room, Syo had scheduled training sessions with me, not trusting me to put on the protections. We always had a good time, and I did managed to beat him a few rounds, even though he's usually the winner.
Prince of Precipices had been, to be honest, a lot of fun. I didn't have a major role, so I didn't get a lot of lines, but I still made many apparitions. They took really well to the fact that I wouldn't wear a dress, actually changing the personality of the character to fit mine better. I knew that I wouldn't have that kind of luck for everything but, for a first movie, it was pretty neat.
I even got to keep the leather boots!
We had finished filming a week sooner, or at least my parts, and it coincided with the free day the academy gave to the students once in a while. You could use said day to study, visit some family or just go out with your friends. I had learned that Haruka was going to see Hayato's concert and proposed to go with her, knowing how easily she could get lost and also because I wanted to see Ichinose under disguise.
Kuro rubbed against my legs, and I pecked his nose with a grin.
"You're so cute! I gotta go, though. I'll bring back some chocolate when I come back, okay?"
For only answer, he mewled in approval and went to lay on my bed. Laughing softly, I then headed out to meet with Haruka. It was the first time since the beginning of school that we weren't forced to wear our uniform, and I gladly went back to my usual style that made my father cringe and my mother glare.
What can I say? Black goes with everything anyway, and searching for matching outfits is such a pain…
I was wearing the leather black boots I had gotten from Prince of Precipices, long and plain black cargo-pants, with a red shirt on which was represented a crow with golden feathers –the sign of Heart Of Crows. I was also wearing my black leather jacket, three necklaces with pendants, one chain and my choker around my neck, four bracelets around my left wrist and my black, fingerless gloves.
They call me a Goth, but I don't even wear makeup… I like black, though. Black is good. And red too. And purple.
I grabbed my bag, just like every other day, then left my room, a bounce in my step.
The school was great, but I needed some city life too.
After a few minutes, I finally found the others sitting at our usual table, talking with Haruka. I stole a chocolate cookie from Otoya's plate.
"Hey! That was mine!" he whined.
"Shush, you big baby" I rolled my eyes.
"A-Ary! Is that you?" Tomochika stared at me, wide eyes.
"I don't know. Am I me, that you're asking?" I replied, munching on the cookie.
"I was expecting a more traditional style, considering your… family situation" remarked Masato, genuinely curious.
"Well, I can't have them control everything, can I?" I replied, stealing another cookie. "Plus, it's cheaper that way, so they don't really mind. As long as I don't cross their paths, that is. Hey, Haruka! Ready to go?"
"Hai!" she beamed at me. "Thank you for coming with me!"
"It's not like I have better to do. Plus, I couldn't let you go by yourself! You'd get lost otherwise"
"Eto…" she sweatdropped.
An arm passed around my shoulders, a familiar scent overflowing my senses as the intruder breached my bubble way too much.
"And who would be this lovely lady?" a rose appeared before my face.
"Ren, release me this instant or I swear…"
"A-Ary!?"
He instantly backed away, wide eyes, and lowered to my level –damn tall people- to stare at me, as if having difficulties to recognize me.
"Come on, I don't look that different, do I?" I asked the others.
"Well, we only ever saw you in your uniform, that's all" answered Otoya. "But- stop eating my cookies!"
I shoved yet another one in my mouth, pulling my tongue at him and making the others chuckle. I then grabbed Haruka's hand.
"Now come on! I need some city life or I'll turn insane!" I started pulling.
"Not that it'll change anything…" I heard Ren mutter.
"I heard that" I called behind my shoulder.
He just laughed it off before the doors closed behind us.
As we ran down the hallway, laughing, we took a corner too fast and ran into someone. I easily caught my fall and landed back on my feet, but Haruka didn't have so much look and roughly hit the floor.
"Itai…"
"Oh, you're okay, Haruka?" I asked, helping her up.
"I-I'm fine, Ary" she assured.
"Good. Hey, you alright over there?"
I then recognized the one we had stumbled into as none other than Ichinose Tokiya. He was still up, but staring at something on the ground. I then realized Haruka's bag had open, and a CD of Hayato had fallen in plain sight.
"I-Ichinose-san!" recognized my friend, mortified.
