Sorry? This chapter isn't even complete. But I really wanted to upload something since today marks a full year of writing this story. I stopped writing for a few months. Then realized TODAY was coming up and tried to rush. This will come out in two parts. For now. Or I will edit this later with the rest of the chapter. The Survival Tip=spoiler though.
WARNING: THIS "CHAPTER" SUCKS. Not lying.
Disclaimer: I...don't...I just...don't.
Survival Tip #9: Never have Xanxus and the current Tenth Vongola leader together in the same room. Kick one of them out immediately before death ensues. And property damage.
I was going to meet Decimo. The Tenth. The legendary leader of the Vongola Family, home to almost every illegal business known to mankind. Well, I was bound to meet him eventually. I hadn't given him much thought, but as soon as Dino mentioned his name, my mind conjured up an image of him:
Mr. Sawada…in a dark, well-fitted suit, a blood-red tie with the coldest black eyes, he emits an aura that induces fear into all who are unfortunate enough to be within a mile radius of him and his henchman whose loyalty to him remains unwavering and fierce.
And he has a mustache.
…
No, no, I'm just kidding. Aren't I funny? DAMMIT, THE DRUGS ARE GETTING TO ME. But Dino wouldn't be friends with a guy like that. He probably has an equally weak personality and eyes to complement his cowardice.
And he has a mustache.
No doubt about that.
But the person who walked through the door didn't have a mustache.
Which was a good thing because she was a woman.
"Hourly check-up on critical care patient. Get out."
"Hey, I thought I was going to meet Decimo…"
"…Who? …Some weird gang was hanging out in the hall; funny matching rings and some scrawny brunette guy who was having a bad hair day had the largest ring. Talking about him?"
Scrawny brunette with bad hair? That doesn't sound like him...
"…I don't think s—"
"YES," Dino interrupted.
…He's kidding, right? Maybe I'm hearing things. I am, after all, a critical care patient. And drugs, man. Maybe I went insane halfway. Kind of like Bel.
Dino smiled at me reassuringly. Perhaps this was a cunning ploy…I don't get it. Alright, let's think about this in an elementary manner.
Dino. Is. Lying.
About?
Tenth's. Identity.
He's…protecting the Tenth? By picking the least suspecting person!
…
Very smart…for the likes of Dino.
Very stupid, even for the likes of Dino.
"What the hell am I supposed to be looking at?" I deadpanned. Dino looked at me confused.
"Um…the Tenth Generation Vongola?" he offered.
I squinted with my one available eye. OW OW OW OW.
"Star?" Dino tilted his head, concerned.
None of them had a mustache. Is he suggesting the infamous Vongola leader, who beat even Xanxus (who beats us in turn), does not have a mustache?
Impossible.
After all, Xanxus only lost because he did not have a mustache.
Fact.
"STAR?" Dino panicked, gripping my arms so he could shake me out of my unresponsive state.
"Oh, hello, Dino. And…um…Decimo," I watched the strangers stand in the room motionlessly. I waited for one of them to respond. Hey, I didn't know which one of them was Decimo. So I waited with the assumption the first person to respond is Decimo.
…
…
Awkward silence…
…
…
"Um…Tsuna went to the bathroom," a man finally broke the silence. He grinned brightly albeit a bit stupidly.
…
"Uh…I knew that," I replied knowledgably. Squalo's idiocy is so contagious…
Well, that'd explain why no one here has a mustache. It made perfect sense now.
"Um, anyway, let's introduce ourselves," Dino decided.
"I am Dino, tenth generation leader of the Cavallone family…in case you forgot."
"…What the hell, Dino?"
"Uh…the nurse said you might have temporary memory loss, so…"
"Shut up. Now go stand over there and think about what you just said."
…
"Heh, useless Bucking Horse. Serves you right. Anyway, as the Vongola's best and strongest leader to ever exist and ever will exist's loyal right-hand man, I introduce myself as Gokudera Hayato. I'd like to warn you…IF YOU VARIA TRASH EVER—"
"…Are you Xanxus' kid or something?"
…
"WHAT THE F*CK? DAMNED WOMAN, I'M GONNA—"
"Maa, maa, Gokudera. C'mon, you're on Varia property."
"That's the Prince's property, actually. Shishishi~"
Oh, shoot, I knew that laugh. It belongs to—
"…POSER BELPHEGOR!...YOU BASTARD, YOU'RE UNSCATHED!"
"Oh? Shishishi, the Prince didn't recognize you peasant…Is white bandages the latest plebeian fashion?"
"No, it's the royal fashion considering YOU'RE PRACTICALLY THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THIS."
"Ushishishi, I think it suits you~ The Prince has good tastes."
"GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN…" I paused…what can I do in my state? Hmm…
"…GLARE AT YOU PROPERLY…WITH ONE EYE!" I finished impressively. Even Bel thought so as his mouth twitched from witnessing my…so-called threat.
