Chapter 7: To Earth and Back Part 1
Summary: Anti-Binky sends Anti-Cosmo, and by extension Anti-Wanda, to Earth for them to never return. They have to work with a miserable child and her fairy godparent to get back to their home.
"The Mid Hole? What's that?" Blaine asked.
"It's a gap in the middle of the middle lands, that's why it was called the Mid Hole. It's how fairies, and anti-fairies on Friday the thirteenth, go to earth when they're magic is too weak to get them down. There's not really a way how to come back up without magic, but it's much easier to poof to the Mid Hole and fly to Anti-Fairy World than it is to just poof to Anti-Fairy World. It's starting to be used less because a magical rainbow bridge thing is being made in Fairy World," Anti-Cosmo explained.
"Thank you exposition spewer," Ms. Magister said.
"You're not welcome."
Ms. Magister rolled her eyes. Anti-Wanda gasped. "Oh! I get it now! It sounds like middle, but it's the Mid Hole!" She started laughing. "That's funny."
That's when an anti-fairy and Pixie poofed into the room in a pixely gray cloud. The Pixie looked like basically every other pixie. The anti-fairy was decently average looking too. He had the normal red eyes, black wings, black crown, and blue skin. His black hair had a big curve in the front, but it didn't swirl around like Anti-Wanda's. What was most interesting about him was his outfit. It was mostly different shades of dark blue, but he had black broken hearts instead of buttons on his shirt.
"Why's there an anti-fairy with the pixie?" Anti-Cosmo asked.
"It's because your ruler, Anti-Binky himself, really wanted to send this class on an all expenses paid trip to the Mid Hole, so I'm his representative to make sure everything goes smoothly," The anti-fairy explained. His voice was somewhat deep and sounded very manly. He looked at Ms. Magister. "Also, I won't be judging you on your teaching skills in any way."
"So you can't even give me a raise?" Ms. Magister asked.
"No."
"Kay. Kids, forget what I said, don't act excited in any way. The Mid Hole is the most boring thing ever," Ms. Magister said. The font above her head went back to how it normally is.
"It has a good view of Earth though. Quality stuff. Well worth the trip, trust me," The anti-fairy said.
All the kids looked at the anti-fairy in silence. "Are you ready to go on the field trip?" The pixie asked in a monotone voice, breaking the silence.
"Yes," the anti-fairy immediately. Then Anti-Wanda, Anti-Cosmo, and Ms. Magister answered all at the same time with "Yup", "Sure", and "Whatever."
Wordlessly, the pixie raised it's gray circled wand and the seven other magical creatures to the center of the middle lands. "Now children, go stare at the Earth. There'll be a test afterward, so go observe as much as your little minds can handle." the anti-fairy said.
"Okey-dokey!" Anti-Wanda said and floated over to the hole, then went to the floor to get a better view. Anti-Cosmo wasn't far behind his friend and he did the same thing. Ms. Magister signed a simplified version of what the anti-fairy said, and Dillan nodded and he and his brother walked to the part of the hole opposite to Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. Anti-Cosmo found it kind of weird that Blaine was looking down the hole as if he could see Earth, but then he remembered he didn't care and stared down at Earth again to get as much as he could out of it. He was really good at tests for some reason, so he wanted to ace the test on the Earth too.
"Hey, um, yellow elf. Go look down the hole," The anti-fairy said.
"Does Maria want to look at Earth? No, she does not," Maria said. She was reaching for Ms. Magister's wand. The fairy gave it to her and looked at the anti-fairy.
"Don't worry about her, she wouldn't enjoy it anyways," Ms. Magister said. "Speaking of enjoyment, you're Anti-Cupid, aren't you? You hate children, so why are you chaperoning a class for Anti-Binky? That's not even a protocol."
"I can ask you the same about you, you know," Anti-Cupid said. "You have an opposite that keeps getting happier and happier. It's actually kind of sickening. So why are you still teaching?" As Anti-Cupid talked, his raised his wand behind his back and it started to glow.
"The pay is really great, especially because it's a special needs class. It's almost as good as a fairy god parent's, but instead of short humans it's short magical creatures."
"Un-hu. I see," Anti-Cupid said the clouds under Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda's feet suddenly disappeared. The anti-children let out a startled scream as they fell slightly, but then they started floating again. Dillan and Blaine took a large step away from the hole.