He picked up the CD with a weird expression, and I caught a wince when he straightened. My eyes lingered a moment on his bandaged ankle, but decided not to make any remark on it.
"Sorry about that" I apologized. "We're just really excited to go to your brother's concert that's happening today"
He narrowed his eyes at me but, before he could answer, I snatched the CD from his hand and gave it back to Haruka.
He shook his head, then made a move to leave.
"A-ano!" Haruka called after him.
He stopped walking.
"Are you not going to your brother's concert?"
"Haruka" I chided gently. "If he doesn't want to go, then he doesn't have to. For all we know, there might be some bad blood between them, alright? That happens between people who are so much alike"
"Right… sorry" she bowed in his direction. "It wasn't my intention to meddle"
"Just make sure you don't get lost" he simply answered, before walking away.
"Even Ichinose-san…" the girl next to me huffed. "I won't get lost!"
"Aw, you're so cute" I pulled her cheek, laughing. "But you're right. No way we're getting lost!"
"Ary, I think we're lost"
"Damn it!"
We had gotten to the city without a problem but, once there… well, I kind of remembered that I wasn't exactly from Japan. Everything was new and, while it was exciting, I knew it wasn't the time to explore. We had to find a way to get to the concert, and fast.
"Sorry about that, Haruka" I scratched the back of my head. "I was so excited to leave, I forgot I wasn't from around here to begin with"
"It's alright, we'll find someone to guide us, right?" she answered, optimistic. "Ano… you said you weren't from around here. Now that I think about it, you do have a slight accent… where are you from?"
"France"
He step faltered, and she shot me a look.
"F-France?! That far?" she wondered with a certain awe. "So you speak French and Japanese?"
"English too"
"That's amazing, Ary!"
"Not that much" I felt my cheeks burn a little at the praise. "It's just languages… my mother taught me French, and my father taught me Japanese, but I had to learn English in school. Plus, knowing other languages is kind of important if you want to become an Idol at the international, you know?"
"I see… wait, isn't that Shinomiya-san?"
At her question, I looked in the direction the indicated and saw that, in fact, it was the tall blond in question. He was sitting on a bench, extremely concentrated on the paper in his hands, apparently writing.
Something's off, though. There's a weird aura around him, almost… savage…
"Thank God!"
Before I could stop her, Haruka ran to him, pulling me along.
"Shinomiya-san! I'm so glad to see you!" she exclaimed when we reached him. "You see, Ary and I got lost! But… what are you doing here?"
At her question, he looked up at us, and my own eyes widened. He didn't have his glasses, which made him look almost like another person. He glared, before going back to his paper.
Definitely not Natsuki.
"A-ano…"
"Move" he ordered coldly. "You're casting a shadow"
"S-sorry!"
Haruka stepped away somewhat while I looked at him closer. His posture, timbre of voice, eyes… he seemed more confident, but colder.
"Ano…" Haruka tried once more.
"Take a hike. I'm composing" he cut harshly, not even looking at her.
"You're not Natsuki, are you?" I frowned his way.
That got a reaction, and he turned his glare at me.
"What's it to you? Get lost already"
"W-what?" poor Haruka was more confused than before, but I grabbed her hand.
"Let's go, Haruka" I shook my head. "We shouldn't disturb when someone's composing. It's annoying, and I talk from experience"
At the same moment, thought, two guys passed behind us and one of them threw his napkin in the trashcan. However, he wasn't looking and missed his shot, therefore sending it on Not-Natsuki.
Not-Natsuki started shaking and, suddenly, the pen in his hand broke. Without a warning, he got up and ran at the two boys, who had stopped farther away, and punched the wall between the two of them.
Oh my God. He punched a HOLE in the BRICK WALL!
"Awesome…" I breathed out. "Haruka, I want this guy to be my friend!"
"A-Ary!?"
"There he is!"
A blond storm passed us and jumped on Not-Natsuki. I blinked a few times as he placed back the glasses on Not-Natsuki's face, and there was a moment of heavy silence as he tried to catch his breath.
"Eh? Haru-chan, Ary-chan, what are you doing here?"
