Warnings- Angst, Slight Gore.

Sorry for Chapter Spam, this is the last one for a while. (:

Roy burrowed deeper into his large mound of blankets, trying to escape the frigid air of his home. His head hurt like a bitch, but his heart hurt worse.

He hadn't gone after Ed the night before. He had let him go, unable to follow him. The weight on his mind made him choke a sob, and he clawed his sheets to desperately search for- what? What in the world would make this go away? Not pouting in bed like a child, surely.

He knew it was too late. Ed had run off, angry and depressed. Even if he didn't want to fully admit it to himself, he knew that his blonde would be gone. He knew it... but he didn't want to know it. And it was all his fault.

He would just wait until Alphonse came to his door, smashing his face in and demanding why he didn't help his older brother when he had the chance, blaming him for the tradgedy. Blaming him for sending them into the military. Blaming him for their hardships.

It was a weight in his chest that didn't seem to go away. He'd missed his chance to have the ball of fire as his own. He would never be able to wake up next to his smiling face, or argue over who made dinner, or braid his hair in the morning... no. His heart clenched just thinking about it.

Roy internally smirked when he thought back to the beginnings of his affection for the young blonde. There was no outward sexual desire, no blatant arousal at his presence, it was more subtle. Little by little he started to noticed things, like how expressive his eyes were, or how plush his lips were, and even how he always tucked his hair behind his right ear, never his left.

It was months later that he realized he was attached. He found himself wondering what kind of date Edward would want to go on, or if he liked being the big spoon or little. He then stopped, all his thoughts pointing back to those seemingly innocent remarks and thoughts. Ed did that to a person, he thought. You don't realize you're in love with him until he's captured you completely.

A muffled knock at the door came through his mountain of blankets, and he groaned. He crawled his way out of his massive amount of fluffy covering, staggering to out his bedroom to the door, suddenly thankful he was wearing sweatpants and a large t-shirt.

He opened the door slowly, adjusting to the light coming in from the outside world. Lieutenant Hawkeye stood at his doormat, hands behind her back. Her face was blank, giving away no indication of her emotions.

"What is it, Lieutenant?" Roy asked cautiously. He opened the door wider, knowing she wanted to come in. She trotted up the steps, and into his house, before swiftly turning around to face him.

"When I tried to wake you up you said Edward's name, so I went and talked to him." she said bluntly, surprsing Roy, as she had only been this straightforward with him before he was her superior. "I talked to him. I just need to talk to you about what happened." She sighed, pulling Roy by the cuff of his shirt to the large table. Sitting down, she slouched over in a very un-Hawkeye like posture. "Do you remember what happened last night?" she asked, looking up at the confused Colonel. He nodded shortly, thinking back to the, er, eventful, encounter. She sighed again, then said "Please explain what happened."

Roy sighed, trying to find a starting place, still getting over his shock. "You've noticed how he's seemed really... down?" She nodded. "I've been trying to ask him about it, but I haven't been able to pin him down long enough to get anywhere." He sighed, bracing himself for his own words. "He was so... defensive. He tried to leave, but I grabbed his wrist. He's been cutting, Riza. He's suicidal. Ed... he wants to die." Tears welled up in his eyes once more. "I can't think about what would happen if he was... gone. Permanently." He choked, "It just... I... I let him go. He ran off, and now I can't do anything... he's…" His voice broke. "Probably dead now..."

"Damn brat. I knew he was hiding something." Riza mumbled, bringing a hand to her face. "Roy, calm down. He's alive, I just went to talk to him. He's alive, but I'm not sure for how much longer. It's not your fault, but you're going to have to help him get out of this if you don't want to lose him." her face was apprehensive, and scared.

Roy mumbled something that resembled "It's too late." then put his head on the table.

"We need to go to his apartment. He's not safe on his own. I should have known what he was doing when his apartment reeked like it did…" she sighed, standing up. Roy followed sluggishly.

"I don't know if I can face him.. He hates me so much, and I made such an idiot of myself..." he muttered, slipping on shoes and following the ever stoic woman out the door. The blonde woman turned around with a look of understanding.

"Colonel, you're such an idiot." She sighed with an amused look. "He doesn't hate you, Roy. He misunderstands your intentions. Just explain to him what you think and hope he'll come through. But this isn't just about what you said, he's in danger. We need to get him out of the situation he's in. I've wondered how healthy it was for him to be living alone, and I guess we found our answer."

Roy nodded, and made their way to the car. They pulled out of the driveway silently, before Hawkeye spoke in an amused whisper, trying to lighten the mood. "You know, I've thought this for a while, but you and Edward would really make the greatest couple. I mean, you already were fighting like you were married, and I know how you feel about him."

"That would be great and all, if we weren't going to pick up his dead body from his apartment." Roy bit, fighting back tears once again.

"He's not dead, Roy. He's not, okay? C'mon. We're here."

Dread filled his gut as he walked to the door of apartment F18. Riza urged him forward, and he made his way to the door, knocking lightly. There was no response, so he knocked again, panic filling him.