"That was weird," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.
"Hey Anti-Cosmo, why'd the ground do that? Do you think it didn't know we can fly?" Anti-Wanda asked.
"Clouds can't think. The most likely option would probably be sabotage against us, but nobody is stupid enough to forget that we can fly. If it really was sabotage, they probably should have propelled us downward because we can only fly under a limited amount of force," Anti-Coamo said.
Ms. Magister sighed. "For probably the smartest kid in class, he can really be stupid sometimes," She muttered under her breath then glared at Anti-Cupid. "Then again, maybe it's normal for anti-fairies to be idiots."
"Shut up," Anti-Cupid growled, "I'm just under orders. And I can fully well get you fired, or worse, so don't interfere." He wasn't hiding his wand behind his back anymore, he was just holding it normally, and it glowed dark blue. Some surrounding pink clouds formed a giant hand. It grabbed Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda and though them through the hole.
"Subtlety isn't your strong suit, is it?" Ms. Magister mumbled.
"Yeah, yeah whatever. Remember, if anybody asks it was a freak accident where the clouds disappeared and they fell down. There's nothing that you could have done, so you just made sure that the non-flying ones didn't fall down because they are very mortal and very, very fragile," Anti-Cupid threatened.
Ms. Magister looked at the three remaining kids, who were all looking at her. "Well, would ya look at the time. And to think we still have a test to do," She said and took her wand back from Maria. "And since there are no anti-fairies, we don't even need a pixie." She said and they all poofed away in a light pink cloud. Anti-Cupid poofed away not long after.
Anti-Cupid poofed into Anti-Binky's castle He was in a room with Anti-Binky sitting on a thrown that Anti-Jorgen was standing next too.
"It's been taken care of, my lord. The green-eyed freak and his accomplice are successfully and inconspicuously banished to Earth. Now, my lord, for your end of the bargain," Anti-Cupid said. He was twirling his wand between his fingers.
Anti-Binky and Anti-Jorgen exchanged looks, and Anti-Binky nodded. Anti-Jorgen looked slightly more nervous and then threw an arrow in Anti-Cupid's direction. The arrow had a white shaft, black spiky fletchings, and a dark green, heart-shaped head. Anti-Cupid tried to catch it but didn't. He quickly grabbed it off the floor. "Thank you, my lord," he said and poofed away.
"Sir, I have no doubt that your choice is a good one, but what was the point of working with Anti-Cupid? He hates everything, including you, and since he's fully matured he's arguably more threatening than Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Jorgen said.
"The Anti-God is an idiot that can't shoot for that immortal life of his. Who cares if he hates me, he hates other things more, and if anyone finds out about the green-eyed kid's banishment, I could just put all the blame on Anti-Cupid and nobody will question it because everybody hates him as much as he hates everybody."
"I see. I'm sorry I questioned you, sir."
"Now you know, never question me again."
"Yes, sir. Of course."
Anti-Cosmo was screaming as he and Anti-Wanda plummeted to earth.
"So is this that sabo- whatsit thing you were talking about?" Anti-Wanda asked.
"We're going to be stuck on earth forever!"
"So?" Anti-Wanda asked
"We can't get good magic on Earth! If anything, our magic would be worse since we're so far from the big anti-wand!" Anti-Cosmo complained.
"Oh, okay. Then maybe we could-" Anti-Wanda started, but she was cut off by the two of them hitting some water. They made a splash so large that it drained the lake they landed in. "Hey, that was fun, we should do it again." Anti-Wanda happily said.
"Great, and now we're going to attract the attention of humans, and they won't be able to see us so the magic-truthers would start hunting us down, and we'll be imprisoned forever once one of them actually succeeds, and we'll be test subjects for the rest of our immortal lives, and, and" Anti-Cosmo started saying, getting more and more freaked out as he talked about it.
"I don't think that'll happen. Look, the humans don't even care," Anti-Wanda said.
"Wait, what! There's a human?" Anti-Cosmo asked.
"Uh-hu. Right there," Anti-Wanda said and pointed to this boy that was standing at the used to be shore of the lake with his white hazmat suit completely soaked. The only thing you could see through the suit was some of his incredibly pale skin and blue eyes. He was also really short.