Oh, Natsuki's back… could it be the glasses? And he doesn't seem to remember either…
"Syo, I think we deserve some explanations" I remarked to the blond.
For only answer, he sighed in defeat.
Sitting at a table, we were now eating ice cream. While Natsuki truly didn't remember or even knew about his other personality, that Syo called "Satsuki", the other guy came up each time the glasses were off.
"Oh, so cute!"
Needless to say, the two of them were really different.
"I don't know if something happened to him before we met as kids" added Syo. "But he's put 50,000 people who ticked him off in the hospital"
"Awesome… I'm so talking to him"
Discreetly, I tried to take off Natsuki's glasses while he wasn't looking, but Syo instantly stopped me, face stricken in horror.
"Didn't you hear me!?" he whispered. "If you piss him off, it's all over! If Natsuki isn't brought back, all hell breaks loose!"
"You also said that Satsuki has a true talent when it comes to composing, though" I pointed out.
"Whenever he got free time, he writes songs… he's a so called genius" he agreed. "But it'd be impossible to talk to him. Satsuki just don't do that and Natsuki can't remember him"
"So he wreaks havoc, but doesn't remember a thing about it?" resumed Haruka.
"Wrong" I corrected. "It's clear that Natsuki and Satsuki are two different persons. Satsuki wreaks havoc, and Natsuki doesn't remember"
"R-right…"
"Haru-chan"
We all suddenly remembered that he was still there, but he hadn't heard us, apparently. He was staring at Haruka with a small smile.
"I always find myself thinking that you… that you remind me so much of my beloved Elizabeth!"
"Elizabeth?" I repeated, confused. "Who's that? Your girlfriend?"
Syo choked on his iced tea, laughing a little, and Natsuki smiled my way.
"She's my dog" he answered kindly.
I laughed a little as he turned back to Haruka.
"When we're together, I feel like I'm basking in the sun…"
"Really? I love sitting in the sun too!" Haruka beamed at him.
I exchanged a glance with Syo. The both of our friends were apparently unaware that, would it have been two others, the conversation would have gotten really awkward, really fast.
"Haru-chan, you really understand me"
He brought his tea to his lips but, at that moment, his glasses got fogged.
"Oh?"
He was about to take them off, and Syo reacted almost on instinct.
"D-don't take your glasses off!" he exclaimed. "I-I'll cool that off for you!"
Without wasting a second, he started blowing at the steaming cup, making me snicker a little.
"Real subtle, Syo" I patted his shoulder.
"You're always so nice to me, Syo-chan!" stated Natsuki, completely oblivious.
But then, he sneezed, and the glasses fell off.
He fucking sneezed.
The other two froze in fright while Natsuki stopped moving for a second.
"Yo, Satsuki" I greeted.
"You three… are annoying" he looked up to us.
"Why, that hurts" I mocked, placing an hand over my heart.
"A-Ary, don't taunt him!" panicked Syo.
"Unlike Natsuki, I'm not softhearted" Satsuki pursued, getting up. "Don't you dare whisper… right in front of me!"
He clenched his fist and hit the tree behind us, which was sent crashing down onto other tables.
"Nice" I whistled.
"Seems like you didn't get the message" he seethed my way, cracking his knuckles.
"Message?" I repeated, thinking. "Nope, not getting any. Mind telling me more?"
"Oh, I'll tell you more!" he made a move to grab my collar, but I easily avoided his grasp, jumping from my seat and landing on top of another table.
"Wow, I'm impressed" I drawled. "So strong, attacking a girl who's half your size"
"Now you're pissing me off, squirt" he snarled, sending his fist my way.
I jumped again, using his shoulders to pass above his hand and land back on our own table with a dramatic bow.
"You give me too much credit" I grinned his way. "Hey, this is fun! Wanna play cat and mouse with me some more?"
Before he could answer, though, Syo had put the glasses back in place, turning him back into Natsuki. I pouted a little at that, getting back on the ground.
"You guys are no fun" I huffed.
"W-what happened?"
Haruka and Syo just started laughing nervously.
Syo whacked me behind the head.
"What the hell was that!? Have you no sense of self-preservation!?"
"Hey, it's not like he was going to kill me or anything" I rolled my eyes.