"…YOU'RE THAT KNIFE BASTARD…I think. You've gotten…hairier," Gokudera observed intelligently.
"Shishishi…" Bel grinned evilly, holding up the silver knives I had gotten close with since my admission. Allow us to get reacquainted as one of them stabbed into my arm after Gokudera deflected one of them. Or two. Or five. Lost count; WHERE THE HECK IS DINO?
"So…who do you think is going to win?" some frog who randomly appeared next to me asked. A rude, sarcastic, snarky, familiar frog who potentially shares the identity of the criminal who tripped me.
"I don't know. What do you think, you-jerk-that-left-me-to-die-in-the-hands-of-armed-idiots…except-maybe-the-boss-who-is-not-an-idiot-please-don't-kill-me?"
"Hm…the fake prince with the knife," he declared/cheered. I sniffed as I got ignored. Crippled people have feelings too…that explains why Fran's not feeling nor crippled.
"Well, I'm going to agree with you since you have a higher IQ than me and that fake prince with the knife would kill us if we even considered the guy who loves his boss just a tad more than norm."
"So you think it's actually the Decimo-worshipper?"
"Yes."
"Me too."
Stab. Stab. Stab.
"And one more for good measure, shishi~"
Stab.
And a bomb blew up in his face.
We cheered.
"THAT FIGHT INSPIRED ME TO THE EXTREME. HIBARI, FIGHT ME!" an overenthusiastic guy with a voice second only to Squalo challenged. I don't see how their fight and fighting Dino's "student" were related; maybe he just wanted to fight. What a horribly violent person! Why no, it's not like the Varia does this every other day and I'm not used to people randomly stabbing, punching, kicking, shooting, smashing, poking, clucking, maneuvering aside to what is hopefully safe territory to remove themselves from the path of dangerous flying projectiles, or just standing there to accept the fact that said dangerous flying projectiles will make a new home in your hat. Not used to this at all.
"I, RYOHEI SASAGAWA, FORMALLY (EXTREMELY FORMAL) CHALLENGE YOU, HIBARI…SOMETHING OR OTHER, TO AN EXTREMELY EXTREME BATTLE OF EXTREMENESS THAT ONLY EXTREME PEOPLE SUCH AS OUR EXTREME SELVES CAN UNDERSTAND EXTREMELY AND EXTREMELY FIGHT TO THE EXTREME!"
"Hn. Stop your herbivorous shouting."
"What? NO, KYOYA! PUT THOSE TONFAS AWAY!" Dino wailed as he ran over to the people who took over Bel and Gokudera's job of property-damaging.
"VOOOOOOIIIII! WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING HERE, BRATS?…EH? YOU'RE ALIVE, WOMAN?" Squalo yelled, coming down from the top of the staircase.
"HEY, YOU'RE THE GUY SLICED ME TO BITS WITH A FRUIT KNIFE! GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN…GLARE AT YOU PROPERLY...TEN FEET AWAY!"
"FRUIT KNIFE? FRUIT KNIFE? FRUIT KNIFE? BRAT, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU WISH YOU DIDN'T SURVIVE THAT!"
"Survive what? YOUR BUTTER KNIFE SCRATCHES?" What the heck am I saying? SHUT UP, STAR. Clearly, you're delusional and don't realize you're crippled and have no strength to fend anyone off. Not that you could even if you were healthier than Xanxus whose diet consists of alcohol and meat and exercise program consisting of smashing vases on silver-haired androgynous people whose mouth and lungs is 90% of their body composition. Boss is really healthy, okay? WHOA, SQUALO MADE IT DOWN HERE FAST. Uh, think of something…something intelligent…no, think of something stupid…something Squalo can comprehend and persuade him out of killing me…
"…Uh…Nice hair…"
EXTRA- How to be Extremely Extreme aka Interviewing Ryohei Sasagawa
"You're extremely extreme, aren't you?"
"EXTREME."
"That too. So how extremely extreme can your extremity extend to the extreme?"
"TO THE EXTREME."
"THAT extreme, huh. That's rather extremely extreme, isn't it?"
"EXTREMELY AGREE TO THE EXTREME OF EXTREMITY."
"Can the extreme you extremely describe how to be extremely extreme when one that is un-extreme extremely wishes to be extremely extreme like the extremely extreme you who is the extremely physical form of extremeness?"
"JOIN THE BOXING CLUB."
Thank-You Notice:
By the way, Fran in an apple hat...:D I love Dino...WHY AM I TREATING HIM LIKE THIS? T^T
1 YEAR :) THANK YOU. *hugs you*
*will write a better A/N when I finish this chapter or completely destroy it*
*wants you to comment so I can edit anything disagreeable when the time comes*
The word extreme has lost all meaning to me.