"He's looking straight at us, he can probably hear us! Why did the fairies make us invisible to humans but didn't make us unhearable by them?" Anti-Cosmo complained.
"Hey, Mr. Cosma, what happened to the lake? Am I hallucinating? Am I dying? I don't want to die, I don't know how to deal with dying," the little boy said anxiously. His voice was muffled through the hazmat suit.
A green squirrel with reading classes ran next to the boy. "No, it's anti-fairies." the squirrel said.
"Wow! A talking squirrel!" Anti-Wanda rejoiced and flew over to the green squirrel.
"Anti-Wanda, don't get so close to it! It's probably a fairy, and fairies don't like us!" Anti-Cosmo said and flew after his friend.
"But it's a squirrel. Fairies aren't squirrels, Anti-Cosmo, they're like us but brighter," Anti-Wanda said.
"They can shapeshift. If we weren't pathetic, we could shapeshift too."
"Oh," Anti-Wanda said.
"Anti-Cosmo? Like, the opposite of Cosmo Cosma?" The squirrel asked.
"No," Anti-Cosmo said.
"Wait, you're not? Then why's your last name Anti-Cosma?" Anti-Wanda asked.
"Would I regret wishing to be able to see them?" the boy in the suit asked.
"Yeah, probably," the squirrel said.
"Okay then, I guess I wish that they were far far away from me. Like with the stars," The boy said.
"Wait, you don't want to do that!" Anti-Cosmo said. "You should wish us to Anti-Fairy world."
"What's that?" The boy asked.
"The worst place in the universe," Anti-Cosmo answered.
"Oh. I guess I wish they were in anti-fairy world."
The green squirrel made a yellow-starred wand appear in his hand. It glowed a brighter yellow, but then turned brown and flopped over.
"What happened to your wand? Is your magic bad? Will I lose all my wishes? I don't know how to deal with losing all my wishes," the boy said.
"No, it just does that when I try and make a wish that's against da rules or something that requires too much magic," the squirrel explained.
"So which one was it Mr. Cosma?"
"It's against da rules to poof around banished magical creatures."
"What's banished?" Anti-Wanda asked.
"Only my son's opposite is banished, so you're not. Charles, do you want me to poof one to Anti-Fairy World?" The squirrel asked.
"Um, okay. I guess one of anything is easier to deal with than two," the boy said.
"But I don't want to leave Anti-Cos-" Anti-Wanda started.
"Yes she does. Her address is 1561 anti-cloudline st." Anti-Cosmo interrupted.
The green squirrel raised it's wand again and poofed Anti-Wanda away. "Since I can't send you anywhere, have fun being banished I guess. And if you ever see Schnozmo, tell him I'm still a fly and he shouldn't look for me," the green squirrel said. "And by the way, Charles, school's going to start soon."
"Oh no! I can't be late again! I don't know how to deal with the teacher yelling at me! I wish I was at school!" the boy panicked. The squirrel poofed himself and the boy away.
"No, don't go yet! I need magic to get back to Anti-Fairy World!" Anti-Cosmo said, but nobody was around to hear him. He sighed. "I guess I have to find another god kid or I'll be attacked and dissected by magic truthers." Anti-Cosmo started flying aimlessly around.
Anti-Schnozmo poofed into room 720. "Hey, um, did Anti-Cosmo get detention again?" he asked Ms. Magister. The leprechaun twins were already picked up, so the only student there was Maria.
"Anti-Cosmo fall down," Maria said as she was organizing the shelves of toys and books.
"How did that lead to detention?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.
"He's not in detention, he fell to Earth," Ms. Magister said. She was trying to help Maria organize, but she kept pushing her hands away.
"What? Why did... How did… Where'd he land?"
"I didn't look," Ms. Magister said.
"Why not?"
"Well, giant hands don't just form in clouds and throw a child to Earth for no reason, now do they?"
"Yeah, I guess you have a point," Anti-Schnozmo said. "There's no reason for both of us to be stuck on the rock. I don't want to upset whoever sent him to Earth. It was probably Anti-Binky anyway and only an idiot would ever challenge him, right. Well, it's a good thing Anti-Cosmo is never going to be seen again. Good riddance I say. I shan't miss him at all." Anti-Schnozmo laughed nervously. "Yep. Not at all. An only child is the way to go. Maybe I'm the one who sent him to Earth just to be rid of him. Who knows? You know what I'm saying?"