"He very well could!"
"But he didn't! Sheesh, stop overreacting"
"Overreacting!? You're the one who isn't reacting enough!"
"Guys, are you coming?" Natsuki called, waiting ahead with Haruka.
"Hai!"
I was about to join them, Syo grabbed my wrist.
"Ary, please, just be careful around Satsuki, okay?"
"I promise I won't die while taunting him" I assured with all the seriousness I could muster.
He groaned at my answer, making me laugh.
"Wow, what a coincidence! We were on our way here too!"
"Eh? To Hayato-sama's concert?" asked Haruka excitedly.
"No, unfortunately…" despaired Syo.
"There's a Piyo-chan character show after the concert" answered Natsuki, showing a poster. "Syo-chan said he had to see it, so we came together!"
"I never said anything like that!" protested the smaller blond. "Letting you go anywhere alone is dangerous, so I came with, nothing more!"
"There, there, don't be shy"
"I'm not shy! I told you I had no interest in friggin' Piyo-chan!"
"Sure, sure. Syo-chan, you're cute when you're bashful!"
I exchanged a small laugh with Haruka at their banter. They really were close friends. However, the sound got Natsuki's attention, who suddenly stared at me with wide eyes.
"Uh… is there something on my face?" I asked, not really knowing what to do.
He suddenly plopped something on my head, and I realized it was his Piyo-chan hat.
"You're so CUTE!"
I didn't manage to escape his embrace, this time, and I weakly called for help when I started choking. However, Syo was too busy mocking my predicament and Haruka was simply smiling.
Feeling evil, I pointed at Natsuki's glasses with a smirk, instantly stopping their laughter.
"N-Natsuki, let her go! You know how Ary is about personal space!" exclaimed my girl friend.
"Oh, gomen, gomen!" he wasn't really, but at least he let me go.
"It's fine" I assured, giving him back the hat. "How about we go see that concert? I doubt he's as good as Heart Of Crows, but if Haruka is that big of a fan…"
"Hayato-sama is a great singer!" she assured. "Let's go!"
We were currently surrounded by a mob of fangirls. The noise was annoying, but seeing Haruka's excited smile, I couldn't bring myself to snap. I just stayed closer to Syo so as to not get lost in the crowd.
The screen on stage was turned on, and many pictures of Hayato appeared. Right then, I understood better why no one could see that he and Ichinose Tokiya were actually the same. I mean, the guy barely talks, so smiling like that? No way.
"At any rates, he looks just like Tokiya-kun, doesn't he?" Natsuki tilted his head.
"Naturally, they're identical twins!" replied Syo in a 'duh' tone. "Ugh, I wish that was Ryuya-sensei's concert…"
"Syo, you see him practically each and every day" I pointed out.
"And watching a pro at work from up close is an important way to study, too" added Natsuki.
"Tche"
The screen turned yellow, and a picture of Hayato appeared along with the question "Are you ready?". Then, a voice echoed, and I had to recall that this was Ichinose, of all people, who was actually talking like that.
"Good day, everyone!" he exclaimed. "Thank you for coming to my concert today!"
There was a flash of light and confetti falling from God-knows-where, and Hayato appeared on stage. The screams intensified as he started singing.
Something's missing.
His voice was great, and the song wasn't half-bad, but it almost felt like…
He's holding back. He lacks heart, passion. Just like Ren did. Just like I still do.
"Uh? What's wrong, Nanami?"
At Syo's question, I looked at my friend and saw that she seemed… at lost. Confused. Disappointed. She must have realized it too.
"He's got a beautiful voice, but… somehow… it isn't the same as it used to be…"
At the same time, Hayato started spinning on himself and, before we knew what was happening, the mike slipped from his grasp and fell on the stage. The music instantly stopped as he froze in his steps to stare at the mike.
I frowned. He could have picked it up and pursue with a laugh or something, mistakes happened everyday. However, just standing still and staring like he did made things worse, and the crowd started to get agitated. Cries were heard from everywhere as the rain suddenly started falling.
Lightening stroke the stage, sending the crowd in a frenetic panic. As everyone started running to put themselves in a safer place, a loud scream echoed along with some thunder.
