Chapter 7
My hands are shaking even now. You called and left a message for me. You thanked me for the flowers, said you knew they were from me. "Call me back, El," you said (I've heard this one before), "I want to see you" (but not this one...).
I'm not sure of what to do. The urge to call you is even greater now than before, and before it was nearly unbearable. I swore I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't interfere with your life. "I want to see you..." The words keep echoing in my mind, your voice tempting me in that lulling tone. I want nothing more than to see you again, but those are words I thought I would never get to hear again.
What would I do, though, if I did see you now? I've tried to imagine it a million times before, but I can never get past just staring at your face, taking you in by whatever means possible because I may never get another chance.
I think I'll try to go for a run again. I'll do anything to clear my mind, anything that will help me avoid making a choice right now, because I can't ruin this chance already. I keep speaking about this as if I plan to make contact with you and to see you, and that scares me. I am a weak man, after all, when it comes to you. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to see you again, but, even worse, I'm not sure that I can keep myself from it.
To be continued