"I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say," Ms. Magister said.
"Well, you know with Anti-Cosmo getting into trouble so much lately, this was bound to happen. It's the third time in a row, so I've realized there's the point of being attached, so I'll never get attached in the first place. These last one and a half solar cycles never happened," Anti-Schnozmo said.
"You're the weirdest kid I've met in a while, and that's not a good thing," Ms. Magister said.
"Righty-o. I'll leave now," Anti-Schnozmo lifted his wand, but Anti-Blonda poofed next to him and took it before he could poof away.
"You're not going anywhere until I know where Anti-Wanda is," She said.
"Just because someone I may or may not know is your sisters best friend doesn't mean I know where she is all the time. I need that," Anti-Schnozmo said and tried to get his wand back.
"Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo are not best friends. I refuse to let my sisters be best friends with a terrible role model."
"Who's this Anti-Cosmo you speak of? I'm a completely happy only child. Being a singleton is the way to go!"
Anti-Blonda looked at Anti-Schnozmo in confusion, then looked at Ms. Magister. "He doesn't take news very well, does he?" Ms. Magister asked rhetorically.
"News? What news?" Anti-Blonda asked.
"Anti-Binky sent Anti-Cosmo to Earth never to be seen again, and that's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine," Anti-Schnozmo said.
"Was Anti-Wanda with him?" Anti-Blonda asked.
"I don't know, I wasn't paying attention," Ms. Magister lied.
"You're a teacher, isn't it your job to pay attention?" Anti-Blonda asked.
"Maria, you need to pay attention," Maria said. "Anti-Cupid make the magic and Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda through mid-hole down to Great Britain, Europe, Earth, Milky Way."
"Anti-Cupid did it?" Anti-Schnozmo questioned. "Well, I guess anti-gods can banish people."
Anti-Blonda glared at Anti-Schnozmo. "You're stupid brother put my precious sister's life in danger for the second time in a row!"
"Yesterday your sister wasn't in danger, the snow monster completely ignored her."
"Shut up! Anti-Wanda could be gone forever and it's your fault!" Anti-Blonda complained.
"H-how is it my-" Anti-Schnozmo started to ask, but a note poofed in front of Anti-Blonda, which she grabbed and started to read it.
"How is she home? She wasn't with the bad influence?" Anti-Blond questioned as she finished reading the note. She poofed away, leaving Anti-Schnozmo's wand behind.
He grabbed his wand off the floor. "So, you say Anti-Cupid is the one who put Anti-Cosmo on Earth?"
"No, It's unknown who did or why. Maria is crazy, she just makes stuff up. Watch this, hey Maria, are you a lizard? Yes or no?" Ms. Magister asked.
"Yes," Maria said immediately.
"See, crazy. I can safely say that she's not a lizard."
Anti-Schnozmo wasn't listening to Ms. Magister. "Well, Anti-Cupid is a lot less incredibly scary compared to Anti-Binky. It's worth a try if anything," he said and poofed away.
Ms. Magister sighed. "We weren't supposed to tell anyone, you know." she mumbled
"Maria, you need to pay attention. Maria, use your words," Maria said.
"If you really did pay attention, do you know what mortal means? Or who in this room might be mortal?"
Maria didn't answer, she was busy putting books in alphabetical order.
"Excuse me sir, where is the nearest school of miserable mini humans?" Anti-Cosmo asked, making his voice as deep as he could. He was also moving the mouth of an unconscious adult to match his mouth movements.
"Um, the school is that way," another adult said and pointed in a direction.
"Indubitably," Anti-Cosmo said in his deep voice and moved the adult's mouth, then flew away in the direction the second adult pointed to.
"Alright then," the second adult said and took a step away from the unconscious one.
It didn't take Anti-Cosmo long to find the school and he poofed into it. He started floating around classes looking for something that could be a fairy until he eventually found the same hazmat suit kid from the lake. 'Wow, what a coincidence,' Anti-Cosmo thought. He was going to float over to the kid, but the door behind him opened.
"Oops. Wrong room," The green semi-long haired person who opened the door said. He had reading glasses over his green eyes. He grabbed Anti-Cosmo's hand and pulled him into the hallway and closed the door.
"Hey there anti-father," Anti-Cosmo said smiling.