"Satsuki!" I instantly backed away, remembering what had happened sooner.
Right now, he seemed more pissed than ever, but I knew it wasn't at me, Syo or Haruka. He took a few steps towards the stage, clenching his fists.
"Hayato!" he yelled, gaining his attention. "Why do you sing insincere songs!?"
He started running at the stage, avoiding Syo's attack.
"Dammit! Nanami, Ary, his glasses!"
"I take care of him, find his glasses!" I ran after the blond.
He jumped behind the fences and easily pushed the security guards away. I was careful to jump above them.
"Sorry!" I shot them, still running after Satsuki.
But he was already facing Hayato.
"You're in the spotlight, but your true feelings hide in pitch-black shadows" he accused. "It pisses me off. I'm the dark side of Shinomiya Natsuki, but I don't lie to myself. Listen to my song"
At that, I stopped in my tracks. Yes, we had to stop Satsuki for now, but… in many ways, songs are the best way to pass on a message. So, when Hayato actually agreed to his demand, I simply went to stand besides him as he instructed his musicians to let Satsuki do as he wanted.
"What's happening to him?" he asked quietly.
"Now, why would I tell a perfect stranger, Hayato-san?" I replied in the same tone.
He scowled my way at that answer, both of us fully aware that I already knew who he was since day one, but didn't insist.
Music echoed and Satsuki grabbed the mike. Then, he started singing.
Roughened shadow minds, driven almost to madness
Who am I? Leading the dark moon!
Pleasant dark wind, dazzling shining sky
And yet I still yearn for the sunrise!
I felt my heart hammer in my chest as the lyrics practically forced their way inside. I now understood better why Syo called him a genius. This song… it was a true one. One with heart. One with passion. It wasn't empty, like so many I heard before.
And it was beautiful.
Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer
Asking what's real or fake
Black? White? Why? Why?
My heart shouts and sings,
"Be a color that suits you!"
From the corner of my eyes, I saw Haruka trying to approach him, broken glasses in hands. Instantly, I went to her side and took them.
"I'll do it" I assured. "Just stay away. You saw how he was when we disturbed his composing, so stopping his song…"
She understood, but shot me a worried glance.
"Be careful, Ary" she warned.
I nodded, before turning back to Satsuki. I didn't want the song to end, I wanted to hear everything he had to say, but I understood that now was not the time.
Burning fiercely in the night sky, Orion! The flames of your heart,
That's the way it should be, and that's how you should live!
Good and evil and pompous talk should rely entirely on your own problems!
Gemini syndrome!
Using the momentum, I made my move and tried to put the glasses back in place. However, at the last second, he turned around and grabbed my wrist, lifting the glasses too high for me to put them on his face. I tried to break free and back away, but his other arm slithered around my waist, bringing me closer.
"Out of my bubble, Satsuki" I glared, struggling. "I'm serious"
"I thought you wanted to play cat and mouse?" he replied, leaning closer. "Seems like I caught you"
"You can be a real jerk, can't you?" his grasp was strong, though.
"… Aren't you scared?"
I snorted and looked up to him.
"Me? Scared? Of you?" I repeated. "I know you won't hurt me"
His grip tightened, but I paid no mind.
"And why wouldn't I?"
"Because I'm Natsuki's friend" I replied easily. "You want to protect him, don't you? Hurting his friends is hurting him, Satsuki"
He stiffened at my words and I smiled.
"By the way, it was a beautiful song"
Before he could add anything, his eyes were obscured by the glasses from the Piyo-chan hat he had bought sooner, Syo putting it on.
Instantly, I slipped out from his arms as Natsuki looked around, confused.
"Eh? What happened? Ary-chan? Oh, and Syo-chan!"
"Let's go!"
"Uh? Why?"
"Just move, now!"
Syo started pulling him away, and I let out a relieved sigh. A little more time and things would have gotten awkward.
"W-wait for me!"
At Haruka's cry, I turned around, only to see her stumbling on the wires on the floor. She fell, but Hayato caught her before she could hit the stage. There was a moment of silence as she suddenly realized she in her Idol's arms, before her eyes narrowed on his foot. Looking closer, I realized it was the bandaged one.