"No..." Roy muttered to himself, knocking on the door loudly, knowing already he would get no response. It seemed that his mind knew the consequence of letting him go, but his body would not accept it.

"Just go in." Riza urged, not oblivious to the tremors along her commanding officer's body.

He quietly entered the miniscule apartment, thankful the door was unlocked. The entirety of the room was less than the sizes of Roy's own office, making the Colonel feel cramped and suffocated.

He heard Hawkeye gasp, and he turned around sharply, to look at the couch.

The world stopped.

There was no time or reason to say, 'I told you so.' when looking at Ed. He was curled on his side, paler than a sheet of paper. His left wrist was drawn close to him, covered in blood than flowed onto himself and the couch. His beautiful eyes were closed, angelic lips parted slightly.

Roy fell to his knees in front of the couch, gaping.

He quickly pulled off a glove and put a shaking hand on his subordinates neck. "No... nonono Edward, please. This can't... Fullmetal! Talk to me! That's an order!" his voice cracked at the end, laying his head on the sleeping one's chest.

Riza, came back with gauze and alcohol pads, kneeling down by Roy. Her nimble fingers placed themselves in the hollow of Ed's throat, feeling for a pulse.

She turned to him, her eyes whirling with emotions. "He's alive, Roy. What did I tell you? He's not going to die."

"How can you be so goddamn calm!?" He whispered harshly, not rasing his voice, "He's... he's...shit Ed, talk to me..."

She wrapped his wrist rapidly, applying pressure to get the blood flow to stop. Roy brushed limp hair from closed eyes, tracing the features of Ed's face over and over to keep himself from breaking down.

Within minutes they had left the apartment, Edward 'sleeping' in Roy's arms as they sped down to the hospital. Time was moving quickly, but to Roy, the world was slowed down, and despite the situation, calm. He was drifting through thoughts, the only lifeline he had was the body in his arms.

When they got to the front of the ER, Riza stopped and told Roy to bring him in while she parked. He stood up, clutching the alchemist to him in weak hope that they could save him. He ran to the desk, and the secretary looked up. She looked at Roy, the feral look in his eye, then the blonde, who was unconscious and bleeding. Roy noticed her eyes widened, and she nodded and called to a nurse standing by.

While he knew there were sounds going on around him, his mind blocked them out. All he could hear were his own heartbeats, and an occasional laughter. Ed's laugh. He rarely heard it, and he wasn't sure if he ever would again, but any time he did, he could feel his heart melt. So full of joy and happiness. Only traces of a memory now, permeating his mind in heart-wrenching hallucinations.

A nurse and a doctor came out to where Roy was standing, still frozen with fear that he'd never see his blonde's eyes open again. The nurse shook his shoulder, and he turned his attention to her. She told him to follow her, pushing through a door and down into a white hallway. Curtains sectioned off areas into doors, some with crying children, adults whining in pain, or staring blankly into space. Relatives stood or sat hopelessly near their loved ones.

Edward was placed on a thin white cot, an IV inserted into a vein in his neck. As the nurses examined the cuts, changing out the bandages on his arm, working to stop the blood flow, a doctor, dressed in a white coat and stethoscope came into the room, jovially smiling asking "What have we here?" Roy rounded on him furiously, bringing his hand up to snap his fingers.

"Colonel!" Hawkeye grabbed his hand. She turned to the doctor and explained the situation as concicely as possible. When the doctor turned to examine Edward, Riza grabbed Roy and dragged him out to the waiting area.

"What were you thinking threatening that doctor like that? Not to mention the oxygen tanks. There are No Smoking signs all over. Do you remember why?" Roy just stared, slightly embarassed to be at the end of this reprimand.

"He had no right to be so happy." He said, resembling a angry, pouting child. "Edward is nearly dead, how's he so happy about it?"

"No sir, he's not happy, he is confident. I'm confident that Edward will be fine. He's always pulled off the impossible in the past, this will be no different." She chided sternly, taking Roy back to sit down, trying to stop him from making a scene.

"Stay here Roy, I'm going to get you some water and something for your headache. Do you want something to eat? It might make you feel better." She continued, fussing over Roy like a mother hen.

He turned to give her a half hearted smile, then curled up in the plush chair, letting visions of his blonde come over his thoughts while sleep pulled him over.

(A/N) I know I got a lot of proper response on Riza being a total fangirl about their relationship, but I didn't think it was appropriate for her character, or the situation. Don't worry, she'll fangirl later. Hopefully in a more 'Riza' like way.

(By the way, I REFUSE to make her a stoic, two-dimensional gun-wielding slave driver. I have seen too many fics where she, Hughes, Winry, Havoc, Armstrong are turned into a generic, one-trait character with no motivations, and on the topic of Hawkeye, I LOVE her character. I love her so freaking much and it does her no justice to make her completely cold and unapproachable. She is strict, yes. She shoots guns, yes. But she is HUMAN. She smiles, she does this other than shoot at people, and she goes out and has friends. Jeezus.