"I already told you I can't poof you anywhere. My god kid is getting kind of close to telling everyone about me, and you won't be any help to that, so could you do me a favor and leave us alone?" The man asked.
"Well, you see you can only not transport banished magical creatures, but you can do other magical acts on them, such as turning them human and transporting them in that state."
"But humans can't stand on clouds," the man said.
"Yes, but Mr. Cosma, as a human I could fully well use fairy magic and replace you as a fairy godparent while you go and get me unbanished and then you come back and poof me to Anti-Fairy World," Anti-Cosmo said.
"And why should I do that for you?" Mr. Cosma asked.
"Well, for one, I'm your son's opposite, so it's your fault I was born in the first place. And also if you don't I'll tell everyone that your godchild has a fairy. His name was Charles, right?" Anti-Cosmo asked and then smiled innocently.
Mr. Cosma sighed. "I didn't even know it was possible to dislike both a fairy and his opposite, but I guess I'll go with it. Knowing my child, your plan must be at least somewhat intelligent."
"You know Cosmo's dumbness is all a ruse, right?"
"Sure it is," Mr. Cosma said and poofed Anti-Cosmo into a human. He made him the same age as his godchild, so Anti-Cosmo had a full mouth of teeth. He also had pure black hair and very pale skin to match the other kids. His eyes stayed the same color, but his wings and crown disappeared while his bright blue school uniform turned into the gray one the other kids were wearing. "Now wait here for a second," Mr. Cosma said and poofed away.
The fairy poofed back not long after and handed Anti-Cosmo a wand "Where'd you get this?" Anti-Cosmo asked.
"There's a fairy couple not too far from here and I got them to let me have her unused wand," he explained. "Now, you better be a good temporary fairy to Charles. If you're not, you'll have more than just banishment to worry about."
"There's no need to be concerned, Anti-Father, Charles whatever-his-last-name-is will be in the best hands."
"It's Charles McBadbat, and he doesn't know how to deal with a lot of things, so don't force him into doing anything. If I find out you made him unhappy in any way, I'll-"
"Don't worry, I won't touch that tiny sack of germs, I'll just fulfill our every desires," Anti-Cosmo said, smiling at the powerful wand in his hands.
"You can only grant wishes that are permitted by da fairy rules, and I don't trust you so Charles has to wish for it too. Your wand won't work otherwise."
"You're no fun," Anti-Cosmo mumbled and walked into the classroom.
"Are you lost, little boy?" The teacher asked as Anti-Cosmo walked in and sat next to Charles. Charles was clearly not happy about it, but he didn't say anything yet.
"Un-indubitably. Educate me adult human, for I have a great need of knowledge and I required a place to sit next to the heavily clothed adolescent hither," Anti-Cosmo said, pointing at Charles.
'What the hell is he doing?' Mr. Cosma thought. 'He was talking relatively normally to me. Does he think humans talk like this or something?'
"I see. What's your name young man?" the teacher asked.
"Normal human just plain old Cosmo's the name," Anti-Cosmo said and looked at Charles. "I'm not the opposite, just Cosmo. I also love lakes." He said. He was trying to get the terrified looking kid to know that he was the anti-fairy from earlier to make him less terrified.
"Mrs. Fenton, I don't know how to deal with weird talking kids sitting next to me and I can't find my special green pen," Charles complained to the teacher, obviously not getting the hints.
"No need for a special pen here, my peer. I'll do anything you wish for me to do," Anti-Cosmo said.
"Okay then, where was I? Oh, yes," The teacher said and went back to teaching the class, ignoring Anti-Cosmo.
The fairy, who was watching Anti-Cosmo amazed by how weird his human talk was, finally decided to poof away to do his end of the deal, leaving the now human anti-fairy alone to grant Charles McBadbat's wishes.
A/N: Hey, it's my first two-parter. Sorry this took so long to get out, there was a lot of complications. I didn't want to go too long without posting a chapter so I made this story into two parts. The second part may be really short, just a heads up. I'll also probably come up with names for Cosmo's parents for next chapter. What names do you think they should have? Tell me in a review, and while you're at it you could tell me what you think of this chapter too. Next chapter, we'll finish this storyline (mostly). Also, Anti-Cosmo's human talk will be kind of explained next time too. So, see you next time i guess.