Well, guess the secret's out sooner than he thought, uh?
"Nanami, Ary, what are you doing!? Come on!" yelled Syo, farther away.
"C-coming!" she called back.
She got up without another glance at Hayato, and ran after them. I glanced back to him, then made a peace sign at the closest camera and ran after the others.
"Well, that was an experience, uh?" I asked as we got back to the academy. "Hey, Syo! You could paint it on my wall"
"Your… wall?" repeated Natsuki, confused.
"Oh, right" he didn't know. "Otoya, Haruka, Tomo-chan, Masato, Ren and Syo painted on my room's walls in the last months. You can too, if you want. There's still loads of space"
"Ooh, I will!" he beamed at me. "It sounds fun! Think we can go now?"
"Err… sure? Gah!"
He grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the dorms. I barely had the chance to wave goodbye at the other two before we disappeared inside. I laughed a little at his eagerness, and we reached my room a minutes later.
"Oh, it's so pretty!"
"That's right, you never came here before, did you?" I realized. "Well, you're welcomed to come and crash anytime. Since I've got the place to myself, I kind of set up the room so that you guys can come whenever you want. I'm thinking of getting another bed, too…"
"That's really nice of you, Ary-chan" he beamed at me.
"Well, it's not like I need all the space" I shrugged. "Here, the painting material is still in the corner"
"Thank you. Say, you play drums, Ary-chan?"
"Uh? Yeah, I do" I glanced at my drum set. "I haven't played since I got here, though…"
"How about you play something while I paint, then?" he proposed, picking up a few brushes.
"You like drums, Natsuki?" I wondered, surprised.
"Well, I won't know until I hear it, right?" he replied.
I laughed at that, then nodded, a song coming to my mind. It was one of the first I composed, but it always cheered me up, in a weird way. So, taking a seat behind the drums, I then picked up my drumsticks and twirled them in my hands a few times, trying to get back in the rhythm.
After that, I started giving the tempo with the bass drum. Then, my voice flowed through the familiar lyrics without really thinking about it.
Take off the masks
Follow the flow
Step in the light
Lead the tempo
Beat! Beat! Beat!
Your body moves on its own
The steps engraved in your mind
Your soul whispering the lyrics
Of this infernal lullaby
Spin! Spin! Spin!
Hey!
I could see Natsuki shaking his head to the rhythmic melody. It was an energetic song, kind of empty in meaning if I was to be honest, but it always managed to get my mind off of reality for a while.
Can you feel the music?
Your whole being on puppet strings
Can your hear the notes, rising in harmony?
Your heart thumping, the pace fastening
Can you spread your wings, ready for the jump?
This melody is better than reality anyway
So just dance, dance, dance, wait for tomorrow to come your way
I kept on drumming, the words leaving my mouth with familiarity.
It's time to start a riot
You're a star, don't take it slow
Put this stage on fire
Forget all about tomorrow
Now! Now! Now!
Loose yourself to the beat
Close your eyes, break your chains
Nothing else matters anymore
Other than the blood pumping through your veins
Fast! Fast! Fast!
Hey!
I pursued with a little solo of drums, beating as hard as I could. I hadn't played in more than two months, so my muscles were getting a little sore, but I loved the feeling, so familiar it made me restless.
Can you feel the music?
Your muscles thrumming in this painful rhythm
Can your hear the notes, rising in harmony?
Your throat is dry, but you keep on singing
Can you spread your wings, ready for the jump?
This is now, you can worry about the rest later on
So just dance, dance, dance, wait for tomorrow to come your way…
I hit the ride cymbal for the finish, before putting down my drumsticks with a satisfied smile. Natsuki tried to stand up and clap, but slipped on one of the brushes and, while trying to catch his fall, his glasses slipped off and slid to my feet. I picked them up as my friend stopped moving, and found myself facing Satsuki. His green eyes glinted in annoyance.
"That was empty"
Understanding he was talking about the song, I huffed a little.
"I know it was" I drawled. "But I only wrote it to blow off some steam. Don't make a big deal out of it"
"Not the song, you idiot" he growled, making his way to me. "Your voice! You love singing, don't you? Then why is your voice so fricking empty? You're just like that guy from sooner, but you piss me off even more!"
"Hey, I'm trying, okay?" I frowned slightly, backing away somewhat. "Don't blame me when I'm trying to make it better! It's not my fault if I'm holding back! You don't know anything, so don't pretend-"
"Oh, I know enough" he roughly poked my chest at that. "What Natsuki knows, I know too. And what I know is that this 'I'm-scared-of-the-future' is a stupid excuse and fucking bullshit! Poor little martyr, keeping up a smile despite the harshness of life! That's so cliché it makes me sick"
I clenched my fist, getting angrier by each and every word and, before I knew it, I punched him straight in the face. He staggered back, taken by surprise, but I didn't let him time to react properly, already throwing back at him the truth I kept to myself for so long.
"Don't you say that life has been easy on me!" I yelled, breathing hard. "I keep from complaining because it could be worst, but don't come to my face and mock me when all I do is trying to keep walking despite the sheer fear hindering me on each step of the way! You said you knew enough, but you know nothing! Did you know that I don't have a choice? Did you know that my parents doubt I'd try something, so they forced me to sign a fucking contract with the agency before sending me here! I'm powerless right now! They have control over me, in the familial way and the professional way! If I… if I try to step up to them, they'll destroy me, can you understand that!? I'm terrified because no matter what I want to do, not only do I feel sick at the idea of betraying my only family but I feel disgusted with myself because I can't move, no matter how hard I try! So don't you dare, Satsuki… don't you dare tell me to suck it up, when that's what I've been trying to do since day one. Aren't I allowed to get some peace, knowing that I'm already their puppet? Aren't I allowed to hold back when all I can see is my freedom already taken away by the only people I'll never be able to turn my back to? Aren't… aren't I allowed to be scared?"
My voice broke, and he stared at me, massaging his jaw. I hold his gaze for a second, before clenching my teeth and grabbing my leather jacket. Then, I headed for the door, knowing I said too much to him to feel comfortable in his presence for now.
"Running again, then?"
It wasn't even a question, not even a rude or cruel taunt, just a mere statement.
I ignored it, and threw him back his glasses.
"Put them on whenever" I stepped outside without looking back. "When I come back, don't be there. I'm serious, Satsuki"
With that, I closed the door and headed outside, hoping to cool off soon.
I looked up at the sky and let out a shaky breath as the rain poured on my face and my neck, as if trying to wash my worries away.
I'm not angry at him. I'm angry at my parents. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry for being so powerless.
I smiled dryly, placing an hand over my eyes as I sat on the nearest bench.
A few mere words and I threw the ticking bomb at him. How sad is that? Guess I must be more tired than I though. Oh, just great. Now I feel bad for punching him.
I brought my knees against my chest, letting the water fall upon me like a veil trying to protect me from the outer world's madness.
Satsuki's right, I'm pathetic. But what can I do? I'm practically the prisoner of a golden cage. How can I break out when the bars containing me are so hard to bend?
I felt like I crying, but couldn't bring myself to do so, and took a deep breath to try and calm my buzzing mind.
You would have found a solution, wouldn't you, Ayden? It should have been you back there. You would have been able to do it. I'm not strong like you. I'm just me.
My grip tightened somewhat at that thought.
Just me isn't strong enough.
Someone gently shook my shoulder. Pulled out from my slumber, I looked up with a hazy gaze to Haruka, who was looking at me in worry, well hidden from the still pouring rain under her umbrella, which she had brought above the both of us. It would seem that night had fallen not long ago, too.
"Ary? Are you alright?" she asked, rather serious.
"Of course I am, Haruka" I smiled at her. "Why wouldn't I be? I just came out to enjoy the rain some more"
"You should be more careful, Ary" she shook her head. "You might catch a cold"
"Nan, I never get sick" I assured. "Don't worry yourself about little old me, or you'll get wrinkles"
She just chuckled a little at that, and I got back on my feet, stretching a little.
"Well, thanks for waking me up" I patted her head. "It would've been a very awful morning otherwise. What were you doing out at this hour anyway?"
"Well, I saw you by my room's window" she admitted. "You seemed kind of sad, so I just decided to let you be, but then you fell asleep and… well"
"I wasn't sad, promise!" I assured, not even lying.
Sad? No. Despaired, angry, hurt? Maybe a little more. But of course, I wasn't about to tell her that. No need to worry her with these sorts of things.
"Ary… you know that… you can tell me anything, right?" she looked down, biting her lower lip. "Not just me, either. Ittoki-kun, Tomo-chan, Syo-kun, Shinomiya-san, Jinguji-san and Masato-san are your friends too. If something is bothering you, then… please, tell us, so that we can help you!"
At that, she bowed. Instantly, I tried to straightened her.
"D-don't do that!" I protested, feeling my cheeks burn a little. "It's embarrassing! You don't have to bow each and every time! Stupid Japanese culture…"
She laughed a little, and I let out a sigh, before offering her another smile –a real one, this time around.
"I'm not fine" I then admitted. "But I will be"
At that, determination burned in her kiwi-like orbs.
"W-we'll find back your passion for music, and you'll become a great singer, I know you will! Please, don't give up!"
Taken aback by her sudden eagerness, I then let out a laugh.
"I won't. After all, I can't disappoint my friends, can I?"
"Hai!"
We parted ways at the dorms, each heading for our own rooms, but I found myself hesitating when I reached mine. Was Satsuki still there? In a way, I was hoping so so that I could apologize for punching him. No matter how angry he made me, he didn't deserve a straight right in the face.
Well, he kind of did, but I still feel bad about it.
Then, I shook my head and opened the door wide.
It's my room. I can go in and out whenever I want, damn it!
He wasn't there anymore. Shrugging and closing the door behind me, I hang my wet jacket on my chair so that it could dry off and quickly changed in dry and warm clothes. Then, I looked at the wall that had be painted by Natsuki. There were Piyo-chan figures, of course, but also a really cute cat playing with a butterfly. The material had been put away, and there was a note on top of it.
Ary-chan!
I don't really remember you leaving –must have been too caught up in my painting!- but I just finished and went back for the night. Don't stay out too late, or you'll catch a cold.
Good night, see you tomorrow!
-Natsuki
I put the note away in one of my drawers, before going to my bed and laid on my side. Kuro jumped to join me, just next to my face.
I smiled a little, running my fingers through his soft black fur. He seemed to look at me with worry, which made me question how much more insane I could turn.
"I'm fine, Kuro" I said quietly, not really knowing why. "What Satsuki said just brought up something I've been trying to forget since I got here. In a way, I needed to hear that"
He simply licked my nose, making me laugh.
"You're sweet" I scratched his ears, earning a purr. "But I really am fine. Sooner, I gave up, but it was just the stress talking. Just as Syo said, we'll get there when we'll get there, right? I'll find solution until then, just you wait"
Satisfied with my resolve, I then turned around so as to lay on my back, and stared up ahead.
My mouth dropped.
There, on the ceiling, dozens of notes composing a familiar melody had been painted in black –the ceiling was white-, and I already remembered the lyrics before reading those written under.
Roughened shadow minds, driven almost to madness
Who am I? Leading the dark moon!
Pleasant dark wind, dazzling shining sky
And yet I still yearn for the sunrise!
"Satsuki…"
Shadow and light, You and I, drawing closer
Asking what's real or fake
Black? White? Why? Why?
My heart shouts and sings,
"Be a color that suits you!"
A grin spread on my lips before I could refrain it, and I pumped my fist in the air.
"Knew he'd be my friend!"
Feeling victorious, I then stretched a little so as not to be sore tomorrow, and pecked Kuro's furry head, before letting my head hit the pillow and closing my eyes. For once in a very long time, sleep claimed me rather quickly.
Wait until I tell Syo. He's going to have a heart attack.
Okay, I plead guilty: Satsuki is one of my favorites. Also, Orion De Shout Out is one of my favorite UtaPri songs too. Oh, and the song Arya sang with her drumming is one I wrote myself. It's not good, but I dare to say it's not too bad either.
What would be the perfect pairing for Arya? I already have one set, but I can put some more drama too if you want, or just scenes ;-)
Reviews!